Day 1 of the long Road

[olcpo]

41 Down, 42 tomorrow.

6 weeks

6 weeks ago I dumped a log of grizzly wintergreen and never looked back. 6 weeks ago I made the best decision I could have made, but it brought on the bumpiest ride of my life. My last post was 5 weeks down, and honestly, so much has happened in this last week, it's made up for the last few weeks of not really feeling down about my quit. I can't say I've had any real bad days of my quit until this past week, between work, school, and just everything going on, the Nic bitch caught me slipping a bit. I did not cave though, I was able to reach out and phone a fellow quitter, and distract myself. That moment was the toughest craving I have had so far these last 41 days and it came outta nowhere. I actually am sitting here on the bed doing schoolwork and typing this out, all while having a pinch of Smokey Mountain in my lip to help calm the cravings from the long day I've had today. I can't imagine what life will be like when I'm hitting HoF status, but I do know that I'll be looking back at these posts and laughing at how weak I have been some days. The one thing that keeps me going is that I have roughly 15-20 KTC brothers in quit in my phone, and I know that before I can even think about caving, I have to call each and every single one of them. That's a LOT of vets who would go to hell and back to make sure I stay on my quit journey. I have to thank @olcpo for his thread, because reading his, makes some days I have feel like nothing. Also, I have to shoutout @Hunter4life because His daily promise to me means a lot, and I've made sure I send mine back. Proud to have you two in my quit circle. I think that's all I really have for the update this week, here's to 6 weeks down, and almost half HoF.

Aaron

Sorry you are having a rough time/bump, BUT you've got this! It's obvious! You are handling it! Know that it is a "Moment" and it will pass. Prepare for it to get better! Proud To Quit With You Brother!! Keep On Keepin' on! One Day At A time!

[Hunter4life]

41 Down, 42 tomorrow.

6 weeks

6 weeks ago I dumped a log of grizzly wintergreen and never looked back. 6 weeks ago I made the best decision I could have made, but it brought on the bumpiest ride of my life. My last post was 5 weeks down, and honestly, so much has happened in this last week, it's made up for the last few weeks of not really feeling down about my quit. I can't say I've had any real bad days of my quit until this past week, between work, school, and just everything going on, the Nic bitch caught me slipping a bit. I did not cave though, I was able to reach out and phone a fellow quitter, and distract myself. That moment was the toughest craving I have had so far these last 41 days and it came outta nowhere. I actually am sitting here on the bed doing schoolwork and typing this out, all while having a pinch of Smokey Mountain in my lip to help calm the cravings from the long day I've had today. I can't imagine what life will be like when I'm hitting HoF status, but I do know that I'll be looking back at these posts and laughing at how weak I have been some days. The one thing that keeps me going is that I have roughly 15-20 KTC brothers in quit in my phone, and I know that before I can even think about caving, I have to call each and every single one of them. That's a LOT of vets who would go to hell and back to make sure I stay on my quit journey. I have to thank @olcpo for his thread, because reading his, makes some days I have feel like nothing. Also, I have to shoutout @Hunter4life because His daily promise to me means a lot, and I've made sure I send mine back. Proud to have you two in my quit circle. I think that's all I really have for the update this week, here's to 6 weeks down, and almost half HoF.

Aaron

@A-Aron

Believe it or not brother, your daily promise helps keep me quit too. Those days will come and go. Just don’t ever give in. I can assure you that after 121 days, I still get em. They might not be as strong, but they’re there. I even had a dip dream night before last. We’re addicts. This will be a lifelong fight. But it does get easier. The thought of cancer hits a little too close to home for me, so I fight on with you. Stick with it!!

[Athan]

...so much has happened in this last week, it's made up for the last few weeks of not really feeling down about my quit. I can't say I've had any real bad days of my quit until this past week, between work, school, and just everything going on, the Nic bitch caught me slipping a bit. ..... That moment was the toughest craving I have had so far these last 41 days and it came outta nowhere.

It was a bright day in the hall when you chose to throw away the weed and join our ranks. I don't lament your struggles; they steel your resolve. I do laud your victories as they're well earned and edifying to all who read them. Keep on plugging A-Aron, you're my hero!

[EXBEARHAG]

41 Down, 42 tomorrow.

6 weeks

6 weeks ago I dumped a log of grizzly wintergreen and never looked back. 6 weeks ago I made the best decision I could have made, but it brought on the bumpiest ride of my life. My last post was 5 weeks down, and honestly, so much has happened in this last week, it's made up for the last few weeks of not really feeling down about my quit. I can't say I've had any real bad days of my quit until this past week, between work, school, and just everything going on, the Nic bitch caught me slipping a bit. I did not cave though, I was able to reach out and phone a fellow quitter, and distract myself. That moment was the toughest craving I have had so far these last 41 days and it came outta nowhere. I actually am sitting here on the bed doing schoolwork and typing this out, all while having a pinch of Smokey Mountain in my lip to help calm the cravings from the long day I've had today. I can't imagine what life will be like when I'm hitting HoF status, but I do know that I'll be looking back at these posts and laughing at how weak I have been some days. The one thing that keeps me going is that I have roughly 15-20 KTC brothers in quit in my phone, and I know that before I can even think about caving, I have to call each and every single one of them. That's a LOT of vets who would go to hell and back to make sure I stay on my quit journey. I have to thank @olcpo for his thread, because reading his, makes some days I have feel like nothing. Also, I have to shoutout @Hunter4life because His daily promise to me means a lot, and I've made sure I send mine back. Proud to have you two in my quit circle. I think that's all I really have for the update this week, here's to 6 weeks down, and almost half HoF.

Aaron

Congrats on 6 weeks @A-Aron .  You are a BA quitter man.  Keep doing what you are doing and you'll be post HOF before you know it.  Hold the lin brother.

[A-Aron]

41 Down, 42 tomorrow.

6 weeks

6 weeks ago I dumped a log of grizzly wintergreen and never looked back. 6 weeks ago I made the best decision I could have made, but it brought on the bumpiest ride of my life. My last post was 5 weeks down, and honestly, so much has happened in this last week, it's made up for the last few weeks of not really feeling down about my quit. I can't say I've had any real bad days of my quit until this past week, between work, school, and just everything going on, the Nic bitch caught me slipping a bit. I did not cave though, I was able to reach out and phone a fellow quitter, and distract myself. That moment was the toughest craving I have had so far these last 41 days and it came outta nowhere. I actually am sitting here on the bed doing schoolwork and typing this out, all while having a pinch of Smokey Mountain in my lip to help calm the cravings from the long day I've had today. I can't imagine what life will be like when I'm hitting HoF status, but I do know that I'll be looking back at these posts and laughing at how weak I have been some days. The one thing that keeps me going is that I have roughly 15-20 KTC brothers in quit in my phone, and I know that before I can even think about caving, I have to call each and every single one of them. That's a LOT of vets who would go to hell and back to make sure I stay on my quit journey. I have to thank @olcpo for his thread, because reading his, makes some days I have feel like nothing. Also, I have to shoutout @Hunter4life because His daily promise to me means a lot, and I've made sure I send mine back. Proud to have you two in my quit circle. I think that's all I really have for the update this week, here's to 6 weeks down, and almost half HoF.

Aaron

[Bug Guy]

Day 35.

Today’s was one for the books. Definitely felt the pressure of being quit today and having to resist the thoughts the nic bitch was telling me. Had to reach out and call a brother to distract myself for a bit, thanks for that one @Bug Guy. All in all, not bad for 5 weeks in, still feel like I have a lifetime to go before I feel like this is truly manageable, but we’ll just take it slowly one day at a time. Been really in a funk lately, my mood has been shitty as fuck, and not even for a good reason. I hate it because people are straying from talking to me because I’m just kind of an asshole right now. I don’t mean it at all, I’m just not trying to use my quit as an excuse as to why I’m an asshole sometimes. Let’s see how this next week goes, it’s nice to have my week marks on the same day my college week starts, every Wednesday.

Face it, you're an asshole

Awe. I love you too 

Love you brother 

[A-Aron]

Day 35.

Today’s was one for the books. Definitely felt the pressure of being quit today and having to resist the thoughts the nic bitch was telling me. Had to reach out and call a brother to distract myself for a bit, thanks for that one @Bug Guy. All in all, not bad for 5 weeks in, still feel like I have a lifetime to go before I feel like this is truly manageable, but we’ll just take it slowly one day at a time. Been really in a funk lately, my mood has been shitty as fuck, and not even for a good reason. I hate it because people are straying from talking to me because I’m just kind of an asshole right now. I don’t mean it at all, I’m just not trying to use my quit as an excuse as to why I’m an asshole sometimes. Let’s see how this next week goes, it’s nice to have my week marks on the same day my college week starts, every Wednesday.

Face it, you're an asshole

Awe. I love you too 

[Bug Guy]

Day 35.

Today’s was one for the books. Definitely felt the pressure of being quit today and having to resist the thoughts the nic bitch was telling me. Had to reach out and call a brother to distract myself for a bit, thanks for that one @Bug Guy. All in all, not bad for 5 weeks in, still feel like I have a lifetime to go before I feel like this is truly manageable, but we’ll just take it slowly one day at a time. Been really in a funk lately, my mood has been shitty as fuck, and not even for a good reason. I hate it because people are straying from talking to me because I’m just kind of an asshole right now. I don’t mean it at all, I’m just not trying to use my quit as an excuse as to why I’m an asshole sometimes. Let’s see how this next week goes, it’s nice to have my week marks on the same day my college week starts, every Wednesday.

Face it, you're an asshole

[A-Aron]

Day 35.

Today’s was one for the books. Definitely felt the pressure of being quit today and having to resist the thoughts the nic bitch was telling me. Had to reach out and call a brother to distract myself for a bit, thanks for that one @Bug Guy. All in all, not bad for 5 weeks in, still feel like I have a lifetime to go before I feel like this is truly manageable, but we’ll just take it slowly one day at a time. Been really in a funk lately, my mood has been shitty as fuck, and not even for a good reason. I hate it because people are straying from talking to me because I’m just kind of an asshole right now. I don’t mean it at all, I’m just not trying to use my quit as an excuse as to why I’m an asshole sometimes. Let’s see how this next week goes, it’s nice to have my week marks on the same day my college week starts, every Wednesday.

[Bug Guy]

Update:

Still alive and kicking. I’m just a few hours shy of day 30....one whole month. I can’t believe how fast this month has gone, but at the same time, it’s felt like a lifetime ago. I started back at work this week, which has been a huge pain in the ass for my quit. Almost every other person I work with dips, I’m surrounded by it. My resolve has never been stronger, but those lingering thoughts of, just grab a can for the range, or grab a can for the field keep popping up in the back of my head. I’ve been pretty distant from the site these last couple days. Posted roll, had a few onesie or twosie commments, but nothing major. I don’t feel complacent or down about my quit, just in a weird place in my feelings I guess. I haven’t wanted to talk to people much and at the same time, I’ve never wanted to talk more. Idk, maybe this is one of those foggy moments In the quit where I’m just stumbling through blindly. I’m just so exhausted lately, not much else has been on my mind than sleeping. Well, all I got this time for an update. See ya in a few days.

You're doing great brother. Even at 30 days you are so far ahead of your last can, but still have a lot to go through at the same time. The 1st hundred and even the 2nd can be hell. One moment you are riding some highs you haven't felt in a long time. These are those times you reach out and help others and do as much as you possibly can to be engaged. Then in other moments, feels like day 1 again. Foggy headed, tired, dreading each upcoming minute. These are the times where you focus inward, make it minute by minute, hour by hour. Reach out for help to drag you through. Can't say it enough though, as each wave goes by, it gets so much better. Each period of suck becomes less frequent and less intense. Keep pushing my brother, you've got this.

Ps. Sorry I missed your post on the 27th. As much as I'm on here, I don't always make it into every room. But just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry. Pretty sure I've told you before but I'll say it here too. My wife and I went through the same thing prior to my daughter being born. She miscarried and it was devastating. We had even waited several months before telling anyone. And then BAM! Like a ton of bricks. It would be a year n half later before she got pregnant again. I was scared shitless. For all the same reasons you have described. Terrified for another miscarriage and just how hard that would be to deal with again. Then I had another level of fear. My ex, my son's mom, took off with my son when he was 2 and it would be a year before I saw him again. My wife is nothing like her, but yet I had this fear of her doing something similar. In hindsight it was stupid and selfish to feel that way towards my wife, but there I was. So now that I've rambled on long enough.... the point is, just as Dawgs said, everything happens for a reason. It may suck or not make any sense at the time, but it's life you know. And being nic free for 30 days doesn't help with the mood/feelings. But sure shit beats suckin in a cat turd!

[A-Aron]

Update:

Still alive and kicking. I’m just a few hours shy of day 30....one whole month. I can’t believe how fast this month has gone, but at the same time, it’s felt like a lifetime ago. I started back at work this week, which has been a huge pain in the ass for my quit. Almost every other person I work with dips, I’m surrounded by it. My resolve has never been stronger, but those lingering thoughts of, just grab a can for the range, or grab a can for the field keep popping up in the back of my head. I’ve been pretty distant from the site these last couple days. Posted roll, had a few onesie or twosie commments, but nothing major. I don’t feel complacent or down about my quit, just in a weird place in my feelings I guess. I haven’t wanted to talk to people much and at the same time, I’ve never wanted to talk more. Idk, maybe this is one of those foggy moments In the quit where I’m just stumbling through blindly. I’m just so exhausted lately, not much else has been on my mind than sleeping. Well, all I got this time for an update. See ya in a few days.

[Dawgs]

Also.


Time for a rant, because I literally have nowhere else to express my feelings of content. I’m sorry if this is tough, but this thread feels like my safe place for my thoughts. Today one of my closest military buddies and his wife had their baby boy. I’m trying my best to be so freaking happy for them, but all I feel is sadness. After July, I’ve thought eventually things will be okay, and they just haven’t been. Even after my wife announced 2 weeks ago that she was pregnant, I couldn’t help but be terrified again. Hell, my friend in Germany that’s friends with Panda too, they are expecting. I want to be so damn happy for them, and I truly am, but I’m also so damn sad. Even knowing I have one on the way, idk how to escape these feelings pent up inside of me. Idk if anyone on here has gone through a miscarriage, but this is just a rough day for me, it’s the due date for our lost little one, and I’m just not doing okay.

I have experienced this a couple of times.  Nothing makes it easier. I felt the same way as I watched my friends have kids. I wanted to be happy, and I tried, but it still hurt. My wife and I prayed a lot and finally it all worked out.
I don’t have a great answer.
Just remember that you are not alone in this and that it is okay to feel the way you do. You will make it through.
PTQWYT

Thank you for the kind words. Not sure anything really can help anyone feel better in this situation, but it’s just nice to know I’m not alone, because damn do I feel that way.
PTQWY

@A-Aron ....I’ll be honest and say I haven’t read through all of your posts, but this one I k ow a little about. My wife and I have been there. Our first 2 ended in miscarriage. When she told me she was pregnant with number 3, I cried. I cried to try and get the pain out ahead of time cause I knew how it would end. But, I was wrong. Yes, I was scared for her entire pregnancy. Every day of it was hell because of what was going on in my head. I was dipping then so that “helped” a little. And by “helped”, I mean I was fooled in to thinking it made things easier. I couldn’t imagine having gone through that relatively early in my quit. Fast forward 10 years. I now have a 10 and 7 year old. 2 beautiful girls. It sounds cliche, but things happen for a reason, and for me, I think it was to teach me to appreciate what I have. And I do, I love my girls more than anything. It’s ok to be scared. It’s ok be nervous. To be hesitant. To be reserved. You name it. It’s ok. The only thing is don’t be quiet. We guys can really suck at talking sometimes. Keep doing what you are doing. It’s the best medicine for you. PM me if you need to talk. I’ve been there and know the feelings well. Hang tough brother.

[A-Aron]

Also.


Time for a rant, because I literally have nowhere else to express my feelings of content. I’m sorry if this is tough, but this thread feels like my safe place for my thoughts. Today one of my closest military buddies and his wife had their baby boy. I’m trying my best to be so freaking happy for them, but all I feel is sadness. After July, I’ve thought eventually things will be okay, and they just haven’t been. Even after my wife announced 2 weeks ago that she was pregnant, I couldn’t help but be terrified again. Hell, my friend in Germany that’s friends with Panda too, they are expecting. I want to be so damn happy for them, and I truly am, but I’m also so damn sad. Even knowing I have one on the way, idk how to escape these feelings pent up inside of me. Idk if anyone on here has gone through a miscarriage, but this is just a rough day for me, it’s the due date for our lost little one, and I’m just not doing okay.

I have experienced this a couple of times.  Nothing makes it easier. I felt the same way as I watched my friends have kids. I wanted to be happy, and I tried, but it still hurt. My wife and I prayed a lot and finally it all worked out.
I don’t have a great answer.
Just remember that you are not alone in this and that it is okay to feel the way you do. You will make it through.
PTQWYT

Thank you for the kind words. Not sure anything really can help anyone feel better in this situation, but it’s just nice to know I’m not alone, because damn do I feel that way.
PTQWY

[Redwood]

Also.


Time for a rant, because I literally have nowhere else to express my feelings of content. I’m sorry if this is tough, but this thread feels like my safe place for my thoughts. Today one of my closest military buddies and his wife had their baby boy. I’m trying my best to be so freaking happy for them, but all I feel is sadness. After July, I’ve thought eventually things will be okay, and they just haven’t been. Even after my wife announced 2 weeks ago that she was pregnant, I couldn’t help but be terrified again. Hell, my friend in Germany that’s friends with Panda too, they are expecting. I want to be so damn happy for them, and I truly am, but I’m also so damn sad. Even knowing I have one on the way, idk how to escape these feelings pent up inside of me. Idk if anyone on here has gone through a miscarriage, but this is just a rough day for me, it’s the due date for our lost little one, and I’m just not doing okay.

I have experienced this a couple of times.  Nothing makes it easier. I felt the same way as I watched my friends have kids. I wanted to be happy, and I tried, but it still hurt. My wife and I prayed a lot and finally it all worked out.
I don’t have a great answer.
Just remember that you are not alone in this and that it is okay to feel the way you do. You will make it through.
PTQWYT

[A-Aron]

Also.


Time for a rant, because I literally have nowhere else to express my feelings of content. I’m sorry if this is tough, but this thread feels like my safe place for my thoughts. Today one of my closest military buddies and his wife had their baby boy. I’m trying my best to be so freaking happy for them, but all I feel is sadness. After July, I’ve thought eventually things will be okay, and they just haven’t been. Even after my wife announced 2 weeks ago that she was pregnant, I couldn’t help but be terrified again. Hell, my friend in Germany that’s friends with Panda too, they are expecting. I want to be so damn happy for them, and I truly am, but I’m also so damn sad. Even knowing I have one on the way, idk how to escape these feelings pent up inside of me. Idk if anyone on here has gone through a miscarriage, but this is just a rough day for me, it’s the due date for our lost little one, and I’m just not doing okay.