Some truth bombs and thoughts I dropped in my group, but I kinda like to paste them in here too. Using this as somewhat of a quit diary at this point. If i ever need a quick reference to why I'm doing this shit, I'm not sorting through 6 bazillion pages.
ON QUIT COMPLACENCY AND BOREDOM (MY ACHILLES HEEL):
It's also what I dealt with last year when I caved. Listen to my experience and learn from it. The nic bitch started seducing me with shit like, "ok we know you've got this addiction beat, but one dip now and then won't hurt. Remember the rush you got from a dip and the way it tasted in your mouth? It's all easily attainable, just down the street, go at lunch, get a can, a dip a day or a dip a week won't hurt and your're cured!"
And here's what really happened:
I shrugged her off, said fuck the nic bitch. I had a cigar instead. I tried to justify it, saying it wasn't dip, and it wouldn't lead me to dip. I got kicked out of my quit group. I stayed good for maybe a month, then she started whispering again, I wasn't posting daily promises, I had no real reason to not "just have one". I bought a can. I had one dip that day for sure, and threw the rest of the can away. That dip was disappointing as fuck. The perfect rush, the burn, the high...that shit just wasn't there. The familiar feeling was though. I waited a couple days, then bought another can. Dipped all afternoon out of that one, chunked it when it was half full. Said I can't go back. But she already put roots down. Within a month of battling with myself internally, I was dipping a can a day again and sometimes more. I was full on right where I started and it all started from "just one" and "I think I have this shit beat".
I didn't. You don't. Never take just one. Just one leads to full on addiction again and that shit ain't worth it.
I was day 76 when I caved last time. Right about where I am now. And that thought is in my head more than the nic bitch is. I'm pushing back and I'm choosing life over slavery.
