Day 20 of my quit and I thought I would add some thoughts on the journey.
First, this quit seems so much different than my past weak assed attempts, and KTC is responsible for a lot of that. (more on that later) Unlike past times my mind is not trying to play stupid tricks on me. Like, "You should have a dip now and then quit again tomorrow" Or "you are gaining weight, why don't you dip to get your weight down than quit again" etc. In the past my mind used to come up with all sorts of nonsense to why I should buy a tin of Kodiak. This time....not once. It's as if my subconscience knows how committed I am and isn't trying to play games. I still have craves, but they don't come with my mind making up fake justifications for dipping again.
Second reading stories about other people quitting has been a huge motivator for me. It seems like all of us have the same basic background...started dipping in highschool (usually due to peer pressure or sports) Dipped for years...tried multiple times to unsuccessfully quit. Either got health scares, or got sick of hiding and being caught dipping by a family member. Came to this site because we couldn't figure out a way to quit. Then started kicking ass quitting.
All the reasons for starting, the problems quiting, and the symptoms experienced when quiting has made me realize this is not a process unique to me, and if you guys can quit, I can as well.
What I love most about this sight is the anger. I have never really unleashed my anger at my addiction until I came to KTC. Up until 20 days ago I mainly just felt sorry for myself (what can I do I'm addicted)...or worse yet nothing at all. I don't want to chew tobacco, and yet something else is making me. Imagine that happening in any other facet of your life. Being forced to do anything that is harmful to you and hurtful or threatening to your family! Would that piss you off? You're God damned right it would, and that is exactly what nicotine is... harmful to you combined with lying to your loved ones and threathening your family should the dip bring about health troubles or death. So get angry boys! and stay angry! its helped me focus like nothing else has.
I thought my hardest moments would be to see other people dipping in front of me....Totally wrong. For some reason that hasn't been a problem at all. What I have a hard time with is breaking my dip habits...mainly after meals, on drives, and first thing in the morning. Each of which is when I have learned to "embrace the suck!" I have taken a perverse liking to taking on my hardest and most trying moments and winning that battle...so even though I am chewing gum and early on chewing mint pouches, I am trying more and more to just deal with these cravings head on...Not using anything...embracing the suck and getting after it. FYI when I first read that phrase (embrace the suck) I thought it sounded stupid. Now I am living by that motto.
I have read some guys talk about feeling more healthy. That hasn't really happened to me. I never had mouth aches or sores while dipping and therefore quitting hasn't made my mouth feel better. Also its not like I am more energetic or active, if anything I am more tired. (what about you long time quitters? Do you feel healthier? and how?) To me it seems that is the one advantage smokers have when quitting over us...the longer they quit the healthier they feel. Anyway just a few thoughts on my journey...Would love to hear yours.
-Granger