Bazooka Joe posted something about this as well but with the computer glitch going on I debated with myself about the need to post roll. I feel I am firmly anchored in my quit, and believe that without posting roll I could stay quit. But within a few hours of thinking that I had a crave....not a huge one, but a crave none the less. My first tool to fight off the crave is the first tool I have used time and time again. I made a promise to all the quitters today and I am not going to break that promise. The crave went away and I went on with my day. Just reaffirmed everything I know about this site. Maybe I can quit on my own, but I know I can quit today when I've posted roll. Keep it simple stupid. See you on roll post tomorrow morning.
Am I quit without roll?
I don't think so.
Without roll, I am just "not using". Being quit and "not using" are not the same thing.
You see, when I was using, I actively sought nicotine. I pre-planned to have cans on me. I packed extra for vacation. I had a schedule while out to stuff my face. If I started running low, I bought a new can before I was out. Hell, we're not even going to talk about the desperation "can't get a can right now" moments because they still make me gag as to how pathetic I was. In fact, the only time I wasn't chewing before was when I was eating or sleeping and I can't tell you how many times I swallowed a plug in embarrassment or necessity (because I couldn't sneak it out). I can't tell you how many times I fell asleep with one in my mouth and woke up with it all over my face. Ugh.
Being quit means that I actively fight to not do that. It sounds silly some days as I'm very comfortable in my quit, but it needs to be done. Being quit means that I do everything in my power to keep it there. I've been on the other end of the complacency post and it's no fucking fun. I had a comma once before, but I wasn't quit. Nope. I was not using and I didn't realize that until I was back into the can. Your tools go rusty without sharpening them, and your skills diminish.
Am I quit without roll? Nope. I probably wouldn't use, but I wouldn't be quit. It would be silly to think otherwise. Don't compromise your quit with your strength. It's what makes you a badass quitter, but it's also the weak point of your armor.
