So a few months ago, (around Thanksgiving) I decided to quit cold turkey. It lasted 4 days until I was at Thanksgiving dinner and someone offered me a pouch. I gave in, and bought a can on my way home that same evening. I've been dipping for almost three years now, so I'm no where near where some of you guys were when you quit. I found what feels like a swollen gland deep down in the left side of my mouth about the size of a pea, maybe smaller. It doesn't hurt, it moves around fairly easily too. That freaked me out to the point of quitting again. I also have a sore on the inside of my bottom jaw on the right side sorta where my tongue sits, that freaked me out too. I don't know if I have anything to worry about or not. I suffer from anxiety and I'm also a hypochondriac. The first time I had an anxiety attack, I diagnosed myself with diabetes, then the next day it happened again, and i thought I was having a heart attack, so I actually went to the hospital and they said it was anxiety. Now, I've diagnosed myself with oral cancer.. I don't know if only two and a half years puts me at a significant risk or not. Am I crazy, overreacting, what?! But anyways, here I am again finally ready to quit, I ditched my can out the window of my truck last night because even though I knew I wanted to quit, if i only threw it away, I'd dig through the trash and get it back out. Well I went all morning with no dip, 3 o clock came and when I got off work, I bought a can and gave in. So far today I've had two dips which is great compared to my normal 7/8's of a can. Tomorrow I'm going to go all day without one and kick the habit from there on out. I just have a couple of questions, one.. should I get these spots in my mouth checked out or am I overreacting? I have a dentist appointment Friday morning anyways, but its not for a cleaning, only an examination, x ray, etc. I hate to think that my parents spent $5000 on braces only for me to f**k up my teeth. I'm about to ditch this can out my bedroom window as far as I can get it to go.. I want to be done. Why did I ever start? Why is it so easy to start, yet so hard to quit? What do you guys do to occupy your time so you don't think about it? I have Grinds pouches that really help, but nothing has the sweet taste or same texture as Copenhagen Straight. Now we have Copenhagen Mint coming out next week and its going to be so hard not to pick up a can of that. I need to get some mountain dew to keep at home so I can avoid gas stations. Im sorry guys, I know this post is all over the place as far as thoughts go but I'm trying to get everything out. Anybody like lifted trucks? Anyone drive a diesel? Anybody want to email or text and talk about trucks and quitting in general. It's almost like I need a support group to text me each morning to say they're proud and make sure I stay on track, but I know thats a lot to ask. Look, I just want to be done, but its so hard. Tomorrows the day, anybody have an words of wisdom or advice so I don't give in again? I told a kid at work today that i quit and he said "Hell yeah, bro. That's what I'm talking about." Then I went back to to work later and told him I gave in and he almost seemed disappointed. I just need to shake this habit, this addiction, before it kills me.
