Introduction

[Screw_the_Chew]

Day 67, An odd day for me today. I had been cruising along these last few weeks. Thought my quit was rock solid, I mean I knew it was, uh I mean, I know it is. Shit, after today, I am not sure I know anything.

I step outside after a half day of work, blue sky, sun shining and a balmy 54 degrees. Instant crave I was not ready for. I have spent the last 67 days trapped in the cold, gray skied MI winter. I never would have dreamed that nice weather was a trigger. I got in my truck, (which was nearly out of gas), and whipped out of the structure. For the next 15 minutes while driving I experienced the single strongest craving in 67 days. It started as a thought, than became a temptation, and finally grew into a panic. At one point I started getting TMJ pain and began cracking my jaw, (an old nervous habit that I used to have when it really needed to scratch the nicotine itch).

I pulled into a gas station and slammed the car in park. I wasnt sure at that point if I was going inside for a tin or just stopping to get gas. But for the first time in 67 days, I had opened that door of possibility wide as hell. What the hell is wrong with me, I am thinking?

I immediately texted this message to 5 quit friends in my contact list. "SOS, I need a kick in the balls, not sure what is happening to me". Immediately my phone began ringing, not 1, not 2, not 3, but all 5 people called me, or texted some words of encouragement. I spent 5 or 10 minutes on the phone with a bad ass quitter from AZ, thanks JB. Within a few minutes I had my head out of my ass and I was carrying on with my day, still quit.

Incidentally I nearly missed posting roll today too. I was running late to work, having some problems with my lap top all week. I am gave up and just said screw it, I will post tonight. Glad I got that post in. It would have been alot easier to cave if I hadnt made a promise.

Posted roll and used the tools. Whew, I am begining to see why people saw, "keep you guard up".

Warm weather is definitely a trigger for me; especially the first nice day of the season or in a long time. I think changes of emotion are a trigger and when there is a nice day, we get excited and that excitement turns into a craveÂ…..at least for me it does. I guess you never know when an unexpected trigger could set of a craveÂ…Â…BUT you didnÂ’t cave in my friend! ThatÂ’s great you had such support and quick responses from your quit buddies. Good job man. Stories like this are in inspiration to me.

[Its_Got2Happen]

Day 67, An odd day for me today. I had been cruising along these last few weeks. Thought my quit was rock solid, I mean I knew it was, uh I mean, I know it is. Shit, after today, I am not sure I know anything.

I step outside after a half day of work, blue sky, sun shining and a balmy 54 degrees. Instant crave I was not ready for. I have spent the last 67 days trapped in the cold, gray skied MI winter. I never would have dreamed that nice weather was a trigger. I got in my truck, (which was nearly out of gas), and whipped out of the structure. For the next 15 minutes while driving I experienced the single strongest craving in 67 days. It started as a thought, than became a temptation, and finally grew into a panic. At one point I started getting TMJ pain and began cracking my jaw, (an old nervous habit that I used to have when it really needed to scratch the nicotine itch).

I pulled into a gas station and slammed the car in park. I wasnt sure at that point if I was going inside for a tin or just stopping to get gas. But for the first time in 67 days, I had opened that door of possibility wide as hell. What the hell is wrong with me, I am thinking?

I immediately texted this message to 5 quit friends in my contact list. "SOS, I need a kick in the balls, not sure what is happening to me". Immediately my phone began ringing, not 1, not 2, not 3, but all 5 people called me, or texted some words of encouragement. I spent 5 or 10 minutes on the phone with a bad ass quitter from AZ, thanks JB. Within a few minutes I had my head out of my ass and I was carrying on with my day, still quit.

Incidentally I nearly missed posting roll today too. I was running late to work, having some problems with my lap top all week. I almost gave up and just said screw it, I will post tonight. Glad I got that post in. It would have been alot easier to cave if I hadnt made a promise.

Posted roll and used the tools. Whew, I am begining to see why people saw, "keep you guard up".

[Tool shed]

Nice IG2H, inspirational. Thanks for the post and thanks for supporting everyone here. We all need to do a better job of stepping up. You set a fine example I hope to follow.

[Dlee3]

Brotherhood:

There has been alot of talk lately on the importance of posting roll everyday.

Here's my take from where I sit 61 days quit. In the beginning I was like, "yeah whatever". Had no plans to post daily. I played along for a few days, then I decided to just keep doing it even if I really didn't agree or didn't see how it would help me. Maybe it was time for a little humility. After all, some of these bastards dipped a decade longer than me and somehow they were quit for good. Some of them for were quit for YEARS. Maybe they knew a little something about quiting that I didn't. Over time here are a few things I realized about roll posting.

1. Making an affirmation and a promise each morning is very powerful. Can the promise be made just to yourself. Sure it can, but is it as powerful? In my opinion it most certainly IS NOT.

2. Posting roll = accountability. FACT: An addict WITHOUT accountability is (or will soon become) A USER.

3. Are we making a promise to strangers when we post roll? HELL NO! Thats what I thought 61 days ago. And maybe they were strangers at first. Now I realize that these are people, just like you and I. They are people that we have alot in common with. We really understand each other and the impact that addiction has on our lives. I have gotten to know many of these people and they have played an enormous role in my quit. I never would have guessed it, but that's the truth.

4. KTC is a great informational website. But if that is all you are using it for you are not taking full advantage of it. In fact you are missing out on the greatest and most powerful part. THE BROTHERHOOD!!!!!!! Posting roll is a promise not to use for that day. You make a promise, and your brothers help you keep it. If you don't make a promise, how the hell can anyone help you keep it. Perhaps you don't need the help??

Final point. If you don't need help, more power to you man. But for me, this is my life, and I will take all the help I can get. The method is tried and true, why mess around. Personally I have tried to quit 100 times, and ALWAYS failed. Something was always missing. I came here and found out what it was, THE BROTHERHOOD.

Thanks KTC.

Excellent post, IG2H. I'm with you on the "In the beginning" part. In the beginning it was a honeymoon of sorts. We post our intro, we respond to a couple of threads, we figure out how to post roll. More than anything, we're actually doing what we came here to do. Thus the excited but insignificant early pride in ourselves. But it was also very impersonal. It was intangible. It was already a brotherhood without us, but we couldn't actually see our brothers in quit. There was an emptiness to it, a feeling of knowing the only people we screwed were us and our families.

But then we hung around, got a few numbers, texted or got texted some support, and these people we can't see are our biggest supporters. They slowly became our brothers in quit during our fog. A brotherhood is not developed on day one, it is earned and worked for. These people we cannot see somehow became human beings that were truly rooting for us. Bigger than that, we were suddenly rooting for them.

Listen to IG2H, new newbies. I'm one of those that posts as early in the day as I can, and most days that is early afternoon, but I'm 100% on posting roll through 47 days. That is supposedly against the rules for those here that believe you have to post before you pee every morning, but if you're 100% through 47 days, those people can go suck on walnuts in my opinion. The point is, you simply have to post roll and make that daily promise. Your newly gained brothers expect it as much as you expect it out of them. I have remained quit for 47 days and I have quit brothers who support me. That IS good enough for me.

I am your brother in quit IG2H. Listen to him, new newbies!! The best brotherhood imaginable awaits you.

[Tazbutane]

Brotherhood:

There has been alot of talk lately on the importance of posting roll everyday.

Here's my take from where I sit 61 days quit. In the beginning I was like, "yeah whatever". Had no plans to post daily. I played along for a few days, then I decided to just keep doing it even if I really didn't agree or didn't see how it would help me. Maybe it was time for a little humility. After all, some of these bastards dipped a decade longer than me and somehow they were quit for good. Some of them for were quit for YEARS. Maybe they knew a little something about quiting that I didn't. Over time here are a few things I realized about roll posting.

1. Making an affirmation and a promise each morning is very powerful. Can the promise be made just to yourself. Sure it can, but is it as powerful? In my opinion it most certainly IS NOT.

2. Posting roll = accountability. FACT: An addict WITHOUT accountability is (or will soon become) A USER.

3. Are we making a promise to strangers when we post roll? HELL NO! Thats what I thought 61 days ago. And maybe they were strangers at first. Now I realize that these are people, just like you and I. They are people that we have alot in common with. We really understand each other and the impact that addiction has on our lives. I have gotten to know many of these people and they have played an enormous role in my quit. I never would have guessed it, but that's the truth.

4. KTC is a great informational website. But if that is all you are using it for you are not taking full advantage of it. In fact you are missing out on the greatest and most powerful part. THE BROTHERHOOD!!!!!!! Posting roll is a promise not to use for that day. You make a promise, and your brothers help you keep it. If you don't make a promise, how the hell can anyone help you keep it. Perhaps you don't need the help??

Final point. If you don't need help, more power to you man. But for me, this is my life, and I will take all the help I can get. The method is tried and true, why mess around. Personally I have tried to quit 100 times, and ALWAYS failed. Something was always missing. I came here and found out what it was, THE BROTHERHOOD.

Thanks KTC.

'clap' 'clap' 'clap' 'clap' 'clap'

[Its_Got2Happen]

Brotherhood:

There has been alot of talk lately on the importance of posting roll everyday.

Here's my take from where I sit 61 days quit. In the beginning I was like, "yeah whatever". Had no plans to post daily. I played along for a few days, then I decided to just keep doing it even if I really didn't agree or didn't see how it would help me. Maybe it was time for a little humility. After all, some of these bastards dipped a decade longer than me and somehow they were quit for good. Some of them for were quit for YEARS. Maybe they knew a little something about quiting that I didn't. Over time here are a few things I realized about roll posting.

1. Making an affirmation and a promise each morning is very powerful. Can the promise be made just to yourself. Sure it can, but is it as powerful? In my opinion it most certainly IS NOT.

2. Posting roll = accountability. FACT: An addict WITHOUT accountability is (or will soon become) A USER.

3. Are we making a promise to strangers when we post roll? HELL NO! Thats what I thought 61 days ago. And maybe they were strangers at first. Now I realize that these are people, just like you and I. They are people that we have alot in common with. We really understand each other and the impact that addiction has on our lives. I have gotten to know many of these people and they have played an enormous role in my quit. I never would have guessed it, but that's the truth.

4. KTC is a great informational website. But if that is all you are using it for you are not taking full advantage of it. In fact you are missing out on the greatest and most powerful part. THE BROTHERHOOD!!!!!!! Posting roll is a promise not to use for that day. You make a promise, and your brothers help you keep it. If you don't make a promise, how the hell can anyone help you keep it. Perhaps you don't need the help??

Final point. If you don't need help, more power to you man. But for me, this is my life, and I will take all the help I can get. The method is tried and true, why mess around. Personally I have tried to quit 100 times, and ALWAYS failed. Something was always missing. I came here and found out what it was, THE BROTHERHOOD.

Thanks KTC.

[Diesel2112]

Quite a challenging day. Went to bed last night with some nasty stomach pains. Woke up this morning and couldnt even think about eating. Apparently I have some kind of stomach flu. Being in the middle of a nasty winter storm I was not looking forward to the drive into work. Roads were solid ice from the freezing rain yesterday and now covered by 4 inches of heavy wet snow. For a moment I contemplated skipping my 8am meeting and just blowing off the work day. Oh how I wish I had. After a 1/2 dozen trips to the bathroom I decided to brave the storm and head to work.

About half way to work my truck stalls and will not stay started. Cars flying by me on both sides and slush splashing everywhere. I managed to nurse the truck to the left most lane an this big 8 lane divided highway, (Telegraph Rd) I decide to stay put in my truck and call for a tow. Hazard lights were likely a life saver but there were still some close calls. I was expecting to get rearended at any moment. I was going absolutely nuts. I never seriously considered it, but my body and my mind were SCREAMING for a dip. It was almost comical, and my reaction was like, "fuck that", "you think I am fucking stupid." I know that dip aint gonna make my truck start. That dip aint gonna make my stomach feel any better. That dip aint gonna get that tow truck here any faster. I was odd to be smack dap in the middle of a crave and be able to recognize it for what it is. It actually caused very little real "temptation".

The tow truck took almost 2 hours. After an hour or so it was clear that I needed to get to a bathroom, and quick. I finally left the truck and ran across the slush filled road, dodging traffic the whole way. There was a Tim Hortons across the street. I blew that toilet out, several times. Feel bad for the next customer or whoever had to clean that thing.

Now I am driving a little Ford Fusion rental car and waiting to hear what my repair bill will cost at the dealership. I need to get home. I am looking forward to some saltine crackers and gingerale. Gotta get something in this empty stomach. Happy Wednesday quitters. I would like to wipe this one off the books. Glad I posted roll at 5:30 this morning. My day started quit and it will end quit. You can bank on that.

I think I heard about you on 950's traffic and weather together on the 8's. They said stalled truck on Telegraph, driver has fountain ass. I chuckled. Sorry man. Didn't know that was you.

[Mthomas3824]

Quite a challenging day.  Went to bed last night with some nasty stomach pains.  Woke up this morning and couldnt even think about eating.  Apparently I have some kind of stomach flu.  Being in the middle of a nasty winter storm I was not looking forward to the drive into work.  Roads were solid ice from the freezing rain yesterday and now covered by 4 inches of heavy wet snow.  For a moment I contemplated skipping my 8am meeting and just blowing off the work day.  Oh how I wish I had.  After a 1/2 dozen trips to the bathroom I decided to brave the storm and head to work.

About half way to work my truck stalls and will not stay started.  Cars flying by me on both sides and slush splashing everywhere.  I managed to nurse the truck to the left most lane an this big 8 lane divided highway, (Telegraph Rd) I decide to stay put in my truck and call for a tow.  Hazard lights were likely a life saver but there were still some close calls.  I was expecting to get rearended at any moment.  I was going absolutely nuts.  I never seriously considered it, but my body and my mind were SCREAMING for a dip.  It was almost comical, and my reaction was like, "fuck that", "you think I am fucking stupid."  I know that dip aint gonna make my truck start.  That dip aint gonna make my stomach feel any better.  That dip aint gonna get that tow truck here any faster.  I was odd to be smack dap in the middle of a crave and be able to recognize it for what it is.  It actually caused very little real "temptation".

The tow truck took almost 2 hours.  After an hour or so it was clear that I needed to get to a bathroom, and quick.  I finally left the truck and ran across the slush filled road, dodging traffic the whole way.  There was a Tim Hortons across the street.  I blew that toilet out, several times. Feel bad for the next customer or whoever had to clean that thing.

Now I am driving a little Ford Fusion rental car and waiting to hear what my repair bill will cost at the dealership.  I need to get home.  I am looking forward to some saltine crackers and gingerale.  Gotta get something in this empty stomach.  Happy Wednesday quitters.  I would like to wipe this one off the books.  Glad I posted roll at 5:30 this morning.  My day started quit and it will end quit.  You can bank on that.

Great work IG2H. Fanfuckingtastic actually. Way to take control of what you can control. No nic for you, no nic for me today. Thats how it works. I must confess though....the image of you "Froggering" across the interstate with pinched butt cheeks made me smile. Also, "wipe this off the books" made me chuckle a little bit.
'flush' shocker

Copy that. Great fight that is some awesome shit! (PUN intended) 'hurry'

[ERDVM]

Quite a challenging day.  Went to bed last night with some nasty stomach pains.  Woke up this morning and couldnt even think about eating.  Apparently I have some kind of stomach flu.  Being in the middle of a nasty winter storm I was not looking forward to the drive into work.  Roads were solid ice from the freezing rain yesterday and now covered by 4 inches of heavy wet snow.  For a moment I contemplated skipping my 8am meeting and just blowing off the work day.  Oh how I wish I had.  After a 1/2 dozen trips to the bathroom I decided to brave the storm and head to work.

About half way to work my truck stalls and will not stay started.  Cars flying by me on both sides and slush splashing everywhere.  I managed to nurse the truck to the left most lane an this big 8 lane divided highway, (Telegraph Rd) I decide to stay put in my truck and call for a tow.  Hazard lights were likely a life saver but there were still some close calls.  I was expecting to get rearended at any moment.  I was going absolutely nuts.  I never seriously considered it, but my body and my mind were SCREAMING for a dip.  It was almost comical, and my reaction was like, "fuck that", "you think I am fucking stupid."  I know that dip aint gonna make my truck start.  That dip aint gonna make my stomach feel any better.  That dip aint gonna get that tow truck here any faster.  I was odd to be smack dap in the middle of a crave and be able to recognize it for what it is.  It actually caused very little real "temptation".

The tow truck took almost 2 hours.  After an hour or so it was clear that I needed to get to a bathroom, and quick.  I finally left the truck and ran across the slush filled road, dodging traffic the whole way.  There was a Tim Hortons across the street.  I blew that toilet out, several times. Feel bad for the next customer or whoever had to clean that thing.

Now I am driving a little Ford Fusion rental car and waiting to hear what my repair bill will cost at the dealership.  I need to get home.  I am looking forward to some saltine crackers and gingerale.  Gotta get something in this empty stomach.  Happy Wednesday quitters.  I would like to wipe this one off the books.  Glad I posted roll at 5:30 this morning.  My day started quit and it will end quit.  You can bank on that.

Great work IG2H. Fanfuckingtastic actually. Way to take control of what you can control. No nic for you, no nic for me today. Thats how it works.  I must confess though....the image of you "Froggering" across the interstate with pinched butt cheeks made me smile. Also, "wipe this off the books" made me chuckle a little bit.
'flush' shocker

[Its_Got2Happen]

Quite a challenging day. Went to bed last night with some nasty stomach pains. Woke up this morning and couldnt even think about eating. Apparently I have some kind of stomach flu. Being in the middle of a nasty winter storm I was not looking forward to the drive into work. Roads were solid ice from the freezing rain yesterday and now covered by 4 inches of heavy wet snow. For a moment I contemplated skipping my 8am meeting and just blowing off the work day. Oh how I wish I had. After a 1/2 dozen trips to the bathroom I decided to brave the storm and head to work.

About half way to work my truck stalls and will not stay started. Cars flying by me on both sides and slush splashing everywhere. I managed to nurse the truck to the left most lane an this big 8 lane divided highway, (Telegraph Rd) I decide to stay put in my truck and call for a tow. Hazard lights were likely a life saver but there were still some close calls. I was expecting to get rearended at any moment. I was going absolutely nuts. I never seriously considered it, but my body and my mind were SCREAMING for a dip. It was almost comical, and my reaction was like, "fuck that", "you think I am fucking stupid." I know that dip aint gonna make my truck start. That dip aint gonna make my stomach feel any better. That dip aint gonna get that tow truck here any faster. I was odd to be smack dap in the middle of a crave and be able to recognize it for what it is. It actually caused very little real "temptation".

The tow truck took almost 2 hours. After an hour or so it was clear that I needed to get to a bathroom, and quick. I finally left the truck and ran across the slush filled road, dodging traffic the whole way. There was a Tim Hortons across the street. I blew that toilet out, several times. Feel bad for the next customer or whoever had to clean that thing.

Now I am driving a little Ford Fusion rental car and waiting to hear what my repair bill will cost at the dealership. I need to get home. I am looking forward to some saltine crackers and gingerale. Gotta get something in this empty stomach. Happy Wednesday quitters. I would like to wipe this one off the books. Glad I posted roll at 5:30 this morning. My day started quit and it will end quit. You can bank on that.

[Diesel2112]

54 days later, still feel like a schizophrenic. Can't believe the swings. Feel like superman for days at a time, then suddenly I can't eat a damn meal without coming unglued. WTF. I need some stability soon. Anyone ever try Wellbutrin?  Read a little and I think I might look into it.   Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Hey, I'm not a doctor but don't over stress the funks. Looking at your days quit and what you explained is so mirror image to me. I felt biPolar around 28, 55, 125, and 280 days. Feel great, relaxed and happy again.

Do some reading, you are just entering a pre HOF funk. You must post every day and fight. This is a time of caving in your group. Don't let it be you! Stay off booze during funks, and post roll.

One thing I just noticed, my funks a further apart each time!

You can talk to a doctor about it but don't discount the you are making a huge change and shake up in your mind and body. Day by day...don't stress and keep your wits. Wellbutrin is better than self medicating with booze. Stay away from booze, especially in a funk!

My thoughts on it. I'm not a doctor but I did stay at a holiday inn express last night.

I didn't stay at the holiday inn but I've taken Wellbutrin for over ten years off and on. I take it in conjunction with my other anti depressants. If your doctor determines you need extra help there is nothing to be ashamed of. Check out the anxiety and depression thread in the wildcard section. Like MThomas said its better than self medicating.

Nothing wrong with seeking medical help. Just don't think it will suddenly make your quit exponentially easier. If you truly feel depressed, are full of anxiety, or are having panic/anxiety attacks then meds may be needed. If your just sick of the suck and funk's...that's normal and annoying too. Perhaps look into seeing a councelor. They helped me a great deal.

[Wt57]

54 days later, still feel like a schizophrenic. Can't believe the swings. Feel like superman for days at a time, then suddenly I can't eat a damn meal without coming unglued. WTF. I need some stability soon. Anyone ever try Wellbutrin?  Read a little and I think I might look into it.  Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Hey, I'm not a doctor but don't over stress the funks. Looking at your days quit and what you explained is so mirror image to me. I felt biPolar around 28, 55, 125, and 280 days. Feel great, relaxed and happy again.

Do some reading, you are just entering a pre HOF funk. You must post every day and fight. This is a time of caving in your group. Don't let it be you! Stay off booze during funks, and post roll.

One thing I just noticed, my funks a further apart each time!

You can talk to a doctor about it but don't discount the you are making a huge change and shake up in your mind and body. Day by day...don't stress and keep your wits. Wellbutrin is better than self medicating with booze. Stay away from booze, especially in a funk!

My thoughts on it. I'm not a doctor but I did stay at a holiday inn express last night.

I didn't stay at the holiday inn but I've taken Wellbutrin for over ten years off and on. I take it in conjunction with my other anti depressants. If your doctor determines you need extra help there is nothing to be ashamed of. Check out the anxiety and depression thread in the wildcard section. Like MThomas said its better than self medicating.

[Mthomas3824]

54 days later, still feel like a schizophrenic. Can't believe the swings. Feel like superman for days at a time, then suddenly I can't eat a damn meal without coming unglued. WTF. I need some stability soon. Anyone ever try Wellbutrin? Read a little and I think I might look into it. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Hey, I'm not a doctor but don't over stress the funks. Looking at your days quit and what you explained is so mirror image to me. I felt biPolar around 28, 55, 125, and 280 days. Feel great, relaxed and happy again.

Do some reading, you are just entering a pre HOF funk. You must post every day and fight. This is a time of caving in your group. Don't let it be you! Stay off booze during funks, and post roll.

One thing I just noticed, my funks a further apart each time!

You can talk to a doctor about it but don't discount the you are making a huge change and shake up in your mind and body. Day by day...don't stress and keep your wits. Wellbutrin is better than self medicating with booze. Stay away from booze, especially in a funk!

My thoughts on it. I'm not a doctor but I did stay at a holiday inn express last night.

[Its_Got2Happen]

54 days later, still feel like a schizophrenic. Can't believe the swings. Feel like superman for days at a time, then suddenly I can't eat a damn meal without coming unglued. WTF. I need some stability soon. Anyone ever try Wellbutrin? Read a little and I think I might look into it. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

[Radman]

51 days quit.  Today is the hardest day by far.  A close friend of mine had a precautionary heart surgery on Feb 5th, sufferred complications and never made it out of ICU.  He died last night at 36 years of age.  Leaving behind a wife and 3 young children.  I am heartbroken and filled with grief. 

Our time on this earth can be very short my friends.  Each day and each hour are precious gifts that we should should treasure.  QLF today.

I hate to hear that G2H. Too freaking young. Hits pretty close to home for me.

I Am so sorry to hear. Prayers out to the family.
Stay strong brother!

Cant even imagine....God bless brother

Thank you for the words. My heart breaks for his wife and children. He had some kind of congenital heart valve issue. I dont know if nic was to blame in any way, shape, or form. But I know it sure as hell didn't help. I cannot believe that even sorrow is a trigger.

Very sorry to hear about that! This is a tough time for everyone involved there. Sorrow unfortunately is a trigger. Stay strong!

nothing a dip can do to ease that pain. Don't tarnish the memory of your friend with a cave. Thoughts are with you. One day at a time.

Some years ago, I lost a good friend of mine in his early thirties to hidden heart problems. He passed without warning in his sleep. Life goes on, but there was a huge void.

Hang in there, bro. May peace be with the family and friends.