Day 242
Addiction is a really interesting bastard if you stop to think about it. Yesterday it felt like I was back on day 4 for no apparent reason. I had a splitting headache for several hours, it felt like my eyes were going to pop out of my head, and my salivary glands were aching like crazy. Then, I tossed and turned half the night just like those early days of nicotine withdrawal. It got to the point where I was trying to think if there was any way that somebody could have slipped nicotine into my food/drink. But, I honestly wasnÂ’t around anybody that was even smoking yesterday. That is the first time I have experienced anything like that since my days were in the mid twenties. I feel fantastic again this morning, even though I didnÂ’t sleep worth a shit last night. Weird stuff, indeed.
Early on after I gave up nicotine my biggest battles were with triggers that my mind/body associated with chewing tobacco. As the days, weeks, months and seasons passed I conquered each of those triggers one at a time. Hell, I hardly even think about chew any more when I am fishing or mowing the grass. Now I find that about the only time the bitch sneaks into my mind is when I am doing nothing. Call it complacency, call it boredom, call it whatever you want. I call it the next challenge. And the bright side is that these challenges seem to get easier and easier to conquer every single day.
I look back now and I can remember hoping in my early days that the vets were telling the truth when they said, “it gets better.” Well, my friends, I am here to tell you that it truly does get better. And it truly does get easier. Just keep posting roll and putting one foot in front of the other. Eventually you will look around and realize that everything is better and that quitting does get easier. You will have a few bad days here and there just like I had yesterday. The key is to never forget who you are or where you have been.
"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." George Santayana
