I haven't posted on the roll call in quite some time. I guess I should start again, but felt the need to post here just to let people know how fucked up nicotine is, just how hard it is to stay quit. It takes a strong will. It takes GUTS, BALLS, or whatever other phrase you wanna throw out there, to stay quit.
I haven't dipped in 774 days. Today, I walked into a liquor store and saw the display as soon as I walked in. Man in front of me asked for a can of Cope. For that second, I wanted it. I wanted to dip. I miss it. STILL. I miss the comforting feeling I got from it. Crutch? Sure. Bad for me? Absolutely. Doesn't matter, I wanted it. It's easier to say no now more than it ever was, but that damn nic bitch is still deep inside me, still to this day. I'll smoke a cigar this weekend, I'll do that on occasion, maybe fill that need just a little bit, but it's not the same as when I was dipping.
Not sure why I'm posting, maybe just it's just theraputic for me. It's a difficult task to stay quit, but it can be done! Nicotine is so addicting, so controlling. I think that's what keeps me quit. I have to remind myself that I can't become of slave to that garbage ever again. I can't beat me, it won't beat me. I WILL NOT ALLOW IT TO BEAT ME EVER AGAIN.