We Quit Like Fuck

[G]

Congrats on 900 days Coach! Full on, gheyer then Bruce, chest bump Like Fuck!

full on bro.... full on!

'BanDog'

'boob' 9th floor....and still ghey. Congrats CS







p.s. FUCS

Congrats on 9th floor bro. 'BanDog'

Them +1's really add up! Congrats on winning everyday!

'Cheers' great job Coach Steve. Full on!

'BanDog' Liketh the Fucketh

Big ol shirtless hug for you bro. Ask beast about a congratulatory wristy.

Nice NINE HUNDO. You know what to do with that big fat butt...QLF

:WastedPanel:

How'd I miss shirtless hug day?

Congrats, man.

[wastepanel]

Congrats on 900 days Coach! Full on, gheyer then Bruce, chest bump Like Fuck!

full on bro.... full on!

'BanDog'

'boob' 9th floor....and still ghey. Congrats CS







p.s. FUCS

Congrats on 9th floor bro. 'BanDog'

Them +1's really add up! Congrats on winning everyday!

'Cheers' great job Coach Steve. Full on!

'BanDog' Liketh the Fucketh

Big ol shirtless hug for you bro. Ask beast about a congratulatory wristy.

Nice NINE HUNDO. You know what to do with that big fat butt...QLF

:WastedPanel:

[Diesel2112]

Congrats on 900 days Coach! Full on, gheyer then Bruce, chest bump Like Fuck!

full on bro.... full on!

'BanDog'

'boob' 9th floor....and still ghey. Congrats CS







p.s. FUCS

Congrats on 9th floor bro. 'BanDog'

Them +1's really add up! Congrats on winning everyday!

'Cheers' great job Coach Steve. Full on!

'BanDog' Liketh the Fucketh

Big ol shirtless hug for you bro. Ask beast about a congratulatory wristy.

Nice NINE HUNDO. You know what to do with that big fat butt...QLF

[ERDVM]

Congrats on 900 days Coach! Full on, gheyer then Bruce, chest bump Like Fuck!

full on bro.... full on!

'BanDog'

'boob' 9th floor....and still ghey. Congrats CS







p.s. FUCS

Congrats on 9th floor bro. 'BanDog'

Them +1's really add up! Congrats on winning everyday!

'Cheers' great job Coach Steve. Full on!

'BanDog' Liketh the Fucketh

Big ol shirtless hug for you bro. Ask beast about a congratulatory wristy.

[T-Cell]

Congrats on 900 days Coach! Full on, gheyer then Bruce, chest bump Like Fuck!

full on bro.... full on!

'BanDog'

'boob' 9th floor....and still ghey. Congrats CS







p.s. FUCS

Congrats on 9th floor bro. 'BanDog'

Them +1's really add up! Congrats on winning everyday!

'Cheers' great job Coach Steve. Full on!

[J2b]

9 floors of qlf. Thanks for supporting the three ballers.

And the narratives.

Speaking of 'Popcorn'

[SAM83]

Congrats on 900 days Coach! Full on, gheyer then Bruce, chest bump Like Fuck!

full on bro.... full on!

'BanDog'

'boob' 9th floor....and still ghey. Congrats CS







p.s. FUCS

Congrats on 9th floor bro. 'BanDog'

Them +1's really add up! Congrats on winning everyday!

[Derk40]

Congrats on 900 days Coach! Full on, gheyer then Bruce, chest bump Like Fuck!

full on bro.... full on!

'BanDog'

'boob' 9th floor....and still ghey. Congrats CS







p.s. FUCS

Congrats on 9th floor bro. 'BanDog'

[Bruce]

Congrats on 900 days Coach! Full on, gheyer then Bruce, chest bump Like Fuck!

full on bro.... full on!

'BanDog'

'boob' 9th floor....and still ghey. Congrats CS







p.s. FUCS

[cbird65]

Congrats on 900 days Coach! Full on, gheyer then Bruce, chest bump Like Fuck!

full on bro.... full on!

'BanDog'

[copingwithoutcopen]

Congrats on 900 days Coach! Full on, gheyer then Bruce, chest bump Like Fuck!

[Coach Steve]

:WastedPanel:

Narrative like fuck.... 'boob'

Good things happen to those that wait.

[Bruce]

:WastedPanel:

Narrative like fuck.... 'boob'

[wastepanel]

:WastedPanel:

[Doc Chewfree]

[+] Click for Part 1Coach Steve and the gang are hanging out in the Glass House of April 2012 engaged in their usual discussion of flip phones, gerbils and sex cavating among other interesting topics

CS: So do gerbils really have two rectums?
ERDVM: Yes....I'm pretty sure we've been over this in one of your previous narratives
CS: Sorry...I've written so many that it's all starting to blur together
(Just then, the lights go out in the Glass House and the emergency lights click on)
Bigwhitebeast: {jumping out of his chair} Oh shit! We've been powered down, I need to get to the plant!
Auburn: {walking in from the other room} What in the hell is going on here? I was flailing the pork sword and the computer screen just went blank....is Hipster messing with the internet again?
(Just then, texasjack comes stumbling down the stairs in a towel)
TJ: Guys I was in the shower and the water went cold then the lights went out!
CS: Yeah it looks like we've lost power guys...
pavetheway: That's odd....how can a fictional place that exists only in Coach Steve's imagination lose power?
ERDVM: I dunno...but I do know that Coach Steve's imagination smells like old cheese
TJ: No that's me...
CS: Alright everyone settle down....let's just give Cbird a call
ERDVM: {reaching into the pocket of his lab coat} Uh oh Coach...looks like our cell phones are dead too
PTW: Again....how is this even possible?
CS: Don't worry....Cbird still has a rotary phone in his room
(The quitters make their way to the 3rd floor of the Glass House and stop right outside Cbird's door)
TJ: Should we knock first?
CS: Nah....I saw him leaving a few hours before the power went down
PTW: Does anybody else wonder why the "emergency" lights are working in CS's imagination yet the power is still out?
ERDVM: When did you become such a skeptic?
TJ: Psychic?
ERDVM: No, not psychic...I said skeptic
TJ: So you think PTW is sketchy?
ERDVM: Really TJ?
TJ: Sorry....
CS: Ok guys....{opening the door} try not a break anything
(CS opens the door and the group peers into Cbird's room. There is a large poster of Steve Prefontaine on the opposite wall and the room is adorned with race bibs)
TJ: Whoa.....I didn't know Cbird liked Burt Reynolds
ERDVM: {slapping TJ in the back of the head} That there is Steve Prefontaine....he's a running legend
TJ: {rubbing his head} Oh.....so Burt Reynolds played him in a movie?
ERDVM: Actually it was Jared Leto....but really TJ?
CS: Guys look....there it is
(In the corner of the room there is an old fashioned red rotary phone)
CS: {walking over to the phone} Legend has it that this was the phone Aquaman used to communicate with Chewie when they were building KTC
TJ: KTC was built by an aquatic super hero and Chewbacca?
ERDVM: {looks at TJ and furrows his brow}
CS: TJ.....when did you get so dumb?
TJ: {shrugging his shoulders} I dunno....comedic relief maybe? This is your imagination after all....
CS: Good point, maybe it's because I watched Idiocracy last week
TJ: Great movie
CS: Criminally underrated as well
PTW: So you can change TJ's intelligence level but you can't make the power turn back on?
CS: {gives PTW a look} What do you think I'm trying to do?
(Coach Steve picks up the phone and begins to dial....)
ERDVM: Wait! What if Cbird's phone is dead too?
CS: I already thought about that....remember that Cbird carries a bag phone that runs on battery power
ERDVM: Oh right....
PTW: Emergency lights and bag phones....how convenient
(Coach Steve finishes dialing Cbird's number...ring....ring...ring.....)
Cbird: Hello?
CS: Hey Cbird it's CS and the guys.....we're just wondering what is going on with the power?
Cbird: KTC is down for now.....Zeta board conversion stuff...
CS: Oh ok... {TJ taps him on the shoulder} hold on one second Bird....
TJ: Can I talk to Cbird?
CS: Cbird, TJ wants to talk to you {hands phone to TJ}
TJ: Hey Bird it's TJ....I was just wondering why you have a poster of Jared Leto in your room?
ERDVM: {face palm}
Cbird: Um.....that's Steve Prefontaine
TJ: Oh ok......{hands the phone back to CS} Cbird says it's not Jared Leto so I guess you guys aren't psychic after all....
CS: Hey Cbird.....what's that? Yeah we know it's not Jared Leto......
BWB: Ask him when the power is coming back on
CS: He said it'd be a little longer.....depends on the conversion speeds
BWB: So then what are we supposed to do in the meantime?
PTW: Why don't we all use Coach Steve's imagination?
CS: {to Cbird} So what do we do? uh huh, uh huh....ok yeah I got it....later!
PTW: So what is it now?
CS: Cbird says the KTC blog is still active so we can go there or just wait it out here
TJ: Roadtrip!
ERDVM: Ok how are we going to get there?
PTW: Can't wait to hear this one.....
CS: Hmm....what about that old rail push car that Colonel No Cope and Coach Doc used to ride around on?
ERDVM: But Coach they closed the HOF tracks behind the Glass House once all the 2012 groups hit the hall
CS: Right.....but they only closed each end, I think the tracks are still intact
BWB: Well we'd better get a move on...
(The quitters make their way out the back door and into the yard when they hear something stirring in the bushes)
TJ: Oh shit what is that?
CS: Everyone calm down...it's probably just a squirrel
(Just then, Luby (aka Peepers) slowly stands up)
Peepers: Hey guys, it's just me...good ole Peepers
CS: Silly Peepers...where you peeping again?
Peepers: Yes, haha....and I had a great view of the pork sword flogging before the power went out
Auburn: How'd it look?
Peepers: Not bad....
Auburn: Glad you liked it....
Peepers: So where are you guys headed?
CS: We're trying to get to the KTC blog to see if we can ride this thing out there....
Peepers: And how do you plan on accomplishing that?
PTW: Via Coach Steve's imagination transportation
CS: Actually....{glaring at PTW} we were going to use the old rail push car on the 2012 HOF tracks
Peepers: Oh.....I....um...
CS: What is it?
Peepers: It's just that...well....the old rail push car was destroyed in the Peeping Incident of October 2013
CS: I don't even want to know....
Peepers: But I can tell you that the 2012 HOF tracks are still there
CS: I knew it!
Peepers: If you'd like I can show you the way?
CS: Sounds like a plan...
(CS and the quitters make their way through the thick underbrush that has consumed the once vibrant 2012 HOF tracks. After what seems like minutes....Peepers steps through the underbrush to reveal the tracks. Although worn by the elements, the tracks remain impervious to the thick underbrush on either side)
Peepers: This is where I leave you...[/b]{pointing in one direction}[/b] follow the tracks until you come to a switch track....take the track on the right and follow it until you reach your destination....
CS: Thanks Peepers...
Peepers: No problem Coach....now behold, the great Peepers {throws a smoke bomb and flips his cape}
(As the smoke clears Peepers can be seen hiding the bushes)
CS: Um Peepers....we can still see you
Peepers: No you can't
ERDVM: Actually yes...we can
Peepers: {pulling his cape over his head} Ok what about now?
ERDVM: Now you're just hiding under your cape
Peepers: {stands up} Ok fine....I guess I'm losing my touch
CS: Well guys....we should head out before it gets dark
PTW: Again....the fictional sun rises and sets in KTC Land but you can't make the power come back on?
CS: Sigh.....where's the fun in that?
PTW: You may have a point there....
(The quitters begin making there way in the direction Peepers told them to go. As they turn the corner out of sight, a rustling is heard in the thick underbrush...just then, Wedge and his merry band of suggesters stumble onto the 2012 HOF tracks.....)
Wedge: {bending down to smell the tracks} Well, well, well, looks like this is my lucky day
Spartanron: What is it boss?
Wedge: An old nemesis of mine......Coach Steve
Spartanron: How can you tell?
Wedge: {sniffing the air} Because I can smell douche and we're down wind {pointing} they went that way.....

[+] Click for Part 2(As Wedge and his band of KTC progressives start hiking the abandoned 2012 HOF tracks toward his old nemesis Coach Steve, Peepers was in the bushes watching the entire scene develop...as if he were a cameraman for a large sports television provider....)

Peepers: {holding his bag of faulty smoke bombs} I've got to find a way to help warn Coach Steve....
(Just then, Ziesmer walks up on the 2012 HOF tracks with one of his prized smart ass miniature horses)
Z: What are you doing in the bushes weirdo?
Peepers: {covering himself with his cape} You don't see me
Z: Yes....I do...fucking weirdos in this place {starts to walk away}
Peepers: {standing up} Hey wait! I'm not a weirdo, I am the great Peepers!
Z: Oh Luby....my bad, didn't realize you were a weirdo
Peepers: Dude....
Z: Ok seriously, wtf are you doing out here?
Peepers: I'm trying to help warn CS and the glass house gang about Wedge!
Z: Oh great....this sounds like another one of those melodramatic yet utterly pointless stories that CS imagines in his head
Peepers: That sounds about right
Z: So what's my role again....to give people the middle finger and say FU?
Peepers: You've been asked to perform a much larger role in this one?
Z: Really?
Peepers: Yes really. I need to get ahead of CS to warn him, but he's probably nearing "The Turn" by now
Z: What is "The Turn"
Peepers: Well....until July 2008 the only access to the quit groups was an old dirt road and we didn't have all these fancy boulevards and streets like we do now
Z: I thought that was just because of CS's imagination?
Peepers: Sort of....you see the website traffic outgrew those old dirt roads and the concept of the HOF engineer driving the HOF trains down the tracks became a reality in July 2008 spearheaded by the great engineer...bubblehed668
Z: Wow, where'd you learn all this stuff?
Peepers: Never mind that...when the ADMIN started building tracks behind the July 2008 house, they realized that eventually the land behind the older quit group houses wouldn't support the weight of thousands of quitters riding the HOF train to freedom
Z: So....what did they do?
Peepers: They built The Turn. After the July 2008 house, the tracks abruptly do a 180 turn across the Fran Pro River and the August 2008 house was the first built on the other side. The ADMIN also installed a switch track short cut in the other direction leading to the KTC Blog
Z: So what's the problem?
Peepers: The problem is that switch track short cut may be disabled because of the KTC Shutdown. If it is, then CS would either have to turn back or continue onto the pre July 2008 quit groups and take the old dirt roads
Z: What's wrong with that....CS could probably stand to lose a few pounds
Peepers: What's wrong is that it's a perfect spot for Wedge to ambush
Z: Ah yes Wedge....I forgot about him. So where do I come in?
Peepers: You, my dear Z....are going to show me your shortcut to the Dec 2006 brick house
Z: What short cut?
Peepers: Oh come on Z....everyone knows you take your miniature horses down to the Dec 2006 house to poop on the lawn and piss Euty off
Z: Haha...ok, fine...this way weirdo
(Peepers and Z start out for the Dec 2006 shortcut in the hopes of warning CS...meanwhile the scene cuts to CS and the glass house gang on the HOF tracks somewhere in the vicinity of the January 2010 house)
CS: We must be getting close...
Pavetheway: You can't just transport us there or something?
CS: No Pave...it doesn't work that way
PTW: Oh yeah....how does it work?
ERDVM: You two gerbil rectums knock it off...it looks like we've got a problem {pointing ahead}
(The group looks and see a makeshift guard shack assembled over the HOF tracks and signs that say, "Stop," "Do Not Enter," and "GFYS")
TJ: Why would they have a sign for the Grand Funk Youth Supersonics?
ERDVM: Really TJ?
TJ: What...? They were totally legit back in the 80's!
CS: I can't see who is in the guard shack {squinting}
PTW: Here... {hands CS binoculars} you can use these...
CS: Why are you carrying binoculars?
PTW: I dunno CS, this is your imagination...you tell me why I'm carrying binoculars?
CS: Good point .... {looking through binoculars} Oh shit....this isn't good
ERDVM: Who is it?
CS: It's klark.....Following an extended pause of epic proportions, Coach Steve and the gang find themselves sitting in the living room of the May 2011 House of Quit

CS: Hey guys...
Pavetheway: Seriously....weren't we just standing on the railroad tracks talking about klark?
CS: Yes...
ERDVM: {puzzled look} So....then why are we here now?
CS: To be completely honest....I haven't the slightest fucking clue why we're here
PTW: Very funny Coach....{walking towards the kitchen} What house is this anyways.....I wonder if they have any Bud Light Platinum
Texasjack: {holding a picture frame} Maybe this will tell us what house this is?
ERDVM: TJ?
TJ: Yes Dr. Vadge?
ERDVM: Why aren't you wearing pants?
TJ: {looking down and then back at ERDVM} You know....I can't remember
ERDVM: {throwing TJ a blanket} Here...you look cold...and give me that picture
(ERDVM wipes away a thick coating of dust to reveal a picture of J2B, LarryDrummer, 30yraddict and ODAAT hanging out in Tijuana)
CS: Oh, we're in the May 2011 House
TJ: I should've known with all this wood wall paneling from the 70's
PTW: {returning from the kitchen with a beer} Yeah.....but how did we get here?
CS: I told you I don't know....
PTW: C'mon Coach quit fucking with us....I gotta get back to work
CS: For reals Mike....I got no control over this one...
Bigwhitebeast: {peering out of the curtains} It looks weird out there...
ERDVM: What do you mean....weird?
BWB: {closing the curtains and looking at ERDVM} You know.....weird
ERDVM: No...I don't know that's why I asked dick turd
BWB: Did you just call me a dick turd?
ERDVM: Pretty sure I did
BWB: What exactly is a dick turd?
(Just then, the group hears a commotion in the back of the house)
PTW: {freezes} Tell me you guys heard that....
ERDVM: I'm sure dick turd heard it
CS: It's probably just one of the May 2011 quitters
(Suddenly, LarryDrummer storms out of the back of the house)
LD: Dammit! I've had it with this reverse scroll, can't find the most recent post bullshit! What was wrong with the old boards?!
CS: Hi Larry
LD: {stopping his rant to stare at Coach} The fuck are you doing here?
CS: I'm not sure
LD: Not sure...? Well you walked in here didn't you?
CS: I can't recall actually walking into your house....we kind of just appeared in your living room
LD: Well where were you before?
Texasjack: {holding a fishbowl} On the railroad tracks
LD: Ok.....two questions, why aren't you wearing pants and why are you holding ODAAT's fishbowl?
TJ: {looking down at the fishbowl} I have a thing for goldfish...
LD: And the pants....?
TJ: I'm allergic to pants...
PTW: I can vouch for that much....
LD: {turning to Pave} Who the fuck are you?
PTW: {hands on hips} I am pave the mother fucking way and I am a sex cavator!
LD: Good enough for me...{looking around}....so what are all you other assholes doing in my living room?
CS: Like I said....we're not sure what happened......
(Just then, some sort of portal into another dimension opens up in the living room and Sir Derek comes flinging through the wormhole onto the couch)
LD: Holy fart nuggets!
CS: {to Sir D} You alright man?
Sir Derek: {rubbing his head} Damn...I don't know what happened.....one minute I'm scrolling through the James Gordon thread and the next minute I'm getting flung through cyberspace into this living room....
TJ: This shit is trippy yo
Sir Derek: Why aren't you wearing pants?
TJ: Prolly cuze the wormhole stole my pants brah
ERDVM: So you're a frat bro now?
TJ: I am what the moment calls for brah
BWB: {sitting down on the recliner} I'm having a mental meltdown right now....
CS: {raising his hands} Ok...everybody just calm down....lets figure out what the fuck is happening here....

Choose Your Own Ending
[/i][+] Alternate Ending #1CS: SD, you said you were just hanging out in May 2014 right?
Sir D: Yeah....what's your point Coach?
CS: Well.....don't they have that phenomenon known as the James Gordon Vortex?
Sir D: I suppose....but it's just a myth....right Coach?
CS: No....no myth.....the legend of Gordon is very real....I've even heard that the quitters of May 2014 have devised a new system for measuring the quit days....they call it, Gordograms
TJ: {in awe} Gordograms...?
CS: {Blake Griffinesque} That's right TJ....Gordograms
ERDVM: So then how did we end up here?
CS: It must be the Gortex...it sucks you in and spits you out in reverse Gordometry
BwB: My head is spinning faster than when I learned Coach Steve was a liberal
LD: Wait.....? You're a liberal....? Fuck you
CS: Ok guys....just think of the Gortex as the liberal media. It's spinning every story into some web of lies until it decides it wants to spit something out to the general public. Except....in this case....the Gortex is the liberal media and the living room of the May 2011 house is the general public
LD: Oh I totally get it now...
CS: Really?
LD: No....not really you commy bastard
(Just then, the portal to another dimension reappears and sucks the entire group in.....they spin round and round finally ending up in the group of May 2014)
Sapper: Well, well, well...I figured you'd arrive approximately 5.4939203 Gordon's ago....maybe I'm losing my touch[+] Alternate Ending #2CS: Thank you for choosing Alternate # 2...I suppose someone had to do it
You: Do what?
CS: {pulling back a curtain} Just go in....trust me it's completely safe
You: Ok
(You pass beneath the curtain and enter the room beyond...it's a backlight room and you can barely make out someone standing in the corner. As your eyes being to adjust you realize....)
You: Are you naked?
Gmann: Yes.....you have chosen....poorly

Damn, CS. You've got way too much time on your hands. Awesome story. Glad I didn't read the 2nd alternate ending.