I don't really know how to start this so i just will...i don't really remember when the last post i had was on KTC...it has been quite some time...i wish i was writing this to tell you all how successful i've been since leaving, but sadly i am not. I am writing to say that i caved....and it wasn't yesterday. It was quite a long time ago about a month or so after my last post. I know the drill as far as the 3 questions and i will get to those...
First and foremost i need to apologize to my original quit group, August 2013. There are no words really. To eddie and jake i'm sorry i haven't been around and i'm sorry i let you guys down. To the others that reached out when i first started this almost a year ago i'm sorry.Â
If i remember...when, why and what....
Well the when is kind of foggy. I think it was around October but i can't really pin point the date...i know i hadn't posted anything in awhile...
The why is even foggier...stupidity is the word that comes to mind. same old bullshit that all of us have used in the past...let my guard down, was probably stressed about something...the point is i don't really know other than i'm an addict and i lost sight of that.Â
As far as what i am going to do different...well to that i can't say...i worked the odaat for a long time...but stopped using it...forever seemed so far away. But now i have to understand what i'm up against and lean on those that will let me...i know some won't but i will do what i can to get back in the good graces of others...while taking care of my own shit, i hope to do just that. trust is important to me and i know i broke that with some and for that I apologize.
We have been talking for a couple days and I have to say that I am glad you are here posting a day 1. I know from experience that coming back can be hard as hell. I caved shortly before hitting the second floor. I lost sight of everything and I let the BITCH back in. Letting us down isnt the point today. Caving lets yourself down. Today you have to start all over again and go through the suck for a second time. Its not any better the second time. Focus on today! Make a plan to be quit today and then follow it tomorrow as well. First step to the plan needs to be posting roll. That was where it all started to unravel for you. We talked most days before you left and I will be here again for you! We both have alot in common. I am back on the first floor and my quit is strong. The past does not dictate today. Post roll and own this quit! You know the basics. Now you need to FEEL it! Its gonna be rough for a bit again, But you know what to expect. Take this all in and grow from it. Some of my role models here have stood in the same spot you are in now. You can regain your honor and integrity. My best advice is sit back, watch, and listen. This brotherhood can be rough at times but it comes from caring for each other and knowledge of our addiction. I will quit with you today! I plan to also quit with you tomorrow. A wise man told me several times...... Keep your nose to the grindstone!
thanks jake
Welcome back.
Brotherhood + Accountability = Success
It sucks to come back and have to face the reality that... you failed let yourself and the brotherhood down. Being a slave, or dying, sucks worse.
There have been a lot of people return to KTC lately. Every one of them has posted a similar story... they were busy, they stopped posting (accountability), they were confident they could make it alone and didn't use their support system (brotherhood).... = FAILURE
I will offer a few words of advice:
1. Jake is a good contact. He is a bad ass bulldog, and he will keep your nose to the grindstone. Keep in close contact with him for a while, and make some other contacts. Reach out to the August brotherhood - they care more than you know. I've posted with them every day for over 300 days... you need to do the same, along with your new group (June 2014.)
2. You need to post roll first thing every day. Every single day - without exception. If you don't you will get called out. And that call out will not start with "welcome back." Serious quitters take the process seriously. My goal is to never be in the shoes that you and Jake were (are) in when you returned to KTC, because I never want to be a slave again... and the only way for me to do that is to post my word every day and be a man of integrity. You failed because you quit the system.
3. Focus all of your energy on being successful right now. You might slack a little at work. You might not be as outgoing at home or with friends. You are, whether you realize it or not, fighting for your life right now. The fight isn't forever as you know... but the initial steps are brutal. You brought this on yourself, and you owe it to yourself to be all in.
4. Print off the words that you just typed out and put them in your wallet. Anytime that you feel a craving coming on for the next few days, pull that piece of paper out. Read how disappointed you were in yourself. How ashamed you were when you typed those words. And how your words describe how you let your team down. Then know that your actions since that post reflect character, strength, and dignity. And that you are a man taking your life back. Put it in your wallet.
It sucks that you quit your quit last time. This time you are focused. And this time you will follow the plan every damn day. My contact info is yours for the taking if you need another contact - be aware that taking my contact information comes with a promise from you - a promise that you will call me before you give in to nicotine. Shoot me a PM and let me know - your post gives promise that you are worth the bet.
