Day 50
This will be wordy. Sorry...
I realize I never posted a proper intro. Not really. Aside from a few delarations of resolve and other generic tidbits, I posted nothing about ME. I was reluctant to and now, 50 days later, I think I know why. Ninja mentality.
Sadly, the biggest part of my life was dip and for 25 years I hid it and lied about it. You can't do something (lie) for that long and not have it infect your personality. The end result is never opening up or letting people close because you have a dirty little secret that needs hid. Retarded right!? Addict rationalization 101. Part II of said retardation?... I don't like ME. The "real" me can see all of the above for what it is and loathes it. I... don't like... ME. Quitting created a bizzare situation. I stopped doing what I hated about myself so I had no more reason to dislike myself (well, there ARE other reasons but that's another post). BUT... too many years hiding my secret made it too strong. I actually have to learn to be ME... without the seret dictating the shots. Whoa.
I'm 42. I'm a professional muscian. Because that doesn't always pay alot (music... not as glam/lucrative as you think!) I also work for the school district where I live. Married 18 years to a woman who should have beat my ass blue years ago for lying/hiding stuff/ruining my health/wasting our families money/etc. She's awesome - I owe her. I'm dad to an 11 yr old daughter. She's my heart. I've been an active music minister for 10 years. I don't really like to cuss a whole lot other than fairly standard fare like helldamnshit. However... a beautifully placed F bomb is very satisfying. I am a dipper of 25 years and (call me out for this next statement, I don't care) I fucking loved it and... I fucking hated it. You will understand the duality of that statement. I suffer from anxiety/panic attacks too. Yaaay. This was mostly under control until I quit then... my good friends anxiety and panic perked up - the nic bitch woke 'em up because she had to leave the building. My quit has not seen a smooth moment yet. I fight every damn day. Hard... Every. Damn. Day. I don't feel better yet. I know my health is better... my doc and dentist assure me of that. Cool.
These last 50 days have been the hardest, yet most rewarding thing I have ever done. Cold turkey - no substitutes. Quit.
I did that... for ME.
Apple, you and I have gotten to talk a few times in chat. I am glad to know you, and I am glad to be QLF with you. 50/days, feels good to have your freedom huh? I am quit with you today!
Thank you brutha...
Good job on the fifty. 50 days ago you were a slave. Now look at you. Your a walking talking testimony. Proud of you man. Keep it up apple. Your not only making your life better, but at the same time helping others. You like me have realized this is bigger than just us. Proud to be quit with you brother.
I gotta blow you a kiss too man. We chat all the time, and you have become not only a brother here but a good friend. Your quit inspires me, and hell I've YOU by 100 days. Keep that shit strong man. Proud to know you. Proud to be quit with you. Proud to call you friend.
Backer down iiz he's spoken for......Only 40 minute drive from mia casa. 'finger point' :wub:
Damn fine autobiography, Applejack. You basically just wrote mine, too. I might copy and paste that on my intro just so I won't forget how to quit. Very inspiring, bro.
Dude, your understanding is not quite there yet. You are a drug addict. Your addiction does not DEFINE you. It has controlled you in the past, but not any more. Never again.
You never loved dip. Fucking listen to me. You are a drug addict. You loved getting your fix! You loved the relief from withdrawal that dip gave you.
Everyone on here claims they have anxiety problem. Ya, it's called withdrawal attacks from being addicted to one of the most addictive substances known to man.
You are NOT a special butterfly. You are drug addict. Just like me. You have been an outstanding quitter. You will be a free man forever if you truly understand what makes you a slave. You are in no way anything like nicotine. Please learn who YOU are without that bitch. I bet you are a really good guy without nicotine controlling you. Do you understand?
Um... Notdeadyet... did YOU understand what I wrote?
Of course I understand that my addiction doesn't DEFINE me. I know I was a slave to it as stated here...
"I actually have to learn to be ME... without the secret dictating the shots"
Of course I never loved dip but, rather, the fix as stated here...
"I fucking loved it and... I fucking hated it. You will understand the duality of that statement"
My anxiety is profession related compounded by the idiocy of my addiction.
Your OPINION on the validity of my anxiety is just that... your opinion.
Never claimed "special butterfly" status so why throw that out there? Just to rant? Because it's your little trademark thing? Cool with me...
I'm an addict... yup.
I'm nothing like nicotine... yup.
I'm learning to be who I am without the bitch... yup.
I'm coming to find out I AM a pretty good guy without the bitch.
Do I understand?... more everyday bro.
Solid AJ.... 'boob'
Apple Jack, this was exactly my point in my thread, and proof of my program over yours.
You are an addict, you hate yourself, you have dirty little secrets, etc.
That just seems miserable to me. Why choose that for yourself from here forward? Why choose to be an addict and hate yourself?
You quit dipping, right? So why not choose to respect yourself now, and to no longer be an addict.
Does a tin can truly hold so much power over man, that even upon acknowledgement of its dangers, it still remains a master?
Not for me!!!
Release yourself of that mentality!
If you are an addict right now, then you have a dip in your lip!!!!!!!
If at this moment you do not have a dip in your lip, you are no longer an addict!!! Make it count! You are recovering and regaining your life!!! The sooner you accept that fact, the sooner you will stop struggling with addiction!
The sooner you denounce your addiction, and deny its power over you, the sooner your addiction will lose its power.
