So I am sitting here on day 33 and over the last couple of weeks, life has not been all that enthusiastic. Yes I am tobacco free, and no I'll never suck the nicodik again, but that's where the positive seems to wane. I sit here angry, anxious, my body begging for some sort of release or calming agent. Some suggest that I should go and get on meds, but that doesn't seem like an answer, trading one drug for another. So I sit here and I chat with my brothers of the quit watch. I talk to them about this horrible funk that just seems to show up on your door step and bitch slap the hell out of you.
Everyone talks about the fog and how that hits you over the first 7 days or so of your quit, and then things seem to get better, the cravings subside to some degree, the chemical withdrawals are over, and you are on your way. You've got all the energy and spirit that you need and you are truly excited about your quit.
Then it happens.........once you start to get even the least bit complacent or comfortable in your quit, out of nowhere comes the dreaded funk. It is the little voice in the back of your head that tells you that just one dip wouldn't be that bad. Just one dip every now and then would be the perfect thing to take the edge off. It's like an alcoholic telling you that just one beer will help calm their nerves AND that they can have just one. Well let me tell you my friends, just one, doesn't exist. It's kind of like the old Pringles jingle "one you pop the fun don't stop". As soon as you introduce all of that shit back into your system you have just signed the giant "fuck you" contract in your pocket and possibly your own death warrant. You have become a weak, yellow bellied, spineless bitch, that has no ability to fight through the tough days. Hell you might as well just spend all your time going back and forth through the first week of hell that you experienced at the start of the quit. Not only are you a failure, but I must also add that you are a liar. You promised your quit brothers at the beginning of the day that you would stay quit, that you would keep the bitch out of your mouth and guess what, you have not only caved like a pansy, but you have also destroyed your character. In days gone by, a man's word was all he had.......I may be old school but I think that there is still a lot to be said for that. If your word doesn't keep you quit, then you are worth no more than the dog shit I stepped in this morning.
The funk makes me emotions roll like a roller coaster, and I must admit that I hate this feeling, but just remember for every day that you learn to control those emotions, for every day that you control the bitch, you come closer to taking back full control of your life.
Stay quit brothers.
