I quit again for the last time

[CoachDoc]

Thanks for the encouragement and the welcome. I truly hate dipping and everything that comes with it, and want to quit so that I can be happy. Right now may be the worst time for me. Late after the girls are all asleep. Im on the couch of course. I'm going to make it through today so I can stay quit tomorrow.

Many of us have been there - I was shocked to find out so many other guys were staying up late in order to dip...

You will make it through the day in order to post your promise to October first thing in the morning. You did get rid of every can or partial can you had, right? Flushed it all, right?

[cmay1]

Thanks for the encouragement and the welcome. I truly hate dipping and everything that comes with it, and want to quit so that I can be happy. Right now may be the worst time for me. Late after the girls are all asleep. Im on the couch of course. I'm going to make it through today so I can stay quit tomorrow.

[Lost]

Wow! I could have written the same exact intro... except for the law school part!

I'm only at day 2, but if you need anything let me know.

Adam

[RAZD611]

You know how to quit, you have done it before. What you have to learn and invest yourself in is how to stay quit. You must stop being weak!

[aabye1]

cmay1,

Welcome.

[CoachDoc]

I'm 29 years old. About to turn 30. I have two girls, 3 yrs and 10 mos. I have a good wife. I'm "healthy". I have a good job. I tried to give that all up by dipping.

I started dipping as a freshman in college. 1998-99. Threw up the first time, but was trying to fit in with my fraternity pledge brothers, so I kept at it until it didn't make me green. I think maybe my body was trying to tell me something back then...

At any rate, I became a text-book study-dipper. All through undergrad and law school, I would dip like a psychopath when I was studying for exams. I almost looked forward to cramming, because I would stay up all night and dip. Slowly, in college, I would dip on long car rides back home, during movies, while watching tv, and after meals. At my worst, I was doing a can every two days. This kept up until I married my wife after my second year of law school. She never knew that I dipped. So, after we got married, I cut back a lot, but still dipped after I drank, while I studied, etc. She almost caught me a couple of times, and I hid and hid and hid. I hated it, felt incredibly guilty, that something that was a relatively significant part of my life was a complete secret to my partner. So I would "quit." And then start again. And then quit for four months. And then start again.

More recently, I have in fact been caught by my wife over this last year a series of times. The first time, I lied. The second time, I fessed up to my wife. I told her about my habit, how I dealt with the stress of my life (including her), I explained how guilty I felt, and how terrible it made me feel to keep it from her, and how I truly wanted to quit. I promised her I would, for her, for the girls. And I did, for a few months. Now I have been caught again. And my apologies mean nothing, and my promises to her mean nothing. I am a liar. Now I need to quit for myself, to be the man I'm supposed to be. So that I can trust myself, so that my wife can trust me. She hasn't divorced me yet, and I don't intend to give her cause ever again.

Sounds familiar....several times over. Well, for what it's worth, good choice. You are going to need to realize something right away. This quit, it must be YOU DOING IT FOR YOU. It can't be about securing your life witht he wife and kids. It can't be about saving your marriage. It can't be about anything other than you wanting to quit...for the sake of being a healthier man and being quit.

I know the first time someone told me I needed to make it about myself and no one else...Sensei, to be exact...I thought that was about the most stupid piece of advice I could have received. After all, if saving my family wasn't enough of a motivator, what would be, right? Well, it took me a while to figure this out, so I am going to hopefully save you the time. You see, when we have issues with our wives, like hiding dip, i.e. being a liar, quitting dip may or may not reverse the damage we have done...because the dipping is usually only a small part of the bigger problem. And if your only reason to quit is to keep your family, what happens when you lose them anyway (God forbid)? So, you go back to dipping?

The fact is, dipping doesn't fix anything. It doesn't make anything easier. We've all used the lie that we dip in order to relax, to help cope with stress or anxiety, to ...whatever. It's all just a chemical mind-fuck to keep us sucking down the nicotine.

I commend you on deciding to quit. I commend you on your desire to never give your wife reason to divorce you. I offer you support of a fellow quitter. Post roll every day as early as possible. Keep your word to stay quit for that day. Get active in your own quit as well as the quit of others. Get numbers for support. Get to know your quit brothers. Again, welcome.

[cmay1]

I'm 29 years old. About to turn 30. I have two girls, 3 yrs and 10 mos. I have a good wife. I'm "healthy". I have a good job. I tried to give that all up by dipping.

I started dipping as a freshman in college. 1998-99. Threw up the first time, but was trying to fit in with my fraternity pledge brothers, so I kept at it until it didn't make me green. I think maybe my body was trying to tell me something back then...

At any rate, I became a text-book study-dipper. All through undergrad and law school, I would dip like a psychopath when I was studying for exams. I almost looked forward to cramming, because I would stay up all night and dip. Slowly, in college, I would dip on long car rides back home, during movies, while watching tv, and after meals. At my worst, I was doing a can every two days. This kept up until I married my wife after my second year of law school. She never knew that I dipped. So, after we got married, I cut back a lot, but still dipped after I drank, while I studied, etc. She almost caught me a couple of times, and I hid and hid and hid. I hated it, felt incredibly guilty, that something that was a relatively significant part of my life was a complete secret to my partner. So I would "quit." And then start again. And then quit for four months. And then start again.

More recently, I have in fact been caught by my wife over this last year a series of times. The first time, I lied. The second time, I fessed up to my wife. I told her about my habit, how I dealt with the stress of my life (including her), I explained how guilty I felt, and how terrible it made me feel to keep it from her, and how I truly wanted to quit. I promised her I would, for her, for the girls. And I did, for a few months. Now I have been caught again. And my apologies mean nothing, and my promises to her mean nothing. I am a liar. Now I need to quit for myself, to be the man I'm supposed to be. So that I can trust myself, so that my wife can trust me. She hasn't divorced me yet, and I don't intend to give her cause ever again.