I am, generally speaking, a very honest man. I don't cheat or steal, and until recently i didn't lie. Like most people I detest lying, and liars, and my addiction has turned me into what I hate. I am horrifically addicted to a poison branded Grizzly wintergreen, and I am ready to leave it behind once and for all. I am new here, so I guess I will begin with a little background. I am a relatively recent chew addict, I have only been doing it around two years, but have been a nicotine slave for 15. I started smoking in high school, quickly developing a two pack a day habit. After twelve long years and thousands of dollars I made the choice to quit smoking. I quit cold turkey, it was tough, and i prevailed. For a little over a year I didnt smoke once, not even a puff. My confidence was soaring and I felt like I could accomplish anything, until one night at work. I was having an exceptionally bad night at the plant. My boss was riding my ass, putting a lot of pressure to finish a project in half the time it would normally take. I was stressed to the max, and I broke. I knew one of my coworkers kept cigarettes in his truck, and in a moment of weakness I asked if I could go have one to relax. Of course he obliged. Over the next week i was smoking on my breaks at work, and as addictions go I started buying packs and was smoking two packs a day again. I am a runner, something I picked up when I quit smoking originally, and I found after a month my running had gone to shit. I was relaying this to a friend who told me that I should use chew to stop smoking. "Chew to break the habit of lighting cigs etc, then phase the chew out", was the sage advice bestowed on me. I figured what the hell, chewing tobacco is disgusting and theres no way i would adopt it as a habit. I was sure I would do it for a week or two and be so grossed out id stop doing it quickly. As you all know, I couldnt have been more wrong. Fact is the first little dip of Copenhagen I tried quickly morphed into a 1+ can of Grizzly a day habit. I find myself almost constantly chewing. And the strange thing is I truly feel like I am more addicted to it than I ever was to smoking. The urge to chew is so strong I cant find words to describe it. Since I started I've met a really amazing woman, and like all women she hates the fact I chew. When we first met I told her I was going to quit when the time was right etc. After six months of dating I told her it was over, that im quitting. That lasted less than a day. Once i got to work it was game over. I cant run my machines with an empty lip. I quickly told her that I started again, and would make another effort down the road. Fast forward a few months, i really felt like it was time to give it another go. I rid my home and truck of all thing tobacco related and decided to do the damn thing, for real. That was two months ago, and I lasted for three days before caving. This time I didn't have the heart to admit to her that id failed again. So for two months I have been lying through my tobacco stained teeth. I keep mouthwash in my truck, so hopefully she wont smell the chew on my breath. I have to keep a running list of ways to cover my tracks. Did I remember to check my teeth for flecks of Grizzly? Did I remember to wipe the brown residue from my bottom lip? It's exhausting. I wish I could just take a magic pill and forget I ever tried the stuff. Wish in one hand and shit in the other, see which one gets filled first..... I don't want to quit for her, I want to quit for me. I wanted to quit before I met her. That being said I can deal with my failures to quit by myself, but I can no longer tolerate lying to someone I love on a daily basis. Im starting a new quit in a few days. I hope that the wisdom and support here will help me through the hard times. Thanks for reading my rambling diatribe. It did feel great to vent, and be open about my addiction, even if it was on a message board under an assumed name. good luck to all who read this post.
