Proud to say I will be a quitter

[Pinched]

Derek, congratulations on hitting 1,300 days of consecutive quit. You sir are one hell of a quitter and an even better man. I am glad to have you here, and thrilled to have you be a part of my quit. Thank you to all that you have done here and I look forward to seeing many more days from you here.

[ChickDip]

Dark times and glad to have a family...

I hope the following will help someone else here whether it be a new quitter or someone who has a few days under their belt.

This past week I definitely had not been feeling like myself. Down in the dumps would be gracious to say as I felt lower than low. Worthless. Feeling like my existence did not matter. Work had pushed me to the edge, and at home was not much better. I just wanted to be left alone (wrong thought). I had the shortness of breath, the shaking, the not sleeping....I could go on. Had my regular doctor's appointment. He said physically I was great, but could tell I was not mentally. After talking, I will be getting a script for Xanax to help take the edge off (his words). But even with this knowledge I felt awful, I was isolating myself. And thought I was doing the unthinkable...I reached out to the Oct12 group and our messaging group. Now mind you this had NOTHING to do with tobacco. But within seconds I was receiving their support, their words of wisdom, their own experience (or son or wife). It made me think and really think. And realize how lucky I am. To have built up such a strong bond within a group of people (most of which I have still yet to meet face to face, but feel like we all know one another for many years). So Ben, Bob, Brett, Cindy, Drew, Eric, Mitchell, Scott: I am so lucky to have you and your families and I am proud to call you a part of my family.

And I have so far to go, as do think this is the learning, the continued re-programming of my mind (even after 3 1/2 years quit). But this is still better than being bound to a weed and poisoning myself, as I know now I will be there to see my sons graduate, get married and more.

So for those new, I cannot emphasize enough to open up to others. Make those bonds. As you will never know when or for what you may need (as I never expected this to happen for me).

always here for you brother

I can totally relate in a hard way right now SD.
I am so glad you didn't isolate completely.
I have done that and just recently. I thank you for reaching out to me recently too.
It's a tough road, and we can't go it alone, although it seems to be the first thing we do is isolate.
Thanks for these words , I needed them today as well.

[Sportsfan231]

Dark times and glad to have a family...

I hope the following will help someone else here whether it be a new quitter or someone who has a few days under their belt.

This past week I definitely had not been feeling like myself. Down in the dumps would be gracious to say as I felt lower than low. Worthless. Feeling like my existence did not matter. Work had pushed me to the edge, and at home was not much better. I just wanted to be left alone (wrong thought). I had the shortness of breath, the shaking, the not sleeping....I could go on. Had my regular doctor's appointment. He said physically I was great, but could tell I was not mentally. After talking, I will be getting a script for Xanax to help take the edge off (his words). But even with this knowledge I felt awful, I was isolating myself. And thought I was doing the unthinkable...I reached out to the Oct12 group and our messaging group. Now mind you this had NOTHING to do with tobacco. But within seconds I was receiving their support, their words of wisdom, their own experience (or son or wife). It made me think and really think. And realize how lucky I am. To have built up such a strong bond within a group of people (most of which I have still yet to meet face to face, but feel like we all know one another for many years). So Ben, Bob, Brett, Cindy, Drew, Eric, Mitchell, Scott: I am so lucky to have you and your families and I am proud to call you a part of my family.

And I have so far to go, as do think this is the learning, the continued re-programming of my mind (even after 3 1/2 years quit). But this is still better than being bound to a weed and poisoning myself, as I know now I will be there to see my sons graduate, get married and more.

So for those new, I cannot emphasize enough to open up to others. Make those bonds. As you will never know when or for what you may need (as I never expected this to happen for me).

always here for you brother

[SirDerek]

Dark times and glad to have a family...

I hope the following will help someone else here whether it be a new quitter or someone who has a few days under their belt.

This past week I definitely had not been feeling like myself. Down in the dumps would be gracious to say as I felt lower than low. Worthless. Feeling like my existence did not matter. Work had pushed me to the edge, and at home was not much better. I just wanted to be left alone (wrong thought). I had the shortness of breath, the shaking, the not sleeping....I could go on. Had my regular doctor's appointment. He said physically I was great, but could tell I was not mentally. After talking, I will be getting a script for Xanax to help take the edge off (his words). But even with this knowledge I felt awful, I was isolating myself. And thought I was doing the unthinkable...I reached out to the Oct12 group and our messaging group. Now mind you this had NOTHING to do with tobacco. But within seconds I was receiving their support, their words of wisdom, their own experience (or son or wife). It made me think and really think. And realize how lucky I am. To have built up such a strong bond within a group of people (most of which I have still yet to meet face to face, but feel like we all know one another for many years). So Ben, Bob, Brett, Cindy, Drew, Eric, Mitchell, Scott: I am so lucky to have you and your families and I am proud to call you a part of my family.

And I have so far to go, as do think this is the learning, the continued re-programming of my mind (even after 3 1/2 years quit). But this is still better than being bound to a weed and poisoning myself, as I know now I will be there to see my sons graduate, get married and more.

So for those new, I cannot emphasize enough to open up to others. Make those bonds. As you will never know when or for what you may need (as I never expected this to happen for me).

[Pinched]

Well I have been called crazy, but think this is a great case of having a foundation present, and then making a decision and following through.

My history of an athlete is one of being non-aerobic. I was baseball and football. I could not run, I did not like to run (or swim). Well 2 years ago I challenged myself to help out the Post Prom committee for the High School to run my first 5k. I 'practiced' for about 3 weeks, going out 10 times in the neighborhood. I had been doing my DDP Yoga. And at that time, I ran it in 32:58 and there were 2 parts where I did have to walk for a few to catch my breath.

Well this past weekend, I made a last minute decision. And that was to support the running booster club (each of my sons are on the cross country team), in their annual 5k. This time I had not run since that one two years ago. I had however been still doing the DDP Yoga, and had was 10 pounds lighter. So there I was, a different course, pushing ahead. I finished in 31:40 and did not walk a step.

I can only say goes to show that once I made that decision, and I followed through on it, mainly because I had that good foundation set in place with the yoga I do (which was the cardio I needed).

So when you quit, make that decision, and get your foundation laid within your group. And you will live a clean life away from the poison of nicotine.

Well said Derek, and as you know anytime you need a brother to run with you I am merely a text or call away. I hated running before my quit and would only run from base to base or if something bigger than me was chasing me. Now however, I am training for my first ever Ironman and though it is torturous training I love this shit and have never felt better in my life.

I am damn proud of you Derek, you and your crazy ass.

[SirDerek]

Well I have been called crazy, but think this is a great case of having a foundation present, and then making a decision and following through.

My history of an athlete is one of being non-aerobic. I was baseball and football. I could not run, I did not like to run (or swim). Well 2 years ago I challenged myself to help out the Post Prom committee for the High School to run my first 5k. I 'practiced' for about 3 weeks, going out 10 times in the neighborhood. I had been doing my DDP Yoga. And at that time, I ran it in 32:58 and there were 2 parts where I did have to walk for a few to catch my breath.

Well this past weekend, I made a last minute decision. And that was to support the running booster club (each of my sons are on the cross country team), in their annual 5k. This time I had not run since that one two years ago. I had however been still doing the DDP Yoga, and had was 10 pounds lighter. So there I was, a different course, pushing ahead. I finished in 31:40 and did not walk a step.

I can only say goes to show that once I made that decision, and I followed through on it, mainly because I had that good foundation set in place with the yoga I do (which was the cardio I needed).

So when you quit, make that decision, and get your foundation laid within your group. And you will live a clean life away from the poison of nicotine.

[Jlud007]

It is truly special when milestones line up between quitting and life.

I always see from quitters that they plan on quitting for new year's, or their birthday, or a special date of a loved one.

Well how about the start in alignment today. I posted 1,200 today, the 12th floor. But I actually have to say that while I am so proud to make that number, there is another one that is more important to me. And that is the number 20 today. As in my 20th wedding anniversary to one who has stood beside me through all of this and more. To one who is my love, and my best friend. And one I was almost stupid enough to lose, but now is better than when we married.

So if I can just stress, yes the quit and milestones you reach are important, and should be celebrated, but do not forget to celebrate the other aspects of your life, and when you can do them free, and clean, and to its fullest, take all advantage of it.

The ale will be flowing around the table tonight. Cheers

I bet that's not all that's happening tonight... but we don't need the details on that!

Congratulations on 2 huge milestones today, Derek!

Nice Derek! Congratulations.

Throwing down the wisdom.....as always. Thanks Derek!!!

That is cool Derek congrats on both milestones. Truly a big deal to have been married 20 years and great that you can be quit again today to enjoy it with her... also not to shabby that you've done that 1,200 in a row!! Polish the armor and have a great time tonight brother!

[Doc2quit4good]

It is truly special when milestones line up between quitting and life.

I always see from quitters that they plan on quitting for new year's, or their birthday, or a special date of a loved one.

Well how about the start in alignment today. I posted 1,200 today, the 12th floor. But I actually have to say that while I am so proud to make that number, there is another one that is more important to me. And that is the number 20 today. As in my 20th wedding anniversary to one who has stood beside me through all of this and more. To one who is my love, and my best friend. And one I was almost stupid enough to lose, but now is better than when we married.

So if I can just stress, yes the quit and milestones you reach are important, and should be celebrated, but do not forget to celebrate the other aspects of your life, and when you can do them free, and clean, and to its fullest, take all advantage of it.

The ale will be flowing around the table tonight. Cheers

I bet that's not all that's happening tonight... but we don't need the details on that!

Congratulations on 2 huge milestones today, Derek!

Nice Derek! Congratulations.

Throwing down the wisdom.....as always. Thanks Derek!!!

[Pinched]

It is truly special when milestones line up between quitting and life.

I always see from quitters that they plan on quitting for new year's, or their birthday, or a special date of a loved one.

Well how about the start in alignment today. I posted 1,200 today, the 12th floor. But I actually have to say that while I am so proud to make that number, there is another one that is more important to me. And that is the number 20 today. As in my 20th wedding anniversary to one who has stood beside me through all of this and more. To one who is my love, and my best friend. And one I was almost stupid enough to lose, but now is better than when we married.

So if I can just stress, yes the quit and milestones you reach are important, and should be celebrated, but do not forget to celebrate the other aspects of your life, and when you can do them free, and clean, and to its fullest, take all advantage of it.

The ale will be flowing around the table tonight. Cheers

I bet that's not all that's happening tonight... but we don't need the details on that!

Congratulations on 2 huge milestones today, Derek!

Nice Derek! Congratulations.

[worktowin]

It is truly special when milestones line up between quitting and life.

I always see from quitters that they plan on quitting for new year's, or their birthday, or a special date of a loved one.

Well how about the start in alignment today. I posted 1,200 today, the 12th floor. But I actually have to say that while I am so proud to make that number, there is another one that is more important to me. And that is the number 20 today. As in my 20th wedding anniversary to one who has stood beside me through all of this and more. To one who is my love, and my best friend. And one I was almost stupid enough to lose, but now is better than when we married.

So if I can just stress, yes the quit and milestones you reach are important, and should be celebrated, but do not forget to celebrate the other aspects of your life, and when you can do them free, and clean, and to its fullest, take all advantage of it.

The ale will be flowing around the table tonight. Cheers

I bet that's not all that's happening tonight... but we don't need the details on that!

Congratulations on 2 huge milestones today, Derek!

[SirDerek]

It is truly special when milestones line up between quitting and life.

I always see from quitters that they plan on quitting for new year's, or their birthday, or a special date of a loved one.

Well how about the start in alignment today. I posted 1,200 today, the 12th floor. But I actually have to say that while I am so proud to make that number, there is another one that is more important to me. And that is the number 20 today. As in my 20th wedding anniversary to one who has stood beside me through all of this and more. To one who is my love, and my best friend. And one I was almost stupid enough to lose, but now is better than when we married.

So if I can just stress, yes the quit and milestones you reach are important, and should be celebrated, but do not forget to celebrate the other aspects of your life, and when you can do them free, and clean, and to its fullest, take all advantage of it.

The ale will be flowing around the table tonight. Cheers

[Thumblewort]

I wrote this on my 999th day and cannot believe was over 150 days ago, as a reminder of who I am and where I came from ...I hope that this can help those who are new to realize how much happens when we quit nicotine and what it may uncover in their self just the way I realized in me.

A thousand days. 1,000. The comma.

My name is Derek and what I have come to discover about myself over this time frame, is that I have an addictive personality. I have traits inside me that lead me easily to developing addictions.

One thousand days ago, I thought it was as simple as just a single addiction to a substance, nicotine. I had decided at that time to get it out of my life, and I believed that by doing so that I would return to a normal and better life. I realized that when I was that active addict using nicotine, I did not like who I was. I was a cheat, a loner and was unhealthy, to say the least.

• A Cheat - One who would take his hard earned money and stash it away to use not to support those who he loved, but to support a poisonous addiction. One who looked in the mirror and was dishonest about who he was, thinking he had everything under control and could not be harmed.

• A Loner - One who would get away from others just to feed him a poison. One who would drive to the store at unspeakable hours when running low. One who did not care if others saw, but was embarrassed about the addiction he was feeding.

• Unhealthy - oh this was good, going to the doctors every 3 months for his high blood pressure. Watching his gums decay away and the roots of his teeth showing while brushing. The numerous sores in his mouth that he felt.

Well I finally had that 'AH HA' moment where inside my mind I said enough to nicotine. When I quit I told myself to give my body and mind time to heal, as it was going to be a long road. I told myself that I had more than the nicotine addiction but also had the habit of something in my lower lip to overcome. I told myself that I needed to get additional help from others and to step out of my comfort zone if I wanted to get this out of my life. And for a thousand days I have done just that, learning to honor my word and learning to reach out to others.

BUT...

I have realized that this is just the first step. See with my addictive personality, I need to be very aware of what I do from day to day. I say this because I have seen in myself over these days where this pattern of addiction shifted. Yes I got rid of nicotine, but in periods of time over these past thousand days I have seen:

• computer time - to a point of ignoring my wife and sons to an almost point of no return,
• alcohol - turning to it to drown out daily stress and coming close to depending on it,
• overeating - gaining weight, not eating the proper foods,
• exercising - ok this one may not be as bad, but cannot obsess about it
• and other items start to creep in to a very dangerous area of becoming an addiction.

I have realized this since my eyes were opened from getting nicotine out of my life, so when I was in downward spirals I was able to pull myself out of it.

I just need to remember to keep the positives in my life, and to always be open and honest with myself. And I know it may be a little off the wall to be using the ideals of the Knights and the Roundtable, but to me it represents those of Hard Work and Training, Honor, Skill, Courteous, Generous, and the Roundtable for equality, sharing and kinship. Just thinking if I can remember and use those attributes I can take back control of my own life and put it on the right path to being Healthy in Body, Mind and Soul. It took me a thousand days to get to this point and know there is so much more ahead.

Thank you everyone, everywhere who have helped me.

My name is Derek, I have an addictive personality, but I am not an active addict for anything, I am in control and will use what I am learning in all aspects of my life.

Thank you for this! It is easy to feel good about quitting nicotine, and ignore the other addictions in our lives.

[SirDerek]

September 11 -

may we never forget the past, may we never forget our past

may we use the information that we have learned and move forward to never let the past hold us back.

remember where we have been as a person, community, country, world.....and strive for a better future.

'usflag'

[SirDerek]

I wrote this on my 999th day and cannot believe was over 150 days ago, as a reminder of who I am and where I came from ...I hope that this can help those who are new to realize how much happens when we quit nicotine and what it may uncover in their self just the way I realized in me.

A thousand days. 1,000. The comma.

My name is Derek and what I have come to discover about myself over this time frame, is that I have an addictive personality. I have traits inside me that lead me easily to developing addictions.

One thousand days ago, I thought it was as simple as just a single addiction to a substance, nicotine. I had decided at that time to get it out of my life, and I believed that by doing so that I would return to a normal and better life. I realized that when I was that active addict using nicotine, I did not like who I was. I was a cheat, a loner and was unhealthy, to say the least.

• A Cheat - One who would take his hard earned money and stash it away to use not to support those who he loved, but to support a poisonous addiction. One who looked in the mirror and was dishonest about who he was, thinking he had everything under control and could not be harmed.

• A Loner - One who would get away from others just to feed him a poison. One who would drive to the store at unspeakable hours when running low. One who did not care if others saw, but was embarrassed about the addiction he was feeding.

• Unhealthy - oh this was good, going to the doctors every 3 months for his high blood pressure. Watching his gums decay away and the roots of his teeth showing while brushing. The numerous sores in his mouth that he felt.

Well I finally had that 'AH HA' moment where inside my mind I said enough to nicotine. When I quit I told myself to give my body and mind time to heal, as it was going to be a long road. I told myself that I had more than the nicotine addiction but also had the habit of something in my lower lip to overcome. I told myself that I needed to get additional help from others and to step out of my comfort zone if I wanted to get this out of my life. And for a thousand days I have done just that, learning to honor my word and learning to reach out to others.

BUT...

I have realized that this is just the first step. See with my addictive personality, I need to be very aware of what I do from day to day. I say this because I have seen in myself over these days where this pattern of addiction shifted. Yes I got rid of nicotine, but in periods of time over these past thousand days I have seen:

• computer time - to a point of ignoring my wife and sons to an almost point of no return,
• alcohol - turning to it to drown out daily stress and coming close to depending on it,
• overeating - gaining weight, not eating the proper foods,
• exercising - ok this one may not be as bad, but cannot obsess about it
• and other items start to creep in to a very dangerous area of becoming an addiction.

I have realized this since my eyes were opened from getting nicotine out of my life, so when I was in downward spirals I was able to pull myself out of it.

I just need to remember to keep the positives in my life, and to always be open and honest with myself. And I know it may be a little off the wall to be using the ideals of the Knights and the Roundtable, but to me it represents those of Hard Work and Training, Honor, Skill, Courteous, Generous, and the Roundtable for equality, sharing and kinship. Just thinking if I can remember and use those attributes I can take back control of my own life and put it on the right path to being Healthy in Body, Mind and Soul. It took me a thousand days to get to this point and know there is so much more ahead.

Thank you everyone, everywhere who have helped me.

My name is Derek, I have an addictive personality, but I am not an active addict for anything, I am in control and will use what I am learning in all aspects of my life.

[Candoit]

Passing Day 1,150

Well this place looks like it was trashed. There are cobwebs everywhere, the table has been overturned and a few chairs have been broken. But I guess it was deserved to be like this.

But the past is the past.

There is nothing that we can do today, that can change what has happened in the past.

We can only make a decision today to move forward in a positive direction to learn how to live our life clean and free from an addiction that ruled us.

As I look around, yes I see a mess, but I also see a very strong foundation. One built on trust and giving my word daily and then honoring it. It might be smaller than before but that is ok, as I learned something very important to me over the past 16 months or so. I learned that it is not the size of the foundation that is the most important, but rather the quality of how it is built. You see, the foundation I have at the core, the one that remains today is more solid than any stone or metal known to man. It’s the parts that have fallen away that were the issue. I did not realize it but it was that larger portion that was being built at the expense of my personal home life. It was the continued building of that portion that was actually tearing down a marriage. So though I may have been still solid in my quit and still ‘quitting’, I had not progressed to actually living as being quit. I had not fully incorporated it into my life on a whole. So weird to say but maybe it was greatly needed, to let that additional portion of what was being built fall away, as the quality of how it was built was not properly made. And instead of thinking of the size, think more to the quality of what is there at the core of life.

So I will clean up this place a little, straighten a few things out, and make it look presentable again. But this time will take care of the quality and make sure that the core foundation will never be damaged.

Can I go back to the way things were, no.

Do I want to go back to the way things were, again NO.

Do I want to change what has happened, a resounding NO!!!

I have made a decision to learn from all that has happened, to re-adjust my focus and live life with my family. And we are living happy now. So it can be done.

Good to see you in here, Derek.

You used to be one of the cornerstones of leadership. Then some tables got overturned and some chairs got broken. And regrettably you stopped being a leader here.

KTC is the only way to quit in my opinion. There are no other options that work. The accountability and brotherhood here is still in force, and it still works. Change is difficult to be sure, but quitting is much more important - as is keeping the accountability and brotherhood in check.

1150 is big. 1151 is bigger. I hope to see you back on the intros helping others get to day 2, 3, 4... because that is where your biggest strength lies. I know, because you were one of the first people to post on my thread about 980 days ago. Without leaders, without brotherhood, without accountability, that would have been the start of yet another failed stoppage. I only hope that I have managed to pay back part of what you and some others have done for me.

Welcome back.

Your support and encouragement were a huge help to me also Sir Derek. Good to see you back.

1,151 solid days of quit, 1,151 solid days of being one of the many support columns here, 1,151 consecutive days of selfishly and selflessly quitting for yourself. Glad you are always there when I need you Derek.

Thank you

Derek you were one of the first guys to reach out to me 2 plus years ago, when I was still figuring out how to post. So if you're back, I welcome you back with both arms. But I, along with most of the quitters on this site, have no idea what the fuck happened amongst the powers that be...and frankly I have no interest in finding out. All I know is I wake up and post roll. How everyone could have made a mess of that simple task is beyond me. That is still the bedrock that makes this site go.

^^^ YES!!!

Thank you dagranger for saying this!

We are addicts. We mess things up, so we don't feel as messed up. SD has had and I am glad to see a continuing impact here. I am proud to be following the example he set.