Making a list reasons, printing the "contract" to give up and stocking up awesome quotes in my wallet. Want to share 2 fears:
1. Wife doesn't get it, wants to be there for me, but doesn't get the withdrawals, depression, anxiety, and temper. We fight, my stress level elevates, BIG TRIGGER. Don't know how to avoid it, I love her, I am married to her, I feel terrible, it is not fair to her. But this time I will not use it as a scapegoat.
2. Will I ever find joy in the things I used to love. I don't know how it happened but the can become such a huge part of all that I do and all that I am. I am so angry with myself.
Golfing, hunting, fishing, boating, yardwork, housework, painting, fixing stuff, shoveling snow, washing the car, on and on and on. I have done these things with nicotine for so long. I hope I can return to my life someday, right now I just want to sleep and withdraw.
Got2