I think this is where I am supposed to be?

[Eor2012]

Day 24,

DAMNIT today sucks...

The cravings are getting pretty bad. I am not falling in to the idea of "one more won't hurt", but instead the "it sucks so bad why am I doing this to myself, I can just dip". I find my subconscious saying how I am young, I haven't dipped long so I am not at any real risk right now. It's never going to change, every day for the rest of my life is going to be like the past week has been, so why not just dip and enjoy life?

Then my conscious mind kicks my subconscious in the nuts and I know better. The problem is, this fucking sucks. This is so miserable right now. Like a mother soothes a crying child, my sub mind wants the embrace of the nic bitch to calm it. It's ripping my reality apart.

At day 24 I know this isn't nic in my system, but instead my mind playing tricks on itself. Due to the habits I formed I can't work without craving a chew. I told myself I wouldn't use the fake stuff out of fear it may seem too real and result in a cave, but now I wonder if I should get some for moments like this. Seeds have created a tremendous amount of pain in my mouth from the salt on the healing wounds, and my jaw is killing me from gum mixed with TMJ issues. I believe the issue at hand is no longer the desire to have the chemical and drug in my system, however it's the act of placing something in that little socket between lip and gum and spitting in to the bottle.

Sigh.... What a trip this has been.

Eor ... Remember this day. This has been going on for several days, and if this is not the worse day then remember tomorrow and the next.

YOU DID THIS TO YOURSELF. You're an idiot and an addict. When you read this next you will still be an addict, and probably an idiot too, but neither reason is good enough to cave.

Remember WHY you wanted to stay tobacco free.

Sincerely,

Your stupid self.

[Scowick65]

Day 16,

The period of nightly dip dreams appears to be over. The past few nights have been restless, despite feeling very tired. I have noticed the cravings are getting more intense lately. I felt like the first 12-14 days went without much hitch, fewer cravings than I expected. Now I feel like they come on suddenly and are difficult to get rid of. I wish I had some of the fake stuff, but I am worried about getting some now. I have gone 16 days with minimal use of seeds, and I worry that if I were to start using the fake stuff I would set myself back as far as the oral fixation portion.

I am excited for the next phase of the quit (what the site says occurs post day 20), and I hope it arrives on time. These past days have not been fun.

Eor, don't be an idiot and cave ever again. If time two is harder than time one, time three will be impossible.

Hang in Eor! Many of us go through that first intense crave/rage period after the first couple weeks. For me it was around days 20-30. I was so pissed at everything I wanted to take someones head off. It will get better! Keep practicing and building your quit, one day at a time...
ps, I never used fake, but I sure chewed the crap out of altoids, seeds and gum...

I am right there with you EOR. I left the fake stuff because the whole process of opening the can and blah blah... was too much like the dip for my liking. Seemed to make it worse, but I am all about the seeds for now. I figure the nicbitch is enough to slay while we are in these early stages. If seeds help... why not. They will be an easy kill once we have our foot on nics throat. No need to worry about seeds now.

Seeds, gum, hard candy- I also decided that using fake stuff would be too much like the real thing- I would rather break completely free from all the trappings- its good a damn fine day to be free, dont ya' think? Keep on quitting EDD

I like your attitude. Keep posting. Lean on me if you need some help.

[Dougie]

Day 16,

The period of nightly dip dreams appears to be over. The past few nights have been restless, despite feeling very tired. I have noticed the cravings are getting more intense lately. I felt like the first 12-14 days went without much hitch, fewer cravings than I expected. Now I feel like they come on suddenly and are difficult to get rid of. I wish I had some of the fake stuff, but I am worried about getting some now. I have gone 16 days with minimal use of seeds, and I worry that if I were to start using the fake stuff I would set myself back as far as the oral fixation portion.

I am excited for the next phase of the quit (what the site says occurs post day 20), and I hope it arrives on time. These past days have not been fun.

Eor, don't be an idiot and cave ever again. If time two is harder than time one, time three will be impossible.

Hang in Eor! Many of us go through that first intense crave/rage period after the first couple weeks. For me it was around days 20-30. I was so pissed at everything I wanted to take someones head off. It will get better! Keep practicing and building your quit, one day at a time...
ps, I never used fake, but I sure chewed the crap out of altoids, seeds and gum...

I am right there with you EOR. I left the fake stuff because the whole process of opening the can and blah blah... was too much like the dip for my liking. Seemed to make it worse, but I am all about the seeds for now. I figure the nicbitch is enough to slay while we are in these early stages. If seeds help... why not. They will be an easy kill once we have our foot on nics throat. No need to worry about seeds now.

Seeds, gum, hard candy- I also decided that using fake stuff would be too much like the real thing- I would rather break completely free from all the trappings- its good a damn fine day to be free, dont ya' think? Keep on quitting EDD

[CaliforniaSlim]

Day 16,

The period of nightly dip dreams appears to be over. The past few nights have been restless, despite feeling very tired. I have noticed the cravings are getting more intense lately. I felt like the first 12-14 days went without much hitch, fewer cravings than I expected. Now I feel like they come on suddenly and are difficult to get rid of. I wish I had some of the fake stuff, but I am worried about getting some now. I have gone 16 days with minimal use of seeds, and I worry that if I were to start using the fake stuff I would set myself back as far as the oral fixation portion.

I am excited for the next phase of the quit (what the site says occurs post day 20), and I hope it arrives on time. These past days have not been fun.

Eor, don't be an idiot and cave ever again. If time two is harder than time one, time three will be impossible.

Hang in Eor! Many of us go through that first intense crave/rage period after the first couple weeks. For me it was around days 20-30. I was so pissed at everything I wanted to take someones head off. It will get better! Keep practicing and building your quit, one day at a time...
ps, I never used fake, but I sure chewed the crap out of altoids, seeds and gum...

I am right there with you EOR. I left the fake stuff because the whole process of opening the can and blah blah... was too much like the dip for my liking. Seemed to make it worse, but I am all about the seeds for now. I figure the nicbitch is enough to slay while we are in these early stages. If seeds help... why not. They will be an easy kill once we have our foot on nics throat. No need to worry about seeds now.

[T-Cell]

Day 16,

The period of nightly dip dreams appears to be over. The past few nights have been restless, despite feeling very tired. I have noticed the cravings are getting more intense lately. I felt like the first 12-14 days went without much hitch, fewer cravings than I expected. Now I feel like they come on suddenly and are difficult to get rid of. I wish I had some of the fake stuff, but I am worried about getting some now. I have gone 16 days with minimal use of seeds, and I worry that if I were to start using the fake stuff I would set myself back as far as the oral fixation portion.

I am excited for the next phase of the quit (what the site says occurs post day 20), and I hope it arrives on time. These past days have not been fun.

Eor, don't be an idiot and cave ever again. If time two is harder than time one, time three will be impossible.

Hang in Eor! Many of us go through that first intense crave/rage period after the first couple weeks. For me it was around days 20-30. I was so pissed at everything I wanted to take someones head off. It will get better! Keep practicing and building your quit, one day at a time...
ps, I never used fake, but I sure chewed the crap out of altoids, seeds and gum...

[Eor2012]

Day 16,

The period of nightly dip dreams appears to be over. The past few nights have been restless, despite feeling very tired. I have noticed the cravings are getting more intense lately. I felt like the first 12-14 days went without much hitch, fewer cravings than I expected. Now I feel like they come on suddenly and are difficult to get rid of. I wish I had some of the fake stuff, but I am worried about getting some now. I have gone 16 days with minimal use of seeds, and I worry that if I were to start using the fake stuff I would set myself back as far as the oral fixation portion.

I am excited for the next phase of the quit (what the site says occurs post day 20), and I hope it arrives on time. These past days have not been fun.

Eor, don't be an idiot and cave ever again. If time two is harder than time one, time three will be impossible.

[Erussell]

This October I am going to reach HOF with you bastards, and I will stay quit. Someday I am going to get that "one time won't hurt" mentality when a nice cigar is in my face, or a long drive yearns to have a dip for company. I am going to read this introduction all over from the first post to the last and remember why I am quit. This is the most miserable experience ever, and its 10x worse knowing that I have been here before and like an idiot came back to it.

You don't get an ODAAT feeling "someday". It's not something that just happens because you're not using.

It happens when you realize that your past is something that can teach you something. Every mistake and failure you (and others) made is nothing but glaring examples of what not to do.

It happens when you realize that your future quit doesn't mean shit if you can't make it out of the "now". We plan to be quit in the future, but we can't make our future selves be quit. All we can do is build a base of quit so strong and so sturdy that nothing can take it down. We have to practice good quitting habits in times of good so that we don't have to even think about our actions in the bad times.

It happens when you realize this moment....this very second...is the only thing that you can control. It happens when you post here while you're craving instead of driving to a convenience store. It happens when you start talking about your brothers here to family members because they are that important in your life. It happens when you reach out to a new quitter just because he may have said something wise or something stupid.

I've been quit 2 years.

I don't rest on my laurels with my quit.

I don't want to be surprised by failure again, and have taken many steps in my life and quit to make sure that I am protecting this quit to the fullest. My moments of ODAAT do not occur when I'm around cigars or buddies chewing. No. My moments of ODAAT are when I post roll....when I reach out to new members....when I reach out to struggling members. My moments of ODAAT are when I spend precious billable time writing in somebody's intro. My moments of ODAAT is dealing with new quitters that have "failure" written on them (through their words and actions) and standing beside them briefly and hoping that they realize their errors.

Don't wait for that moment to come in the future. Deal with the NOW. Tomorrow's going to happen. We can't do anything about it. All we can do is plan for it.

Wow WP that made my spine tingle I got goose bumps from that post that is a huge lesson n it was all free. Pure moving and powerful quit talk.

Yea I hate the dip dreams and am thankful for them at the same time. I hate them cause I wake up in an all out freaking panick lol, love them cause they tell me how I would feel if I caved. A feeling of complete failure and utterly dissatisfied with myself. Keep listening to those dreams, you will not be fulfilled if you cave rather empty and disappointed. I quit with you brother, dream on!

[traumagnet]

This October I am going to reach HOF with you bastards, and I will stay quit. Someday I am going to get that "one time won't hurt" mentality when a nice cigar is in my face, or a long drive yearns to have a dip for company. I am going to read this introduction all over from the first post to the last and remember why I am quit. This is the most miserable experience ever, and its 10x worse knowing that I have been here before and like an idiot came back to it.

You don't get an ODAAT feeling "someday". It's not something that just happens because you're not using.

It happens when you realize that your past is something that can teach you something. Every mistake and failure you (and others) made is nothing but glaring examples of what not to do.

It happens when you realize that your future quit doesn't mean shit if you can't make it out of the "now". We plan to be quit in the future, but we can't make our future selves be quit. All we can do is build a base of quit so strong and so sturdy that nothing can take it down. We have to practice good quitting habits in times of good so that we don't have to even think about our actions in the bad times.

It happens when you realize this moment....this very second...is the only thing that you can control. It happens when you post here while you're craving instead of driving to a convenience store. It happens when you start talking about your brothers here to family members because they are that important in your life. It happens when you reach out to a new quitter just because he may have said something wise or something stupid.

I've been quit 2 years.

I don't rest on my laurels with my quit.

I don't want to be surprised by failure again, and have taken many steps in my life and quit to make sure that I am protecting this quit to the fullest. My moments of ODAAT do not occur when I'm around cigars or buddies chewing. No. My moments of ODAAT are when I post roll....when I reach out to new members....when I reach out to struggling members. My moments of ODAAT are when I spend precious billable time writing in somebody's intro. My moments of ODAAT is dealing with new quitters that have "failure" written on them (through their words and actions) and standing beside them briefly and hoping that they realize their errors.

Don't wait for that moment to come in the future. Deal with the NOW. Tomorrow's going to happen. We can't do anything about it. All we can do is plan for it.

Wow WP that made my spine tingle I got goose bumps from that post that is a huge lesson n it was all free. Pure moving and powerful quit talk.

[srans]

Day 12,

The quit is almost at two weeks, but I only look at things one day at a time.

Last night I have a very vivid dip dream. So vivid, I thought I actually dipped and felt awful. The worst part of the dream was I took the dip, and posted roll as if I didn't and lied to you guys. I remember thinking that "if it's just one then no harm no foul, they don't need to know." It was that similar mentality that landed me back here after being stopped for over 100 days this past October. I even remember (in the dream) that I took one dip, and after establishing that if I just have that one its no big deal, that I took another dip. I actually felt the guilty butterflies and anxiety in the dream which is why I thought it was so real. I woke up under the impression it really happened, but wasn't until laying in bed a while that I realized it was a dream. I never use the computer that I used in my dream to get on KTC, so it couldn't have been true, but it damn sure felt like it.

I don't remember having this many dip dreams when I was first quitting. I can go a whole day without craving dip (occasionally), but the nights are getting rough. Thanks to a tip from some of you I have been taking melatonin to aid with the sleep process, but I think maybe that is causing these dreams. I am stuck in purgatory right now, where I either choose to have a restless night where the time passes slowly and I remain unsure of whether or not I actually slept, or I sleep in a dip filled dream where I watch helplessly as I die a slow but sure death.

This October I am going to reach HOF with you bastards, and I will stay quit. Someday I am going to get that "one time won't hurt" mentality when a nice cigar is in my face, or a long drive yearns to have a dip for company. I am going to read this introduction all over from the first post to the last and remember why I am quit. This is the most miserable experience ever, and its 10x worse knowing that I have been here before and like an idiot came back to it.

Its funny you mention dip dream, I had one last night also. Same thing pretty much. I was contemplating if I should advice everyone or not after having a cigarette accidently of course. I am never able to figure out how I obtained the cigarette or dip. My integrity is always in question and I never find out the outcome. So glad to wake up after those. Quit with you all day bro.

[wastepanel]

This October I am going to reach HOF with you bastards, and I will stay quit. Someday I am going to get that "one time won't hurt" mentality when a nice cigar is in my face, or a long drive yearns to have a dip for company. I am going to read this introduction all over from the first post to the last and remember why I am quit. This is the most miserable experience ever, and its 10x worse knowing that I have been here before and like an idiot came back to it.

You don't get an ODAAT feeling "someday". It's not something that just happens because you're not using.

It happens when you realize that your past is something that can teach you something. Every mistake and failure you (and others) made is nothing but glaring examples of what not to do.

It happens when you realize that your future quit doesn't mean shit if you can't make it out of the "now". We plan to be quit in the future, but we can't make our future selves be quit. All we can do is build a base of quit so strong and so sturdy that nothing can take it down. We have to practice good quitting habits in times of good so that we don't have to even think about our actions in the bad times.

It happens when you realize this moment....this very second...is the only thing that you can control. It happens when you post here while you're craving instead of driving to a convenience store. It happens when you start talking about your brothers here to family members because they are that important in your life. It happens when you reach out to a new quitter just because he may have said something wise or something stupid.

I've been quit 2 years.

I don't rest on my laurels with my quit.

I don't want to be surprised by failure again, and have taken many steps in my life and quit to make sure that I am protecting this quit to the fullest. My moments of ODAAT do not occur when I'm around cigars or buddies chewing. No. My moments of ODAAT are when I post roll....when I reach out to new members....when I reach out to struggling members. My moments of ODAAT are when I spend precious billable time writing in somebody's intro. My moments of ODAAT is dealing with new quitters that have "failure" written on them (through their words and actions) and standing beside them briefly and hoping that they realize their errors.

Don't wait for that moment to come in the future. Deal with the NOW. Tomorrow's going to happen. We can't do anything about it. All we can do is plan for it.

[Eor2012]

Day 12,

The quit is almost at two weeks, but I only look at things one day at a time.

Last night I have a very vivid dip dream. So vivid, I thought I actually dipped and felt awful. The worst part of the dream was I took the dip, and posted roll as if I didn't and lied to you guys. I remember thinking that "if it's just one then no harm no foul, they don't need to know." It was that similar mentality that landed me back here after being stopped for over 100 days this past October. I even remember (in the dream) that I took one dip, and after establishing that if I just have that one its no big deal, that I took another dip. I actually felt the guilty butterflies and anxiety in the dream which is why I thought it was so real. I woke up under the impression it really happened, but wasn't until laying in bed a while that I realized it was a dream. I never use the computer that I used in my dream to get on KTC, so it couldn't have been true, but it damn sure felt like it.

I don't remember having this many dip dreams when I was first quitting. I can go a whole day without craving dip (occasionally), but the nights are getting rough. Thanks to a tip from some of you I have been taking melatonin to aid with the sleep process, but I think maybe that is causing these dreams. I am stuck in purgatory right now, where I either choose to have a restless night where the time passes slowly and I remain unsure of whether or not I actually slept, or I sleep in a dip filled dream where I watch helplessly as I die a slow but sure death.

This October I am going to reach HOF with you bastards, and I will stay quit. Someday I am going to get that "one time won't hurt" mentality when a nice cigar is in my face, or a long drive yearns to have a dip for company. I am going to read this introduction all over from the first post to the last and remember why I am quit. This is the most miserable experience ever, and its 10x worse knowing that I have been here before and like an idiot came back to it.

[Eor2012]

Day 9,

I spent today in Canada and barely craved tobacco, but the seductive embrace of nic was around every turn, plastered in bold letter screaming Cuban cigars. A foul temptress, I was able to resist nic by remembering the fog of the past week, as well as allowing a creative imagination persuade me to turn course. If caught with a Cuban cigar I would surely be arrested and beaten by police, thrown in to a maximum security prison, and introduced to my new lovers. A painful thought. Then I accepted that I would almost prefer that over the cancerous death that will surely come if I were not caught.

The ever present lose/lose made me question why I ever began dip, and why I would ever allow myself to use tobacco again. I truly know now that I can never use tobacco again, in any form. I am glad I finally returned to KTC, and this time I would say you're all stuck with me.

PS, something I don't remember from round one.... After brushing my teeth tonight I realized my gums really hurt. Bad. Is this associated with the quit? I considered that maybe it was too many seeds, but I haven't really used them that much.

[traumagnet]

Dear quit,

It's day 8 and I'm getting pretty sick of the fog. Also, what the fuck is up with the lack of erm..... Interest, if you know what I mean.... I know it's possible to beat you since I've done it before, but I'm sick of you. You're reminding me how much I hate myself for caving after 100+ days. These seeds are destroying my mouth (but not as bad as chew), and I cant wait to be able to feel like I'm quit again.

I feel for you bro. To go through this twice,, I don't even want to think about it. There is a lot of things i say to newbies to help them along, but i feel That the things i say you have probably been there done that.. I'm glad to see you have come back.

Stay the course, you know things get better. Nafar and odaat. I'm glad to quit with you today brother.

not to be a dick but do you see why now it was important to bring your old screen name forward again? NAFAR!!!! you are in the suck and fog you have been here before keep it together the best you can. You will get to the other side. Make more entries to your thread so that if you ever doubt yourself you can go through own thread and see where you came from which will make where you are going to much easier. Keep fighting Eor never give up.

[srans]

Dear quit,

It's day 8 and I'm getting pretty sick of the fog. Also, what the fuck is up with the lack of erm..... Interest, if you know what I mean.... I know it's possible to beat you since I've done it before, but I'm sick of you. You're reminding me how much I hate myself for caving after 100+ days. These seeds are destroying my mouth (but not as bad as chew), and I cant wait to be able to feel like I'm quit again.

I feel for you bro. To go through this twice,, I don't even want to think about it. There is a lot of things i say to newbies to help them along, but i feel That the things i say you have probably been there done that.. I'm glad to see you have come back.

Stay the course, you know things get better. Nafar and odaat. I'm glad to quit with you today brother.

[Eor2012]

Dear quit,

It's day 8 and I'm getting pretty sick of the fog. Also, what the fuck is up with the lack of erm..... Interest, if you know what I mean.... I know it's possible to beat you since I've done it before, but I'm sick of you. You're reminding me how much I hate myself for caving after 100+ days. These seeds are destroying my mouth (but not as bad as chew), and I cant wait to be able to feel like I'm quit again.