To believe in myself again

[rdad]

It's March 15th - day 45. I want to get some thoughts down :
- I passed my nicotine test at work this past week, two years previous I would quit for the test and then resume using.  Glad that I haven't used this as a reason to use this year.  Staying QUIT.
- Still quite fuzzy at not functioning normally. My motivation is still severely lacking. Not to many positive thoughts.
- Still quite constipated - even wondering if I gave myself a hernia from pushing so hard.
- I had a great vacation with my wife last week but I'm now 6 days back to work and not very much liking it.  The one good thing is that I see some other "idiots" still using dip. I should get back on task now.
- Very much debating if I tell my boys at my Hall of Fame date that I used tobacco and hid it from them for many years.  I came so close to getting caught by them - like around 65 days ago when I was dipping next to my 10yr old son on the chairlift while skiing.  It was night and cold so the dark and my neck gaiter helped me hide it.  I also remember this same son saying "I want a mint" after my can of crap was open on the way to a football game.  Two boys in the back seat at that time.  I passed them gum instead.  I'm having a tough time debating between teaching them (boys 10,9,7) that tobacco is evil versus admitting that their Dad was so stupid for so long. 

Former Ninja dippers - give me some advice about telling others (loved ones) that you used to dip.  

Thanks for everyone posing on their introduction pages - it helps to hear others stories.

I'm struggling with virtually this same exact issue, regarding talking to your kids about tobacco. Mine are 11,6,5. So I'm looking forward to responses on this Rali, because I was a ninja dipper too

I'm so glad you guys are quitting while your kids are little. My son, who turns 22 today NEVER saw me without a dip in. Thank God he never wanted to be like me in that regard. I lucked out with him. Good for you guys that aren't leaving it to total chance like I did. I say come clean with them, use it as an opportunity to teach them. It might mean more and hit a little harder coming first hand from their Dads.

[Grizzlyhasclaws]

It's March 15th - day 45. I want to get some thoughts down :
- I passed my nicotine test at work this past week, two years previous I would quit for the test and then resume using. Glad that I haven't used this as a reason to use this year. Staying QUIT.
- Still quite fuzzy at not functioning normally. My motivation is still severely lacking. Not to many positive thoughts.
- Still quite constipated - even wondering if I gave myself a hernia from pushing so hard.
- I had a great vacation with my wife last week but I'm now 6 days back to work and not very much liking it. The one good thing is that I see some other "idiots" still using dip. I should get back on task now.
- Very much debating if I tell my boys at my Hall of Fame date that I used tobacco and hid it from them for many years. I came so close to getting caught by them - like around 65 days ago when I was dipping next to my 10yr old son on the chairlift while skiing. It was night and cold so the dark and my neck gaiter helped me hide it. I also remember this same son saying "I want a mint" after my can of crap was open on the way to a football game. Two boys in the back seat at that time. I passed them gum instead. I'm having a tough time debating between teaching them (boys 10,9,7) that tobacco is evil versus admitting that their Dad was so stupid for so long.

Former Ninja dippers - give me some advice about telling others (loved ones) that you used to dip.

Thanks for everyone posing on their introduction pages - it helps to hear others stories.

I'm struggling with virtually this same exact issue, regarding talking to your kids about tobacco. Mine are 11,6,5. So I'm looking forward to responses on this Rali, because I was a ninja dipper too

[RaliPaul]

It's March 15th - day 45. I want to get some thoughts down :
- I passed my nicotine test at work this past week, two years previous I would quit for the test and then resume using. Glad that I haven't used this as a reason to use this year. Staying QUIT.
- Still quite fuzzy at not functioning normally. My motivation is still severely lacking. Not to many positive thoughts.
- Still quite constipated - even wondering if I gave myself a hernia from pushing so hard.
- I had a great vacation with my wife last week but I'm now 6 days back to work and not very much liking it. The one good thing is that I see some other "idiots" still using dip. I should get back on task now.
- Very much debating if I tell my boys at my Hall of Fame date that I used tobacco and hid it from them for many years. I came so close to getting caught by them - like around 65 days ago when I was dipping next to my 10yr old son on the chairlift while skiing. It was night and cold so the dark and my neck gaiter helped me hide it. I also remember this same son saying "I want a mint" after my can of crap was open on the way to a football game. Two boys in the back seat at that time. I passed them gum instead. I'm having a tough time debating between teaching them (boys 10,9,7) that tobacco is evil versus admitting that their Dad was so stupid for so long.

Former Ninja dippers - give me some advice about telling others (loved ones) that you used to dip.

Thanks for everyone posing on their introduction pages - it helps to hear others stories.

[Minny]

So a friend of mine from church  work asked me how I was doing by email when I asked him to help set up chairs for a funeral.   I'm working late alone (freakin perfect time for a dip THAT I CAN'T HAVE!!!!!!!!!!!)  This was my reply - So I'm dishing out the KTC coolaide.  He would have never imagined that I dipped and he didn't know I noticed him with a dip or two in. 

"I’m not exactly doing well.  Construction Superintendent – why did I chose this path?  I’m at Tysons Tower – High end, high tech 7 story (14th-20th floors) tenant fit out. Base building is not complete yet – only one freight elevator, 2 other building going up around us. Client xxxxxx (Dominion has Mech contract – they are insulating their own plumbing thus far, not sure about Mech pipe and ductwork)  Working with a Sr. Super who is great – been at xxxxx since 1990…but the thing is he is still working his butt off and told me this is his toughest project.  I’m coming in late and feel way behind the 8 ball after just 1.5 wks here.  Once of these days my adrenaline will kick in an I’ll start my driven Superintendent mode…  It doesn’t help that I am on day 22 of quitting dip.  Not sure how many times you’ve tried to quit but this is about my 10th solid attempt.  Been using since soph year of college – probably used less than a  can per week for about half of my last 20 years (2 years on…2 months off…6 mo on…3 years off…2 years on… off/on/off/on – you get the picture).  This last AND FINAL quit of mine is with the help of http://www.killthecan.org/ - online accountability group.  I’ve noticed you dipping a couple times.   I can remember putting together my first son’s crib promising myself that I would quit for my health and to stop lying to my wife – never wanted my child to see me dip.  So about 4 weeks ago, I really pushed it and dipped on the same chairlift as my son (10yrs old) – it was dark (nightskiing) and my mouth could be covered by my turtleneck – but pretty poor huh?  But I’m excited about my Quit – looking forward to feeling 100% free. D o you still dip?  If yes…you’re a weak idiot (but you already know that)….Just like me for the last many years.

Great job on your quit paul. One question? When are you going to feel your 100% free? I would say 22 days of solid quit put you 100% free. If there is a magical number your after what is it? How about today brother.

START believing in yourself. 22 days brother. No reason you can't make it tomorrow. Glad to be quit with you.

Good post brother. You'll start feeling better soon. Think how hard it'd be to do that build out with a feeding tube in your nose and a tongue replaced with part of your calf muscle, all while being given 10% chance of living longer than the next 16 months. You simply have no alternative other than to suffer through this shit. I swear it will get better.

You got this shit. I quit with you.

I need I buy you lunch too, because I need to know who is taking over those floors in Tyson's tower.

You're kickin' ass and I love the updates on your Intro. You are 22 days in and that is GREAT. It's time to eliminate words like "attempt" from your vocabulary.

Attempt: an act of trying to achieve something, typically one that is unsuccessful or not certain to succeed.

There is only one thing that can lead to you putting a dip in your lip today: you choosing to do so.

Proud to be quit with you!

[Grizzlyhasclaws]

So a friend of mine from church  work asked me how I was doing by email when I asked him to help set up chairs for a funeral.   I'm working late alone (freakin perfect time for a dip THAT I CAN'T HAVE!!!!!!!!!!!)  This was my reply - So I'm dishing out the KTC coolaide.  He would have never imagined that I dipped and he didn't know I noticed him with a dip or two in. 

"I’m not exactly doing well.  Construction Superintendent – why did I chose this path?  I’m at Tysons Tower – High end, high tech 7 story (14th-20th floors) tenant fit out. Base building is not complete yet – only one freight elevator, 2 other building going up around us. Client xxxxxx (Dominion has Mech contract – they are insulating their own plumbing thus far, not sure about Mech pipe and ductwork)  Working with a Sr. Super who is great – been at xxxxx since 1990…but the thing is he is still working his butt off and told me this is his toughest project.  I’m coming in late and feel way behind the 8 ball after just 1.5 wks here.  Once of these days my adrenaline will kick in an I’ll start my driven Superintendent mode…  It doesn’t help that I am on day 22 of quitting dip.  Not sure how many times you’ve tried to quit but this is about my 10th solid attempt.  Been using since soph year of college – probably used less than a  can per week for about half of my last 20 years (2 years on…2 months off…6 mo on…3 years off…2 years on… off/on/off/on – you get the picture).  This last AND FINAL quit of mine is with the help of http://www.killthecan.org/ - online accountability group.  I’ve noticed you dipping a couple times.   I can remember putting together my first son’s crib promising myself that I would quit for my health and to stop lying to my wife – never wanted my child to see me dip.  So about 4 weeks ago, I really pushed it and dipped on the same chairlift as my son (10yrs old) – it was dark (nightskiing) and my mouth could be covered by my turtleneck – but pretty poor huh?  But I’m excited about my Quit – looking forward to feeling 100% free. D o you still dip?  If yes…you’re a weak idiot (but you already know that)….Just like me for the last many years.

Great job on your quit paul. One question? When are you going to feel your 100% free? I would say 22 days of solid quit put you 100% free. If there is a magical number your after what is it? How about today brother.

START believing in yourself. 22 days brother. No reason you can't make it tomorrow. Glad to be quit with you.

Good post brother. You'll start feeling better soon. Think how hard it'd be to do that build out with a feeding tube in your nose and a tongue replaced with part of your calf muscle, all while being given 10% chance of living longer than the next 16 months. You simply have no alternative other than to suffer through this shit. I swear it will get better.

You got this shit. I quit with you.

I need I buy you lunch too, because I need to know who is taking over those floors in Tyson's tower.

[srans]

So a friend of mine from church  work asked me how I was doing by email when I asked him to help set up chairs for a funeral.  I'm working late alone (freakin perfect time for a dip THAT I CAN'T HAVE!!!!!!!!!!!)  This was my reply - So I'm dishing out the KTC coolaide.  He would have never imagined that I dipped and he didn't know I noticed him with a dip or two in. 

"I’m not exactly doing well.  Construction Superintendent – why did I chose this path?  I’m at Tysons Tower – High end, high tech 7 story (14th-20th floors) tenant fit out. Base building is not complete yet – only one freight elevator, 2 other building going up around us. Client xxxxxx (Dominion has Mech contract – they are insulating their own plumbing thus far, not sure about Mech pipe and ductwork)  Working with a Sr. Super who is great – been at xxxxx since 1990…but the thing is he is still working his butt off and told me this is his toughest project.  I’m coming in late and feel way behind the 8 ball after just 1.5 wks here.  Once of these days my adrenaline will kick in an I’ll start my driven Superintendent mode…  It doesn’t help that I am on day 22 of quitting dip.  Not sure how many times you’ve tried to quit but this is about my 10th solid attempt.  Been using since soph year of college – probably used less than a  can per week for about half of my last 20 years (2 years on…2 months off…6 mo on…3 years off…2 years on… off/on/off/on – you get the picture).  This last AND FINAL quit of mine is with the help of http://www.killthecan.org/ - online accountability group.  I’ve noticed you dipping a couple times.  I can remember putting together my first son’s crib promising myself that I would quit for my health and to stop lying to my wife – never wanted my child to see me dip.  So about 4 weeks ago, I really pushed it and dipped on the same chairlift as my son (10yrs old) – it was dark (nightskiing) and my mouth could be covered by my turtleneck – but pretty poor huh?  But I’m excited about my Quit – looking forward to feeling 100% free. D o you still dip?  If yes…you’re a weak idiot (but you already know that)….Just like me for the last many years.

Great job on your quit paul. One question? When are you going to feel your 100% free? I would say 22 days of solid quit put you 100% free. If there is a magical number your after what is it? How about today brother.

START believing in yourself. 22 days brother. No reason you can't make it tomorrow. Glad to be quit with you.

[slug.go]

So a friend of mine from church  work asked me how I was doing by email when I asked him to help set up chairs for a funeral.  I'm working late alone (freakin perfect time for a dip THAT I CAN'T HAVE!!!!!!!!!!!)  This was my reply - So I'm dishing out the KTC coolaide.  He would have never imagined that I dipped and he didn't know I noticed him with a dip or two in. 

"I’m not exactly doing well.  Construction Superintendent – why did I chose this path?  I’m at Tysons Tower – High end, high tech 7 story (14th-20th floors) tenant fit out. Base building is not complete yet – only one freight elevator, 2 other building going up around us. Client xxxxxx (Dominion has Mech contract – they are insulating their own plumbing thus far, not sure about Mech pipe and ductwork)  Working with a Sr. Super who is great – been at xxxxx since 1990…but the thing is he is still working his butt off and told me this is his toughest project.  I’m coming in late and feel way behind the 8 ball after just 1.5 wks here.  Once of these days my adrenaline will kick in an I’ll start my driven Superintendent mode…  It doesn’t help that I am on day 22 of quitting dip.  Not sure how many times you’ve tried to quit but this is about my 10th solid attempt.  Been using since soph year of college – probably used less than a  can per week for about half of my last 20 years (2 years on…2 months off…6 mo on…3 years off…2 years on… off/on/off/on – you get the picture).  This last AND FINAL quit of mine is with the help of http://www.killthecan.org/ - online accountability group.  I’ve noticed you dipping a couple times.  I can remember putting together my first son’s crib promising myself that I would quit for my health and to stop lying to my wife – never wanted my child to see me dip.  So about 4 weeks ago, I really pushed it and dipped on the same chairlift as my son (10yrs old) – it was dark (nightskiing) and my mouth could be covered by my turtleneck – but pretty poor huh?  But I’m excited about my Quit – looking forward to feeling 100% free. D o you still dip?  If yes…you’re a weak idiot (but you already know that)….Just like me for the last many years.

Hopefully he takes your cue.

You're a good man and friend. The fog will lift, you're stronger than your addiction.
Your energy will come back, I'm only a week ahead of you and feel great. Proud to be in May with you!

[Sap]

So a friend of mine from church  work asked me how I was doing by email when I asked him to help set up chairs for a funeral. I'm working late alone (freakin perfect time for a dip THAT I CAN'T HAVE!!!!!!!!!!!) This was my reply - So I'm dishing out the KTC coolaide. He would have never imagined that I dipped and he didn't know I noticed him with a dip or two in.

"I’m not exactly doing well. Construction Superintendent – why did I chose this path? I’m at Tysons Tower – High end, high tech 7 story (14th-20th floors) tenant fit out. Base building is not complete yet – only one freight elevator, 2 other building going up around us. Client xxxxxx (Dominion has Mech contract – they are insulating their own plumbing thus far, not sure about Mech pipe and ductwork) Working with a Sr. Super who is great – been at xxxxx since 1990…but the thing is he is still working his butt off and told me this is his toughest project. I’m coming in late and feel way behind the 8 ball after just 1.5 wks here. Once of these days my adrenaline will kick in an I’ll start my driven Superintendent mode… It doesn’t help that I am on day 22 of quitting dip. Not sure how many times you’ve tried to quit but this is about my 10th solid attempt. Been using since soph year of college – probably used less than a can per week for about half of my last 20 years (2 years on…2 months off…6 mo on…3 years off…2 years on… off/on/off/on – you get the picture). This last AND FINAL quit of mine is with the help of http://www.killthecan.org/ - online accountability group. I’ve noticed you dipping a couple times. I can remember putting together my first son’s crib promising myself that I would quit for my health and to stop lying to my wife – never wanted my child to see me dip. So about 4 weeks ago, I really pushed it and dipped on the same chairlift as my son (10yrs old) – it was dark (nightskiing) and my mouth could be covered by my turtleneck – but pretty poor huh? But I’m excited about my Quit – looking forward to feeling 100% free. D o you still dip? If yes…you’re a weak idiot (but you already know that)….Just like me for the last many years.

Hopefully he takes your cue.

[RaliPaul]

So a friend of mine from church  work asked me how I was doing by email when I asked him to help set up chairs for a funeral. I'm working late alone (freakin perfect time for a dip THAT I CAN'T HAVE!!!!!!!!!!!) This was my reply - So I'm dishing out the KTC coolaide. He would have never imagined that I dipped and he didn't know I noticed him with a dip or two in.

"I’m not exactly doing well. Construction Superintendent – why did I chose this path? I’m at Tysons Tower – High end, high tech 7 story (14th-20th floors) tenant fit out. Base building is not complete yet – only one freight elevator, 2 other building going up around us. Client xxxxxx (Dominion has Mech contract – they are insulating their own plumbing thus far, not sure about Mech pipe and ductwork) Working with a Sr. Super who is great – been at xxxxx since 1990…but the thing is he is still working his butt off and told me this is his toughest project. I’m coming in late and feel way behind the 8 ball after just 1.5 wks here. Once of these days my adrenaline will kick in an I’ll start my driven Superintendent mode… It doesn’t help that I am on day 22 of quitting dip. Not sure how many times you’ve tried to quit but this is about my 10th solid attempt. Been using since soph year of college – probably used less than a can per week for about half of my last 20 years (2 years on…2 months off…6 mo on…3 years off…2 years on… off/on/off/on – you get the picture). This last AND FINAL quit of mine is with the help of http://www.killthecan.org/ - online accountability group. I’ve noticed you dipping a couple times. I can remember putting together my first son’s crib promising myself that I would quit for my health and to stop lying to my wife – never wanted my child to see me dip. So about 4 weeks ago, I really pushed it and dipped on the same chairlift as my son (10yrs old) – it was dark (nightskiing) and my mouth could be covered by my turtleneck – but pretty poor huh? But I’m excited about my Quit – looking forward to feeling 100% free. D o you still dip? If yes…you’re a weak idiot (but you already know that)….Just like me for the last many years.

[Minny]

Quick up date at Day 19 :

Last two weeks have been torturous - trouble sleeping, trouble concentrating, feelings of worthlessness...wondering (once again) if tobacco withdraw can really screw with my brain so much that I can barely function at all.  I have a history of short periods of depression (4-6 weeks) that have been triggered by either guilt of hiding my tobacco use (lying to my wife), withdraw symptoms from stopping dip/tobacco use, or maybe some other mental illness that I don't like to admit as a possibility.  So I get so low that I have trouble taking steps that I know are healthy for me - eating correctly, exercising, expressing my emotions to friends.  :(   This time it hasn't helped that I got placed on a new project at work that really tests my patience and skillsets (especially in my funk).

But good news, I'm committed to my QUIT and I am starting to feel better.  This makes me excited that I'm coming out of my haze but it is also scary.  I have very quickly, in the past, felt that I've gotten tobacco whipped once I get feeling back to "normal" and have then let my guard down and started again within 6 months.  Then each next "final quit" defeats me as a person even more. Both during the quitting, and of course, about 1 month in to reusing when the guilt starts again.

By the way, I can't stand KTC  - posting each day, texting, blogging, or even reading KTC stuff online (any technology outside of work pisses me off - rather be doing other stuff).  But, you know what, what I can't stand even more is that I can't quit on my own and I've always failed to go to Celebrate Recovery or another addiction recovering group because it's "only tobacco".   I've tried plenty of my own ways to quit and have failed - with all you solid quitters at KTC - I'm STAYING QUIT one day at a time forever.

Thanks to my May brothers in my texting group for putting up with my inability to continue group texts (have to sent individually for some reason - anyone know how to continue a group text with an HTC sensation 4G) and others at KTC who have reached out to me and taken my phone calls.  Thanks to many others who have posted so many good articles that I've read here.  Many of you have gone through same struggles that I have through my 20 some years of ninja dipping...like being bummed that the public toilet you chose to sit on and dip into was not oversized, therefore, brown juice on your wiener.

Stay strong. We've all been there, in the suck, hating life and just wishing it would all go away. Stay with us here on the KTC. Not only are you healthier, you're wealthier, and you'll find in the end you will gain more patience and resilience. The addiction is forever, but that doesnt mean you have to suffer forever, you're winning. keep it that way.

Keep fighting today. I was luggage at work for about 30 days. I was totally focused on quitting. Keep your quit at the top of your "to do" list. Let nothing interfere with it.

You can do this. In time it will get better, but for now... embrace the suck  stay quit!

Fuck the job. Who cares if your work suffers for a few months. Everything else is bullshit. This is your life Rali. You are reclaiming it. You're here and this IS your FINAL quit. Keep the focus and keep the quit.

This is what I've had to come to grips with. I just can't focus, I've got to focus on my quit. The moment I start letting my intensity on quitting slip, the quicker I'll be at the convenience store across the street from my office buying another can. I've got to let my years of good work ethic pay off for a little while now. This is for me, the roads will get designed a little slower.

Rali -- I think it's safe to assume that we'd much rather have a temporarily embittered brother in Mayhem that grinds through the technological hassles required of KTC, than a guy who pounds his chest proclaiming victory on day 1 and is never heard from again. Like it or not, you've invested time and shared personal info with us, and we with you. Not gonna let you suffer in solitude when you've made this much progress. Stay strong, quit on.

I appreciate it Krusty, and I'm definately in this for the long term. I'm Quiting hard.

Being here for the long term is good but never forget you are an addict. The addicted mind will trick you into thinking you can't do this forever. Sometime you will think, "Somewhere, someday, I will be too weak to beat this."

KTC teaches you how to trick your mind back.

Fact: Nicotine is a poison and not intended for our body. Our body never needed it and should never crave it. You can live without it.

The trick - You never quit long term. Only today. Yesterday is over and cannot be changed. Tomorrow, you don't know what lies ahead. But Today: You can make a promise to not use for 24hrs.

If you win today, and wake to another "Today" you post roll and keep your word.

Never think you are quit forever. Just worry about Today's quit.

Wow, great Intro page! Keep going, man, it gets easier and exponentially better. What can you do to strengthen your quit today? Add a layer of accountability to your quit by telling someone new about KTC, what day you're on, what the HOF is, etc. Is the Contract to Cave in your wallet? It's in mine.

I give up my quit. Quitting is impossible and I cannot do it. I love dipping more than I love myself. I care about dipping more than I care about my personal health. I love dipping more than I love my family. I know this addiction will kill me, and I ACCEPT that fact. I enjoy spending time alone with my can more than I enjoy spending time with anyone else on the planet. I look forward to losing my jaw, my tongue, my throat, my life – it’s worth it. When I am lying in my hospital bed fighting a losing battle against cancer I will feel a sense of satisfaction knowing that this is the path I CHOSE. My only regret will be that I didn’t start dipping earlier in life. I will feel sorrow for my family’s heartbreak and suffer untold pain, but I know you must sacrifice for the things you truly love.

I know ALL the consequences of my actions and I accept them fully and without regret. I hereby choose to give my life to this addiction – I do so with a smile on face.

Signature: ____________________
Date: ____________________

[brettlees]

You are getting some great advice and people are rallying behind you here. Hang in there, you have to beat the poison's grip on your brain- but for today only. Worry about tomorrow then. Get through today. Each quit is unique, but others have gone through what you are going through. Read the intro threads of other quitters, further along than you, and you'll see many similarities. Keep logging your quit here like you are doing- that will give you a written record of the suck so you can be reminded why you don't want to go back to addiction. And it will let others know when you need support.

I found that it helped me to learn all I could about the addiction, in addition to learning about how others' quits went. A page that has some good info, in addition to the Welcome Center here, is at Nicotine Addiction 101

Finally, nice job building and using your network of quit bros to help you out. That will carry you a long ways, as you have started to discover already.

Keep quitting strong, and I'll be glad to quit with you!

[Mthomas3824]

Quick up date at Day 19 :

Last two weeks have been torturous - trouble sleeping, trouble concentrating, feelings of worthlessness...wondering (once again) if tobacco withdraw can really screw with my brain so much that I can barely function at all.  I have a history of short periods of depression (4-6 weeks) that have been triggered by either guilt of hiding my tobacco use (lying to my wife), withdraw symptoms from stopping dip/tobacco use, or maybe some other mental illness that I don't like to admit as a possibility.  So I get so low that I have trouble taking steps that I know are healthy for me - eating correctly, exercising, expressing my emotions to friends.  :(   This time it hasn't helped that I got placed on a new project at work that really tests my patience and skillsets (especially in my funk).

But good news, I'm committed to my QUIT and I am starting to feel better.  This makes me excited that I'm coming out of my haze but it is also scary.  I have very quickly, in the past, felt that I've gotten tobacco whipped once I get feeling back to "normal" and have then let my guard down and started again within 6 months.  Then each next "final quit" defeats me as a person even more. Both during the quitting, and of course, about 1 month in to reusing when the guilt starts again.

By the way, I can't stand KTC  - posting each day, texting, blogging, or even reading KTC stuff online (any technology outside of work pisses me off - rather be doing other stuff).  But, you know what, what I can't stand even more is that I can't quit on my own and I've always failed to go to Celebrate Recovery or another addiction recovering group because it's "only tobacco".   I've tried plenty of my own ways to quit and have failed - with all you solid quitters at KTC - I'm STAYING QUIT one day at a time forever.

Thanks to my May brothers in my texting group for putting up with my inability to continue group texts (have to sent individually for some reason - anyone know how to continue a group text with an HTC sensation 4G) and others at KTC who have reached out to me and taken my phone calls.  Thanks to many others who have posted so many good articles that I've read here.  Many of you have gone through same struggles that I have through my 20 some years of ninja dipping...like being bummed that the public toilet you chose to sit on and dip into was not oversized, therefore, brown juice on your wiener.

Stay strong. We've all been there, in the suck, hating life and just wishing it would all go away. Stay with us here on the KTC. Not only are you healthier, you're wealthier, and you'll find in the end you will gain more patience and resilience. The addiction is forever, but that doesnt mean you have to suffer forever, you're winning. keep it that way.

Keep fighting today. I was luggage at work for about 30 days. I was totally focused on quitting. Keep your quit at the top of your "to do" list. Let nothing interfere with it.

You can do this. In time it will get better, but for now... embrace the suck  stay quit!

Fuck the job. Who cares if your work suffers for a few months. Everything else is bullshit. This is your life Rali. You are reclaiming it. You're here and this IS your FINAL quit. Keep the focus and keep the quit.

This is what I've had to come to grips with. I just can't focus, I've got to focus on my quit. The moment I start letting my intensity on quitting slip, the quicker I'll be at the convenience store across the street from my office buying another can. I've got to let my years of good work ethic pay off for a little while now. This is for me, the roads will get designed a little slower.

Rali -- I think it's safe to assume that we'd much rather have a temporarily embittered brother in Mayhem that grinds through the technological hassles required of KTC, than a guy who pounds his chest proclaiming victory on day 1 and is never heard from again. Like it or not, you've invested time and shared personal info with us, and we with you. Not gonna let you suffer in solitude when you've made this much progress. Stay strong, quit on.

I appreciate it Krusty, and I'm definately in this for the long term. I'm Quiting hard.

Being here for the long term is good but never forget you are an addict. The addicted mind will trick you into thinking you can't do this forever. Sometime you will think, "Somewhere, someday, I will be too weak to beat this."

KTC teaches you how to trick your mind back.

Fact: Nicotine is a poison and not intended for our body. Our body never needed it and should never crave it. You can live without it.

The trick - You never quit long term. Only today. Yesterday is over and cannot be changed. Tomorrow, you don't know what lies ahead. But Today: You can make a promise to not use for 24hrs.

If you win today, and wake to another "Today" you post roll and keep your word.

Never think you are quit forever. Just worry about Today's quit.

[RaliPaul]

Quick up date at Day 19 :

Last two weeks have been torturous - trouble sleeping, trouble concentrating, feelings of worthlessness...wondering (once again) if tobacco withdraw can really screw with my brain so much that I can barely function at all.  I have a history of short periods of depression (4-6 weeks) that have been triggered by either guilt of hiding my tobacco use (lying to my wife), withdraw symptoms from stopping dip/tobacco use, or maybe some other mental illness that I don't like to admit as a possibility.  So I get so low that I have trouble taking steps that I know are healthy for me - eating correctly, exercising, expressing my emotions to friends.  :(   This time it hasn't helped that I got placed on a new project at work that really tests my patience and skillsets (especially in my funk).

But good news, I'm committed to my QUIT and I am starting to feel better.  This makes me excited that I'm coming out of my haze but it is also scary.  I have very quickly, in the past, felt that I've gotten tobacco whipped once I get feeling back to "normal" and have then let my guard down and started again within 6 months.  Then each next "final quit" defeats me as a person even more. Both during the quitting, and of course, about 1 month in to reusing when the guilt starts again.

By the way, I can't stand KTC  - posting each day, texting, blogging, or even reading KTC stuff online (any technology outside of work pisses me off - rather be doing other stuff).  But, you know what, what I can't stand even more is that I can't quit on my own and I've always failed to go to Celebrate Recovery or another addiction recovering group because it's "only tobacco".   I've tried plenty of my own ways to quit and have failed - with all you solid quitters at KTC - I'm STAYING QUIT one day at a time forever.

Thanks to my May brothers in my texting group for putting up with my inability to continue group texts (have to sent individually for some reason - anyone know how to continue a group text with an HTC sensation 4G) and others at KTC who have reached out to me and taken my phone calls.  Thanks to many others who have posted so many good articles that I've read here.  Many of you have gone through same struggles that I have through my 20 some years of ninja dipping...like being bummed that the public toilet you chose to sit on and dip into was not oversized, therefore, brown juice on your wiener.

Stay strong. We've all been there, in the suck, hating life and just wishing it would all go away. Stay with us here on the KTC. Not only are you healthier, you're wealthier, and you'll find in the end you will gain more patience and resilience. The addiction is forever, but that doesnt mean you have to suffer forever, you're winning. keep it that way.

Keep fighting today. I was luggage at work for about 30 days. I was totally focused on quitting. Keep your quit at the top of your "to do" list. Let nothing interfere with it.

You can do this. In time it will get better, but for now... embrace the suck  stay quit!

Fuck the job. Who cares if your work suffers for a few months. Everything else is bullshit. This is your life Rali. You are reclaiming it. You're here and this IS your FINAL quit. Keep the focus and keep the quit.

This is what I've had to come to grips with. I just can't focus, I've got to focus on my quit. The moment I start letting my intensity on quitting slip, the quicker I'll be at the convenience store across the street from my office buying another can. I've got to let my years of good work ethic pay off for a little while now. This is for me, the roads will get designed a little slower.

Rali -- I think it's safe to assume that we'd much rather have a temporarily embittered brother in Mayhem that grinds through the technological hassles required of KTC, than a guy who pounds his chest proclaiming victory on day 1 and is never heard from again. Like it or not, you've invested time and shared personal info with us, and we with you. Not gonna let you suffer in solitude when you've made this much progress. Stay strong, quit on.

I appreciate it Krusty, and I'm definately in this for the long term. I'm Quiting hard.

[Krusty]

Quick up date at Day 19 :

Last two weeks have been torturous - trouble sleeping, trouble concentrating, feelings of worthlessness...wondering (once again) if tobacco withdraw can really screw with my brain so much that I can barely function at all.  I have a history of short periods of depression (4-6 weeks) that have been triggered by either guilt of hiding my tobacco use (lying to my wife), withdraw symptoms from stopping dip/tobacco use, or maybe some other mental illness that I don't like to admit as a possibility.  So I get so low that I have trouble taking steps that I know are healthy for me - eating correctly, exercising, expressing my emotions to friends.  :(   This time it hasn't helped that I got placed on a new project at work that really tests my patience and skillsets (especially in my funk).

But good news, I'm committed to my QUIT and I am starting to feel better.  This makes me excited that I'm coming out of my haze but it is also scary.  I have very quickly, in the past, felt that I've gotten tobacco whipped once I get feeling back to "normal" and have then let my guard down and started again within 6 months.  Then each next "final quit" defeats me as a person even more. Both during the quitting, and of course, about 1 month in to reusing when the guilt starts again.

By the way, I can't stand KTC  - posting each day, texting, blogging, or even reading KTC stuff online (any technology outside of work pisses me off - rather be doing other stuff).  But, you know what, what I can't stand even more is that I can't quit on my own and I've always failed to go to Celebrate Recovery or another addiction recovering group because it's "only tobacco".   I've tried plenty of my own ways to quit and have failed - with all you solid quitters at KTC - I'm STAYING QUIT one day at a time forever.

Thanks to my May brothers in my texting group for putting up with my inability to continue group texts (have to sent individually for some reason - anyone know how to continue a group text with an HTC sensation 4G) and others at KTC who have reached out to me and taken my phone calls.  Thanks to many others who have posted so many good articles that I've read here.  Many of you have gone through same struggles that I have through my 20 some years of ninja dipping...like being bummed that the public toilet you chose to sit on and dip into was not oversized, therefore, brown juice on your wiener.

Stay strong. We've all been there, in the suck, hating life and just wishing it would all go away. Stay with us here on the KTC. Not only are you healthier, you're wealthier, and you'll find in the end you will gain more patience and resilience. The addiction is forever, but that doesnt mean you have to suffer forever, you're winning. keep it that way.

Keep fighting today. I was luggage at work for about 30 days. I was totally focused on quitting. Keep your quit at the top of your "to do" list. Let nothing interfere with it.

You can do this. In time it will get better, but for now... embrace the suck  stay quit!

Fuck the job. Who cares if your work suffers for a few months. Everything else is bullshit. This is your life Rali. You are reclaiming it. You're here and this IS your FINAL quit. Keep the focus and keep the quit.

This is what I've had to come to grips with. I just can't focus, I've got to focus on my quit. The moment I start letting my intensity on quitting slip, the quicker I'll be at the convenience store across the street from my office buying another can. I've got to let my years of good work ethic pay off for a little while now. This is for me, the roads will get designed a little slower.

Rali -- I think it's safe to assume that we'd much rather have a temporarily embittered brother in Mayhem that grinds through the technological hassles required of KTC, than a guy who pounds his chest proclaiming victory on day 1 and is never heard from again. Like it or not, you've invested time and shared personal info with us, and we with you. Not gonna let you suffer in solitude when you've made this much progress. Stay strong, quit on.

[Jlud007]

Quick up date at Day 19 :

Last two weeks have been torturous - trouble sleeping, trouble concentrating, feelings of worthlessness...wondering (once again) if tobacco withdraw can really screw with my brain so much that I can barely function at all.  I have a history of short periods of depression (4-6 weeks) that have been triggered by either guilt of hiding my tobacco use (lying to my wife), withdraw symptoms from stopping dip/tobacco use, or maybe some other mental illness that I don't like to admit as a possibility.  So I get so low that I have trouble taking steps that I know are healthy for me - eating correctly, exercising, expressing my emotions to friends.  :(   This time it hasn't helped that I got placed on a new project at work that really tests my patience and skillsets (especially in my funk).

But good news, I'm committed to my QUIT and I am starting to feel better.  This makes me excited that I'm coming out of my haze but it is also scary.  I have very quickly, in the past, felt that I've gotten tobacco whipped once I get feeling back to "normal" and have then let my guard down and started again within 6 months.  Then each next "final quit" defeats me as a person even more. Both during the quitting, and of course, about 1 month in to reusing when the guilt starts again.

By the way, I can't stand KTC  - posting each day, texting, blogging, or even reading KTC stuff online (any technology outside of work pisses me off - rather be doing other stuff).  But, you know what, what I can't stand even more is that I can't quit on my own and I've always failed to go to Celebrate Recovery or another addiction recovering group because it's "only tobacco".   I've tried plenty of my own ways to quit and have failed - with all you solid quitters at KTC - I'm STAYING QUIT one day at a time forever.

Thanks to my May brothers in my texting group for putting up with my inability to continue group texts (have to sent individually for some reason - anyone know how to continue a group text with an HTC sensation 4G) and others at KTC who have reached out to me and taken my phone calls.  Thanks to many others who have posted so many good articles that I've read here.  Many of you have gone through same struggles that I have through my 20 some years of ninja dipping...like being bummed that the public toilet you chose to sit on and dip into was not oversized, therefore, brown juice on your wiener.

Stay strong. We've all been there, in the suck, hating life and just wishing it would all go away. Stay with us here on the KTC. Not only are you healthier, you're wealthier, and you'll find in the end you will gain more patience and resilience. The addiction is forever, but that doesnt mean you have to suffer forever, you're winning. keep it that way.

Keep fighting today. I was luggage at work for about 30 days. I was totally focused on quitting. Keep your quit at the top of your "to do" list. Let nothing interfere with it.

You can do this. In time it will get better, but for now... embrace the suck  stay quit!

Fuck the job. Who cares if your work suffers for a few months. Everything else is bullshit. This is your life Rali. You are reclaiming it. You're here and this IS your FINAL quit. Keep the focus and keep the quit.

This is what I've had to come to grips with. I just can't focus, I've got to focus on my quit. The moment I start letting my intensity on quitting slip, the quicker I'll be at the convenience store across the street from my office buying another can. I've got to let my years of good work ethic pay off for a little while now. This is for me, the roads will get designed a little slower.

You guys are both doing great! Hang tough right now as your brain is healing and rewiring, it will take some time. Many of us fought through the fog for a good 30 days. The thing to remember right now is that the battle is now 100% mental, you have rid your body of nicotine but you now are left with learning how to function without the crutch we all had for so many years. The nic bitch will claw and lie to try and just "one more" fix. Stay close to KTC and your contacts, better days are ahead I promise!

I quit with you today!