I'm all in

[TSNUS]

Day 143

My quit is strong, I am helping others with their quits, and I am feeling great. I put on some weight since I quit and looking at the new year as a chance to rectify that. I asked my wife and kids what I should do as a new years resolution and the unanimous answer was beer. I am on day 2 of my alcohol quit which should clear my head and drop some weight. My plan is 30 days and to re-evaluate with a clear head so I can see where I was actually at and where I would like to go. I was no binge drinker but I had 2-5 beers every day after work, and usually more on the weekends since I started earlier. That's over a case a week for the last 20 or so years, time for a break. I'd like to say last night was easy, but it was tougher than I would like to have believed. My wife was my biggest obstacle and pestered the shit out of me. Tonight I hope to be better, might even consider picking up some NA beer tomorrow night for the weekend. I tried soda, lots of water, nothing would satisfy like my cold friend beer would have. Hoping this will get easier with more days in.

[30isEnuff]

Day 122

Cruised right by 100, but keeping things day to day.  Been through pain, withdrawl, habit changes, temptation, and even the lies that have tripped many brothers up along the way.  Funks, blahs, late craves are a bitch too.  As the group gets smaller the core group floats to the top and the rest falls away.  New quitters coming every day, hard keeping up with it all, and trying to help those who won't help themselves.  Gets really hard to see support brothers come and go constantly.  Temptation to walk away probably visits us all.  Took a while to back away and let it all sink in and just posting roll.  Taking only what I need and leaving the rest.  Today I will fight the fight and quit with those who choose to stay not for just their own quit, but for the quit of us all.  Together we can stand stronger and taller than standing on our own.  This is the program, learn it, live it, fight for your freedom.

Well said, keep to the quittin' skip all the bitchin'

QLAFM

Good stuff! 'bang head'

[eric71]

Day 122

Cruised right by 100, but keeping things day to day. Been through pain, withdrawl, habit changes, temptation, and even the lies that have tripped many brothers up along the way. Funks, blahs, late craves are a bitch too. As the group gets smaller the core group floats to the top and the rest falls away. New quitters coming every day, hard keeping up with it all, and trying to help those who won't help themselves. Gets really hard to see support brothers come and go constantly. Temptation to walk away probably visits us all. Took a while to back away and let it all sink in and just posting roll. Taking only what I need and leaving the rest. Today I will fight the fight and quit with those who choose to stay not for just their own quit, but for the quit of us all. Together we can stand stronger and taller than standing on our own. This is the program, learn it, live it, fight for your freedom.

Well said, keep to the quittin' skip all the bitchin'

QLAFM

[TSNUS]

Day 122

Cruised right by 100, but keeping things day to day. Been through pain, withdrawl, habit changes, temptation, and even the lies that have tripped many brothers up along the way. Funks, blahs, late craves are a bitch too. As the group gets smaller the core group floats to the top and the rest falls away. New quitters coming every day, hard keeping up with it all, and trying to help those who won't help themselves. Gets really hard to see support brothers come and go constantly. Temptation to walk away probably visits us all. Took a while to back away and let it all sink in and just posting roll. Taking only what I need and leaving the rest. Today I will fight the fight and quit with those who choose to stay not for just their own quit, but for the quit of us all. Together we can stand stronger and taller than standing on our own. This is the program, learn it, live it, fight for your freedom.

[TSNUS]

Going it alone.

How is too hard to spend 5 minutes first thing every day to make a commitment to honor your resolve to quit? You didn't grow these quit balls on your own, you grew them here day by day as you made your roll pledge and honored it. Your word meant something, even if it never had in the past. No matter where you came from or what you've been through, this was your best chance to break free from nicotine. You were shown how to manage your new balls and how to care for them by those who went through all of this ahead of you. Your sack was really coming into their own and starting to sprout some hair even. I'm telling you your nutsack was good enough to make the Hall of Fame and you are willing to throw all that away? By turning them in and going it alone I would be setting myself up to fail. Probably the first step in a chain reaction to feed the addiction and opening yourself to failure. I choose to stay the course. Take some time away if you need, but you can still post roll every day doing so. If not for yourself, do it for the the new guys, the old vets, do it for yourself. Standing together the nic bitch doesn't stand a chance to devour us. She's lurking around the corner waiting for her chance for one of the weaker ones with no balls to separate from the group. Wait, here's her chance now....

[TSNUS]

The days are piling up, it won't be long to 100 days, before Thanksgiving even. I've been able to survive the late craves and my quit has gotten stronger from it. Just my view of nic use has changed and hell I've posted 100's of times to stay quit, maybe that resolve is etched in the brain through this thick skull by now. Really enjoying the freedom....

[redtrain14]

Awesome T, thanks for posting this.

[Grizzly25]

Day 50

My Apology

50 days ago I made the decision to not use nicotine ever again.  This decision came after spending more than half my life using to provide relief from situations and feelings I didn't want to deal with.  I was content to self medicate and row myself out to my island to avoid my problems.  In time, with enough medication, and blowing off some steam, most of the problems would go away and life would eventually return to calm.  Not from my own doing, but for the grace of God and my wife, I would be forgiven and move on.  Quitting using and becoming a better man has certainly been a positive thing for me.  I have especially enjoyed peace of mind not hiding my secret or worrying about getting found out.  I never realized the lies and deceit had consumed my life, directing my thoughts and actions.  I can think more clearly, but just because I am quit doesn't mean I am perfect or able to deal with life's problems any more effectively.  If anything I'm repressed and immature since I have never learned to deal with life without a crutch or just by avoiding them all together.  I am a work in progress and am content with the progress I have made along with my resolve to stay quit every day.  This resolve only has teeth because I make my promise each day through roll and honor my word which means much more now than before I quit.

Now as I look back I can see the scars and emotional damage I have left behind me on the ones I supposedly have loved the most.  I have started fights just to have an excuse to justify my using.  I have lied to myself and my family to hide my words and actions.  Repairing this damage and restoring the trust will take years of effort  one day at a time.  Now that I have seen myself for who I was and not who I thought I was I need to say I'm sorry to my wife.  This month we will be married 21 years and I plan to make amends and to make the next 21 years different and better.

I'm sorry for tearing you down to make myself feel more whole.  I value you more than anything else and would be lost without you.  My life would mean nothing without your love.  I will try harder to express my value of you and my love for you better.

I'm sorry for lying to your face and to myself for my words and actions.  It was by my choice and I realize I was wrong.  I promise to build a foundation for our relationship built on truth.

I'm sorry for putting you through hell every time I quit only to repeat the cycle.  You deserve better and I plan to honor my word to end this here and now.

Damn, dude...

'clap'

I'll echo that x3

Takes a big man to write those words, takes a bigger man to honor those words. I know you are that man and will do all in your power to keep your word. I echo those sentiments as well and am proud to be quit with you.

QLAFM

Very very powerful and as I to can relate it comes straight from the heart!

Sometimes when we look back at the wrecking ball that has been our life its tough to first accept that in fact you were that guy and now your determined to not be that guy anymore!

Quit on Quiter!!!!

Stay Strong, Focused  QUIT!

[eric71]

Day 50

My Apology

50 days ago I made the decision to not use nicotine ever again.  This decision came after spending more than half my life using to provide relief from situations and feelings I didn't want to deal with.  I was content to self medicate and row myself out to my island to avoid my problems.  In time, with enough medication, and blowing off some steam, most of the problems would go away and life would eventually return to calm.  Not from my own doing, but for the grace of God and my wife, I would be forgiven and move on.  Quitting using and becoming a better man has certainly been a positive thing for me.  I have especially enjoyed peace of mind not hiding my secret or worrying about getting found out.  I never realized the lies and deceit had consumed my life, directing my thoughts and actions.  I can think more clearly, but just because I am quit doesn't mean I am perfect or able to deal with life's problems any more effectively.  If anything I'm repressed and immature since I have never learned to deal with life without a crutch or just by avoiding them all together.  I am a work in progress and am content with the progress I have made along with my resolve to stay quit every day.  This resolve only has teeth because I make my promise each day through roll and honor my word which means much more now than before I quit.

Now as I look back I can see the scars and emotional damage I have left behind me on the ones I supposedly have loved the most.  I have started fights just to have an excuse to justify my using.  I have lied to myself and my family to hide my words and actions.  Repairing this damage and restoring the trust will take years of effort  one day at a time.  Now that I have seen myself for who I was and not who I thought I was I need to say I'm sorry to my wife.  This month we will be married 21 years and I plan to make amends and to make the next 21 years different and better.

I'm sorry for tearing you down to make myself feel more whole.  I value you more than anything else and would be lost without you.  My life would mean nothing without your love.  I will try harder to express my value of you and my love for you better.

I'm sorry for lying to your face and to myself for my words and actions.  It was by my choice and I realize I was wrong.  I promise to build a foundation for our relationship built on truth.

I'm sorry for putting you through hell every time I quit only to repeat the cycle.  You deserve better and I plan to honor my word to end this here and now.

Damn, dude...

'clap'

I'll echo that x3

Takes a big man to write those words, takes a bigger man to honor those words. I know you are that man and will do all in your power to keep your word. I echo those sentiments as well and am proud to be quit with you.

QLAFM

[cbird65]

Day 50

My Apology

50 days ago I made the decision to not use nicotine ever again.  This decision came after spending more than half my life using to provide relief from situations and feelings I didn't want to deal with.  I was content to self medicate and row myself out to my island to avoid my problems.  In time, with enough medication, and blowing off some steam, most of the problems would go away and life would eventually return to calm.  Not from my own doing, but for the grace of God and my wife, I would be forgiven and move on.  Quitting using and becoming a better man has certainly been a positive thing for me.  I have especially enjoyed peace of mind not hiding my secret or worrying about getting found out.  I never realized the lies and deceit had consumed my life, directing my thoughts and actions.  I can think more clearly, but just because I am quit doesn't mean I am perfect or able to deal with life's problems any more effectively.  If anything I'm repressed and immature since I have never learned to deal with life without a crutch or just by avoiding them all together.  I am a work in progress and am content with the progress I have made along with my resolve to stay quit every day.  This resolve only has teeth because I make my promise each day through roll and honor my word which means much more now than before I quit.

Now as I look back I can see the scars and emotional damage I have left behind me on the ones I supposedly have loved the most.  I have started fights just to have an excuse to justify my using.  I have lied to myself and my family to hide my words and actions.  Repairing this damage and restoring the trust will take years of effort  one day at a time.  Now that I have seen myself for who I was and not who I thought I was I need to say I'm sorry to my wife.  This month we will be married 21 years and I plan to make amends and to make the next 21 years different and better.

I'm sorry for tearing you down to make myself feel more whole.  I value you more than anything else and would be lost without you.  My life would mean nothing without your love.  I will try harder to express my value of you and my love for you better.

I'm sorry for lying to your face and to myself for my words and actions.  It was by my choice and I realize I was wrong.  I promise to build a foundation for our relationship built on truth.

I'm sorry for putting you through hell every time I quit only to repeat the cycle.  You deserve better and I plan to honor my word to end this here and now.

Damn, dude...

'clap'

I'll echo that x3

[MikeWC]

TSNUS, that is a very powerful post. Thank you for sharing it with us. Mike

[Deleted User (sccrockett)]

Day 50

My Apology

50 days ago I made the decision to not use nicotine ever again. This decision came after spending more than half my life using to provide relief from situations and feelings I didn't want to deal with. I was content to self medicate and row myself out to my island to avoid my problems. In time, with enough medication, and blowing off some steam, most of the problems would go away and life would eventually return to calm. Not from my own doing, but for the grace of God and my wife, I would be forgiven and move on. Quitting using and becoming a better man has certainly been a positive thing for me. I have especially enjoyed peace of mind not hiding my secret or worrying about getting found out. I never realized the lies and deceit had consumed my life, directing my thoughts and actions. I can think more clearly, but just because I am quit doesn't mean I am perfect or able to deal with life's problems any more effectively. If anything I'm repressed and immature since I have never learned to deal with life without a crutch or just by avoiding them all together. I am a work in progress and am content with the progress I have made along with my resolve to stay quit every day. This resolve only has teeth because I make my promise each day through roll and honor my word which means much more now than before I quit.

Now as I look back I can see the scars and emotional damage I have left behind me on the ones I supposedly have loved the most. I have started fights just to have an excuse to justify my using. I have lied to myself and my family to hide my words and actions. Repairing this damage and restoring the trust will take years of effort one day at a time. Now that I have seen myself for who I was and not who I thought I was I need to say I'm sorry to my wife. This month we will be married 21 years and I plan to make amends and to make the next 21 years different and better.

I'm sorry for tearing you down to make myself feel more whole. I value you more than anything else and would be lost without you. My life would mean nothing without your love. I will try harder to express my value of you and my love for you better.

I'm sorry for lying to your face and to myself for my words and actions. It was by my choice and I realize I was wrong. I promise to build a foundation for our relationship built on truth.

I'm sorry for putting you through hell every time I quit only to repeat the cycle. You deserve better and I plan to honor my word to end this here and now.

Damn, dude...

'clap'

[TSNUS]

Day 50

My Apology

50 days ago I made the decision to not use nicotine ever again. This decision came after spending more than half my life using to provide relief from situations and feelings I didn't want to deal with. I was content to self medicate and row myself out to my island to avoid my problems. In time, with enough medication, and blowing off some steam, most of the problems would go away and life would eventually return to calm. Not from my own doing, but for the grace of God and my wife, I would be forgiven and move on. Quitting using and becoming a better man has certainly been a positive thing for me. I have especially enjoyed peace of mind not hiding my secret or worrying about getting found out. I never realized the lies and deceit had consumed my life, directing my thoughts and actions. I can think more clearly, but just because I am quit doesn't mean I am perfect or able to deal with life's problems any more effectively. If anything I'm repressed and immature since I have never learned to deal with life without a crutch or just by avoiding them all together. I am a work in progress and am content with the progress I have made along with my resolve to stay quit every day. This resolve only has teeth because I make my promise each day through roll and honor my word which means much more now than before I quit.

Now as I look back I can see the scars and emotional damage I have left behind me on the ones I supposedly have loved the most. I have started fights just to have an excuse to justify my using. I have lied to myself and my family to hide my words and actions. Repairing this damage and restoring the trust will take years of effort one day at a time. Now that I have seen myself for who I was and not who I thought I was I need to say I'm sorry to my wife. This month we will be married 21 years and I plan to make amends and to make the next 21 years different and better.

I'm sorry for tearing you down to make myself feel more whole. I value you more than anything else and would be lost without you. My life would mean nothing without your love. I will try harder to express my value of you and my love for you better.

I'm sorry for lying to your face and to myself for my words and actions. It was by my choice and I realize I was wrong. I promise to build a foundation for our relationship built on truth.

I'm sorry for putting you through hell every time I quit only to repeat the cycle. You deserve better and I plan to honor my word to end this here and now.

[eric71]

Awesome month brother! Welcome to the other side. There are some tough days ahead but the memories of those first few days will help you stay quit. It keeps getting better B)

Just keep it rolling T and reach out to others here if that is what you need. My number is always available. That said, congrats on the month and the decisions made within it. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and yours today.

[tgafish]

Awesome month brother! Welcome to the other side. There are some tough days ahead but the memories of those first few days will help you stay quit. It keeps getting better B)