I got a ton of texts and support this weekend, so first of all thanks for that! The party was great - BBQ, sporting clays, fishing, pontoon boat, cold beer and old friends. Dog (the one in my avatar) got to swim all day and the whole thing was completely drama free.
Guys were smoking and dipping, but mostly respectful of me not partaking. It was helpful to have my brother there, who is a year and a half quit. He actually was a lurker on KTC, but never got on a roll.
One buddy left a half full tin of Grizzly in my truck, and I happily threw that shit away when I found it.
To stay clean and still have a blast this weekend, I pulled out all the stops and used all of the tools at my disposal. I dug in deep here. I asked for accountability from people at this site, informed my friends ahead of time, posted my promise and made sure that I always had a can of the fake around as a last resort. To be clear, this is not me bragging about how good I think I am at quitting. This is me pointing out that the tools & the method is here and at your disposal.
I see a lot of caves that come from drinking, peer pressure, triggers, etc. If you use the tools that are here and extremely accessible, you can come through any situation. I encourage those on the outskirts (lurkers, ghosters, guests who haven't signed up yet) to stop taking half measures and to dive in. If you really want to quit, then you should do everything that you can to get yourself entrenched in the accountability here.
I have no doubt that the utter shitstorm that I would have faced if I caved, played a part in my decision to remain clean. It's certainly far from the only reason, but if I had expected a gentle pat on the bum and an "it's ok tiger, you tried hard at least," I would have been much more likely to give in and let go.
But even worse than having to face the big ole KTC meanie patrol, would have been having to face the folks who I've genuinely developed relationships with, people who I asked for help and who gave it. No way in hell was I going to let them down. Even though October sure can be a hoot, I damn well plan to stick around with August. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to those who sent me a note or even a kind thought this weekend.
For a while, I had viewed this weekend as THE test for me. If I could get past it, I'd never have to worry about this thing again. Well now that it's over, I have to refocus. I know that this addiction is a day to day struggle and complacency is my biggest threat. I now know that I can get through a gauntlet of triggers when I have time to prepare, but what about when something unexpected or tragic inevitably comes up? Well, I can tell you right now that if my butt is on roll and I'm still on this board and I still care about this, my chances of getting through it clean are sky high.
The tools are here folks. Use them, add to them, keep them sharp and don't let them rust.
