My Quit Diary

[dgonseaux]

That is good shit there!  Congrats on your choice, brother.  Embrace the suck...it is the feeling of your recovery.  Read the Tom  Jenny Kern story (click on KilltheCan.org at the top and you'll see the link to their story at the bottom right). 

Depressed?  Heck, you GET to feel like this...it is a blessing.  I love the idea of taking a few minutes to be with the Lord.  That is exactly right...you're not in this alone.  You have taken the first step, let us help you with the rest.  That's what we're here for.  Post, rage, read...whatever you need, we're here for that.   

Nobody gets away from the Nic Bitch for the asking.  There are no short cuts to freedom.  I used to look at how many folks were on this site and realize that every damn one of us went through, or is going through, the same thing.  It is pretty cool, if you think about it...a whole web-site full of people saving their own lives one day at a time.  Pretty cool. huh? 

It doesn't matter how much money you have, what color you are, who your daddy is.  And, nobody can do this for you.  You simply commit to quit and earn your freedom one day at a time.  Depression is a serious condition.  Don't ignore it and don't hesitate to seek medical help.  But try to see it for what it is...another hurdle to get to freedom.  You can do this, brother!!!

Do I cry at weddings? No

Do I cry at funerals? No (screwed up right?)

Do I cry when I hit a squirrel on the road? No

Did I cry when I read the Kern's story? Absolutely. I don't know that I would have before I had kids but...it's all about perspective. If more people would document their stories, the anti tobacco movement would be so much further along. I know that has to be tough doing that, but it helps more than words can describe.

Thanks so much for your support. I haven't been depressed in years, and it only lasted for a full day yesterday. I spent some time in the word, put on some praise music, and went to a men's Bible study this morning and haven't had any more issues as of yet. If/when I realize what's going on, taking a huge step back and looking at the big picture is essential. I've invested 35 days into 60 or 70 years of life. How does that compare? That's right. It doesn't. Man up and fight through.

Depression blows!!!!

I find myself starting to slide down the slope of depression rather frequently and for anyone who would have ever know me thats not ME!

I usually goto SWJ's page and read sometimes I dont get all laughing at the first story I may read but within a couple of stories I stop the slide into depression, I hope that can work for you and remember your doing right even though the nic bitch is trying to tell you differently!!!

Stay quit brother!!

That is a funny dude. I have no idea how he has time to come up with the crap he comes up with but I'm glad for it!

I have the same feeling of it not being me! I know it's not, but that's all you can see or remember at that moment ya know? Again, you gotta step back and see the WHOLE picture. I've got a beautiful wife, little girl, another on the way, house, job, and...

ONE HELL OF A FINE BROTHERHOOD ON THIS SITE!

Who could ask for more? Honestly!

[Grizzly25]

That is good shit there!  Congrats on your choice, brother.  Embrace the suck...it is the feeling of your recovery.  Read the Tom  Jenny Kern story (click on KilltheCan.org at the top and you'll see the link to their story at the bottom right). 

Depressed?  Heck, you GET to feel like this...it is a blessing.  I love the idea of taking a few minutes to be with the Lord.  That is exactly right...you're not in this alone.  You have taken the first step, let us help you with the rest.  That's what we're here for.  Post, rage, read...whatever you need, we're here for that.   

Nobody gets away from the Nic Bitch for the asking.  There are no short cuts to freedom.  I used to look at how many folks were on this site and realize that every damn one of us went through, or is going through, the same thing.  It is pretty cool, if you think about it...a whole web-site full of people saving their own lives one day at a time.  Pretty cool. huh? 

It doesn't matter how much money you have, what color you are, who your daddy is.  And, nobody can do this for you.  You simply commit to quit and earn your freedom one day at a time.  Depression is a serious condition.  Don't ignore it and don't hesitate to seek medical help.  But try to see it for what it is...another hurdle to get to freedom.  You can do this, brother!!!

Do I cry at weddings? No

Do I cry at funerals? No (screwed up right?)

Do I cry when I hit a squirrel on the road? No

Did I cry when I read the Kern's story? Absolutely. I don't know that I would have before I had kids but...it's all about perspective. If more people would document their stories, the anti tobacco movement would be so much further along. I know that has to be tough doing that, but it helps more than words can describe.

Thanks so much for your support. I haven't been depressed in years, and it only lasted for a full day yesterday. I spent some time in the word, put on some praise music, and went to a men's Bible study this morning and haven't had any more issues as of yet. If/when I realize what's going on, taking a huge step back and looking at the big picture is essential. I've invested 35 days into 60 or 70 years of life. How does that compare? That's right. It doesn't. Man up and fight through.

Depression blows!!!!

I find myself starting to slide down the slope of depression rather frequently and for anyone who would have ever know me thats not ME!

I usually goto SWJ's page and read sometimes I dont get all laughing at the first story I may read but within a couple of stories I stop the slide into depression, I hope that can work for you and remember your doing right even though the nic bitch is trying to tell you differently!!!

Stay quit brother!!

[Mthomas3824]

The point of all thisÂ…
IÂ’ve never been a man to express my feelings, much less write them down. My wife has to pry this stuff out of me most of the time. So why the change? Why now? Well, simply because I need to remember this. So here goes my lame attempt of a quit diary. I just wish I had started this at day oneÂ…

A word of warning to everyone who thinks everything is going just fine, and “I can make it no problem from here”….

Yesterday was my 35th day quit. It was quite possibly the worst day that I can ever remember. IÂ’m writing this more for myself so I can look back and remember exactly how badly life sucks having the nic bitch haunt you shortly after kicking her out, but I hope it helps someone else along the way too.

A little history, I used to be somewhat of an alcoholic and was pretty depressed that entire time of my life. You wouldn’t have known it by looking at me, but when I got alone, it was bad. What I went through yesterday took me straight back to that period in my life. I hated my job, my truck, my house, and I didn’t even want to go home to my 7 month pregnant wife and 1 year old girl. And I hated myself for that. It was like the sensible me stepped out of my body and was sitting there watching some kind of screwed up, self-destructing, reality show. I would throw a fit about every little thing that went wrong. For example, my wife hadn’t emptied the dishwasher by the time I got home (which I don’t expect her too) and so I started to clean it out. I really didn’t want to and let out a “I don’t want to clean out this fucking dishwasher!” and tried to break a plate by flexing it...

WHAT? I know that I’m doing it, I know it’s completely ridiculous, and yet I still do it. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!? It was at that point that the sensible me said “Wow, this is too much” and I stepped back in and said, “Hey man, go chill outside” Then it hit me. I remember reading somewhere that depression is a symptom of quitting nicotine. Is that why I’ve been feeling so shitty today? Probably. So I texted a mentor and sure enough, he went through the exact same thing. An hour later, I went out to the garage to start organizing and pricing for a garage sale with my wife and started up my Jeremy Camp station on Pandora. The song that came on was definitely a message from God. That, combined with what my mentor said was exactly what I needed to hear. The chorus is below. I don't care if you're a believer or not, focus on the first 4 lines of that song. Powerful.

So I learned that when I start feeling bad for myself or sorry for myself or if I feel like IÂ’m losing control, I tell myself that this is temporary. Go away and take a few minutes for yourself. Spend some time with the Lord. DonÂ’t let your kid see you like this. And when I do, things will clear up after a while. The cycle might happen several times a day, but it will end. Just fight through. Stay quit.

You Are More by Tenth Avenue North

You are more than the choices that youÂ’ve made
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes
You are more than the problems you create
YouÂ’ve been remade
Cause this is not about what youÂ’ve done
But whatÂ’s been done for you
This is not about where youÂ’ve been
But where your brokenness brings you to
This is not about what you feel
But what He felt to forgive you
And what He felt to make you loved


Amen to that.

That is some hard-core awesome quit there!!!

Great advise that I will use now and continually for the rest of my days......

I am happy to be quit with you today brother!!!

Yesterday was a pisser for a lot of us. Sometimes I think there are unseen forces. Maybe yesterday was an all out battle to claim the quitters back. I was on day 15 and had the same feelings.

I am so glad I survived cause today is a new day. Great post. Looks like the nic bitch lost yesterday. WE MADE IT TO FIGHT TODAY!!!!

Thanks for keeping my inspired my friend.

[dgonseaux]

That is good shit there!  Congrats on your choice, brother.  Embrace the suck...it is the feeling of your recovery.  Read the Tom  Jenny Kern story (click on KilltheCan.org at the top and you'll see the link to their story at the bottom right). 

Depressed?  Heck, you GET to feel like this...it is a blessing.  I love the idea of taking a few minutes to be with the Lord.  That is exactly right...you're not in this alone.  You have taken the first step, let us help you with the rest.  That's what we're here for.  Post, rage, read...whatever you need, we're here for that.   

Nobody gets away from the Nic Bitch for the asking.  There are no short cuts to freedom.  I used to look at how many folks were on this site and realize that every damn one of us went through, or is going through, the same thing.  It is pretty cool, if you think about it...a whole web-site full of people saving their own lives one day at a time.  Pretty cool. huh? 

It doesn't matter how much money you have, what color you are, who your daddy is.  And, nobody can do this for you.  You simply commit to quit and earn your freedom one day at a time.  Depression is a serious condition.  Don't ignore it and don't hesitate to seek medical help.  But try to see it for what it is...another hurdle to get to freedom.  You can do this, brother!!!

Do I cry at weddings? No

Do I cry at funerals? No (screwed up right?)

Do I cry when I hit a squirrel on the road? No

Did I cry when I read the Kern's story? Absolutely. I don't know that I would have before I had kids but...it's all about perspective. If more people would document their stories, the anti tobacco movement would be so much further along. I know that has to be tough doing that, but it helps more than words can describe.

Thanks so much for your support. I haven't been depressed in years, and it only lasted for a full day yesterday. I spent some time in the word, put on some praise music, and went to a men's Bible study this morning and haven't had any more issues as of yet. If/when I realize what's going on, taking a huge step back and looking at the big picture is essential. I've invested 35 days into 60 or 70 years of life. How does that compare? That's right. It doesn't. Man up and fight through.

[Grizzly25]

The point of all thisÂ…
IÂ’ve never been a man to express my feelings, much less write them down. My wife has to pry this stuff out of me most of the time. So why the change? Why now? Well, simply because I need to remember this. So here goes my lame attempt of a quit diary. I just wish I had started this at day oneÂ…

A word of warning to everyone who thinks everything is going just fine, and “I can make it no problem from here”….

Yesterday was my 35th day quit. It was quite possibly the worst day that I can ever remember. IÂ’m writing this more for myself so I can look back and remember exactly how badly life sucks having the nic bitch haunt you shortly after kicking her out, but I hope it helps someone else along the way too.

A little history, I used to be somewhat of an alcoholic and was pretty depressed that entire time of my life. You wouldn’t have known it by looking at me, but when I got alone, it was bad. What I went through yesterday took me straight back to that period in my life. I hated my job, my truck, my house, and I didn’t even want to go home to my 7 month pregnant wife and 1 year old girl. And I hated myself for that. It was like the sensible me stepped out of my body and was sitting there watching some kind of screwed up, self-destructing, reality show. I would throw a fit about every little thing that went wrong. For example, my wife hadn’t emptied the dishwasher by the time I got home (which I don’t expect her too) and so I started to clean it out. I really didn’t want to and let out a “I don’t want to clean out this fucking dishwasher!” and tried to break a plate by flexing it...

WHAT? I know that I’m doing it, I know it’s completely ridiculous, and yet I still do it. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!? It was at that point that the sensible me said “Wow, this is too much” and I stepped back in and said, “Hey man, go chill outside” Then it hit me. I remember reading somewhere that depression is a symptom of quitting nicotine. Is that why I’ve been feeling so shitty today? Probably. So I texted a mentor and sure enough, he went through the exact same thing. An hour later, I went out to the garage to start organizing and pricing for a garage sale with my wife and started up my Jeremy Camp station on Pandora. The song that came on was definitely a message from God. That, combined with what my mentor said was exactly what I needed to hear. The chorus is below. I don't care if you're a believer or not, focus on the first 4 lines of that song. Powerful.

So I learned that when I start feeling bad for myself or sorry for myself or if I feel like IÂ’m losing control, I tell myself that this is temporary. Go away and take a few minutes for yourself. Spend some time with the Lord. DonÂ’t let your kid see you like this. And when I do, things will clear up after a while. The cycle might happen several times a day, but it will end. Just fight through. Stay quit.

You Are More by Tenth Avenue North

You are more than the choices that youÂ’ve made
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes
You are more than the problems you create
YouÂ’ve been remade
Cause this is not about what youÂ’ve done
But whatÂ’s been done for you
This is not about where youÂ’ve been
But where your brokenness brings you to
This is not about what you feel
But what He felt to forgive you
And what He felt to make you loved


Amen to that.

That is some hard-core awesome quit there!!!

Great advise that I will use now and continually for the rest of my days......

I am happy to be quit with you today brother!!!

[Bean]

That is good shit there! Congrats on your choice, brother. Embrace the suck...it is the feeling of your recovery. Read the Tom  Jenny Kern story (click on KilltheCan.org at the top and you'll see the link to their story at the bottom right).

Depressed? Heck, you GET to feel like this...it is a blessing. I love the idea of taking a few minutes to be with the Lord. That is exactly right...you're not in this alone. You have taken the first step, let us help you with the rest. That's what we're here for. Post, rage, read...whatever you need, we're here for that.

Nobody gets away from the Nic Bitch for the asking. There are no short cuts to freedom. I used to look at how many folks were on this site and realize that every damn one of us went through, or is going through, the same thing. It is pretty cool, if you think about it...a whole web-site full of people saving their own lives one day at a time. Pretty cool. huh?

It doesn't matter how much money you have, what color you are, who your daddy is. And, nobody can do this for you. You simply commit to quit and earn your freedom one day at a time. Depression is a serious condition. Don't ignore it and don't hesitate to seek medical help. But try to see it for what it is...another hurdle to get to freedom. You can do this, brother!!!

[Gunner26]

Nice... Keep it up! Went through the same crap... Trust that it get's better!
Gunner26

[dgonseaux]

The point of all thisÂ…
IÂ’ve never been a man to express my feelings, much less write them down. My wife has to pry this stuff out of me most of the time. So why the change? Why now? Well, simply because I need to remember this. So here goes my lame attempt of a quit diary. I just wish I had started this at day oneÂ…

A word of warning to everyone who thinks everything is going just fine, and “I can make it no problem from here”….

Yesterday was my 35th day quit. It was quite possibly the worst day that I can ever remember. IÂ’m writing this more for myself so I can look back and remember exactly how badly life sucks having the nic bitch haunt you shortly after kicking her out, but I hope it helps someone else along the way too.

A little history, I used to be somewhat of an alcoholic and was pretty depressed that entire time of my life. You wouldn’t have known it by looking at me, but when I got alone, it was bad. What I went through yesterday took me straight back to that period in my life. I hated my job, my truck, my house, and I didn’t even want to go home to my 7 month pregnant wife and 1 year old girl. And I hated myself for that. It was like the sensible me stepped out of my body and was sitting there watching some kind of screwed up, self-destructing, reality show. I would throw a fit about every little thing that went wrong. For example, my wife hadn’t emptied the dishwasher by the time I got home (which I don’t expect her too) and so I started to clean it out. I really didn’t want to and let out a “I don’t want to clean out this fucking dishwasher!” and tried to break a plate by flexing it...

WHAT? I know that I’m doing it, I know it’s completely ridiculous, and yet I still do it. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!? It was at that point that the sensible me said “Wow, this is too much” and I stepped back in and said, “Hey man, go chill outside” Then it hit me. I remember reading somewhere that depression is a symptom of quitting nicotine. Is that why I’ve been feeling so shitty today? Probably. So I texted a mentor and sure enough, he went through the exact same thing. An hour later, I went out to the garage to start organizing and pricing for a garage sale with my wife and started up my Jeremy Camp station on Pandora. The song that came on was definitely a message from God. That, combined with what my mentor said was exactly what I needed to hear. The chorus is below. I don't care if you're a believer or not, focus on the first 4 lines of that song. Powerful.

So I learned that when I start feeling bad for myself or sorry for myself or if I feel like IÂ’m losing control, I tell myself that this is temporary. Go away and take a few minutes for yourself. Spend some time with the Lord. DonÂ’t let your kid see you like this. And when I do, things will clear up after a while. The cycle might happen several times a day, but it will end. Just fight through. Stay quit.

You Are More by Tenth Avenue North

You are more than the choices that youÂ’ve made
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes
You are more than the problems you create
YouÂ’ve been remade
Cause this is not about what youÂ’ve done
But whatÂ’s been done for you
This is not about where youÂ’ve been
But where your brokenness brings you to
This is not about what you feel
But what He felt to forgive you
And what He felt to make you loved


Amen to that.

[CMH17]

I've got a question for all you vets. This is day 26 for me and I've been substituting coffee since around day 4 or 5. It's been in my lip pretty much constantly but last night I went a couple hours without it and had some pretty intense lip burn and snapped at my wife for the first time in a couple of days. Do I need to drop the coffee now or is it ok to continue and will it be easy to quit later?

I don't know what you used before but the Smokey Mountain chew is pretty good. The wintergreen has a good flavor to it.

That it does. I was pissed when they ran out at Walmart recently.

I don't ninja dip it at work like I used to, but it's cool to have when doing rare triggers like fishing or golfing, as opposed to driving and stuff.

The only problem is they keep it with all the tobacco product and thats always seems to be the longest line.

[jonathanrivers]

I've got a question for all you vets. This is day 26 for me and I've been substituting coffee since around day 4 or 5. It's been in my lip pretty much constantly but last night I went a couple hours without it and had some pretty intense lip burn and snapped at my wife for the first time in a couple of days. Do I need to drop the coffee now or is it ok to continue and will it be easy to quit later?

I don't know what you used before but the Smokey Mountain chew is pretty good. The wintergreen has a good flavor to it.

That it does. I was pissed when they ran out at Walmart recently.

I don't ninja dip it at work like I used to, but it's cool to have when doing rare triggers like fishing or golfing, as opposed to driving and stuff.

[CMH17]

I've got a question for all you vets. This is day 26 for me and I've been substituting coffee since around day 4 or 5. It's been in my lip pretty much constantly but last night I went a couple hours without it and had some pretty intense lip burn and snapped at my wife for the first time in a couple of days. Do I need to drop the coffee now or is it ok to continue and will it be easy to quit later?

I don't know what you used before but the Smokey Mountain chew is pretty good. The wintergreen has a good flavor to it.

[dgonseaux]

Thanks for all the advice ya'll. Things have been pretty good the past week and a half with dipping coffee non stop. I just had a little short tempered snap last night when I tried to go a couple of hours without it and it scared me because it was the same feeling I used to have when I was late for my nic whore appt.

I've been switching back and forth between caffiene and decaf and I haven't noticed a whole lot of a difference. I figure I'm only putting in less than a teaspoons worth at a time and a I normally use 2 tablespoons for a cup (which I rarely drink now) so it's probably not any more caffiene than I'm used to, just more consistant.

Perhaps this helps? http://www.killthecan.org/robs/cafnic.asp


1 day a time.

Thanks Scowick. I had read something like that somewhere else. Maybe it's affecting me and I'm just not aware of it. I may have decaf by accident in my bag today because I feel like what I imagine it would feel like to be dying, fighting to keep my eyes open. I'm so freaking tired. It would be ok if I still worked outdoors but these computer screens are killing me...

[Scowick65]

Thanks for all the advice ya'll. Things have been pretty good the past week and a half with dipping coffee non stop. I just had a little short tempered snap last night when I tried to go a couple of hours without it and it scared me because it was the same feeling I used to have when I was late for my nic whore appt.

I've been switching back and forth between caffiene and decaf and I haven't noticed a whole lot of a difference. I figure I'm only putting in less than a teaspoons worth at a time and a I normally use 2 tablespoons for a cup (which I rarely drink now) so it's probably not any more caffiene than I'm used to, just more consistant.

Perhaps this helps? http://www.killthecan.org/robs/cafnic.asp


1 day a time.

[dgonseaux]

Thanks for all the advice ya'll. Things have been pretty good the past week and a half with dipping coffee non stop. I just had a little short tempered snap last night when I tried to go a couple of hours without it and it scared me because it was the same feeling I used to have when I was late for my nic whore appt.

I've been switching back and forth between caffiene and decaf and I haven't noticed a whole lot of a difference. I figure I'm only putting in less than a teaspoons worth at a time and a I normally use 2 tablespoons for a cup (which I rarely drink now) so it's probably not any more caffiene than I'm used to, just more consistant.

[T-Cell]

I've got a question for all you vets. This is day 26 for me and I've been substituting coffee since around day 4 or 5. It's been in my lip pretty much constantly but last night I went a couple hours without it and had some pretty intense lip burn and snapped at my wife for the first time in a couple of days. Do I need to drop the coffee now or is it ok to continue and will it be easy to quit later?

Whoa-
Never thought of coffee as a chew substitute. If you are experiencing lip burn, probably time to try something else (seeds, gum, my favorite altoids). I'd think the caffeine would be problem for sleeping, irritability, but don't have any exerience chewing it...
Don't rant at your family, rant here. We know what you are going through. Whichever way you chose to go, protect and maintain your quit. You are doing great.