Time is flying...It has been awhile since I wrote an update. I have had today marked as a day for my next update. Why you might ask? Because today I hit 50 days quit. No Nicotine, no chew.
These 50 days have been full of ups and downs. I have grown closer to my girlfriend, as she is finally opening up to completely understanding why still have some habits she doesn't like...for example, my need to spit, a lot, apparently. She has been supportive of my quit from day one, but never took the time to better understand my frame of mind.
I have thought long and hard as to why I quit, what are the reasons? Are they good enough? Will they keep me quit? Am I mentally strong enough to stay quit?
In the beginning, I think I started this as way to get others to like me more as a person, the funny thing is that it became about me almost immediately. I have become more aware of myself. I have become a happier person, and I take pride in my quit. I love the fact that I am becoming healthier physically. my quit has given me time which I have utilized in the gym and cooking healthier foods. I want my jaw, and tongue, and face. My quit has made me face the doctor finally, and I got another health issue resolved and I have seen imporvement from that. I am planning to schedule the dentist soon and I will push myself to go and finally get my teeth cleaned.
Learning how to deal with life has been the most difficult thing to do. My Uncle pasted away last week. His visitation is today and the funeral is tomorrow. I have struggled with the emotions, becuase I would have filled my jaw with that shit in the past. I would always tell myself the chew was to cope or to celebrate, but in reality, it was constant. I chewed nearly every minute of everyday for 10 years. It wasn't a reward or a thing I did when I was sad. I based my life around that fucking can, and I didn't realize it until I killed the can.
Nic will continue to be on my shoulder always looking to command my life, but for now, for me, I am controllling my life. and it starts everyday by posting my Promise.
TODAY I WILL NOT USE ANY FORM OF NICOTINE! ALL DAMN DAY!!
Brown 71
Day 50