Day 105 - Digging around in the shop yesterday, I found a brand new pouch of pipe tobacco and one of my old pipes rat holed in the back of my soldering/electronics drawer. I literally jerked my hand back, dropping the pouch as if it were a snake, when I first found it. I sat down and stared at it lying there, lurking, waiting. Got up went outside, drawer still open, pondered the universe and why it showed up now. Looked at the corner of the barn where a rake was leaning, walked over and started raking up pine needles and cones. Had a pile about the size of a hay bale. Went back into the shop, drawer still open, pouch on top, I found a small box of matches from the tobacco shop, picked up the pouch and walked out to the pile. Opened the pouch, sprinkled it across the top of the pine needle pile and lit the pile on fire. No smelling (I used to love the smell of fresh pipe tobacco), no regret or crave. A burnt offering, my native buddies would have approved. They were always after me for abusing tobacco. To them it is sacred and to be given to the Creator in prayer, not sucked on and abused for our own "benefit".
My Quit had not been challenged. No one has offered tobacco. I hadn't really been in a tempting situation. I like and am grateful for my NIC dreams. They scare the crap out of me. I wake up pissed and scared. I have, in my dream, had nicotine. I realize after the fact I have violated my KTC oath, hence the pissed scared part. Then I wake up and with great relief realize it was a dream. A second chance, it feels like. As I was looking at that pouch of tobacco, it was like the dreams, except I had a choice. There was nothing hard about it, easy decision. Like I had seen this before and knew what to do.
So... I do control my Quit. I do control what I put in my mouth. Tobacco is an inanimate object. It has no power if I choose to not give it any. Nothing good can come from the addition of tobacco/nicotine to any situation. Oh! and it was a great fire. I got the whole yard raked piled and burned, it was windy so the smoke spread quick. Its all good...PTQWYT ODAAT
