Just got back from spending the day fishing with my Dad. He's 80 years old, still works delivering mail 6 hours a day and very young for his age. Had a really nice day with him and caught quite a few fish.
My old man has always been a nicotine dabbler. When I was a kid I remember him smoking a pipe for a while and he quit it cold turkey. Then he smoked cigars for a while and quit them cold turkey. After I got out of high school, he began to chew leaf tobacco. He did that for around 15 years and then told me one day that he quit....cold turkey of course about 10-12 years ago. Said that he didn't like the hold it was getting on him. He's always had what seemed to me to be an insane amount of self-control. Something that I did not inherit from him. If he needed to lose weight, he quit eating breakfast. If he wanted to quit chewing, he just did. Meanwhile, I just kept chewing. He did say to me a few years after he quit that it was a lot harder to quit than anything else and he still thought about it a lot.
In 1999 he was diagnosed with a fairly advanced and aggressive form of bladder cancer. Long story short, after a scary year or two, having his urinary bladder removed and a new one made from his bowel, fast forward 15 years and he is cancer free. He just got back from his yearly visit and still a clean bill of health.
As I got in the boat with him today, I stuffed a fist full of seeds in my mouth and told him that I had finally quit chewing...130 days ago. He kind of nonchalantly said, "Oh yeah? I just started chewing again." It was like someone kicked me in the gut. I'm still kind of sick about it. He went on to say that the surgeon that did his bladder surgery said that there is a really great chance that he will never have cancer again. And, that he just has a chew every once in a while. Does that sound like addict logic or what. Now, if anyone can just occasionally have a chew, it is my dad, but I doubt it. He mentioned that the cravings never went away.
Surely, he realized that the doctor said that in regards to the cancer he removed...not in general. I don't know what to think. He's 80 and lived through a horrible ordeal with cancer. He never said anything about me chewing. I'm not sure that I wouldn't do the same thing he is if I had gone through what he did. I wouldn't now, knowing what I have learned in the last 130 days.
I'm all fucked up about this. I don't know what to think or say about it. I'm mad, disappointed, shocked...but at the same time...it's his decision. I think it is so hard for me to hear because of what I know about the addiction. I hate that the bitch is winning with Dad. I hate that, like him, we will always have this fucking addiction to deal with.
I know this is just rambling but it really fucked up my thoughts.
Regardless...I QLF...just wish my old man still was.
Thanks for sharing Doc, tough call for sure. Be thankful for the great day of fishing ... and realize you can't make him quit. You can, however let him know you love him and don't want to lose him to an insidious disease that almost took him out In the past. After that? It's on him. I support you brother, and am sorry for the shit feelings this has brought about. Don't let it affect your quit, stay strong!
Sorry to hear about this Doc. My pops smokes about a pack and a day and my family has tried to intervene with him on a couple of occasions to get him to quit with zero success. It actually almost led to him and my mom splitting up and he couldn't understand why it was such a big deal to everybody else. He'd always say it doesn't affect us it only affects him. That's b.s. on a number of levels but I'll save that for a different post. I think the message is that no matter how much you love somebody, you can't quit for them. This is a bitch of a disease and not everybody wants to put that time/effort into freedom from it. Thoughts and prayers are with you and your dad that with grace he's able to pull himself away yet again.
J2thaZ
This sounds really rough to digest Doc. Glad you are here with us at least. Thanks for the perspective. Damned stuff has millions of minds twisted.
Doc, thanks for sharing that. It hurts to see our loved ones doing things they shouldn't. We know better than anyone that nothing happens in our lives till WE are READY for the change. You just have to take care of yourself and revel in the fact that you are succeeding at one of the toughest things there is to do. Very few have the strength and conviction to do what you are doing. Keep going brother. You have a lot of support here!
Thanks for sharing, Doc, and I'm really sorry to hear of the mental tug-of-war you're fighting. You know your dad and your relationship with him better than any of us, and are in the best position to say something if it doesn't jeopardize your relationship, or let a sleeping dog lie if it does -- noting that there are obviously a lot of options in between the two scenarios to let him know you're busted up about it. You may not be able to get him to physically stop doing it -- or even want to stop -- but that doesn't mean you can't let him know that you want him to stop. Would've, could've, and should've is a terrible game to play. One guy's thoughts -- I'm going through something similar with my younger brother, who I'm all but certain started dipping way back when once he saw me doing it, thus instantly validating the nasty shit. Good luck and, if nothing else, let this further strengthen your resolve.
Doc...If it's any consulation...I'll tell you your dad is wrong. The craves do go away. For me...The last thing I can attribute to nicotine cessation was at day 700 or so. I just hit 3300. You do the math. That's a long time living life on my terms. I don't notice it. I don't want it. I don't see others doing it. It's not something I long for. It really doesn't enter my mind other than when I'm here....and even then, it has no power.
That's quite a story, Doc. Thanks for sharing. I can understand why you're so tore up over this. Your old man sounds a lot like mine. He chewed for years. The entire time I was growing up, he always had a big chew in. Then, one day he just decided he was done. That was it. I never saw him chew again. Fortunately, he never took it back up again. I think someone already said it, but even when it's your own father, they have to want to quit for them. Just keep doing what you're doing and maybe he will catch some inspiration from watching you. Quit on, Brother.
My parents have both smoked for like 46 years each, since they were 16. They both chew Nicorette gum when they can't smoke. It's just sad to watch.
Interesting stuff. I have a few friends who dabble in nicotine. A cigar here, a chew during a round of golf, maybe a cig at the bar...but then that's it. They shut it down. They can go the rest of the week, or month, or more with nothing. My Dad smokes a variety of cigars but will sometimes go months in between.
It kind of gets to me at times and even now I sometimes wonder if I could do the same. You know, handle "just one". But I already know the answer... I cannot and I proved it many times over. Why else did I end up here? I was up to almost 2 cans of Kodiak a day. I said countless times I was going to cut back, or only do it at bowling, or while golfing, or on long drives, or on the weekends, etc...It never happened. I did it all those occasions, and more. I once spit chew juice on my crank while I took a shit. You think I had a problem????
Eventually I learned to just forget about everyone else and worry about ME. My buddy can have a cigar now and again...good for him. I know that I cannot. What HE does should not affect ME in any way, shape, or form.
I recognized I had a problem, I came here to quit, and that's what I'm going to do.
I gave up dipping, not breathing. There's a million other things I can spend my time doing other than dipping. What others choose to do is of no consequence to me. Even if that person is my Dad.
Just my 2 cents...
Quit on...
