230 Days - Damn...
I think I mentioned a while back that I wasn't using this thread like I expected to. My initial plan was to document the crap out of my quit journey so I didn't forget anything. A funny thing happened on the way to doing that though - I realized it wasn't as important to me as I thought.
My quit journey has been interesting to say the least. My quit group was a shit show for a long time. It's funny I didn't recognize it as much when I was in the middle of it, but watching May '18 go through so damn much of the same things we did it really hit home for me. Don't get me wrong, I miss the fuck out of Dan, Jim, and Billy. I feel awful that I lost contact with them after they were banned. A lot of that had to do with the time required for me to conduct. A lot of it had to do with my being in the middle of making a playoff push for my final HS soccer season as a coach. Neither of those things are acceptable excuses. I miss the fuck out of my brothers and understand why some of those guys in May don't want to let go.
So, I've spent a lot of time thinking about trying to reconnect with those guys. Someone started a GroupMe and I jumped right in because I wanted to catch up. That turned into a fucking nightmare though. Too many of the wrong people there and it basically turned into an ambush on those guys. Maybe it was exactly what it was supposed to be but I was too naive to realize it going in (I don't believe that, but have to admit it's possible). Either way, I'm pretty sure that killed off any remaining hope I had to talk to them. I can't reach out now... Crap, one of the posts I saw before I bailed on the group was "Why the fuck would we want to reconnect?". That hurt, but I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that it was said.
This didn't come close to hurting my quit. I feel like that's strong enough to withstand quite a bit at this point. I almost walked away from KTC though. I was going through a schedule change at work anyway, so I kinda thought "why the fuck not?". I wouldn't say that I was pissed about the group fiasco, but it was definitely discouraging. Many of those people are the same people I post with on here, and I just couldn't justify being a part of that any longer. I haven't done much other than PG for a week. For several days I only posted roll in Jan '18 and March '18 instead of the 17-18 groups I try to hit. I've started getting all the 2018 groups again. I did today at least. And Oct '11. I feel like I owe a lot of my quit to Scott, especially in times like these when I am thinking of walking away.
His words always have a way of bringing me back.
I'm sharing this here for those that think everything becomes all roses at some point. Life still happens. At 230 days I still get discouraged about things here (or offline) and think about walking away. The important thing is that I still know, even on my toughest days,
that would be a mistake.
