Day one or two

[jake frawley]

CONGRATULATIONS BRO! 100 DAYS! HOF!!!!!

[FLguy42]

Day 87,,,    something I've been realizing this week.  This last week I've been getting up, making coffee, getting ready for work or whatever I was planning.  Leaving,,  not a big deal right?

88 Days ago I would have got up, brushed teethe, PUT DIP IN, start brewing coffee and prepare to leave with whatever else I had to do.  Before leaving PUT BIGGER DIP IN.

Now the thought of dip does not even enter my mind until well after the morning has started and when it does,, I'm like what ever.  NO CRAVES JUST THINKING ABOUT IT.  If none of that makes since, remember i'm half redneck, hard as hell to put thoughts to words.       

The point is,  one of the hardest craves that I had to overcome is wanting that first pinch or two or three in the mornings.  Not even a problem anymore!!!  When I realized it I almost shed a tear.  You'll have to excuse me,, I'm an emotional guy when it comes to beating this shit.  It had me bound, tied, and gagged.  When I broke free I was all bruised up.  Those bruises are healing.  They may leave scars, but they will be reminders of where I came from.    Never again for any reason.  Glad to be quit with all of you.

Really, really enjoyed reading that, you redneck asshat. I love that you put a dip in AFTER you brushed your teeth. That is a true asshat move (one duplicated by me because I needed my teeth to feel clean so I could dip.) WTF?

Honestly, what in the hell did we accomplish by even owning a toothbrush? It was for the coffee stains, right? :)

Proud of you, bro. Thirteen days to HOF!!

Srans,

The comic relief I get from looking back at the ridiculous life I lived as a full on dip addict is a positive reenforcement in my quit. My morning ritual as a dipper was both similar and yet opposite of yours. I was pretty much a life-long Cope silver top dipper and was never into any of the wintergreen/mint flavored dips. Thus, nothing was better in the morning than the first Cope dip after coffee but before brushing teeth. See the brushing teeth part with minty toothpaste just wreaked that natural Cope flavor. Working from a home office made this entirely possible and led to many situations where I'd forget to brush teeth altogether and then walk out of the house at lunch time after having crammed half a can in my lip. Jeezus, the unfortunate people who might actually converse with me on those days must have though "What the hell has this guy been eating, freaking dead road kill skunk?" How sad and pathetic!

[Erussell]

Yea Srans I did the same. Couldn't brush my teeth quick enough so I could get a dip in. Now you are 87 days in. I found that post from 15 days into your quit and it is close to where many of us are in our quit. Thanks for your latest post. It gives me proof that it gets better. Thanks again for the inspiration.

[jake frawley]

That's funny as hell... And sadly so relatable.

[Dlee3]

Day 87,,, something I've been realizing this week. This last week I've been getting up, making coffee, getting ready for work or whatever I was planning. Leaving,, not a big deal right?

88 Days ago I would have got up, brushed teethe, PUT DIP IN, start brewing coffee and prepare to leave with whatever else I had to do. Before leaving PUT BIGGER DIP IN.

Now the thought of dip does not even enter my mind until well after the morning has started and when it does,, I'm like what ever. NO CRAVES JUST THINKING ABOUT IT. If none of that makes since, remember i'm half redneck, hard as hell to put thoughts to words.

The point is, one of the hardest craves that I had to overcome is wanting that first pinch or two or three in the mornings. Not even a problem anymore!!! When I realized it I almost shed a tear. You'll have to excuse me,, I'm an emotional guy when it comes to beating this shit. It had me bound, tied, and gagged. When I broke free I was all bruised up. Those bruises are healing. They may leave scars, but they will be reminders of where I came from. Never again for any reason. Glad to be quit with all of you.

Really, really enjoyed reading that, you redneck asshat. I love that you put a dip in AFTER you brushed your teeth. That is a true asshat move (one duplicated by me because I needed my teeth to feel clean so I could dip.) WTF?

Honestly, what in the hell did we accomplish by even owning a toothbrush? It was for the coffee stains, right? :)

Proud of you, bro. Thirteen days to HOF!!

[traumagnet]

SRANS,
I enjoy reading your posts for being half redneck as you say you sure speak with clarity....or the other option is I am half redneck too and we speak the same language. Your posts are always so meaningful to me I always get where you are coming from. Your use of metaphors is a great way to define what you are saying.

I got goose bumps reading this post today. I quit w you SRANS. I will never forget when you reached out to me I had just broken free and you reached out.
thanks
T

[srans]

Day 87,,, something I've been realizing this week. This last week I've been getting up, making coffee, getting ready for work or whatever I was planning. Leaving,, not a big deal right?

88 Days ago I would have got up, brushed teethe, PUT DIP IN, start brewing coffee and prepare to leave with whatever else I had to do. Before leaving PUT BIGGER DIP IN.

Now the thought of dip does not even enter my mind until well after the morning has started and when it does,, I'm like what ever. NO CRAVES JUST THINKING ABOUT IT. If none of that makes since, remember i'm half redneck, hard as hell to put thoughts to words.

The point is, one of the hardest craves that I had to overcome is wanting that first pinch or two or three in the mornings. Not even a problem anymore!!! When I realized it I almost shed a tear. You'll have to excuse me,, I'm an emotional guy when it comes to beating this shit. It had me bound, tied, and gagged. When I broke free I was all bruised up. Those bruises are healing. They may leave scars, but they will be reminders of where I came from. Never again for any reason. Glad to be quit with all of you.

[Erussell]

Day 15.  I can't believe that bitch (nic bitch) held me captive for 25 years.  She was cunning, manipulative and very well funded.  Looking at it all now, 15 days after my quit, I just can't believe I didn't see this earlier in my life.  How stupid am I?  Well I can't continue to look backwards.  It's time to go forward QLF.

Srans
Sure I bet you wish you had quit sooner but your pretty damn smart in my book, you did decide to quit. Hey man congrats and keep it going, remember there are a lot of us inspired by your quit. Yea looking back with all the time under your belt u r one intelligent quitter. I am glad to be quit with you. Still Waiting on the dip dreams. Don't think I'm sleeping enough to have them lol.

[Steve Mc.]

Dip dreams are UNBELIEVABLE.  The only way the dream could have been any worse last night is if freddy krueger was chasing me around with a can.     WTF....

Still haven't had one yet and u guys are freaking me out lol. Maybe I will be the exception and won't have them lmao.

Wait for it......

Dip dreams strengthen my quit. I use them to remind me of how crappy I would feel about myself if I made the choice to dip again after being quit. The guilt, shame, and remorse I would feel about myself and having to face the one's that have supported me through this quit. Scary as shit, but a great reminder of the life I can easily fall back into if I don't do this ODAAT.

[srans]

Dip dreams are UNBELIEVABLE.  The only way the dream could have been any worse last night is if freddy krueger was chasing me around with a can.    WTF....

Still haven't had one yet and u guys are freaking me out lol. Maybe I will be the exception and won't have them lmao.

Wait for it......

[Erussell]

Dip dreams are UNBELIEVABLE. The only way the dream could have been any worse last night is if freddy krueger was chasing me around with a can. WTF....

Still haven't had one yet and u guys are freaking me out lol. Maybe I will be the exception and won't have them lmao.

[srans]

Dip dreams are UNBELIEVABLE. The only way the dream could have been any worse last night is if freddy krueger was chasing me around with a can. WTF....

[Diesel2112]

Day 82.

Nebraskadad's intro caused me to do some thinking today.  Maybe this will strengthen some quits,, it has mine. 

When I started reading his thread and trying to help him,,,  I thought,  How can you keep dipping from your family?  This seems so hard to me.  I never even fathomed keeping it from my family.  He's not the only one of course,,  I have heard this from numerous dippers.  How I ask is this possible?  Stay with me now!

Then I thought,,  I wonder which one is worse,  keeping them in the dark and lying about it or like me,,  not even caring when, where and who I dipped around. 

I must have been the most embarrassing dad and husband ever.  I would have spit bottles laying around the house when people would come over,, I didn't care.  My girls would have to ask if I spit in there coke cans, because they were scared they would accidentally drink my shit.  One more thing I think about,  riding in the car with my family, I would spit right out the window.  I would open the door and spit when necessary. I didn't care if they were in the car.  How embarrassing it must have been to them!  I apologized to them for this, but damn they had been living with it for so long it didn't even bother them.  I was such an asshat.  I know I
must move on,,,  but this has really bothered me.  I'm going to give them big hugs and kisses tonight for putting up with my shit. 

I don't deserve them.  I still don't know what I did to get blessed with the family I have.  I won't live long enough to make up for all the krap I've subjected them to, but I'll try.     

Not now, not ever,, for any reason.  Glad to be quit with all of you.

srans,

the games we play. I am an addict..

Been a recovering drunk since before her and I were married. Her first question last night was "how to i know that is ALL you were doing? " Next question " have you been talking to your sponsor"
ugh, not really. She doesn't , she has to take my word for it. and based on this pattern my word if frigging useless. She didn't get sleep last night, surprise!!

I feel like crap, and yes,that through my actions I have destroyed her trust in me.
I know anything i say to her at this point will be met with skepticism or disbelief.

one day at a time thing, I am trying to focus a second,minute, hour at a time.


'puking'

That's all you can do Nebraska.

Get small. Take it minute by minute, second by second if you have to.

Take comfort in knowing there is light at the end of the tunnel, and it is beautiful.

The only way to get trust back is to be a man and keep your word.

Life's a kick in the balls sometimes, hell sometimes we are the ones kicking ourselves in the junk.

Time to stop walking around hunched over in pain....Straighten up, reach down into your drawers, grab your black and blue balls, re-rack them, and come at this shit the right way.

[nebraskadad58]

Day 82.

Nebraskadad's intro caused me to do some thinking today. Maybe this will strengthen some quits,, it has mine.

When I started reading his thread and trying to help him,,, I thought, How can you keep dipping from your family? This seems so hard to me. I never even fathomed keeping it from my family. He's not the only one of course,, I have heard this from numerous dippers. How I ask is this possible? Stay with me now!

Then I thought,, I wonder which one is worse, keeping them in the dark and lying about it or like me,, not even caring when, where and who I dipped around.

I must have been the most embarrassing dad and husband ever. I would have spit bottles laying around the house when people would come over,, I didn't care. My girls would have to ask if I spit in there coke cans, because they were scared they would accidentally drink my shit. One more thing I think about, riding in the car with my family, I would spit right out the window. I would open the door and spit when necessary. I didn't care if they were in the car. How embarrassing it must have been to them! I apologized to them for this, but damn they had been living with it for so long it didn't even bother them. I was such an asshat. I know I
must move on,,, but this has really bothered me. I'm going to give them big hugs and kisses tonight for putting up with my shit.

I don't deserve them. I still don't know what I did to get blessed with the family I have. I won't live long enough to make up for all the krap I've subjected them to, but I'll try.

Not now, not ever,, for any reason. Glad to be quit with all of you.

srans,

the games we play. I am an addict..

Been a recovering drunk since before her and I were married. Her first question last night was "how to i know that is ALL you were doing? " Next question " have you been talking to your sponsor"
ugh, not really. She doesn't , she has to take my word for it. and based on this pattern my word if frigging useless. She didn't get sleep last night, surprise!!

I feel like crap, and yes,that through my actions I have destroyed her trust in me.
I know anything i say to her at this point will be met with skepticism or disbelief.

one day at a time thing, I am trying to focus a second,minute, hour at a time.


'puking'

[kkljinc]

Day 82.

Nebraskadad's intro caused me to do some thinking today.  Maybe this will strengthen some quits,, it has mine. 

When I started reading his thread and trying to help him,,,   I thought,  How can you keep dipping from your family?  This seems so hard to me.  I never even fathomed keeping it from my family.  He's not the only one of course,,  I have heard this from numerous dippers.  How I ask is this possible?  Stay with me now!

Then I thought,,  I wonder which one is worse,  keeping them in the dark and lying about it or like me,,  not even caring when, where and who I dipped around. 

I must have been the most embarrassing dad and husband ever.  I would have spit bottles laying around the house when people would come over,, I didn't care.  My girls would have to ask if I spit in there coke cans, because they were scared they would accidentally drink my shit.  One more thing I think about,   riding in the car with my family, I would spit right out the window.  I would open the door and spit when necessary. I didn't care if they were in the car.   How embarrassing it must have been to them!  I apologized to them for this, but damn they had been living with it for so long it didn't even bother them.  I was such an asshat.  I know I
must move on,,,  but this has really bothered me.  I'm going to give them big hugs and kisses tonight for putting up with my shit. 

I don't deserve them.  I still don't know what I did to get blessed with the family I have.  I won't live long enough to make up for all the krap I've subjected them to, but I'll try.      

Not now, not ever,, for any reason.  Glad to be quit with all of you.

For all the right reasons, I really enjoyed reading that. That helped me see the other side of it. When I was married, my wife caught me twice, I think, but I always played it off as an occasional stress reliever. My daughter never saw me dip. I did it when she wasn't around or after she went to bed. She doesn't know I'm quitting anything. Kinda neat to hear the other side of the story. If it makes you feel any better, this makes both of us asshats. We are all asshats. Stupid fucking asshats. Thanks for posting that.

srans....I was right there with you.....totally open with my family. And the thing that pisses me off more than anything (other than being a disgusting douchebag) is that I let that fucking snake nic bitch into my house and share the best times with me and my family. I always had a dip in (all outlined in my HOF speech) but Christmas, ball games, movies....you know the drill......the fucking bitch was with our family in every freaking picture for years....yup, there I was on christmas morning with cat turd in my mouth....fantastic

Hidden, in the open, it didn't matter. We WERE all ass hats.

WERE is the word I like to focus on now, because thinking back to me driving and telling my daughter "this is Daddys special gum" when she asked what was in my mouth and if she could have some. Makes me want to punch myself in the face.

Or knowing my son was getting older and not wanting to have him mention anything to mom, I would hand him my cell phone or ipod and tell him to play games so I could pretend to drink out of a root beer bottle (dark plastic made it hard to see brown sludge) while I was really spitting into it on the down pull, and not wanting him to pay attention. That's a winner move. Could have actually been talking to my 9 year old son. He has some cool shit to say and an interesting view of things. Oh well, Ill catch him next time he's 9. Fucking idiot.

WERE is the word now, as we albeit late , have changed our ways for the best.

We can use the past as reminder of where we WERE, but their ain't no use dwelling on it, because their isn't a mother fucking thing we can do to change it.

Deisel - you are a rock god of quit

booyah!!!!!!

Outstanding thread!! So glad to be quit with all of you. So good to be 'past tense' asshats! Looking back was one of the hardest things for me to get over. Living today is where I found my freedom and happiness.

Reminds me of what a fucking asshole I was. What a bunch of wasted time spent with a disgusting addiction.

I tell my wife all of the time, sorry I was a complete asshole for the entire 16 plus year we have been together. What a woman to put up with me and my habit.