I got a bit scared when I looked in the mirror last Thursday night. I seen something that scared me for sure inside my jaw. It felt tender to the touch, but was a hard knot about the size of a pea. Oh well, I woke up Friday morning, put a pinch in and went on with life. Got to work and sat down at my desk - fired up the computer and thought about that little sore knot. I hit the internet and looked at plenty more pics that further induced fear. I then thought about my children. I want to be there for them as my Dad has been for me. Who am I to selfishly steal their dad away from them. My mind drifted to a very dear friend of mine who lost his life in Afganistan in mid June. At his funeral I was an absolute wreck. He fortunately hadn't married and didn't have children, but he did have a nephew that he was quite close to. I started thinking about that little boys pain and recognizing that I had a little boy about the same age at home and if I died he would go through that terrible pain. The difference would be unlike my friend who died a hero for our nation, I would die a retarded idiot for commiting suicide one dip at a time. So, the dip came out and a brand new can (missing only that one dip) went in the trash. It WAS -IS- and WILL BE the LAST can! Last night I read a post about a gentleman who had died. The story was so similar to what mine could have been. Leaving children to mourn for my selfish act. It broke my heart when I thought about it on day 6, and I am not ashamed to say I cried - knowing that I have been doing the same thing to my family as Tom had. I am so glad that story was posted on here and every newbie needs to check out everything they can on this site. I know that at 7 days quit I have a long way to go, and my body certainly has a long way to go before I am "out of the woods", but that crap has lost its control over me. I am QUIT. I am quit for my kids, for my wife, for Tom (who was in the story that killed me over last night) but I QUIT for Denny!!!
