Finally....an intro (grab a snack before reading)

[ODAAT]

When you were dipping you literally never had a night when your thoughts were racing and you couldn't sleep? Literally, you never had a day when your skin was cold and sweaty?

I did, but always assumed it was the nicotine doing it to me. That's part of what led up to the quit. Happened quite a bit in the first two weeks of the quit but went away, then relapsed with a bad episode last night.

Still could be illness, but I just don't know. Just kinda freaked out is all.

The part I left out is Thursday, Friday and up until late Saturday were awesome, some of the best times since I left the shit behind. I went back and read that these funks get fewer and further between. Keep needing to hear that. Maybe tomorrow will be another great day.

Thanks to everyone who responded. This is a great resource and I appreciate everyone here.

[ninereasons]

Here are two things I know.  If I went to buy a can right now, if I could get past the shameful part I would feel great, even after just a couple dips today.  The nicotine would reactivate my brain in its sick way it feels is "right".  I would probably snap right out of this funky feeling and feel awesome the rest of the day.

I don't believe that you know any such thing.

When you were dipping you literally never had a night when your thoughts were racing and you couldn't sleep? Literally, you never had a day when your skin was cold and sweaty? What would you do when you felt funky while you were chewing - when you could't rationalize that nicotine would cure all your earthly ills because you were already sucking on it?

I'm quit with you. Keep your head screwed on straight, brother.

[maineguy1313]

Stay strong brother, quittin with you today.

[30yraddict]

I'm not sure if this is related to the quit or not, probably so, but I still need to air it out. Last night I started to develop a headache around 9:00, so I took a couple ibuprofen and half a klonopin which is an anxiety med because I was feeling uptight. Settled down a while later, went to bed, and stayed asleep for about an hour at most. Woke up wide awake feeling clammy and hot, like night sweats I had in week 1-2.

But the anxiety feeling never went away and I was wide awake which never happens. I've always been a pretty good sleeper. I stayed up watching basketball and sportscenter downstairs so I wouldn't disturb my wife.

Didn't get to sleep until 2-3am, then woke up at 5 and went back to bed. Come time to wake up for church I felt like shit still and my wife and kids went without me. It's now 10:30 and they're still gone, and I just ate something. Still feeling sweaty and clammy.

Here are two things I know. If I went to buy a can right now, if I could get past the shameful part I would feel great, even after just a couple dips today. The nicotine would reactivate my brain in its sick way it feels is "right". I would probably snap right out of this funky feeling and feel awesome the rest of the day.

But....three huge things are stopping me.

Number one, I know I would be right back here:

On the 31st, I was laying on the bed upstairs after work feeling so horrible, ashamed and stupid that I knew it was time.

First and foremost this quit is for me....nicotine was killing me and destroying my health. Today's short term gain would be met with tomorrow's long term loss.

Second, I signed roll today.

Third, the emotional part I mentioned before, I could never get past that to even walk in the store.

I don't know if it's the quit that has me feeling like shit today, or some kind of minor illness. It is really minor, I mean nothing like the flu or puking up body parts. But it still sucks.

Sorry for the ramble but it helps to type this stuff out and see what comes back.

I need some people out there to quit with me today.

ODAAT

I'm quit with you today...Stay strong, I'm gonna need you to lean on.

30yr

[Scowick65]

I'm not sure if this is related to the quit or not, probably so, but I still need to air it out. Last night I started to develop a headache around 9:00, so I took a couple ibuprofen and half a klonopin which is an anxiety med because I was feeling uptight. Settled down a while later, went to bed, and stayed asleep for about an hour at most. Woke up wide awake feeling clammy and hot, like night sweats I had in week 1-2.

But the anxiety feeling never went away and I was wide awake which never happens. I've always been a pretty good sleeper. I stayed up watching basketball and sportscenter downstairs so I wouldn't disturb my wife.

Didn't get to sleep until 2-3am, then woke up at 5 and went back to bed. Come time to wake up for church I felt like shit still and my wife and kids went without me. It's now 10:30 and they're still gone, and I just ate something. Still feeling sweaty and clammy.

Here are two things I know. If I went to buy a can right now, if I could get past the shameful part I would feel great, even after just a couple dips today. The nicotine would reactivate my brain in its sick way it feels is "right". I would probably snap right out of this funky feeling and feel awesome the rest of the day.

But....three huge things are stopping me.

Number one, I know I would be right back here:

On the 31st, I was laying on the bed upstairs after work feeling so horrible, ashamed and stupid that I knew it was time.

First and foremost this quit is for me....nicotine was killing me and destroying my health. Today's short term gain would be met with tomorrow's long term loss.

Second, I signed roll today.

Third, the emotional part I mentioned before, I could never get past that to even walk in the store.

I don't know if it's the quit that has me feeling like shit today, or some kind of minor illness. It is really minor, I mean nothing like the flu or puking up body parts. But it still sucks.

Sorry for the ramble but it helps to type this stuff out and see what comes back.

I need some people out there to quit with me today.

Hang tough. The insomnia was the worst symptom for me as well. Obviously, when you do not sleep well you do not feel well. I see you are in the 40s. I started to ease out of the insomnia about then. Of course, I went to a bit more of depression. Sorry to be honest. Hang tough. I can tell you that once I got into the 80s and 90s, I felt 1,000 times better. Also, the it get easier as you go along. You have bumps, but, overall, you will feel better and better. Just ride the ride. I am glad you are writing to yourself. It will help you later.

Go read another group and find them in the 40s. It may help.

Stay stroong ODAAT. You are doing this.

[Ready]

I'm not sure if this is related to the quit or not, probably so, but I still need to air it out. Last night I started to develop a headache around 9:00, so I took a couple ibuprofen and half a klonopin which is an anxiety med because I was feeling uptight. Settled down a while later, went to bed, and stayed asleep for about an hour at most. Woke up wide awake feeling clammy and hot, like night sweats I had in week 1-2.

But the anxiety feeling never went away and I was wide awake which never happens. I've always been a pretty good sleeper. I stayed up watching basketball and sportscenter downstairs so I wouldn't disturb my wife.

Didn't get to sleep until 2-3am, then woke up at 5 and went back to bed. Come time to wake up for church I felt like shit still and my wife and kids went without me. It's now 10:30 and they're still gone, and I just ate something. Still feeling sweaty and clammy.

Here are two things I know. If I went to buy a can right now, if I could get past the shameful part I would feel great, even after just a couple dips today. The nicotine would reactivate my brain in its sick way it feels is "right". I would probably snap right out of this funky feeling and feel awesome the rest of the day.

But....three huge things are stopping me.

Number one, I know I would be right back here:

On the 31st, I was laying on the bed upstairs after work feeling so horrible, ashamed and stupid that I knew it was time.

First and foremost this quit is for me....nicotine was killing me and destroying my health. Today's short term gain would be met with tomorrow's long term loss.

Second, I signed roll today.

Third, the emotional part I mentioned before, I could never get past that to even walk in the store.

I don't know if it's the quit that has me feeling like shit today, or some kind of minor illness. It is really minor, I mean nothing like the flu or puking up body parts. But it still sucks.

Sorry for the ramble but it helps to type this stuff out and see what comes back.

I need some people out there to quit with me today.

even after just a couple dips today. The nicotine would reactivate my brain in its sick way it feels is "right". I would probably snap right out of this funky feeling and feel awesome the rest of the day.

I sincerily hope you realize this is an absolute LIE.

I am quit with you today.

It will get better.

[ODAAT]

I'm not sure if this is related to the quit or not, probably so, but I still need to air it out. Last night I started to develop a headache around 9:00, so I took a couple ibuprofen and half a klonopin which is an anxiety med because I was feeling uptight. Settled down a while later, went to bed, and stayed asleep for about an hour at most. Woke up wide awake feeling clammy and hot, like night sweats I had in week 1-2.

But the anxiety feeling never went away and I was wide awake which never happens. I've always been a pretty good sleeper. I stayed up watching basketball and sportscenter downstairs so I wouldn't disturb my wife.

Didn't get to sleep until 2-3am, then woke up at 5 and went back to bed. Come time to wake up for church I felt like shit still and my wife and kids went without me. It's now 10:30 and they're still gone, and I just ate something. Still feeling sweaty and clammy.

Here are two things I know. If I went to buy a can right now, if I could get past the shameful part I would feel great, even after just a couple dips today. The nicotine would reactivate my brain in its sick way it feels is "right". I would probably snap right out of this funky feeling and feel awesome the rest of the day.

But....three huge things are stopping me.

Number one, I know I would be right back here:

On the 31st, I was laying on the bed upstairs after work feeling so horrible, ashamed and stupid that I knew it was time.

First and foremost this quit is for me....nicotine was killing me and destroying my health. Today's short term gain would be met with tomorrow's long term loss.

Second, I signed roll today.

Third, the emotional part I mentioned before, I could never get past that to even walk in the store.

I don't know if it's the quit that has me feeling like shit today, or some kind of minor illness. It is really minor, I mean nothing like the flu or puking up body parts. But it still sucks.

Sorry for the ramble but it helps to type this stuff out and see what comes back.

I need some people out there to quit with me today.

[Skoal Monster]

My story about landing here is probably one of the most unique on this board.

I wish that were true but I've read this story 1,000 times, believe me your in the right spot to earn your freedom. Stay focused

sm

[Larry Drummer]

1 day,

Enjoyed your intro. It is a good reminder as to why it's great to be quit. The whole getting suprised by somebody with a big nasty in your mouth and you don't wanna spit in front of them, so you swallow. Hiding places, digging in the trash-can for a spitter, and sadly looking forward to drop-offs and alone time. Yes ODAAT, thank you for the reminder. I'm not going back to that place. Neither are you. I Look forward to seeing you in the mornings quitting....one day at a time.

[brianl]

Welcome aboard brother!

Read as much as possible on this site and you will see that your story is not unique, in fact it's rather common. We have all been there brother, and now we are all here getting our Quit on.
I agree with MikeA, tell your wife. Having her support will help you tremendously. Tell her you've been a dirtbag and your an addict and your getting your Quit on. You think that you've been hiding it for 10 years but you might be surprised to find out she had an idea what you were doing. Obviously you know her better than me, it's just my 2 cents.

Brian

[Scowick65]

I love it. Look forward to more posts. You had better post every freaking day. Every day.

[ncgolfer]

Odaat this intro is awesome. Many of us have been in your exact situation. It takes a man to quit and you sir are a man. Now man up and let your wife in on it. Accountability to yourself, your family, and KTC will be the difference between quit and cave.

[MikeA]

Nice intro...have you came clean to your wife yet? That is part of the process.

[jaygib]

Nice work ODAAT! It's very difficult to come to the conclusion that we are all addicts. You've made the right decision not to go at it alone I've tried that in the past and it doesn't work. Always remember what your name stands for, even at day 60 I still have to take it one day at a time. Stay strong, this will get better.

We can't be addicts, nicotine is legal afterall!!! The greatest trick the devil ever pulled...

[grimace8777]

Nice work ODAAT! It's very difficult to come to the conclusion that we are all addicts. You've made the right decision not to go at it alone I've tried that in the past and it doesn't work. Always remember what your name stands for, even at day 60 I still have to take it one day at a time. Stay strong, this will get better.