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Author Topic: My handle is like my mind - incomprehensible.  (Read 3221 times)

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Offline jrws

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Re: My handle is like my mind - incomprehensible.
« Reply #42 on: November 07, 2012, 11:00:00 AM »
Still day 177, from August 2012 and placed here for posterity:

This KTC stuff is for real. I have not been quitting with all my heart. I have wanted to drift away. Maybe I am a dumbshit for thinking it is not the nic bitch, and maybe I am a dumbshit for not realizing how contradictory the following statement is:

So many people have helped me stay free. CannondaleRob, woosel, Morgan1, Want2Quit, Eric71, woosel, Coach Steve, Souliman, the crockett, greg1292, Mike17, and the list goes on and on. If you are on my list, I feel some obligation to post on your board. It is a daily effort, one I hoped to take off that other list of things to do each day. At the same time, awesome quitters like SirDerek and Kstamp and BTH and all of the above; that genuinely intimidate me with all of the amazing, selfless things they do with the rest of their lives, make me ashamed to not spend some time here.

Even totally selfishly, I know that at some point, I will need KTC again, whether as a struggling quitter or a retread, and it is probably best to stay close to the folks who get it.

I have been tempted to quit my KTC quit. I tried to quit posting roll.

Some of you really cared enough to call me on it. It wasn't a posture, a part of me wants to give this up. The response has made me feel like I am with Family, for better or worse. I can leave, but at my own peril. I can stay, and be protected by people stronger than me alone. Genuine gratitude to anyone who has missed little ol' jrws - I am proud to be part of your community even if I have sucked at it at times.
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Offline jrws

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Re: My handle is like my mind - incomprehensible.
« Reply #41 on: November 07, 2012, 07:53:00 AM »
jrws - day 177 - i spent a few days away from here. some people who really give a shit pulled me back in. thanks guys. I would rather have you KTC on my back than that nic bitch
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Offline jrws

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Re: My handle is like my mind - incomprehensible.
« Reply #40 on: September 16, 2012, 11:26:00 AM »
Happy birthday Jacob Allan Martin. You would have been 36 today if it weren't for those fucking chromosomes you were dealt.But then again, you might not have been the only man in the world fit to be my big brother. I am glad we got in that fight on the soccer field in fifth grade, and I am glad I was able to hold the toughest kid in Washington in a wrestling stalemate. We took Olympia and Lacey by storm, and owned those burghs. I fucking miss you. Rest in peace. Say hi to my little brother for me.

I am going to eat a huge fucking steak for you today.

'sos69'
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Offline jrws

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Re: My handle is like my mind - incomprehensible.
« Reply #39 on: September 14, 2012, 07:24:00 PM »
Quote from: jaginvest
Quote from: Eric71
Quote from: jrws
Day 123 - I meet with my good ol' head shrinker and after 90 minutes, I pretty much find myself on the edge of my cave. The cave seemed as imminent as it did 120 days ago.

Lucky for me, a young gun on his first 45 days had a reason to text me during that meeting- and he was able to take a call and save my dumbaass from my dumbass self. Of course, my dumbass only was smartened up enough long enough not to cave for my nicstress - I still was a dumbass and did not text him back when I said I would.

Sorry man. Mike17, I am calling you out for being a good quit brother today, and by name because I want to share how this guy, with a tiny bit of time quit, can have his ass saved by the wisdom, fire, and fight of a guy with half his days.

Numbers really aint much shit. It is the quality of the quit that matters.
Concentrate daily on improving the quality of your quit. I will stand with you and help how I can. PM for some digits.
The essence of Quit For Today....... Good post brother.
Thanks to you both. BTW - 120 days ago I got married. Pretty much nothing unusual happened today that I can figure out, except this intense crave. It just goes to show me that just about anything can get this addict fixated on a fix.
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Offline jaginvest

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Re: My handle is like my mind - incomprehensible.
« Reply #38 on: September 14, 2012, 06:52:00 PM »
Quote from: Eric71
Quote from: jrws
Day 123 - I meet with my good ol' head shrinker and after 90 minutes, I pretty much find myself on the edge of my cave. The cave seemed as imminent as it did 120 days ago.

Lucky for me, a young gun on his first 45 days had a reason to text me during that meeting- and he was able to take a call and save my dumbaass from my dumbass self. Of course, my dumbass only was smartened up enough long enough not to cave for my nicstress - I still was a dumbass and did not text him back when I said I would.

Sorry man. Mike17, I am calling you out for being a good quit brother today, and by name because I want to share how this guy, with a tiny bit of time quit, can have his ass saved by the wisdom, fire, and fight of a guy with half his days.

Numbers really aint much shit. It is the quality of the quit that matters.
Concentrate daily on improving the quality of your quit. I will stand with you and help how I can. PM for some digits.
The essence of Quit For Today....... Good post brother.
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Quit Date: 06/26/2012 3rd Floor: 04/21/2013
HOF Date: 10/03/2012 4th Floor: 07/30/2013
2nd Floor: 01/11/2013 5th Floor: 11/07/2013
6th Floor: 02/15/2014 7th Floor: 05/26/2014
8th Floor: 09/03/2014 9th Floor: 12/12/2014
10th Floor: 03/22/2015

Offline eric71

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Re: My handle is like my mind - incomprehensible.
« Reply #37 on: September 14, 2012, 06:47:00 PM »
Quote from: jrws
Day 123 - I meet with my good ol' head shrinker and after 90 minutes, I pretty much find myself on the edge of my cave. The cave seemed as imminent as it did 120 days ago.

Lucky for me, a young gun on his first 45 days had a reason to text me during that meeting- and he was able to take a call and save my dumbaass from my dumbass self. Of course, my dumbass only was smartened up enough long enough not to cave for my nicstress - I still was a dumbass and did not text him back when I said I would.

Sorry man. Mike17, I am calling you out for being a good quit brother today, and by name because I want to share how this guy, with a tiny bit of time quit, can have his ass saved by the wisdom, fire, and fight of a guy with half his days.

Numbers really aint much shit. It is the quality of the quit that matters.
Concentrate daily on improving the quality of your quit. I will stand with you and help how I can. PM for some digits.
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Offline jrws

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Re: My handle is like my mind - incomprehensible.
« Reply #36 on: September 14, 2012, 06:04:00 PM »
Day 123 - I meet with my good ol' head shrinker and after 90 minutes, I pretty much find myself on the edge of my cave. The cave seemed as imminent as it did 120 days ago.

Lucky for me, a young gun on his first 45 days had a reason to text me during that meeting- and he was able to take a call and save my dumbaass from my dumbass self. Of course, my dumbass only was smartened up enough long enough not to cave for my nicstress - I still was a dumbass and did not text him back when I said I would.

Sorry man. Mike17, I am calling you out for being a good quit brother today, and by name because I want to share how this guy, with a tiny bit of time quit, can have his ass saved by the wisdom, fire, and fight of a guy with half his days.

Numbers really aint much shit. It is the quality of the quit that matters.
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Offline jrws

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Re: My handle is like my mind - incomprehensible.
« Reply #35 on: September 03, 2012, 07:53:00 AM »
"From fairest creatures we desire increase,
That thereby beauty's rose might never die,
But as the riper should by time decease,
His tender heir might bear his memory:
But thou contracted to thine own bright eyes,
Feed'st thy light's flame with self-substantial fuel,
Making a famine where abundance lies,
Thy self thy foe, to thy sweet self too cruel:
Thou that art now the world's fresh ornament,
And only herald to the gaudy spring,
Within thine own bud buriest thy content,
And, tender churl, mak'st waste in niggarding:
Pity the world, or else this glutton be,
To eat the world's due, by the grave and thee." - The Bard
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Offline jrws

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Re: My handle is like my mind - incomprehensible.
« Reply #34 on: August 31, 2012, 07:10:00 PM »
Courtesy of NOLAQ

'oh yeah'
'I'm with stupid'
'clap'
'assman'
'chief'
'chain'
'bangin'
'Sing and Drink'
'sos'
'loot02'
'do it'
'Cheers'
'BanDog'
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Offline jrws

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Re: My handle is like my mind - incomprehensible.
« Reply #33 on: August 23, 2012, 01:23:00 PM »
Quote from: Coach
Quote from: jrws
Quote from: Coach
Congrats on the HOF! The first milestone in your quit. Quit like fuck with you today!
And I QLF with you AND without you. You are the balls Coach. Thanks.
I am the balls. Not sure exactly what that means but it has a nice ring to it.
Well if you are up in Eastern Massachusetts and someone says you are wicked pissah, you can keep drinking. They just mean you are the balls. The New English say strange things in strange accents. (Being a West Coast kid, this all took some getting used to.)

'Crazy'
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Offline Coach Steve

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Re: My handle is like my mind - incomprehensible.
« Reply #32 on: August 23, 2012, 12:17:00 PM »
Quote from: jrws
Quote from: Coach
Congrats on the HOF! The first milestone in your quit. Quit like fuck with you today!
And I QLF with you AND without you. You are the balls Coach. Thanks.
I am the balls. Not sure exactly what that means but it has a nice ring to it.
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Offline wastepanel

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Re: My handle is like my mind - incomprehensible.
« Reply #31 on: August 23, 2012, 09:54:00 AM »
Quote from: jrws
Quote from: Coach
Congrats on the HOF! The first milestone in your quit. Quit like fuck with you today!
And I QLF with you AND without you. You are the balls Coach. Thanks.
Congrats man.

Very proud of you. Keep up the good work.
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In the end I Surrender, I and I alone accept that I have and always will have a Nicotene ADDICTION. It is my choice to quit, but I can't do it alone. I get to go down this path one time, I want to do it right. I recognize that my word, my integrety to you is on the line and is only as good as my actions. Caving is not an option in this plan-Eafman 7/11

I am not cured. I will quit one day at a time. I will continue to do what works. Posting roll everyday. To do otherwise would be foolish on my part. You can do this-Ready 12/11

To overcome your addiction you must comprehend what it means to fail-Razd 3/12

Theres a lot of people that come here, especially vets, that WANT to be reminded that they are addicts.-Tarpon 6/12

Just as a building starts with architectural drawings. Your daily quit begins with a promise.-Scowick 2/13

Here and now, focused on today, minute by minute, whatever it takes, I promise to all my bros and myself not to become a negative stat and stay quit!-krok 1/15

I want everyone to be quit. Even the assholes.-Probe1957 1/18

Ignoring history or erasing history fixes nothing and leads you inevitably down the same path.-69franx 04/30/2021

Offline jrws

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Re: My handle is like my mind - incomprehensible.
« Reply #30 on: August 23, 2012, 07:43:00 AM »
Quote from: Coach
Congrats on the HOF! The first milestone in your quit. Quit like fuck with you today!
And I QLF with you AND without you. You are the balls Coach. Thanks.
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Offline jrws

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Re: My handle is like my mind - incomprehensible.
« Reply #29 on: August 23, 2012, 07:43:00 AM »
Quote from: Souliman
100 days...congratulations bud. That's excellent shit right there.

Glad you're here man.
Likewise bro. Keep it up and rock solid, no matter what.
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Offline jrws

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Re: My handle is like my mind - incomprehensible.
« Reply #28 on: August 23, 2012, 07:42:00 AM »
Quote from: Smokejumper77
Quote from: jrws
You know what - quitters that have built into any part of their quit plan something that involves fear of their wife/husband/spouse/fiance/girlfriend/mom/dad/kid are in a lot of trouble. It is one thing to be honest with your loved ones that you are going to quit, and it is another thing to allow them to support you, but if you think that them watching your roll here or hiding your keys or any other thing is going to help you quit are fooling yourself and hobbling your quit.

Grow up or get out.

Quit Like Fuck For Yourself.
jrws speaking a little religion -- couldn't agree more that it is all about the 2 of you... you and your quit. Everything else is a "feel good" or a "distraction". In the end... it's you and the QUIT, so make it strong for you.
Thanks for the ack, Smoke. Even my religion is selfish - I wrote this so that I would feel better about a two-faced, and now two-time caver and fake roll poster, falling victim to that "my fiance is gonna help me" shit. I am trying not to let this get under my skin but I just had to say something. If it helps someone else, fine. At least I feel a little better now.
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