where should I post this at?
The reason I fucked up is because I quit for me but didn't keep that conviction. over time that conviction to quit was more for others and for my image. that didn't last very long and when it came down to the breakdown that started me back up on it I didn't hold myself accountable.
I quit counting my days and I quit posting roll and it was a matter of time before I quit caring about all of the progress I had made.
A lot has happened since I started again. Last year this time my band split and i was in college for the first time in six years. I got a job as a tattoo apprentice in april and its a very stressful job in many ways. I have half tried quitting several times only to allow the stress and jokes that come with the territory of being an apprentice to overcome and cause my anxiety from the quit to get the best of me.
My plan at this time is to continue looking at each day as a short term goal and I want to use the roll call every day because it really was one of the few things that helped.
cold turkey is a hard thing to do for me, but I know it is the only way that actually works.
I hope I can get the forgiveness of those I let down here. I know I can do this, and at this point there is nothing that has driven me to this decision except myself.
when I was sitting thinking about this a few weeks ago I had resigned the voice inside reasoning with me to the backburner because I didn't believe I could face the withdrawal, but I know I need to do this once and for all so that its not something I have to drag on into my career or my future private life.
thanks for the kindness, I expected something else, and by all means deserve it. when can I post day one?
Ben