About a month and a half ago I had a bit of an epiphany. My life was about to take a significant turn (for the better, I hoped) and I needed to be prepared mentally for the challenges that lay ahead. The last three weeks or so have been one of the most trying and - ultimately - rewarding stretches of my life.
Back in May I walked with my graduating class. It took me six years. Not something I'm particularly proud of, and it's in fact a bit of a soft spot for me - something I'm quick to become defensive over. What should have taken just four years took an additional two. What's more, I had five credits remaining to be officially graduated, so my walk in May would be validated only upon further completion of additional coursework. I took two simple online one-credit courses, but my anxiety was to kick in late July. My final class was a three week online upper level political economics course where I would be reading five (pretty damn heavy) books and write four papers (35 pages total) in three weeks. I also work nights (5pm - 1:30am) and moved the weekend of August 1st.
Multiple over the last 3-4 weeks I felt like quitting - at a much greater frequency than the first month or so. Mind games became increasingly mind-blowing and at times I had cravings I hadn't had since I began this quit. Anxiety was enormous and everyday seemed like the most important day of my life. I could hardly concentrate on plowing through my schoolwork and struggled to stay on task at work. Simple requests from my girlfriend were met with disdain on my behalf. There were a few instances I thought she was beginning to regret signing a new lease with me.
Flash forward to this week. Yesterday I received final marks for my summer classes. They were sufficient to propel me just north of a 3.3 GPA, such that I can officially graduate with Latin honors, cum laude. About an hour ago I just verbally accepted a position with a major international corporation with full benefits and a staggering increase in salary. Not to mention tomorrow I will be half way to HOF.
Back to the epiphany. Along with needing to quit for my girlfriend, the reason I have been successful thus far in this quit is because I decided to quit for me. I can't stress it enough. I knew that I didn't want to be fiending for lips or sneaking off into the abyss to pack my face once I got out there in the "real world". Not to mention before I started this, I had become a 1.5 to 2-can a day dipper and it was draining my wallet and mental fortitude. I could justify killing myself far easier than getting my shit together. But I both wanted and needed to change.
I owe far more thanks than could ever be given to all you assholes. Vets: especially dipbegone, waste, sutherngntlman, and King - fuck you all and thank you all for keeping me honest. The support in the early days kept me hanging around. And all you clowns of Rocktober gave me plenty reading material during the darker times. It's weird to thank a bunch of strangers from every cohort and country around the world for saving my life, but that's what I'll at least attempt to do here.
Tomorrow's half a floor. I plan on sticking around a while if that's alright with y'all
ODAAT 'oh yeah'
