Day 116.
Still no progress. Feel just as bad as the first 30 days. I had a couple windows over the last 116 days. One lasting a couple days and one went close to 2 weeks back in early September. I thought withdrawal was over because I felt a little better each day but then I woke up that dreadful morning and it was just like day 3 all over again. What a mind fuck. Any how I promise not to dip today.
worktowin 3,938. Haven't asked this, but are you exercising? Like lifting weights, running/walking yourself to exhaustion? There is nothing like beating your body to a sweaty exhaustion followed by a sweaty round in the sheets with the Mrs. to get your mind rewired. Try it for a while. Also, you live up north. If you don't, start taking a lot of Vitamin D.
I been working out on my exercise machine and my job is pretty physical so yes I’m very active. As far as me and the Mrs. we are very inactive in that department. We are both close to 60 and just don’t really care about that anymore. It’s just one day after the next of living in virtual hell. I’m afraid that if I knew how bad withdrawal was going to be I would have just stayed dipping until the end. I have to much suffering invested now to cave so it’s onward and upwards we go. No turning back. I do notice though that not many here have journaled their timelines as far as symptoms go. Very little is known about post 100 or 150 or 200 etc. I can tell you from experience that the first 100 sucked except for a couple little windows at around the 60 something and 90 something days but since those windows it’s been hell on earth. Main symptom has been extreme anxiety with some depression thrown in for good measure. I know we are all different but the first 100 day description on the site was very accurate. How about the next 100 and 200 from you vets. The 1 year mark?
I can’t give a good description from my last stop that lasted 14 years because I didn’t have any symptoms other then a few craves here and there for a couple weeks. That was it. I can’t believe I didn’t have any withdrawals and I had been dipping for years before that. 21 and a few months.
Glad to be quit but it still feels like shit.
BTW I’m having a monster crave.
Here's mine, for what it is worth:
First 50 days I truthfully don't remember a thing. Initially depressed beyond description, almost to the point of desperation. Was in a fog so deep that time was lost. Like zero recollection of going to work, doing work, Christmas, whatever. Gone. That gets me to day 50.
Next 100 days, a struggle. Every day was trying hard to put one foot in front of the other, keep my mind occupied and busy because I was lost, scared, and afraid. Trying to survive. That gets me to Day 150.
Next 150 Days, Not easy, but not nail-biting misery either. Still a struggle, but manageable if that makes sense. Was there a lot of joy? No, but there wasn't this literally absoultely constant feeling that I was "at war" either. On to Day 300.
Next 200 Days, life started to become good. I was able to be happy. Celebrate wins. Smile. Be joyful. I wasn't fighting with myself of lost. On to Day 500.
Next 500 Days, life started to become great. I was finding my way, wasn't lying, was celebrating that. Was enjoying things I didn't used to enjoy. Found time to look at and celebrate the little things. Happier in these days than I had been in many, many years. Here come's the Comma 1,000
1,000+, a peace has now set in. Everyone has a different experience. I've had a small handful of "craves" in the 3,000 or so days since the comma, but only a few. And honestly those few remind me that I'm winning. Big.
That part of my life is in the past, and I post every day. I find great comfort in knowing that my misery in some small way might be helping winners like you out, because as you can see above, I was pretty miserable and hopeless too. There are better days ahead. If you can somehow look at this misery as "healing" instead of misery, look at it as "this is part of me growing", it might help. But in the end, it is a process. I don't think any of us had an easy ride. If it were easy, no one would be an addict. Again, sir, I'm honored to be on this ride with you. And I promise you, there are better days ahead. Because there are.
