Introduction

[Leonidas]

Yesterday I missed roll for the first time in 1737 days, my 100% roll status is over. I have nobody to blame but myself, and this morning when I logged on to post roll and realized that I did not post I felt like something had been ripped from me. It may not make sense to some but being a 100% poster was something I took pride in, and quite honestly one of the main things that have kept me here after 1737 days. I am still quit and that is the important thing but I feel like something that I had worked so hard for is gone, never to return. I want to thank my Misfit brothers for rallying around me today and helping me realize that yes it sucks not being 100% but I am still quit and leaving this place for this reason would be stupid. For anybody reading this that may be 100% poster, it is important and it is a badge of honor but protect it because in the blink of an eye it can go away.

Let me get this straight.
After all the time you've spent chasing guys down in May 15, making sure guys in your group were on roll, not one of them texted you, to check on you?

They did do a roll check Leo, and the text went out that afternoon but my name wasn’t on it. It was a genuine mistake by my quit brothers. My screen name ends with 1073 and when roll was glanced at they saw my screen name on the table roll, they saw the numbers of my screen name and thought I was in. The group we have in May 15 after 4+ years is solid, we still reach out daily if needed and heard each other in.

Got it.

[Jpfabel1073]

Yesterday I missed roll for the first time in 1737 days, my 100% roll status is over. I have nobody to blame but myself, and this morning when I logged on to post roll and realized that I did not post I felt like something had been ripped from me. It may not make sense to some but being a 100% poster was something I took pride in, and quite honestly one of the main things that have kept me here after 1737 days. I am still quit and that is the important thing but I feel like something that I had worked so hard for is gone, never to return. I want to thank my Misfit brothers for rallying around me today and helping me realize that yes it sucks not being 100% but I am still quit and leaving this place for this reason would be stupid. For anybody reading this that may be 100% poster, it is important and it is a badge of honor but protect it because in the blink of an eye it can go away.

Let me get this straight.
After all the time you've spent chasing guys down in May 15, making sure guys in your group were on roll, not one of them texted you, to check on you?

They did do a roll check Leo, and the text went out that afternoon but my name wasn’t on it. It was a genuine mistake by my quit brothers. My screen name ends with 1073 and when roll was glanced at they saw my screen name on the table roll, they saw the numbers of my screen name and thought I was in. The group we have in May 15 after 4+ years is solid, we still reach out daily if needed and heard each other in.

[Leonidas]

Yesterday I missed roll for the first time in 1737 days, my 100% roll status is over. I have nobody to blame but myself, and this morning when I logged on to post roll and realized that I did not post I felt like something had been ripped from me. It may not make sense to some but being a 100% poster was something I took pride in, and quite honestly one of the main things that have kept me here after 1737 days. I am still quit and that is the important thing but I feel like something that I had worked so hard for is gone, never to return. I want to thank my Misfit brothers for rallying around me today and helping me realize that yes it sucks not being 100% but I am still quit and leaving this place for this reason would be stupid. For anybody reading this that may be 100% poster, it is important and it is a badge of honor but protect it because in the blink of an eye it can go away.

Let me get this straight.
After all the time you've spent chasing guys down in May 15, making sure guys in your group were on roll, not one of them texted you, to check on you?

[FLLipOut]

Yesterday I missed roll for the first time in 1737 days, my 100% roll status is over. I have nobody to blame but myself, and this morning when I logged on to post roll and realized that I did not post I felt like something had been ripped from me. It may not make sense to some but being a 100% poster was something I took pride in, and quite honestly one of the main things that have kept me here after 1737 days. I am still quit and that is the important thing but I feel like something that I had worked so hard for is gone, never to return. I want to thank my Misfit brothers for rallying around me today and helping me realize that yes it sucks not being 100% but I am still quit and leaving this place for this reason would be stupid. For anybody reading this that may be 100% poster, it is important and it is a badge of honor but protect it because in the blink of an eye it can go away.

Ugh, Jp, I feel your pain.  I blew my 100% on a day I really thought I had posted.  Nope.  Gone.  It sucks. 

[Jpfabel1073]

Yesterday I missed roll for the first time in 1737 days, my 100% roll status is over. I have nobody to blame but myself, and this morning when I logged on to post roll and realized that I did not post I felt like something had been ripped from me. It may not make sense to some but being a 100% poster was something I took pride in, and quite honestly one of the main things that have kept me here after 1737 days. I am still quit and that is the important thing but I feel like something that I had worked so hard for is gone, never to return. I want to thank my Misfit brothers for rallying around me today and helping me realize that yes it sucks not being 100% but I am still quit and leaving this place for this reason would be stupid. For anybody reading this that may be 100% poster, it is important and it is a badge of honor but protect it because in the blink of an eye it can go away.

[pab1964]

Congrats on your 3 years quit!
And thank you for the support you give.

Congratulations my friend on 3 Years! LetÂ’s continue this journey together

[ChickDip]

Congrats on your 3 years quit!
And thank you for the support you give.

[Jpfabel1073]

36 days ago I received my "dangle" and I am still amazed that the simple task of giving my word daily for the last 1036 days has allowed me to gain freedom from the bitch. To anybody who has doubts that KTC works, it does if you let it. Put your pride aside, allow yourself to be held accountable, put your trust in a couple thousand people whom you have never met and will probably will never met and freedom is possible. Thanks to Rtpope and Candoit who from the beginning of May 15 showed a group of "Misfits" how this place works, to all of my May 15 Misfit brothers who are still here EDD I owe you a debt that I can never repay so in the meantime I will continue to hold you all accountable to your daily promise and expect you to do the same to me. To May 16 and 17, your months have galvanized my quit and it has been and will continue to be an honor to journey down this road with you all adding drops to the quit bucket EDD. The quitters that I have met in person, Zquitter, Cvoll, Wassinkk, Rewire, JoeC and Atroutdude all have made me realize how strong the bond a bunch of strangers can have at KTC.

[Jpfabel1073]

400 days quit today, wow how quickly the +1's start to pile up! To any new quitters reading this, you can do this! This can be the last quit of your life, if you let it be..... This place is pretty simple, post roll first thing every morning, get digits from vets and fellow quitters in your month, don't get your panties in a wad when somebody calls you out for addict talk and listen to what the vets have to say! They are vets for a reason, they have been where you are now and have seen hundreds come before you, they know what they are talking about, trust them and they will help you to save your own life.

Life in these past 400 hundred days has become so fucking great I can hardly contain myself. My relationship with my wife and kids is at a place that I could never have imagined 400 days ago because I was putting the bitch in front of them on a daily basis. My professional life has finally got over the hump that seemed unattainable for the past 12 years. Amazing the results you can achieve when you are focused on the results you get at work vs. being focused on when you could hide in the office and stuff your face full of cancer. Cravings, yeah they still come and go. Whispers from the bitch telling me I can handle this and do not need KTC and my May 15 Misfit brothers, yeah those bullshit thoughts still happen, but staying active here on a daily basis keeps the complacency at bay.

I encourage every quitter to get involved with new quits here at KTC. I've tried to be involved with May 16 as much as I can the past month and it has kept me focused even more on my own quit. Had a Greyskullian reach out early on in his quit to me for advice, that same quitter called me the other day to thank me for helping him early in his quit. I can't tell you how humbling it was to have him thank me for helping him stay quit, I had sent a few texts, replied to some emails. To think that these simple things set this quitter up for success and it took no time away from my normal daily routine made a huge impact.

As always I want to thank my Misfit brothers in May 15, special shout out to Teray. He was recently diagnosed with cancer and continued to post roll everyday from his hospital bed, you have been an inspiration to all of us in May Teray, thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

[AppleJack]

365, a full fucking trip around the sun no longer a slave to the bitch. I would have never thought this possible a year ago, the road here has been one that I do not want to have to travel again, but at the same time am thankful that I did. I want to thank all of the BAQ's in May 15 that have been with me on this journey, those that fell and left and those that are still here posting EDD with me. All of you have taught me something along the way. My HOF speech is titled a drop in the quit bucket and it still rings true at a year quit. Every day quit is just another drop in my quit bucket. To a new quitter reading this, I'm not any better than you, I'm just one bad choice away from posting up another day 1. My quit now has changed, no longer is it a daily struggle, craves only happen about once a week, life truly is better now and gets better every day. One of my biggest fears in the beginning of my quit was, will I like the person I'm about to become without nicotine, and I can tell you that the person I have become is not who I was a year ago and I'm good with that, in fact I'm still learning about the new me every day! The focus of my quit has now been turned to ushering in the new May 16. Trying like hell to give back to the place that has given me freedom this past year, it is a great feeling to have these fresh new quitters look to you for direction has renewed my quit and made me understand how much work Rtpope and Candoit put into May 15 and my quit a year ago. To those that post support for me and those that I post support for I thank you for keeping me accountable and letting me hold you accountable.

Congrats, man! One year is a true milestone that has some weight to it! Be proud brother!

Rock on...

[Supplehands]

Hey JP. I just read through the latter part of your intro here, specifically some of those struggles that come later. I'm at day 185 and I can relate a little bit. I'm have a few mind game issues. I know I'm quit and the further along I go, the further in the rear view mirror dip becomes. My life is improving each and ever day, but as I go, there seems to be this strengthening recognition that somewhere off in the unforeseeable future there is an event that may cause me to cave. I just can't seem to put my finger on this lingering feeling.

With all that being said, I just wanted you to know that I value your words here. Maybe you are going through something similarish, but at any rate, reading through what you've said, has helped me. I know that all your support in the may 16 group is coming up big for those guys. Just imagine, you could be preventing me, or someone else from getting cancer. If that isn't fucking meaningful then I don't know what is. Appreciate all you do and look forward to quitting with you tomorrow.

[Jpfabel1073]

365, a full fucking trip around the sun no longer a slave to the bitch. I would have never thought this possible a year ago, the road here has been one that I do not want to have to travel again, but at the same time am thankful that I did. I want to thank all of the BAQ's in May 15 that have been with me on this journey, those that fell and left and those that are still here posting EDD with me. All of you have taught me something along the way. My HOF speech is titled a drop in the quit bucket and it still rings true at a year quit. Every day quit is just another drop in my quit bucket. To a new quitter reading this, I'm not any better than you, I'm just one bad choice away from posting up another day 1. My quit now has changed, no longer is it a daily struggle, craves only happen about once a week, life truly is better now and gets better every day. One of my biggest fears in the beginning of my quit was, will I like the person I'm about to become without nicotine, and I can tell you that the person I have become is not who I was a year ago and I'm good with that, in fact I'm still learning about the new me every day! The focus of my quit has now been turned to ushering in the new May 16. Trying like hell to give back to the place that has given me freedom this past year, it is a great feeling to have these fresh new quitters look to you for direction has renewed my quit and made me understand how much work Rtpope and Candoit put into May 15 and my quit a year ago. To those that post support for me and those that I post support for I thank you for keeping me accountable and letting me hold you accountable.

[Gone Cruising]

I'm only day 26 into my quit and I can't relate with you being so far into your quit either. All I can see from where I am is that you are hero in my eyes and perhaps hundreds to thousands of others with how far you have come. What is driving you to want to cave? I always break things down on paper, imagine the worst possible outcome of each situation, analyze it and accept the worst outcome in my head as if it happend or is going to happen. Once you accept it as fact there is no place else to go but up as it can't get any worse. I believe theres nothing in life that you can't handle without putting that shit back into your mouth.

[Tjschu]

I don't have half as much time quit as you do so I haven't walked in your shoes to know what you are going through. Things I do know are that I never want to go through the suck again, 2 I am an addict and can't have just one more dip 3 I don't want to cave and have to look at my kids knowing they will see me as a failure. I know this probably doesn't help with what you are going through. Use your digits and reach out to your group. I hope you find the answers that you are looking for. I am proud to quit with you today.

[Jpfabel1073]

This week has been very tough mentally for me. I can't get out of my own head/thoughts since Monday. I feel like I'm doing everything I need to do to stay engaged and not become complacent but I feel like I'm losing the battle. I post support in other months, have reached out to new quitters, lend a hand with the SSOA and post when I can but I have the whispers saying that I no longer need this site/brotherhood/accountability. In the past I have been able to squash these thoughts from the bitch and move on but for some reason this week it has not worked. Am I in danger of stuffing cancer in my face today, tomorrow or next week, I don't think so but I'm getting terrified that if I can't make these thought go away that I may drift from this place and open the door to the bitch and become her slave once again. I feel so weak and like a piece of shit for even letting my brain take me down this dark path but this has been one of the toughest times in my quit since the first 20 days.

I know I need KTC, the Misfits, and all that I have worked so hard for to build up my web of accountability these past 345 days, I just don't understand why this is happening right now. I know that I was an addict, am an addict now and will be an addict until my last day on this earth and I was very comfortable with this fact about myself up until Monday and now my brain the bitch is telling me that admitting I'm an addict is fucking weak and that I could move on from KTC and be just fine. Just putting these thoughts on the board right now is making me so fucking angry that I might not be as strong in my quit as I thought I was, how in the hell can I be so weak that the bitch has been able to find a crack in my fortress of quit! I have always been a self reliant person who has never felt the need to lean on anybody else and figure out my own shit and move forward but right now the bitch is really pushing me toward the ledge. I am going to do my best to fight through this, quite honestly it is getting to the point where I am starting to focus on breaking down the day into minutes and hours fighting back the whispers just like we all did for the first few weeks of our quit.

Again brothers I don't feel like I would cave without using my tools but this mental game the bitch is playing is trying to set me up for a drift and then a cave weeks or months from now. Just know this, I REFUSE TO GIVE INTO HER WITHOUT A FIGHT!!!!!!