To believe in myself again

[Sap]

Quick up date at Day 19 :

Last two weeks have been torturous - trouble sleeping, trouble concentrating, feelings of worthlessness...wondering (once again) if tobacco withdraw can really screw with my brain so much that I can barely function at all.  I have a history of short periods of depression (4-6 weeks) that have been triggered by either guilt of hiding my tobacco use (lying to my wife), withdraw symptoms from stopping dip/tobacco use, or maybe some other mental illness that I don't like to admit as a possibility.  So I get so low that I have trouble taking steps that I know are healthy for me - eating correctly, exercising, expressing my emotions to friends.  :(   This time it hasn't helped that I got placed on a new project at work that really tests my patience and skillsets (especially in my funk).

But good news, I'm committed to my QUIT and I am starting to feel better.  This makes me excited that I'm coming out of my haze but it is also scary.  I have very quickly, in the past, felt that I've gotten tobacco whipped once I get feeling back to "normal" and have then let my guard down and started again within 6 months.  Then each next "final quit" defeats me as a person even more. Both during the quitting, and of course, about 1 month in to reusing when the guilt starts again.

By the way, I can't stand KTC  - posting each day, texting, blogging, or even reading KTC stuff online (any technology outside of work pisses me off - rather be doing other stuff).  But, you know what, what I can't stand even more is that I can't quit on my own and I've always failed to go to Celebrate Recovery or another addiction recovering group because it's "only tobacco".   I've tried plenty of my own ways to quit and have failed - with all you solid quitters at KTC - I'm STAYING QUIT one day at a time forever.

Thanks to my May brothers in my texting group for putting up with my inability to continue group texts (have to sent individually for some reason - anyone know how to continue a group text with an HTC sensation 4G) and others at KTC who have reached out to me and taken my phone calls.  Thanks to many others who have posted so many good articles that I've read here.  Many of you have gone through same struggles that I have through my 20 some years of ninja dipping...like being bummed that the public toilet you chose to sit on and dip into was not oversized, therefore, brown juice on your wiener.

Stay strong. We've all been there, in the suck, hating life and just wishing it would all go away. Stay with us here on the KTC. Not only are you healthier, you're wealthier, and you'll find in the end you will gain more patience and resilience. The addiction is forever, but that doesnt mean you have to suffer forever, you're winning. keep it that way.

Keep fighting today. I was luggage at work for about 30 days. I was totally focused on quitting. Keep your quit at the top of your "to do" list. Let nothing interfere with it.

You can do this. In time it will get better, but for now... embrace the suck  stay quit!

Fuck the job. Who cares if your work suffers for a few months. Everything else is bullshit. This is your life Rali. You are reclaiming it. You're here and this IS your FINAL quit. Keep the focus and keep the quit.

This is what I've had to come to grips with. I just can't focus, I've got to focus on my quit. The moment I start letting my intensity on quitting slip, the quicker I'll be at the convenience store across the street from my office buying another can. I've got to let my years of good work ethic pay off for a little while now. This is for me, the roads will get designed a little slower.

[slug.go]

Quick up date at Day 19 :

Last two weeks have been torturous - trouble sleeping, trouble concentrating, feelings of worthlessness...wondering (once again) if tobacco withdraw can really screw with my brain so much that I can barely function at all.  I have a history of short periods of depression (4-6 weeks) that have been triggered by either guilt of hiding my tobacco use (lying to my wife), withdraw symptoms from stopping dip/tobacco use, or maybe some other mental illness that I don't like to admit as a possibility.  So I get so low that I have trouble taking steps that I know are healthy for me - eating correctly, exercising, expressing my emotions to friends.  :(   This time it hasn't helped that I got placed on a new project at work that really tests my patience and skillsets (especially in my funk).

But good news, I'm committed to my QUIT and I am starting to feel better.  This makes me excited that I'm coming out of my haze but it is also scary.  I have very quickly, in the past, felt that I've gotten tobacco whipped once I get feeling back to "normal" and have then let my guard down and started again within 6 months.  Then each next "final quit" defeats me as a person even more. Both during the quitting, and of course, about 1 month in to reusing when the guilt starts again.

By the way, I can't stand KTC  - posting each day, texting, blogging, or even reading KTC stuff online (any technology outside of work pisses me off - rather be doing other stuff).  But, you know what, what I can't stand even more is that I can't quit on my own and I've always failed to go to Celebrate Recovery or another addiction recovering group because it's "only tobacco".   I've tried plenty of my own ways to quit and have failed - with all you solid quitters at KTC - I'm STAYING QUIT one day at a time forever.

Thanks to my May brothers in my texting group for putting up with my inability to continue group texts (have to sent individually for some reason - anyone know how to continue a group text with an HTC sensation 4G) and others at KTC who have reached out to me and taken my phone calls.  Thanks to many others who have posted so many good articles that I've read here.  Many of you have gone through same struggles that I have through my 20 some years of ninja dipping...like being bummed that the public toilet you chose to sit on and dip into was not oversized, therefore, brown juice on your wiener.

Stay strong. We've all been there, in the suck, hating life and just wishing it would all go away. Stay with us here on the KTC. Not only are you healthier, you're wealthier, and you'll find in the end you will gain more patience and resilience. The addiction is forever, but that doesnt mean you have to suffer forever, you're winning. keep it that way.

Keep fighting today. I was luggage at work for about 30 days. I was totally focused on quitting. Keep your quit at the top of your "to do" list. Let nothing interfere with it.

You can do this. In time it will get better, but for now... embrace the suck  stay quit!

Fuck the job. Who cares if your work suffers for a few months. Everything else is bullshit. This is your life Rali. You are reclaiming it. You're here and this IS your FINAL quit. Keep the focus and keep the quit.

One day at a time...at the most. ODAAT/ATM

[Grizzlyhasclaws]

Quick up date at Day 19 :

Last two weeks have been torturous - trouble sleeping, trouble concentrating, feelings of worthlessness...wondering (once again) if tobacco withdraw can really screw with my brain so much that I can barely function at all.  I have a history of short periods of depression (4-6 weeks) that have been triggered by either guilt of hiding my tobacco use (lying to my wife), withdraw symptoms from stopping dip/tobacco use, or maybe some other mental illness that I don't like to admit as a possibility.  So I get so low that I have trouble taking steps that I know are healthy for me - eating correctly, exercising, expressing my emotions to friends.  :(   This time it hasn't helped that I got placed on a new project at work that really tests my patience and skillsets (especially in my funk).

But good news, I'm committed to my QUIT and I am starting to feel better.  This makes me excited that I'm coming out of my haze but it is also scary.  I have very quickly, in the past, felt that I've gotten tobacco whipped once I get feeling back to "normal" and have then let my guard down and started again within 6 months.  Then each next "final quit" defeats me as a person even more. Both during the quitting, and of course, about 1 month in to reusing when the guilt starts again.

By the way, I can't stand KTC  - posting each day, texting, blogging, or even reading KTC stuff online (any technology outside of work pisses me off - rather be doing other stuff).  But, you know what, what I can't stand even more is that I can't quit on my own and I've always failed to go to Celebrate Recovery or another addiction recovering group because it's "only tobacco".   I've tried plenty of my own ways to quit and have failed - with all you solid quitters at KTC - I'm STAYING QUIT one day at a time forever.

Thanks to my May brothers in my texting group for putting up with my inability to continue group texts (have to sent individually for some reason - anyone know how to continue a group text with an HTC sensation 4G) and others at KTC who have reached out to me and taken my phone calls.  Thanks to many others who have posted so many good articles that I've read here.  Many of you have gone through same struggles that I have through my 20 some years of ninja dipping...like being bummed that the public toilet you chose to sit on and dip into was not oversized, therefore, brown juice on your wiener.

Stay strong. We've all been there, in the suck, hating life and just wishing it would all go away. Stay with us here on the KTC. Not only are you healthier, you're wealthier, and you'll find in the end you will gain more patience and resilience. The addiction is forever, but that doesnt mean you have to suffer forever, you're winning. keep it that way.

Keep fighting today. I was luggage at work for about 30 days. I was totally focused on quitting. Keep your quit at the top of your "to do" list. Let nothing interfere with it.

You can do this. In time it will get better, but for now... embrace the suck  stay quit!

Fuck the job. Who cares if your work suffers for a few months. Everything else is bullshit. This is your life Rali. You are reclaiming it. You're here and this IS your FINAL quit. Keep the focus and keep the quit.

[Derk40]

Quick up date at Day 19 :

Last two weeks have been torturous - trouble sleeping, trouble concentrating, feelings of worthlessness...wondering (once again) if tobacco withdraw can really screw with my brain so much that I can barely function at all.  I have a history of short periods of depression (4-6 weeks) that have been triggered by either guilt of hiding my tobacco use (lying to my wife), withdraw symptoms from stopping dip/tobacco use, or maybe some other mental illness that I don't like to admit as a possibility.  So I get so low that I have trouble taking steps that I know are healthy for me - eating correctly, exercising, expressing my emotions to friends.  :(  This time it hasn't helped that I got placed on a new project at work that really tests my patience and skillsets (especially in my funk).

But good news, I'm committed to my QUIT and I am starting to feel better.  This makes me excited that I'm coming out of my haze but it is also scary.  I have very quickly, in the past, felt that I've gotten tobacco whipped once I get feeling back to "normal" and have then let my guard down and started again within 6 months.  Then each next "final quit" defeats me as a person even more. Both during the quitting, and of course, about 1 month in to reusing when the guilt starts again.

By the way, I can't stand KTC  - posting each day, texting, blogging, or even reading KTC stuff online (any technology outside of work pisses me off - rather be doing other stuff).  But, you know what, what I can't stand even more is that I can't quit on my own and I've always failed to go to Celebrate Recovery or another addiction recovering group because it's "only tobacco".  I've tried plenty of my own ways to quit and have failed - with all you solid quitters at KTC - I'm STAYING QUIT one day at a time forever.

Thanks to my May brothers in my texting group for putting up with my inability to continue group texts (have to sent individually for some reason - anyone know how to continue a group text with an HTC sensation 4G) and others at KTC who have reached out to me and taken my phone calls.  Thanks to many others who have posted so many good articles that I've read here.  Many of you have gone through same struggles that I have through my 20 some years of ninja dipping...like being bummed that the public toilet you chose to sit on and dip into was not oversized, therefore, brown juice on your wiener.

Stay strong. We've all been there, in the suck, hating life and just wishing it would all go away. Stay with us here on the KTC. Not only are you healthier, you're wealthier, and you'll find in the end you will gain more patience and resilience. The addiction is forever, but that doesnt mean you have to suffer forever, you're winning. keep it that way.

Keep fighting today. I was luggage at work for about 30 days. I was totally focused on quitting. Keep your quit at the top of your "to do" list. Let nothing interfere with it.

You can do this. In time it will get better, but for now... embrace the suck  stay quit!

[jdubthe2nd]

Quick up date at Day 19 :

Last two weeks have been torturous - trouble sleeping, trouble concentrating, feelings of worthlessness...wondering (once again) if tobacco withdraw can really screw with my brain so much that I can barely function at all. I have a history of short periods of depression (4-6 weeks) that have been triggered by either guilt of hiding my tobacco use (lying to my wife), withdraw symptoms from stopping dip/tobacco use, or maybe some other mental illness that I don't like to admit as a possibility. So I get so low that I have trouble taking steps that I know are healthy for me - eating correctly, exercising, expressing my emotions to friends. :( This time it hasn't helped that I got placed on a new project at work that really tests my patience and skillsets (especially in my funk).

But good news, I'm committed to my QUIT and I am starting to feel better. This makes me excited that I'm coming out of my haze but it is also scary. I have very quickly, in the past, felt that I've gotten tobacco whipped once I get feeling back to "normal" and have then let my guard down and started again within 6 months. Then each next "final quit" defeats me as a person even more. Both during the quitting, and of course, about 1 month in to reusing when the guilt starts again.

By the way, I can't stand KTC - posting each day, texting, blogging, or even reading KTC stuff online (any technology outside of work pisses me off - rather be doing other stuff). But, you know what, what I can't stand even more is that I can't quit on my own and I've always failed to go to Celebrate Recovery or another addiction recovering group because it's "only tobacco". I've tried plenty of my own ways to quit and have failed - with all you solid quitters at KTC - I'm STAYING QUIT one day at a time forever.

Thanks to my May brothers in my texting group for putting up with my inability to continue group texts (have to sent individually for some reason - anyone know how to continue a group text with an HTC sensation 4G) and others at KTC who have reached out to me and taken my phone calls. Thanks to many others who have posted so many good articles that I've read here. Many of you have gone through same struggles that I have through my 20 some years of ninja dipping...like being bummed that the public toilet you chose to sit on and dip into was not oversized, therefore, brown juice on your wiener.

Stay strong. We've all been there, in the suck, hating life and just wishing it would all go away. Stay with us here on the KTC. Not only are you healthier, you're wealthier, and you'll find in the end you will gain more patience and resilience. The addiction is forever, but that doesnt mean you have to suffer forever, you're winning. keep it that way.

[srans]

Quick up date at Day 19 :

Last two weeks have been torturous - trouble sleeping, trouble concentrating, feelings of worthlessness...wondering (once again) if tobacco withdraw can really screw with my brain so much that I can barely function at all. I have a history of short periods of depression (4-6 weeks) that have been triggered by either guilt of hiding my tobacco use (lying to my wife), withdraw symptoms from stopping dip/tobacco use, or maybe some other mental illness that I don't like to admit as a possibility. So I get so low that I have trouble taking steps that I know are healthy for me - eating correctly, exercising, expressing my emotions to friends. :( This time it hasn't helped that I got placed on a new project at work that really tests my patience and skillsets (especially in my funk).

But good news, I'm committed to my QUIT and I am starting to feel better. This makes me excited that I'm coming out of my haze but it is also scary. I have very quickly, in the past, felt that I've gotten tobacco whipped once I get feeling back to "normal" and have then let my guard down and started again within 6 months. Then each next "final quit" defeats me as a person even more. Both during the quitting, and of course, about 1 month in to reusing when the guilt starts again.

By the way, I can't stand KTC - posting each day, texting, blogging, or even reading KTC stuff online (any technology outside of work pisses me off - rather be doing other stuff). But, you know what, what I can't stand even more is that I can't quit on my own and I've always failed to go to Celebrate Recovery or another addiction recovering group because it's "only tobacco". I've tried plenty of my own ways to quit and have failed - with all you solid quitters at KTC - I'm STAYING QUIT one day at a time forever.

Thanks to my May brothers in my texting group for putting up with my inability to continue group texts (have to sent individually for some reason - anyone know how to continue a group text with an HTC sensation 4G) and others at KTC who have reached out to me and taken my phone calls. Thanks to many others who have posted so many good articles that I've read here. Many of you have gone through same struggles that I have through my 20 some years of ninja dipping...like being bummed that the public toilet you chose to sit on and dip into was not oversized, therefore, brown juice on your wiener.

Your doing the right things. It's going to improve in time, believe it. The emotional rollercoaster that takes place is rough. I remember thinking, how long must i endure.

The answer,, as long as it takes. You make your decision every morning to post roll and keep your word no matter what the day brings. Your reward for the time being is your dignity and freedom.

After time the new you will begin emerging. Trusty me, you want to meet this guy. He is sure of himself, healthier and feels good about what he has accomplished. This guy has learned that he can accomplish way more than he ever thought he could when the poison was in control. Keep your head pointed forward, nothing back there.

[RaliPaul]

Quick up date at Day 19 :

Last two weeks have been torturous - trouble sleeping, trouble concentrating, feelings of worthlessness...wondering (once again) if tobacco withdraw can really screw with my brain so much that I can barely function at all. I have a history of short periods of depression (4-6 weeks) that have been triggered by either guilt of hiding my tobacco use (lying to my wife), withdraw symptoms from stopping dip/tobacco use, or maybe some other mental illness that I don't like to admit as a possibility. So I get so low that I have trouble taking steps that I know are healthy for me - eating correctly, exercising, expressing my emotions to friends. :( This time it hasn't helped that I got placed on a new project at work that really tests my patience and skillsets (especially in my funk).

But good news, I'm committed to my QUIT and I am starting to feel better. This makes me excited that I'm coming out of my haze but it is also scary. I have very quickly, in the past, felt that I've gotten tobacco whipped once I get feeling back to "normal" and have then let my guard down and started again within 6 months. Then each next "final quit" defeats me as a person even more. Both during the quitting, and of course, about 1 month in to reusing when the guilt starts again.

By the way, I can't stand KTC - posting each day, texting, blogging, or even reading KTC stuff online (any technology outside of work pisses me off - rather be doing other stuff). But, you know what, what I can't stand even more is that I can't quit on my own and I've always failed to go to Celebrate Recovery or another addiction recovering group because it's "only tobacco". I've tried plenty of my own ways to quit and have failed - with all you solid quitters at KTC - I'm STAYING QUIT one day at a time forever.

Thanks to my May brothers in my texting group for putting up with my inability to continue group texts (have to sent individually for some reason - anyone know how to continue a group text with an HTC sensation 4G) and others at KTC who have reached out to me and taken my phone calls. Thanks to many others who have posted so many good articles that I've read here. Many of you have gone through same struggles that I have through my 20 some years of ninja dipping...like being bummed that the public toilet you chose to sit on and dip into was not oversized, therefore, brown juice on your wiener.

[apogeeammo]

I'm trying hard to be QUIT for good this time.
On day 5 and I'm hurting - sore teeth, neck ache, fuzziness, no motivation, lack of concentration - for sure!
I QUIT with you today.

Rali, Rali, Rali, oh how I dont miss those first days. It was my 9th day that the fog lifted, the first 9 days sucked the big one. But you know what?? We did that shit to ourselves. Embrace the suck my friend and log how you feel here in your intro, because this is the last time your going to EVER go through this shit. You are kicking so much ass on day 5 man. And i mean like sea hawks vs the broncos type of ass kickin. Your winning. Stay strong and pm me if you need anything extra to help you through these lovely foggy, tired, headache, stiff body filled days. Most importantly, STAY QUIT

Winter Green

Rail, looks like your off to a good start, but let's change a few of your thoughts and set you on a path to a great quit!!

Don't try, just do!!! Sound hard yes, but it is simple, you chose to dip now you "chose" not too.

Don't think about things like forever, or "for good". Worry about today, tomorrow will be what it is, we only control today. If you post roll early tomorrow it will be a quit day too. Again not easy but simple.

You need anything you reach out.

Erussell day 280

Eddie already spewed the sage advice about doing not trying. So I will simply state that you are experiencing a great motivation to quit right now. It does get better, but remember these fucked up days as later in your quit you will start to realize that you don't want to experience that again.

Your brain has been rewired and it is trying to tell you that you are incapable of this without your crutch. The aches and pains will go away but for your sake I hope it is not fast or easy because you truly need to experience this SUCK too.

Trudge along, quit strong and surround yourself with quit. PM me is you need someone to talk to or an ear to bend.

P

Paul, the fact that you have posted on your introduction for a second day is very encouraging! That signals that you are committed. What worked for me was coming here, posting roll, post my thoughts about how shitty I felt and then reading on some other intro's. As your day progresses and you have craves, come to the site and read!

It really worked for me and I hope it will for you. Don't buy that can because I'm quitting with you today!

[Pinched]

I'm trying hard to be QUIT for good this time.
On day 5 and I'm hurting - sore teeth, neck ache, fuzziness, no motivation, lack of concentration - for sure!
I QUIT with you today.

Rali, Rali, Rali, oh how I dont miss those first days. It was my 9th day that the fog lifted, the first 9 days sucked the big one. But you know what?? We did that shit to ourselves. Embrace the suck my friend and log how you feel here in your intro, because this is the last time your going to EVER go through this shit. You are kicking so much ass on day 5 man. And i mean like sea hawks vs the broncos type of ass kickin. Your winning. Stay strong and pm me if you need anything extra to help you through these lovely foggy, tired, headache, stiff body filled days. Most importantly, STAY QUIT

Winter Green

Rail, looks like your off to a good start, but let's change a few of your thoughts and set you on a path to a great quit!!

Don't try, just do!!! Sound hard yes, but it is simple, you chose to dip now you "chose" not too.

Don't think about things like forever, or "for good". Worry about today, tomorrow will be what it is, we only control today. If you post roll early tomorrow it will be a quit day too. Again not easy but simple.

You need anything you reach out.

Erussell day 280

Eddie already spewed the sage advice about doing not trying. So I will simply state that you are experiencing a great motivation to quit right now. It does get better, but remember these fucked up days as later in your quit you will start to realize that you don't want to experience that again.

Your brain has been rewired and it is trying to tell you that you are incapable of this without your crutch. The aches and pains will go away but for your sake I hope it is not fast or easy because you truly need to experience this SUCK too.

Trudge along, quit strong and surround yourself with quit. PM me is you need someone to talk to or an ear to bend.

P

[Erussell]

I'm trying hard to be QUIT for good this time.
On day 5 and I'm hurting - sore teeth, neck ache, fuzziness, no motivation, lack of concentration - for sure!
I QUIT with you today.

Rali, Rali, Rali, oh how I dont miss those first days. It was my 9th day that the fog lifted, the first 9 days sucked the big one. But you know what?? We did that shit to ourselves. Embrace the suck my friend and log how you feel here in your intro, because this is the last time your going to EVER go through this shit. You are kicking so much ass on day 5 man. And i mean like sea hawks vs the broncos type of ass kickin. Your winning. Stay strong and pm me if you need anything extra to help you through these lovely foggy, tired, headache, stiff body filled days. Most importantly, STAY QUIT

Winter Green

Rail, looks like your off to a good start, but let's change a few of your thoughts and set you on a path to a great quit!!

Don't try, just do!!! Sound hard yes, but it is simple, you chose to dip now you "chose" not too.

Don't think about things like forever, or "for good". Worry about today, tomorrow will be what it is, we only control today. If you post roll early tomorrow it will be a quit day too. Again not easy but simple.

You need anything you reach out.

Erussell day 280

[slug.go]

Paul, you got this..you made it through the weekend staring down triggers along the way. Read everything you can on this site and LISTEN to the old-timers. Everyone here has been where you are and almost everyone here is where you want to be. But, you can only quit for today, do it and we'll all do it with you! Post roll, no nic, read, repeat.
It may be hard, but it is simple!

[RaliPaul]

My name is Paul. The Rali in front is an acronym that I'll explain sometime.
So I'm sitting here thinking where the closest 7-11 is and how nice it would be to then hide away into my truck and put in the poison named Grizzley! :wacko: Those thoughts still come even though that action would flood me with even more guilt than I now feel for not quiting before leaving college, before getting married, before 30, before my first son, second son, third son, before my 10 year anniversary, before turning 40, ....
But I don't want to go through this fog again!!! I don't want to be defeated again! I'll stay quit today. I'll also stay positive and embrace the suck!

[Winter Green]

I'm trying hard to be QUIT for good this time.
On day 5 and I'm hurting - sore teeth, neck ache, fuzziness, no motivation, lack of concentration - for sure!
I QUIT with you today.

Rali, Rali, Rali, oh how I dont miss those first days. It was my 9th day that the fog lifted, the first 9 days sucked the big one. But you know what?? We did that shit to ourselves. Embrace the suck my friend and log how you feel here in your intro, because this is the last time your going to EVER go through this shit. You are kicking so much ass on day 5 man. And i mean like sea hawks vs the broncos type of ass kickin. Your winning. Stay strong and pm me if you need anything extra to help you through these lovely foggy, tired, headache, stiff body filled days. Most importantly, STAY QUIT

Winter Green

[RaliPaul]

I'm trying hard to be QUIT for good this time.
On day 5 and I'm hurting - sore teeth, neck ache, fuzziness, no motivation, lack of concentration - for sure!
I QUIT with you today.

[Mogul]

Wintergreen has some serious words for you and we back him up. If you want it, it is yours to take. POst roll, get pissed, and make the decision you are done. Grizzclaws, Wintergreen and a hell of a lot more quitters will be here for you. It's your decision. We back your ass and kill the bitch..

Mogul