Hello. There are probably many new faces/names to this site since the last time I visited. But I can guarantee that if I go through the community pages and begin to read many of the stories posted, I will recognize some of the people that helped me quit over 2 years ago.
See, I was a newbie back in December 2013. I found this site and gave it a shot. It was a very critical part of my quit. Shit....it was the most important part of my quit. My wife will always support me, and she pushed me and rooted for me. But there's something quite different about a group of people (albeit on the internet) that have the same problem....same addiction....working towards a common goal together. It's kind of weird, but the support I can get from strangers.....ones where I can only see avatars, and not faces.....can actually be more meaningful and inspirational than that of a spouse or significant other. It sounds weird, but it's very true.
Now comes the hard part. I abandoned the site after my 90 day quit. Not immediately, but shortly thereafter. Obviously a terrible decision on my part, because now I've been back dipping for the past 10 months....after a 2+ year quit. I started dipping again because I lost my support group. So why did I leave the support group in the first place?
Whenever I used the site, and posted my roll call each morning, I did it for me. I didn't do it for you, or the other guy, I did it for me. This was my coping mechanism to help ME fix my problem. I did not reach out to others. I rarely PM's people. I never called anybody. This was MY thing. And while my posting on the site could be construed as "Brotherhood", which is a word on the web page banner that's used to describe the TRUE meaning of the site, my true feelings were selfish in nature. Someone failed? Whatever, didn't care.
Which comes to why I left. I was completely turned off by the reaction of people on this site when a fellow quitter would fall off the wagon. They would chastise....ridicule....call for banishment from the site, in some instances. Talk about flying off the handle, right? I mean, if someone is having difficulty, they should be encouraged to keep trying, right? Yes and no. Tough love is what a lot of people need, and if I would have been more receptive to the methods used as motivation here, I would no doubt still be 100% quit now. You want to call some of the methods and motivations ridiculous? Over the top? Maddening? I call them effective.
This doesn't mean people do not care. They do. But what people understand from working through this battle for years....what I didn't realize the first time around.....is that it takes that kind of passion in order to succeed.
I will not make that mistake again.
I'm here because I want to quit, just like the last time. But unlike the last time, I'm ready to face whatever is thrown at me. I will probably be much more vocal on this site than I was before. Because my belief is that the more time you invest in anything, this quit included, it will pay off in the end.
Thank you for listening to my rambling on. I look forward to a long and prosperous journey with each of you.....one that lasts much longer than my 90 day quit.
Percy B.
