Introduction

[Diesel2112]

100 days tomorrow. It has been a good ride so far. I enjoyed reflecting on the past 3 months as I wrote the HOF speech. I have so many people to thank.

I have only 1 regret about quitting. Why the hell did I wait so long? I guess it was because I was convinced it wasn't possible. That is all different now. Thanks KTC.

Ryan


Here it is.


index.php?showtopic=8088

100 days already? Damn. That went fast (to me LOL) Great work.

Thought we were gonna lose you a couple times there. Way to scratch, fight, and claw. Not any ass hat can do what you just did.

I have a sense you are still struggling a little bit. Maybe I'm wrong, but just take a few steps back and take some big ass deep breaths and really think about what you just did.

Its amazing.

Celebrate my man. The HOF is a place for fucking champions. Welcome to the club.

Quite a journey your on sir, but remember...

The point of a journey is not to arrive but the point of departure is not to return.

Quit on!!!!

[Dlee3]

Congrats IG2H!! I know what it's been like for you and I'm proud of you and for you. Excellent HOF speech. I noticed in your intro how different you sound after only 100 days. Amazing, ain't it?

100 is not the end and you know that. You got this and we got this. Proud to be an April brother with you and everybody else.

[jaynellie]

Brother 1 word to describe that HOF speech= FUCKINGAWESOME......

Thank you for sharing that time in your life.YOU have strengthened my quit with your words.

[Its_Got2Happen]

100 days tomorrow. It has been a good ride so far. I enjoyed reflecting on the past 3 months as I wrote the HOF speech. I have so many people to thank.

I have only 1 regret about quitting. Why the hell did I wait so long? I guess it was because I was convinced it wasn't possible. That is all different now. Thanks KTC.

Ryan


Here it is.


index.php?showtopic=8088

[CleanFuel]

I attended a fundraiser dinner for SCI last night.  I was dumbfounded by the number of people that dip at those things.  I guess I never noticed before because I was one of them.  It was strange to view the addict behavior as a non-user.  Everyone walking around with a fat lip, spit cup in one hand, drink in the other hand.  It was disgusting and repulsive.

I am very happy to wake up this morning without regret.  I have drank only a few times since quitting, but not large quantities and mostly just in the safety of my home.  Prior to quitting I drank alot of beer, almost daily, and a shit ton on the weekends.  I did not intend to give up drinking when I quit dipping, but I just didnt have the desire to drink.  Which in hindsite happened to be just a great side benefit of quitting dip.  Funny how that works, (Divine Providence I believe). 

Last night however, I tore it up.  And I am hungover as hell this morning.  Open bar all night and I indulged, over-indulged actually.  My inhibitions were way down and I was profoundly vulnerable.  Probably not the smartest thing I have ever done, but I did it.  On several occassions last night I had someone pack a dip in front of me and then flip me their can. 

The addict in me wanted that dip badly.  But check this out..................it felt so damn good to throw that can back and say the following, "fuck that, I don't do that shit anymore, 82 days free".  This was the 1st time I actually turned down the offer to "have a dip".  I know that I turn it down everyday, but this just seemed different.  That stops people in their tracks.  They give you a disbelieving look.  Early in my quit I had a shitty attitude, and I spent alot of time feeling sorry for myself.  But right there, at that moment, in that place, I did not feel sorry for self at all.  I felt pride.  It was the first time I got to publically speak of my accomplishment, and it felt pretty damn good. 

It was really the first time in 82 days that I had the real opportunity to just throw one in.  It would have been easy to cave.  No premeditation, no driving to the store, no thinking it through.  I could have blown it just that easy.  It pays dividends to be prepared.  Out in my truck I had seeds, jerkey and fake, just in case.  And guess what I did on the way out to get it....................called a quitter.  Thanks Sportsfan.  And thank you to all the texters that told me they had my back before I even left for the event, Cmark, dboelker, jbradley, dipweasel,morgan1, diplessinjax, nickald, cdaniels, 2mch2lv4.

Thank God for KTC, thank God for quit friends.  It is great to be winning this fight.  I quit with all of you again today, now I am going back to bed.

glad you called and also glad you picked up some fake stuff which you have not used your whole quit. keep up the good work and you used the tools that KTC has gave us to beat the nic bitch

As you said probably not the smartest thing you have done for your quit, but congrats on making it through...

Proud to be quit with you today!

Use the tools, make yourself accountable, find the brotherhood, and you will have success!

Outfuckinstanding!

I just came in my pants....

KA-BOOOOOOOM

[copingwithoutcopen]

I attended a fundraiser dinner for SCI last night.  I was dumbfounded by the number of people that dip at those things.  I guess I never noticed before because I was one of them.  It was strange to view the addict behavior as a non-user.  Everyone walking around with a fat lip, spit cup in one hand, drink in the other hand.  It was disgusting and repulsive.

I am very happy to wake up this morning without regret.  I have drank only a few times since quitting, but not large quantities and mostly just in the safety of my home.  Prior to quitting I drank alot of beer, almost daily, and a shit ton on the weekends.  I did not intend to give up drinking when I quit dipping, but I just didnt have the desire to drink.  Which in hindsite happened to be just a great side benefit of quitting dip.  Funny how that works, (Divine Providence I believe). 

Last night however, I tore it up.  And I am hungover as hell this morning.  Open bar all night and I indulged, over-indulged actually.  My inhibitions were way down and I was profoundly vulnerable.  Probably not the smartest thing I have ever done, but I did it.  On several occassions last night I had someone pack a dip in front of me and then flip me their can. 

The addict in me wanted that dip badly.  But check this out..................it felt so damn good to throw that can back and say the following, "fuck that, I don't do that shit anymore, 82 days free".  This was the 1st time I actually turned down the offer to "have a dip".  I know that I turn it down everyday, but this just seemed different.  That stops people in their tracks.  They give you a disbelieving look.  Early in my quit I had a shitty attitude, and I spent alot of time feeling sorry for myself.  But right there, at that moment, in that place, I did not feel sorry for self at all.  I felt pride.  It was the first time I got to publically speak of my accomplishment, and it felt pretty damn good. 

It was really the first time in 82 days that I had the real opportunity to just throw one in.  It would have been easy to cave.  No premeditation, no driving to the store, no thinking it through.  I could have blown it just that easy.  It pays dividends to be prepared.  Out in my truck I had seeds, jerkey and fake, just in case.  And guess what I did on the way out to get it....................called a quitter.  Thanks Sportsfan.  And thank you to all the texters that told me they had my back before I even left for the event, Cmark, dboelker, jbradley, dipweasel,morgan1, diplessinjax, nickald, cdaniels, 2mch2lv4.

Thank God for KTC, thank God for quit friends.  It is great to be winning this fight.  I quit with all of you again today, now I am going back to bed.

glad you called and also glad you picked up some fake stuff which you have not used your whole quit. keep up the good work and you used the tools that KTC has gave us to beat the nic bitch

As you said probably not the smartest thing you have done for your quit, but congrats on making it through...

Proud to be quit with you today!

Use the tools, make yourself accountable, find the brotherhood, and you will have success!

Outfuckinstanding!

[jbradley]

I attended a fundraiser dinner for SCI last night.  I was dumbfounded by the number of people that dip at those things.  I guess I never noticed before because I was one of them.  It was strange to view the addict behavior as a non-user.  Everyone walking around with a fat lip, spit cup in one hand, drink in the other hand.  It was disgusting and repulsive.

I am very happy to wake up this morning without regret.  I have drank only a few times since quitting, but not large quantities and mostly just in the safety of my home.  Prior to quitting I drank alot of beer, almost daily, and a shit ton on the weekends.  I did not intend to give up drinking when I quit dipping, but I just didnt have the desire to drink.  Which in hindsite happened to be just a great side benefit of quitting dip.  Funny how that works, (Divine Providence I believe). 

Last night however, I tore it up.  And I am hungover as hell this morning.  Open bar all night and I indulged, over-indulged actually.  My inhibitions were way down and I was profoundly vulnerable.  Probably not the smartest thing I have ever done, but I did it.  On several occassions last night I had someone pack a dip in front of me and then flip me their can. 

The addict in me wanted that dip badly.  But check this out..................it felt so damn good to throw that can back and say the following, "fuck that, I don't do that shit anymore, 82 days free".  This was the 1st time I actually turned down the offer to "have a dip".  I know that I turn it down everyday, but this just seemed different.  That stops people in their tracks.  They give you a disbelieving look.  Early in my quit I had a shitty attitude, and I spent alot of time feeling sorry for myself.  But right there, at that moment, in that place, I did not feel sorry for self at all.  I felt pride.  It was the first time I got to publically speak of my accomplishment, and it felt pretty damn good. 

It was really the first time in 82 days that I had the real opportunity to just throw one in.  It would have been easy to cave.  No premeditation, no driving to the store, no thinking it through.  I could have blown it just that easy.  It pays dividends to be prepared.  Out in my truck I had seeds, jerkey and fake, just in case.  And guess what I did on the way out to get it....................called a quitter.  Thanks Sportsfan.  And thank you to all the texters that told me they had my back before I even left for the event, Cmark, dboelker, jbradley, dipweasel,morgan1, diplessinjax, nickald, cdaniels, 2mch2lv4.

Thank God for KTC, thank God for quit friends.  It is great to be winning this fight.  I quit with all of you again today, now I am going back to bed.

glad you called and also glad you picked up some fake stuff which you have not used your whole quit. keep up the good work and you used the tools that KTC has gave us to beat the nic bitch

As you said probably not the smartest thing you have done for your quit, but congrats on making it through...

Proud to be quit with you today!

Use the tools, make yourself accountable, find the brotherhood, and you will have success!

[Sportsfan231]

I attended a fundraiser dinner for SCI last night. I was dumbfounded by the number of people that dip at those things. I guess I never noticed before because I was one of them. It was strange to view the addict behavior as a non-user. Everyone walking around with a fat lip, spit cup in one hand, drink in the other hand. It was disgusting and repulsive.

I am very happy to wake up this morning without regret. I have drank only a few times since quitting, but not large quantities and mostly just in the safety of my home. Prior to quitting I drank alot of beer, almost daily, and a shit ton on the weekends. I did not intend to give up drinking when I quit dipping, but I just didnt have the desire to drink. Which in hindsite happened to be just a great side benefit of quitting dip. Funny how that works, (Divine Providence I believe).

Last night however, I tore it up. And I am hungover as hell this morning. Open bar all night and I indulged, over-indulged actually. My inhibitions were way down and I was profoundly vulnerable. Probably not the smartest thing I have ever done, but I did it. On several occassions last night I had someone pack a dip in front of me and then flip me their can.

The addict in me wanted that dip badly. But check this out..................it felt so damn good to throw that can back and say the following, "fuck that, I don't do that shit anymore, 82 days free". This was the 1st time I actually turned down the offer to "have a dip". I know that I turn it down everyday, but this just seemed different. That stops people in their tracks. They give you a disbelieving look. Early in my quit I had a shitty attitude, and I spent alot of time feeling sorry for myself. But right there, at that moment, in that place, I did not feel sorry for self at all. I felt pride. It was the first time I got to publically speak of my accomplishment, and it felt pretty damn good.

It was really the first time in 82 days that I had the real opportunity to just throw one in. It would have been easy to cave. No premeditation, no driving to the store, no thinking it through. I could have blown it just that easy. It pays dividends to be prepared. Out in my truck I had seeds, jerkey and fake, just in case. And guess what I did on the way out to get it....................called a quitter. Thanks Sportsfan. And thank you to all the texters that told me they had my back before I even left for the event, Cmark, dboelker, jbradley, dipweasel,morgan1, diplessinjax, nickald, cdaniels, 2mch2lv4.

Thank God for KTC, thank God for quit friends. It is great to be winning this fight. I quit with all of you again today, now I am going back to bed.

glad you called and also glad you picked up some fake stuff which you have not used your whole quit. keep up the good work and you used the tools that KTC has gave us to beat the nic bitch

[Its_Got2Happen]

I attended a fundraiser dinner for SCI last night. I was dumbfounded by the number of people that dip at those things. I guess I never noticed before because I was one of them. It was strange to view the addict behavior as a non-user. Everyone walking around with a fat lip, spit cup in one hand, drink in the other hand. It was disgusting and repulsive.

I am very happy to wake up this morning without regret. I have drank only a few times since quitting, but not large quantities and mostly just in the safety of my home. Prior to quitting I drank alot of beer, almost daily, and a shit ton on the weekends. I did not intend to give up drinking when I quit dipping, but I just didnt have the desire to drink. Which in hindsite happened to be just a great side benefit of quitting dip. Funny how that works, (Divine Providence I believe).

Last night however, I tore it up. And I am hungover as hell this morning. Open bar all night and I indulged, over-indulged actually. My inhibitions were way down and I was profoundly vulnerable. Probably not the smartest thing I have ever done, but I did it. On several occassions last night I had someone pack a dip in front of me and then flip me their can.

The addict in me wanted that dip badly. But check this out..................it felt so damn good to throw that can back and say the following, "fuck that, I don't do that shit anymore, 82 days free". This was the 1st time I actually turned down the offer to "have a dip". I know that I turn it down everyday, but this just seemed different. That stops people in their tracks. They give you a disbelieving look. Early in my quit I had a shitty attitude, and I spent alot of time feeling sorry for myself. But right there, at that moment, in that place, I did not feel sorry for self at all. I felt pride. It was the first time I got to publically speak of my accomplishment, and it felt pretty damn good.

It was really the first time in 82 days that I had the real opportunity to just throw one in. It would have been easy to cave. No premeditation, no driving to the store, no thinking it through. I could have blown it just that easy. It pays dividends to be prepared. Out in my truck I had seeds, jerkey and fake, just in case. And guess what I did on the way out to get it....................called a quitter. Thanks Sportsfan. And thank you to all the texters that told me they had my back before I even left for the event, Cmark, dboelker, jbradley, dipweasel,morgan1, diplessinjax, nickald, cdaniels, 2mch2lv4.

Thank God for KTC, thank God for quit friends. It is great to be winning this fight. I quit with all of you again today, now I am going back to bed.

[Its_Got2Happen]

70s funks are the real deal.  Two blurry days in a row.  I am just fine as long as I can stick my head in a hole and not talk to anyone. 

Wife thinks I should snap my fingers and be back to normal.  What the hell is normal?  I have been poisoning my brain for at least 9000 days, 74 days nic free is great but I am realizing that I have not yet begun to "heal".  It is gonna take alot more than 2 months to undo the damage I have done. 

I wish I could say I am getting so much better mentally with each passing day.  But the truth is being quit has just shed the light on how emotionally incompetent I am.  It has made me realize that I lack the skills necessary to deal with real world stresses.  I am not going back to nicotine.  No way.  I know there is nothing to gain by using.  But I wish there was a way I could fast forward the healing. 

Wife thinks I should seek medical help.  Maybe get on anxiety meds or Wellbutrin or something.  Big fight over that yesterday and today.  I think I just need more time.  Any advice from the pros out there?

This is part of the fight for freedom from vice! You are simply on course and winning!

Rewiring. Between now and the hall, you are going to have a breakthrough and your wife is going to be so turned on by the man that smiles and loves...well loves living!!!!


It might be rough now but you have the faith that nicotine is a shit can of lies! You're being tested.
Just keep quitting and keep your word. Please trust me, it gets to be awesome and you are right, nicotine is just a shit can of lies.

Keep the faith brother, it gets better and worse but it is always better to live nic free!!!!

PS: you are venting here and not taking your healing out on loved ones right? Tell me to kiss your ass before you ever say it to you're wife. I can take it and dish it out. We do get it and venting here is a healthy way to cope.

Are you pissed? Then bring it bitch! Let it out and say whatever here.

Thanks for calling me out mthomas. Overall the interaction at home has been great and is improving. However, during these "funk" periods I am a dick. My patience is extremely thin. I realize that and try to create a little distance. Therein lies the problem. That distance or buffer I am trying to create is pissing my wife off. She thinks I should be fine by now. I am not trying to be an asshole, but this has been the main agruement.

I feel stupid for even venting about shit like this, I think it is small potatoes. Shit, I know there are people out there with real problems, UNEMPLOYED, FORECLOSURE, SICK CHILDREN, CANCER, ETC. And I am bellyaching about littel marriage squabbles. I think I just came to the conclusion that I don't need meds, maybe just a marriage counselor. I love her and feel profound guilt about putting her through this.

I guess the only reason I am writing this on here it that it is all nic related.

Here are the nic bitch whispers in my ear today, on day 75 of quit.

"are you willing to let your marriage suffer by denying me, I can make it better"

"dont post roll until tonight, give yourself the option in case today gets bad"

Addiction throw's major monkey wrenchs into relationships. Nicotine is no exception, perhaps on a different level than harder drugs,(cocaine, heroin meth, etc). But it is all the same in my book.

Keep quitting.

Don't feel stupid, stupid. You have a lot on your mind. Holding all of it in would be stupid. You need to get it out. That's why we are here. We aren't ghey (well at least I'm not) but we do care and have some compassion for those who struggle. Mainly because we have been there before.

Its a kick in the balls process. How my wife and kids put up with me last summer is beyond me. I was a withdrawn asshoke.

"Dad, want to play catch????".
"NO DAD DOESN'T FEEL GOOD"

Hell I'm almost crying right now just recalling that moment, especially since their were many more like it.

HOWEVER...I am also almost in tears realising that I made it through all that SHIT. And I have become "Super Dad" again in my kids eyes, but even better than before.

I can play catch now without thinking about when I can dip next. We can go out to eat and I don't rush anyone to "hurry up" so I can get home to dip. I can come home from work and have a conversation with my wife without slamming a spoonful of peanutbutter before hand in an attempt to hide my dip breath. When my wife goes shopping I don't run to my bedroom close the door and tell my daughter who wants to cuddle and watch tv with me to "just stay out, Daddy doesn't feel good" as I lay in bed and watch tv not with my beautiful 7 yr old daughter but with a lip full of tobacco and a dirty ass aquafina bottle.

Sadly I could go on forever with pathetic ass stories like that. But what's the fucking use. The past is the past and there aint shit I can do to change it now.

Truth be told my wife and kids love me more now than they ever have. They have no competition now. They are priority #1 without exception. This morning I cooked them breakfast and let them help. We had a fucking blast. In the past...I would have gone out and bought a dozen doughnuts because I needed a dip.

Seems small and subtle but its stuff like that that makes my chest swell with pride and brings a triumphant tear to my eye.

Hang in there bro. I know sddiction is straining your relationship right now, but in the long run killing the can will be the best thing for it .

Proud to quit with every mother fucker on this site.

Diesel and MT always speak the truth. Story is the same over here. In my case, I didn't feel my brain really start to re-wire until 6 months. And only now, as I approach 1 year, do I believe that my brain has re-wired. But I am still an addict and need to fight that bitch every day.

Addicts over complicate things.. when ever you start thinking to much about shit in general you're in a funk. Hunker down get through the day. Focus on 1 day at a time. EXERCISE.. any kind will help clear your mind, and you'll feel better as well. Tell your wife quitting nicotine is said to be harder than giving up heroin.. cut u some slack.. sickness  in health remember..? Or just have her read the wives section in here.. anyway as far as the anxiety meds go.. big pharm sucks ass.. as bad as tobacco.. proper exercise  diet will make you feel better...
peace

Thanks for all the responses and feedback, PMs, texts and direct responses to the thread. I have some pretty solid combined wisdom here.

I had some bad shit rolling around in my head. The quit is still solid, I am just realizing that I have some work to do. I spent my entire adult life responding to stressul situations under the influence of nicotine. Now I just need to learn how to do it without.

Feeling much better today. There were many factors that contributed to my haze, but one of them is that I tried to step away from the site a little bit last week.

WRONG ANSWER

Not yet, and maybe not ever. I feel the strongest in my quit when I immerse myself in this shit. It keeps me understanding what is important. There have also been times where I felt strong while helping a week 1 or week 2 quitter. They say teaching is the best way to learn.

Over the last 24 hrs I have also done the following:

re-read my entire intro
re-read portions of Allen Carr book
re-read all the skoal monster wisdom I saved on my desk top a month or 2 ago
re-read wastepanels cave story

Thanks for all the support, I am back on track again. Everyday doesn't have to be GREAT, it just has to be QUIT. I got this covered. 'archer'

[kana]

70s funks are the real deal.  Two blurry days in a row.  I am just fine as long as I can stick my head in a hole and not talk to anyone. 

Wife thinks I should snap my fingers and be back to normal.  What the hell is normal?  I have been poisoning my brain for at least 9000 days, 74 days nic free is great but I am realizing that I have not yet begun to "heal".  It is gonna take alot more than 2 months to undo the damage I have done. 

I wish I could say I am getting so much better mentally with each passing day.  But the truth is being quit has just shed the light on how emotionally incompetent I am.  It has made me realize that I lack the skills necessary to deal with real world stresses.  I am not going back to nicotine.  No way.  I know there is nothing to gain by using.  But I wish there was a way I could fast forward the healing. 

Wife thinks I should seek medical help.  Maybe get on anxiety meds or Wellbutrin or something.  Big fight over that yesterday and today.  I think I just need more time.  Any advice from the pros out there?

This is part of the fight for freedom from vice! You are simply on course and winning!

Rewiring. Between now and the hall, you are going to have a breakthrough and your wife is going to be so turned on by the man that smiles and loves...well loves living!!!!


It might be rough now but you have the faith that nicotine is a shit can of lies! You're being tested.
Just keep quitting and keep your word. Please trust me, it gets to be awesome and you are right, nicotine is just a shit can of lies.

Keep the faith brother, it gets better and worse but it is always better to live nic free!!!!

PS: you are venting here and not taking your healing out on loved ones right? Tell me to kiss your ass before you ever say it to you're wife. I can take it and dish it out. We do get it and venting here is a healthy way to cope.

Are you pissed? Then bring it bitch! Let it out and say whatever here.

Thanks for calling me out mthomas. Overall the interaction at home has been great and is improving. However, during these "funk" periods I am a dick. My patience is extremely thin. I realize that and try to create a little distance. Therein lies the problem. That distance or buffer I am trying to create is pissing my wife off. She thinks I should be fine by now. I am not trying to be an asshole, but this has been the main agruement.

I feel stupid for even venting about shit like this, I think it is small potatoes. Shit, I know there are people out there with real problems, UNEMPLOYED, FORECLOSURE, SICK CHILDREN, CANCER, ETC. And I am bellyaching about littel marriage squabbles. I think I just came to the conclusion that I don't need meds, maybe just a marriage counselor. I love her and feel profound guilt about putting her through this.

I guess the only reason I am writing this on here it that it is all nic related.

Here are the nic bitch whispers in my ear today, on day 75 of quit.

"are you willing to let your marriage suffer by denying me, I can make it better"

"dont post roll until tonight, give yourself the option in case today gets bad"

Addiction throw's major monkey wrenchs into relationships. Nicotine is no exception, perhaps on a different level than harder drugs,(cocaine, heroin meth, etc). But it is all the same in my book.

Keep quitting.

Don't feel stupid, stupid. You have a lot on your mind. Holding all of it in would be stupid. You need to get it out. That's why we are here. We aren't ghey (well at least I'm not) but we do care and have some compassion for those who struggle. Mainly because we have been there before.

Its a kick in the balls process. How my wife and kids put up with me last summer is beyond me. I was a withdrawn asshoke.

"Dad, want to play catch????".
"NO DAD DOESN'T FEEL GOOD"

Hell I'm almost crying right now just recalling that moment, especially since their were many more like it.

HOWEVER...I am also almost in tears realising that I made it through all that SHIT. And I have become "Super Dad" again in my kids eyes, but even better than before.

I can play catch now without thinking about when I can dip next. We can go out to eat and I don't rush anyone to "hurry up" so I can get home to dip. I can come home from work and have a conversation with my wife without slamming a spoonful of peanutbutter before hand in an attempt to hide my dip breath. When my wife goes shopping I don't run to my bedroom close the door and tell my daughter who wants to cuddle and watch tv with me to "just stay out, Daddy doesn't feel good" as I lay in bed and watch tv not with my beautiful 7 yr old daughter but with a lip full of tobacco and a dirty ass aquafina bottle.

Sadly I could go on forever with pathetic ass stories like that. But what's the fucking use. The past is the past and there aint shit I can do to change it now.

Truth be told my wife and kids love me more now than they ever have. They have no competition now. They are priority #1 without exception. This morning I cooked them breakfast and let them help. We had a fucking blast. In the past...I would have gone out and bought a dozen doughnuts because I needed a dip.

Seems small and subtle but its stuff like that that makes my chest swell with pride and brings a triumphant tear to my eye.

Hang in there bro. I know sddiction is straining your relationship right now, but in the long run killing the can will be the best thing for it .

Proud to quit with every mother fucker on this site.

Diesel and MT always speak the truth. Story is the same over here. In my case, I didn't feel my brain really start to re-wire until 6 months. And only now, as I approach 1 year, do I believe that my brain has re-wired. But I am still an addict and need to fight that bitch every day.

Addicts over complicate things.. when ever you start thinking to much about shit in general you're in a funk. Hunker down get through the day. Focus on 1 day at a time. EXERCISE.. any kind will help clear your mind, and you'll feel better as well. Tell your wife quitting nicotine is said to be harder than giving up heroin.. cut u some slack.. sickness  in health remember..? Or just have her read the wives section in here.. anyway as far as the anxiety meds go.. big pharm sucks ass.. as bad as tobacco.. proper exercise  diet will make you feel better...
peace

[CleanFuel]

70s funks are the real deal.  Two blurry days in a row.  I am just fine as long as I can stick my head in a hole and not talk to anyone. 

Wife thinks I should snap my fingers and be back to normal.  What the hell is normal?  I have been poisoning my brain for at least 9000 days, 74 days nic free is great but I am realizing that I have not yet begun to "heal".  It is gonna take alot more than 2 months to undo the damage I have done. 

I wish I could say I am getting so much better mentally with each passing day.  But the truth is being quit has just shed the light on how emotionally incompetent I am.  It has made me realize that I lack the skills necessary to deal with real world stresses.  I am not going back to nicotine.  No way.  I know there is nothing to gain by using.  But I wish there was a way I could fast forward the healing. 

Wife thinks I should seek medical help.  Maybe get on anxiety meds or Wellbutrin or something.  Big fight over that yesterday and today.  I think I just need more time.  Any advice from the pros out there?

This is part of the fight for freedom from vice! You are simply on course and winning!

Rewiring. Between now and the hall, you are going to have a breakthrough and your wife is going to be so turned on by the man that smiles and loves...well loves living!!!!


It might be rough now but you have the faith that nicotine is a shit can of lies! You're being tested.
Just keep quitting and keep your word. Please trust me, it gets to be awesome and you are right, nicotine is just a shit can of lies.

Keep the faith brother, it gets better and worse but it is always better to live nic free!!!!

PS: you are venting here and not taking your healing out on loved ones right? Tell me to kiss your ass before you ever say it to you're wife. I can take it and dish it out. We do get it and venting here is a healthy way to cope.

Are you pissed? Then bring it bitch! Let it out and say whatever here.

Thanks for calling me out mthomas. Overall the interaction at home has been great and is improving. However, during these "funk" periods I am a dick. My patience is extremely thin. I realize that and try to create a little distance. Therein lies the problem. That distance or buffer I am trying to create is pissing my wife off. She thinks I should be fine by now. I am not trying to be an asshole, but this has been the main agruement.

I feel stupid for even venting about shit like this, I think it is small potatoes. Shit, I know there are people out there with real problems, UNEMPLOYED, FORECLOSURE, SICK CHILDREN, CANCER, ETC. And I am bellyaching about littel marriage squabbles. I think I just came to the conclusion that I don't need meds, maybe just a marriage counselor. I love her and feel profound guilt about putting her through this.

I guess the only reason I am writing this on here it that it is all nic related.

Here are the nic bitch whispers in my ear today, on day 75 of quit.

"are you willing to let your marriage suffer by denying me, I can make it better"

"dont post roll until tonight, give yourself the option in case today gets bad"

Addiction throw's major monkey wrenchs into relationships. Nicotine is no exception, perhaps on a different level than harder drugs,(cocaine, heroin meth, etc). But it is all the same in my book.

Keep quitting.

Don't feel stupid, stupid. You have a lot on your mind. Holding all of it in would be stupid. You need to get it out. That's why we are here. We aren't ghey (well at least I'm not) but we do care and have some compassion for those who struggle. Mainly because we have been there before.

Its a kick in the balls process. How my wife and kids put up with me last summer is beyond me. I was a withdrawn asshoke.

"Dad, want to play catch????".
"NO DAD DOESN'T FEEL GOOD"

Hell I'm almost crying right now just recalling that moment, especially since their were many more like it.

HOWEVER...I am also almost in tears realising that I made it through all that SHIT. And I have become "Super Dad" again in my kids eyes, but even better than before.

I can play catch now without thinking about when I can dip next. We can go out to eat and I don't rush anyone to "hurry up" so I can get home to dip. I can come home from work and have a conversation with my wife without slamming a spoonful of peanutbutter before hand in an attempt to hide my dip breath. When my wife goes shopping I don't run to my bedroom close the door and tell my daughter who wants to cuddle and watch tv with me to "just stay out, Daddy doesn't feel good" as I lay in bed and watch tv not with my beautiful 7 yr old daughter but with a lip full of tobacco and a dirty ass aquafina bottle.

Sadly I could go on forever with pathetic ass stories like that. But what's the fucking use. The past is the past and there aint shit I can do to change it now.

Truth be told my wife and kids love me more now than they ever have. They have no competition now. They are priority #1 without exception. This morning I cooked them breakfast and let them help. We had a fucking blast. In the past...I would have gone out and bought a dozen doughnuts because I needed a dip.

Seems small and subtle but its stuff like that that makes my chest swell with pride and brings a triumphant tear to my eye.

Hang in there bro. I know sddiction is straining your relationship right now, but in the long run killing the can will be the best thing for it .

Proud to quit with every mother fucker on this site.

Diesel and MT always speak the truth. Story is the same over here. In my case, I didn't feel my brain really start to re-wire until 6 months. And only now, as I approach 1 year, do I believe that my brain has re-wired. But I am still an addict and need to fight that bitch every day.

[jhaenel23]

IG2H.....First of all.....you are a bad ass quitter!!!! I know it...You know it!!!!! Alright...Now we got that out of the way....


She has no idea what it is like to be an addict. Thank god for that!! But in the same breath.....She cannot relate to you....Cool thing for you is that WE CAN!!!!

Just keep bringing it here everyday bro!! IT WILL GET BETTER!!! Things will level out but you already have answered all of your questions!! 9000 Days of doing something is not going to change in 70 some days! But, 70 Days kicks ass!!!! You keep quitting and bringing your shit here and I promise to quit and read everytime!!! Quit with you!!

J

[Diesel2112]

70s funks are the real deal.  Two blurry days in a row.  I am just fine as long as I can stick my head in a hole and not talk to anyone. 

Wife thinks I should snap my fingers and be back to normal.  What the hell is normal?  I have been poisoning my brain for at least 9000 days, 74 days nic free is great but I am realizing that I have not yet begun to "heal".  It is gonna take alot more than 2 months to undo the damage I have done. 

I wish I could say I am getting so much better mentally with each passing day.  But the truth is being quit has just shed the light on how emotionally incompetent I am.  It has made me realize that I lack the skills necessary to deal with real world stresses.  I am not going back to nicotine.  No way.  I know there is nothing to gain by using.  But I wish there was a way I could fast forward the healing. 

Wife thinks I should seek medical help.  Maybe get on anxiety meds or Wellbutrin or something.  Big fight over that yesterday and today.  I think I just need more time.  Any advice from the pros out there?

This is part of the fight for freedom from vice! You are simply on course and winning!

Rewiring. Between now and the hall, you are going to have a breakthrough and your wife is going to be so turned on by the man that smiles and loves...well loves living!!!!


It might be rough now but you have the faith that nicotine is a shit can of lies! You're being tested.
Just keep quitting and keep your word. Please trust me, it gets to be awesome and you are right, nicotine is just a shit can of lies.

Keep the faith brother, it gets better and worse but it is always better to live nic free!!!!

PS: you are venting here and not taking your healing out on loved ones right? Tell me to kiss your ass before you ever say it to you're wife. I can take it and dish it out. We do get it and venting here is a healthy way to cope.

Are you pissed? Then bring it bitch! Let it out and say whatever here.

Thanks for calling me out mthomas. Overall the interaction at home has been great and is improving. However, during these "funk" periods I am a dick. My patience is extremely thin. I realize that and try to create a little distance. Therein lies the problem. That distance or buffer I am trying to create is pissing my wife off. She thinks I should be fine by now. I am not trying to be an asshole, but this has been the main agruement.

I feel stupid for even venting about shit like this, I think it is small potatoes. Shit, I know there are people out there with real problems, UNEMPLOYED, FORECLOSURE, SICK CHILDREN, CANCER, ETC. And I am bellyaching about littel marriage squabbles. I think I just came to the conclusion that I don't need meds, maybe just a marriage counselor. I love her and feel profound guilt about putting her through this.

I guess the only reason I am writing this on here it that it is all nic related.

Here are the nic bitch whispers in my ear today, on day 75 of quit.

"are you willing to let your marriage suffer by denying me, I can make it better"

"dont post roll until tonight, give yourself the option in case today gets bad"

Addiction throw's major monkey wrenchs into relationships. Nicotine is no exception, perhaps on a different level than harder drugs,(cocaine, heroin meth, etc). But it is all the same in my book.

Keep quitting.

Don't feel stupid, stupid. You have a lot on your mind. Holding all of it in would be stupid. You need to get it out. That's why we are here. We aren't ghey (well at least I'm not) but we do care and have some compassion for those who struggle. Mainly because we have been there before.

Its a kick in the balls process. How my wife and kids put up with me last summer is beyond me. I was a withdrawn asshoke.

"Dad, want to play catch????".
"NO DAD DOESN'T FEEL GOOD"

Hell I'm almost crying right now just recalling that moment, especially since their were many more like it.

HOWEVER...I am also almost in tears realising that I made it through all that SHIT. And I have become "Super Dad" again in my kids eyes, but even better than before.

I can play catch now without thinking about when I can dip next. We can go out to eat and I don't rush anyone to "hurry up" so I can get home to dip. I can come home from work and have a conversation with my wife without slamming a spoonful of peanutbutter before hand in an attempt to hide my dip breath. When my wife goes shopping I don't run to my bedroom close the door and tell my daughter who wants to cuddle and watch tv with me to "just stay out, Daddy doesn't feel good" as I lay in bed and watch tv not with my beautiful 7 yr old daughter but with a lip full of tobacco and a dirty ass aquafina bottle.

Sadly I could go on forever with pathetic ass stories like that. But what's the fucking use. The past is the past and there aint shit I can do to change it now.

Truth be told my wife and kids love me more now than they ever have. They have no competition now. They are priority #1 without exception. This morning I cooked them breakfast and let them help. We had a fucking blast. In the past...I would have gone out and bought a dozen doughnuts because I needed a dip.

Seems small and subtle but its stuff like that that makes my chest swell with pride and brings a triumphant tear to my eye.

Hang in there bro. I know sddiction is straining your relationship right now, but in the long run killing the can will be the best thing for it .

Proud to quit with every mother fucker on this site.

[Its_Got2Happen]

70s funks are the real deal.  Two blurry days in a row.  I am just fine as long as I can stick my head in a hole and not talk to anyone. 

Wife thinks I should snap my fingers and be back to normal.  What the hell is normal?  I have been poisoning my brain for at least 9000 days, 74 days nic free is great but I am realizing that I have not yet begun to "heal".  It is gonna take alot more than 2 months to undo the damage I have done. 

I wish I could say I am getting so much better mentally with each passing day.  But the truth is being quit has just shed the light on how emotionally incompetent I am.  It has made me realize that I lack the skills necessary to deal with real world stresses.  I am not going back to nicotine.  No way.  I know there is nothing to gain by using.  But I wish there was a way I could fast forward the healing. 

Wife thinks I should seek medical help.  Maybe get on anxiety meds or Wellbutrin or something.  Big fight over that yesterday and today.  I think I just need more time.  Any advice from the pros out there?

This is part of the fight for freedom from vice! You are simply on course and winning!

Rewiring. Between now and the hall, you are going to have a breakthrough and your wife is going to be so turned on by the man that smiles and loves...well loves living!!!!


It might be rough now but you have the faith that nicotine is a shit can of lies! You're being tested.
Just keep quitting and keep your word. Please trust me, it gets to be awesome and you are right, nicotine is just a shit can of lies.

Keep the faith brother, it gets better and worse but it is always better to live nic free!!!!

PS: you are venting here and not taking your healing out on loved ones right? Tell me to kiss your ass before you ever say it to you're wife. I can take it and dish it out. We do get it and venting here is a healthy way to cope.

Are you pissed? Then bring it bitch! Let it out and say whatever here.

Thanks for calling me out mthomas. Overall the interaction at home has been great and is improving. However, during these "funk" periods I am a dick. My patience is extremely thin. I realize that and try to create a little distance. Therein lies the problem. That distance or buffer I am trying to create is pissing my wife off. She thinks I should be fine by now. I am not trying to be an asshole, but this has been the main agruement.

I feel stupid for even venting about shit like this, I think it is small potatoes. Shit, I know there are people out there with real problems, UNEMPLOYED, FORECLOSURE, SICK CHILDREN, CANCER, ETC. And I am bellyaching about littel marriage squabbles. I think I just came to the conclusion that I don't need meds, maybe just a marriage counselor. I love her and feel profound guilt about putting her through this.

I guess the only reason I am writing this on here it that it is all nic related.

Here are the nic bitch whispers in my ear today, on day 75 of quit.

"are you willing to let your marriage suffer by denying me, I can make it better"

"dont post roll until tonight, give yourself the option in case today gets bad"

Addiction throw's major monkey wrenchs into relationships. Nicotine is no exception, perhaps on a different level than harder drugs,(cocaine, heroin meth, etc). But it is all the same in my book.

Keep quitting.