Day 1... I quit

[drock7]

i know where you are coming from, i hated to love it and loved to hate it... thats
what the makers want, they depend on us for profits. no telling what they put in it to control our brains the way it does. hey, all i know is to quit each day, and im learning not to think ahead, that creates anxiety for me , so im working on today. I quit with you today. You are much further in your quit than i am, but i read your post and it sounded familiar. Probably familiar to many on the KTC.

[Mike_Land]

Day 50

This will be wordy. Sorry...

I realize I never posted a proper intro. Not really. Aside from a few delarations of resolve and other generic tidbits, I posted nothing about ME. I was reluctant to and now, 50 days later, I think I know why. Ninja mentality.

Sadly, the biggest part of my life was dip and for 25 years I hid it and lied about it. You can't do something (lie) for that long and not have it infect your personality. The end result is never opening up or letting people close because you have a dirty little secret that needs hid. Retarded right!? Addict rationalization 101. Part II of said retardation?... I don't like ME. The "real" me can see all of the above for what it is and loathes it. I... don't like... ME. Quitting created a bizzare situation. I stopped doing what I hated about myself so I had no more reason to dislike myself (well, there ARE other reasons but that's another post). BUT... too many years hiding my secret made it too strong. I actually have to learn to be ME... without the seret dictating the shots. Whoa.

I'm 42. I'm a professional muscian. Because that doesn't always pay alot (music... not as glam/lucrative as you think!) I also work for the school district where I live. Married 18 years to a woman who should have beat my ass blue years ago for lying/hiding stuff/ruining my health/wasting our families money/etc. She's awesome - I owe her. I'm dad to an 11 yr old daughter. She's my heart. I've been an active music minister for 10 years. I don't really like to cuss a whole lot other than fairly standard fare like helldamnshit. However... a beautifully placed F bomb is very satisfying. I am a dipper of 25 years and (call me out for this next statement, I don't care) I fucking loved it and... I fucking hated it. You will understand the duality of that statement. I suffer from anxiety/panic attacks too. Yaaay. This was mostly under control until I quit then... my good friends anxiety and panic perked up - the nic bitch woke 'em up because she had to leave the building. My quit has not seen a smooth moment yet. I fight every damn day. Hard... Every. Damn. Day. I don't feel better yet. I know my health is better... my doc and dentist assure me of that. Cool.

These last 50 days have been the hardest, yet most rewarding thing I have ever done. Cold turkey - no substitutes. Quit.

I did that... for ME.

Hang in there AppleJack. I feel your pain. I was close to 80 days quit before I had a smooth day of quit. The craves were horrible. My mouth watered all the time because I was craving a dip. I'm on my 195th day and I still have some days when it's bad and I have to fight really hard. That is the price we pay for becoming addicts to begin with.

Hang in there. I promise that it will get better. The craves will diminish in severity and become less frequent. In the future you will have days at a time when you won't even think about it. Hard to grasp now but there will come a day when you will see I speak the truth. But don't try to look that far ahead. Just take it one day at a time. That is all we can do.

I'm quit with you today.

Mike

[AppleJack]

Day 50

This will be wordy. Sorry...

I realize I never posted a proper intro. Not really. Aside from a few delarations of resolve and other generic tidbits, I posted nothing about ME. I was reluctant to and now, 50 days later, I think I know why. Ninja mentality.

Sadly, the biggest part of my life was dip and for 25 years I hid it and lied about it. You can't do something (lie) for that long and not have it infect your personality. The end result is never opening up or letting people close because you have a dirty little secret that needs hid. Retarded right!? Addict rationalization 101. Part II of said retardation?... I don't like ME. The "real" me can see all of the above for what it is and loathes it. I... don't like... ME. Quitting created a bizzare situation. I stopped doing what I hated about myself so I had no more reason to dislike myself (well, there ARE other reasons but that's another post). BUT... too many years hiding my secret made it too strong. I actually have to learn to be ME... without the seret dictating the shots. Whoa.

I'm 42. I'm a professional muscian. Because that doesn't always pay alot (music... not as glam/lucrative as you think!) I also work for the school district where I live. Married 18 years to a woman who should have beat my ass blue years ago for lying/hiding stuff/ruining my health/wasting our families money/etc. She's awesome - I owe her. I'm dad to an 11 yr old daughter. She's my heart. I've been an active music minister for 10 years. I don't really like to cuss a whole lot other than fairly standard fare like helldamnshit. However... a beautifully placed F bomb is very satisfying. I am a dipper of 25 years and (call me out for this next statement, I don't care) I fucking loved it and... I fucking hated it. You will understand the duality of that statement. I suffer from anxiety/panic attacks too. Yaaay. This was mostly under control until I quit then... my good friends anxiety and panic perked up - the nic bitch woke 'em up because she had to leave the building. My quit has not seen a smooth moment yet. I fight every damn day. Hard... Every. Damn. Day. I don't feel better yet. I know my health is better... my doc and dentist assure me of that. Cool.

These last 50 days have been the hardest, yet most rewarding thing I have ever done. Cold turkey - no substitutes. Quit.

I did that... for ME.

[AppleJack]

To the Bad ass quitter that owns this thread,

      All the pain you are going thru and still take the time to check on the guys just behind you, like me. Thanks for the text today, it meant alot to me. Caught me at a needed time. You hang tough and you remember, now that you are part of this group not only "you" depend on your decision to remain quit! You are one hell of a quitter bro! I am thankful to be quit with you Applejack!

Apprentice Quitter 2 U
Erussell

That, right there... That was MONEY. Thank you bro! That butched my quit for today and made it a little more hairy and manly :)

See you tomorrow... Let's do this quit again.

[Erussell]

To the Bad ass quitter that owns this thread,

All the pain you are going thru and still take the time to check on the guys just behind you, like me. Thanks for the text today, it meant alot to me. Caught me at a needed time. You hang tough and you remember, now that you are part of this group not only "you" depend on your decision to remain quit! You are one hell of a quitter bro! I am thankful to be quit with you Applejack!

Apprentice Quitter 2 U
Erussell

[Sage]

25 days. A fairly symbolic number for me today. 1 day quit for every year I was a slave. That's 25 days of freedom stacked against 9,125 days of being a slave to nicotine. No more. I don't want to ramble so suffice to say... My world is changing, my outlook is unhindered and unpolluted. No more lies, no more shame, no more self-loathing, no more nic. No. More!! Watch out day 26... You're next.

Proud to be a July quitter with you applejack. Keep it up!

Thank you bro! Proud to be a July quitter with you too... Even if we don't know what the hell to call ourselves!

Day 30 today... Hopefully this 2nd stage funk/I don't give a damn attitude will wear off soon. Even I'm starting to piss myself off! The 20's have been a pain in the ass... Anyone!? I'll take even a tiny breather from constant anxiety/panic attack mode I've been in. DAMN!

The 20 to 30's really did suck. The good news is that very soon it gets tons better. I know it feels like you are at the end of your strength. Don't give up! A joyful, free life is right around the corner. (Besides, Applejack, any ideas of caving we would find you and kick your ass. :unsure: ). Anyway, hang in there, you are doing awesome!

Mucho appreciated Sage! I think Jaynellie would beat you to the ass-kickin'... He's a whole lot closer than you... Literally, down the road from me close :)

Oh good, AppleJack because I live in Alaska. I would still find you, though. :P or maybe send a brother hit man.

[AppleJack]

25 days. A fairly symbolic number for me today. 1 day quit for every year I was a slave. That's 25 days of freedom stacked against 9,125 days of being a slave to nicotine. No more. I don't want to ramble so suffice to say... My world is changing, my outlook is unhindered and unpolluted. No more lies, no more shame, no more self-loathing, no more nic. No. More!! Watch out day 26... You're next.

Proud to be a July quitter with you applejack. Keep it up!

Thank you bro! Proud to be a July quitter with you too... Even if we don't know what the hell to call ourselves!

Day 30 today... Hopefully this 2nd stage funk/I don't give a damn attitude will wear off soon. Even I'm starting to piss myself off! The 20's have been a pain in the ass... Anyone!? I'll take even a tiny breather from constant anxiety/panic attack mode I've been in. DAMN!

The 20 to 30's really did suck. The good news is that very soon it gets tons better. I know it feels like you are at the end of your strength. Don't give up! A joyful, free life is right around the corner. (Besides, Applejack, any ideas of caving we would find you and kick your ass. :unsure: ). Anyway, hang in there, you are doing awesome!

Mucho appreciated Sage! I think Jaynellie would beat you to the ass-kickin'... He's a whole lot closer than you... Literally, down the road from me close :)

[Sage]

25 days. A fairly symbolic number for me today. 1 day quit for every year I was a slave. That's 25 days of freedom stacked against 9,125 days of being a slave to nicotine. No more. I don't want to ramble so suffice to say... My world is changing, my outlook is unhindered and unpolluted. No more lies, no more shame, no more self-loathing, no more nic. No. More!! Watch out day 26... You're next.

Proud to be a July quitter with you applejack. Keep it up!

Thank you bro! Proud to be a July quitter with you too... Even if we don't know what the hell to call ourselves!

Day 30 today... Hopefully this 2nd stage funk/I don't give a damn attitude will wear off soon. Even I'm starting to piss myself off! The 20's have been a pain in the ass... Anyone!? I'll take even a tiny breather from constant anxiety/panic attack mode I've been in. DAMN!

The 20 to 30's really did suck. The good news is that very soon it gets tons better. I know it feels like you are at the end of your strength. Don't give up! A joyful, free life is right around the corner. (Besides, Applejack, any ideas of caving we would find you and kick your ass. :unsure: ). Anyway, hang in there, you are doing awesome!

[AppleJack]

25 days. A fairly symbolic number for me today. 1 day quit for every year I was a slave. That's 25 days of freedom stacked against 9,125 days of being a slave to nicotine. No more. I don't want to ramble so suffice to say... My world is changing, my outlook is unhindered and unpolluted. No more lies, no more shame, no more self-loathing, no more nic. No. More!! Watch out day 26... You're next.

Proud to be a July quitter with you applejack. Keep it up!

Thank you bro! Proud to be a July quitter with you too... Even if we don't know what the hell to call ourselves!

Day 30 today... Hopefully this 2nd stage funk/I don't give a damn attitude will wear off soon. Even I'm starting to piss myself off! The 20's have been a pain in the ass... Anyone!? I'll take even a tiny breather from constant anxiety/panic attack mode I've been in. DAMN!

[bigj77707]

25 days. A fairly symbolic number for me today. 1 day quit for every year I was a slave. That's 25 days of freedom stacked against 9,125 days of being a slave to nicotine. No more. I don't want to ramble so suffice to say... My world is changing, my outlook is unhindered and unpolluted. No more lies, no more shame, no more self-loathing, no more nic. No. More!! Watch out day 26... You're next.

Proud to be a July quitter with you applejack. Keep it up!

[Erussell]

25 days. A fairly symbolic number for me today. 1 day quit for every year I was a slave. That's 25 days of freedom stacked against 9,125 days of being a slave to nicotine. That is soooo screwed up! I don't want to ramble so suffice to say... My world is changing, my outlook is unhindered and unpolluted. No more lies, no more shame, no more self-loathing, no more nic. No. More!! Watch out day 26... You're next.

Applejack
Your quit is so BA, you keep rocking your quit. Thank you for paving a path for many of us. Thank you for all your help, your quit has strengthened mine, I quit with you man!

[AppleJack]

25 days. A fairly symbolic number for me today. 1 day quit for every year I was a slave. That's 25 days of freedom stacked against 9,125 days of being a slave to nicotine. No more. I don't want to ramble so suffice to say... My world is changing, my outlook is unhindered and unpolluted. No more lies, no more shame, no more self-loathing, no more nic. No. More!! Watch out day 26... You're next.

[srans]

That is good shit, right there.  Congrats.  I had a few dip dreams...one was so real I actually had to check my pockets and truck before I was sure it was just a dream.

Just kick the Nic Bitch in the balls each day by posting roll.  Sounds like you have a great quit going.  CONGRATS, Brother!!!

Yeah man, I had to sit on the edge of the bed and logic my way through it!

The Nic bitch knows she can't get you when your awake, so she comes for you in your dreams... I had one so real I still think i caved. I couldn't find any proof so I kept posting.

Quit on my friend.

[AppleJack]

That is good shit, right there.  Congrats.  I had a few dip dreams...one was so real I actually had to check my pockets and truck before I was sure it was just a dream.

Just kick the Nic Bitch in the balls each day by posting roll.  Sounds like you have a great quit going.  CONGRATS, Brother!!!

Yeah man, I had to sit on the edge of the bed and logic my way through it!

[Bean]

That is good shit, right there. Congrats. I had a few dip dreams...one was so real I actually had to check my pockets and truck before I was sure it was just a dream.

Just kick the Nic Bitch in the balls each day by posting roll. Sounds like you have a great quit going. CONGRATS, Brother!!!