snahsorg

[Thefranks5]

If someone could please explain to me why former mods, and might I add pillars of KTC, continue to disappear at an alarming rate, I would really appreciate it.

Delete this post and PM me if you want.

I have noticed that to and am curious as to why. I know that I have personally tried to be a part of other sections and have been run out because I don’t think the way they do. I just visit now and add comment sometimes but it is frustrating as it is not welcoming at all to newbies. I understand the burnout but to see the ones who just left is surprising.

[snahsorg]

If someone could please explain to me why former mods, and might I add pillars of KTC, continue to disappear at an alarming rate, I would really appreciate it.

Delete this post and PM me if you want.

[EXBEARHAG]

@snahsorg
Man I could have written your whole introduction.  From your significant other not being involved, to feeling like I'm struggling more than others, to potentially caving at any moment, I feel like we have had very similar experiences.  Unfortunately, at day 179, I have less than half the days you do.  Thank you for blogging out your path.  It's very helpful to know there is someone out there that has had a similar experience and is still kicking ass.  Please feel free to reach out if I can help in any way.
~HAG

[Keith0617]

2020.01.09 - 507 Days

It has been quite awhile since my last post here. I have sat down numerous times over the past 6+ months to write something. When I was little, my mom would preach, "If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all." So these numerous attempts over the last 6+ months were just that. I'd write out a rant, read it, think twice, and then delete it.

...damn am I trying to do the right thing. This ain't easy. If you are struggling well past a day count that you think shouldn't come with struggles anymore, you are not alone.

@snahsorg  I hear you man. Check your messages. Happy to listen.

[Athan]

... I'd write out a rant, read it, think twice, and then delete it.

I do that at work....a lot

[snahsorg]

2020.01.09 - 507 Days

It has been quite awhile since my last post here. I have sat down numerous times over the past 6+ months to write something. When I was little, my mom would preach, "If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all." So these numerous attempts over the last 6+ months were just that. I'd write out a rant, read it, think twice, and then delete it.

...damn am I trying to do the right thing. This ain't easy. If you are struggling well past a day count that you think shouldn't come with struggles anymore, you are not alone.

[Athan]

Do I post roll and keep my promise? Or do I fall back into my old ways? Right now there is no in between for me.

...Alcohol: ...Just something worth watching and keeping in check.

I'd say you've summed that up very neatly.  No in between for me either.  Either hot or cold, likewarm is no way to be. Christ himself had the same sentiment. You are wise to keep that alcohol in check. While just as insidious as nicotine, it's destructive potential is much more powerful, immediate, and reverberates much farther into your sphere of influence.
So very very pleased that you're free!

[snahsorg]

2019.05.11 264 Days

Weekend observations and random thoughts:

1) Today I had a text exchange with a vet, who happens to be a relatively new brother to me. For some reason I asked him why he is quit. His answer was all the right answers, most importantly he is quit first for himself. He asked me the same in turn, of course. I told him, " Initially, I quit because I got caught and had to admit the severity of my addiction to an insurance health screener in front of my wife. Shame and embarrassment basically (I was a ninja dipper), but those both have faded with time. Now, I am trying to cement the right reasons for quitting into my life. But you know, I still hear her calling every day, 264 days in. She even invades my dreams 1-2 times a week." 264 days is something of which I should be proud, but damnit do I have a lot more fight ahead of me.

2) Dip dreams: These are frequent enough for me that I no longer wake from them in a state of panic. Am I numb to them now as a result of their frequency? Or perhaps they don't bother me anymore because I can so easily identify them as a dream upon waking up.

3) Roll call: I joined the November 2018 Nut House of Quit 40 days into my quit. Today marks 264 days quit for me. I have posted roll every day since joining, without absence. I have posted roll every day since joining, without needing a pickup. I have posted roll every day since joining, I think all of which have been before noon (the vast majority have been when I first wake up). I admire you folks who can aimlessly stroll into a roll post at any time of day. God bless you for being resolute enough in your quit to not absolutely need to post roll first thing the in the morning. When I wake up each morning, the first thing I think about is roll. Do I post roll and keep my promise? Or do I fall back into my old ways? Right now there is no in between for me.

4) Alcohol: I am realizing that since quitting dip, my alcohol consumption has gone up. Generally I only drink on Fridays and Saturdays, but the volume on these days is growing. I am not getting sloppy or doing anything regretful. Just something worth watching and keeping in check.

5) Throat ailments: SSDD.

Be well, folks. Keep fighting the good fight.

[69franx]

2019.03.12 – 204 Days

I have a nice life, with generally very little to justifiably complain about. I have a loving wife, a healthy son, a good house, and a decent job. Problem is, I have been in my head a lot since quitting, and it is proving over and over to not be a great place to hang out. I might get crucified for this post, but I am tired of these thoughts rinsing and repeating through my mind. I read others’ introductions and journal posts, many of which describe how awesome someone feels XXX days quit, but I have yet to share that sentiment.

Physical:
Prior to quitting tobacco use, I struggled periodically with tonsil stones. In the 13 years I used smokeless tobacco, the tonsil stones likely began around year 10-11. I had always assumed that the tonsil stones were linked to my tobacco use. I have done a fair amount of research since quitting, and none of my findings to date draw that correlation. Today is 204 days clean. Since quitting, I have had a halfway sore throat behind my left tonsil, and it is still present daily. According to the ENT, this is the result of a post nasal drip. He prescribed a nasal spray that helps somewhat, but again, it has been 6+ months sans dip and it is still present. Since quitting, I have had spurts of acid reflux, which leave a lasting globus feeling just above my epiglottis. The globus feeling is still there at approximately a weekly recurrence. Since quitting, the tonsil stones have steadily returned every 4 weeks.

At times, I am also still having difficulty staying awake – like while driving to or from work, or afternoons at work. Just today, I nodded off behind the wheel on a rainy interstate highway, and then opened my eyes to find myself one lane over – which happened to be the exit lane… the wrong exit, that I took anyway because it was too late to get back over. I am very, very fortune to not have hurt someone. Today I drank a Kickstart (4 hours prior), a cup of coffee (3 hours prior), and a Mountain Dew (concurrent). Even after removing nicotine from the equation, my sensitivity to caffeine is low. The more coffee and hot tea I drink, the worse my throat feels too.

Mental:
I think about caving every day. Some days a minimum of at least once every hour, other days maybe once every 3-4 hours. Outside of KTC, my quit has been like solitary confinement. Ninja dipping has led me to ninja quitting. My old mentor and my brother, both of which dip, have been reluctant to even talk about it with me even though I never pressured them to quit too. Support from my wife has been very sparse, and lessening as time passes. I have tried to explain the daily mindfuck to her. She responds with an apology for not being very active with me in my quit. Then a week passes, she sees me get a text or a call from Superman MikeW, and she sheepishly asks me how the last week went. On the evening of 199 I told her what the following day was for me. Her reply was “that’s good” and then 200 passed quietly.

I have been nicotine free for 204 days. I have not missed roll once since joining the November 2018 Nut House on day 40. The effort is there. I realize life could be much, much worse and that I don't have a leg to stand on when it comes to complaining like this. I just don’t feel like it’s getting better, physically or mentally. Is this just the life of a quitting?

Any advice, insight, or criticism is welcome.

Somehow this post was not recognized as a new one and the last update is still shown as 1/2/19. Giving it a bump to see what happens...

I just had a long message erased by a fat finger mistake, now I don't have time to re-write it all, but I think it's very important to respond promptly.

Here's the gist:
-You are going through a funk.

-Your addict-mind feeds off the funk and starts working overtime.
Yours is in overdrive.

-Keep listening and you will probably cave.

-Your situation is very common.

-Your problems are not unique

-Your wife will never understand your addiction and it's not her job to support you in this. This is our thing. She'll thank you when you change.

-Your brother is an addict, of course he doesn't want to be around you.

-Not dipping is still the best thing you can do for your health today. Period.

-It can take a long time to get your sleep cycle on track after quitting. There's a reason we say it re-wires the brain. Have you seen a sleep specialist? Do so soon.

-There are patterns of behavior and thought that don't allow recovery  (re-re-wiring) to take place. Don't beat yourself up when it doesn't.

-Sometimes you have to give things time without mentally or physically throwing in the towel.

-Don't give up before the miracle happens.

-When in a funk, do something different and you will get different results.

Snahsorg, so much everything posted above by Zeus. My fiance has not been very active in my quit either, but that is mainly due to the fact that even though I told her I was quitting, I had said that before. I think she had a hard time believing. She saw me spend a lot of time on the site and texting and all too often at times I should have been present in the moment with her. I dont have a good answer for you other than the classic "Its going to suck until it doesnt. I know that doesnt help, but it is so true. You have my number, reach out and vent anytime. If it feels like its getting too rough, call me. Today is the first time I am seeing this post and I will likely still call you later after having read this

[Zeus]

2019.03.12 – 204 Days

I have a nice life, with generally very little to justifiably complain about. I have a loving wife, a healthy son, a good house, and a decent job. Problem is, I have been in my head a lot since quitting, and it is proving over and over to not be a great place to hang out. I might get crucified for this post, but I am tired of these thoughts rinsing and repeating through my mind. I read others’ introductions and journal posts, many of which describe how awesome someone feels XXX days quit, but I have yet to share that sentiment.

Physical:
Prior to quitting tobacco use, I struggled periodically with tonsil stones. In the 13 years I used smokeless tobacco, the tonsil stones likely began around year 10-11. I had always assumed that the tonsil stones were linked to my tobacco use. I have done a fair amount of research since quitting, and none of my findings to date draw that correlation. Today is 204 days clean. Since quitting, I have had a halfway sore throat behind my left tonsil, and it is still present daily. According to the ENT, this is the result of a post nasal drip. He prescribed a nasal spray that helps somewhat, but again, it has been 6+ months sans dip and it is still present. Since quitting, I have had spurts of acid reflux, which leave a lasting globus feeling just above my epiglottis. The globus feeling is still there at approximately a weekly recurrence. Since quitting, the tonsil stones have steadily returned every 4 weeks.

At times, I am also still having difficulty staying awake – like while driving to or from work, or afternoons at work. Just today, I nodded off behind the wheel on a rainy interstate highway, and then opened my eyes to find myself one lane over – which happened to be the exit lane… the wrong exit, that I took anyway because it was too late to get back over. I am very, very fortune to not have hurt someone. Today I drank a Kickstart (4 hours prior), a cup of coffee (3 hours prior), and a Mountain Dew (concurrent). Even after removing nicotine from the equation, my sensitivity to caffeine is low. The more coffee and hot tea I drink, the worse my throat feels too.

Mental:
I think about caving every day. Some days a minimum of at least once every hour, other days maybe once every 3-4 hours. Outside of KTC, my quit has been like solitary confinement. Ninja dipping has led me to ninja quitting. My old mentor and my brother, both of which dip, have been reluctant to even talk about it with me even though I never pressured them to quit too. Support from my wife has been very sparse, and lessening as time passes. I have tried to explain the daily mindfuck to her. She responds with an apology for not being very active with me in my quit. Then a week passes, she sees me get a text or a call from Superman MikeW, and she sheepishly asks me how the last week went. On the evening of 199 I told her what the following day was for me. Her reply was “that’s good” and then 200 passed quietly.

I have been nicotine free for 204 days. I have not missed roll once since joining the November 2018 Nut House on day 40. The effort is there. I realize life could be much, much worse and that I don't have a leg to stand on when it comes to complaining like this. I just don’t feel like it’s getting better, physically or mentally. Is this just the life of a quitting?

Any advice, insight, or criticism is welcome.

Somehow this post was not recognized as a new one and the last update is still shown as 1/2/19. Giving it a bump to see what happens...

I just had a long message erased by a fat finger mistake, now I don't have time to re-write it all, but I think it's very important to respond promptly.

Here's the gist:
-You are going through a funk.

-Your addict-mind feeds off the funk and starts working overtime.
Yours is in overdrive.

-Keep listening and you will probably cave.

-Your situation is very common.

-Your problems are not unique

-Your wife will never understand your addiction and it's not her job to support you in this. This is our thing. She'll thank you when you change.

-Your brother is an addict, of course he doesn't want to be around you.

-Not dipping is still the best thing you can do for your health today. Period.

-It can take a long time to get your sleep cycle on track after quitting. There's a reason we say it re-wires the brain. Have you seen a sleep specialist? Do so soon.

-There are patterns of behavior and thought that don't allow recovery  (re-re-wiring) to take place. Don't beat yourself up when it doesn't.

-Sometimes you have to give things time without mentally or physically throwing in the towel.

-Don't give up before the miracle happens.

-When in a funk, do something different and you will get different results.

[snahsorg]

2019.03.12 – 204 Days

I have a nice life, with generally very little to justifiably complain about. I have a loving wife, a healthy son, a good house, and a decent job. Problem is, I have been in my head a lot since quitting, and it is proving over and over to not be a great place to hang out. I might get crucified for this post, but I am tired of these thoughts rinsing and repeating through my mind. I read others’ introductions and journal posts, many of which describe how awesome someone feels XXX days quit, but I have yet to share that sentiment.

Physical:
Prior to quitting tobacco use, I struggled periodically with tonsil stones. In the 13 years I used smokeless tobacco, the tonsil stones likely began around year 10-11. I had always assumed that the tonsil stones were linked to my tobacco use. I have done a fair amount of research since quitting, and none of my findings to date draw that correlation. Today is 204 days clean. Since quitting, I have had a halfway sore throat behind my left tonsil, and it is still present daily. According to the ENT, this is the result of a post nasal drip. He prescribed a nasal spray that helps somewhat, but again, it has been 6+ months sans dip and it is still present. Since quitting, I have had spurts of acid reflux, which leave a lasting globus feeling just above my epiglottis. The globus feeling is still there at approximately a weekly recurrence. Since quitting, the tonsil stones have steadily returned every 4 weeks.

At times, I am also still having difficulty staying awake – like while driving to or from work, or afternoons at work. Just today, I nodded off behind the wheel on a rainy interstate highway, and then opened my eyes to find myself one lane over – which happened to be the exit lane… the wrong exit, that I took anyway because it was too late to get back over. I am very, very fortune to not have hurt someone. Today I drank a Kickstart (4 hours prior), a cup of coffee (3 hours prior), and a Mountain Dew (concurrent). Even after removing nicotine from the equation, my sensitivity to caffeine is low. The more coffee and hot tea I drink, the worse my throat feels too.

Mental:
I think about caving every day. Some days a minimum of at least once every hour, other days maybe once every 3-4 hours. Outside of KTC, my quit has been like solitary confinement. Ninja dipping has led me to ninja quitting. My old mentor and my brother, both of which dip, have been reluctant to even talk about it with me even though I never pressured them to quit too. Support from my wife has been very sparse, and lessening as time passes. I have tried to explain the daily mindfuck to her. She responds with an apology for not being very active with me in my quit. Then a week passes, she sees me get a text or a call from Superman MikeW, and she sheepishly asks me how the last week went. On the evening of 199 I told her what the following day was for me. Her reply was “that’s good” and then 200 passed quietly.

I have been nicotine free for 204 days. I have not missed roll once since joining the November 2018 Nut House on day 40. The effort is there. I realize life could be much, much worse and that I don't have a leg to stand on when it comes to complaining like this. I just don’t feel like it’s getting better, physically or mentally. Is this just the life of a quitting?

Any advice, insight, or criticism is welcome.

Somehow this post was not recognized as a new one and the last update is still shown as 1/2/19. Giving it a bump to see what happens...

[snahsorg]

2019.03.12 – 204 Days

I have a nice life, with generally very little to justifiably complain about. I have a loving wife, a healthy son, a good house, and a decent job. Problem is, I have been in my head a lot since quitting, and it is proving over and over to not be a great place to hang out. I might get crucified for this post, but I am tired of these thoughts rinsing and repeating through my mind. I read others’ introductions and journal posts, many of which describe how awesome someone feels XXX days quit, but I have yet to share that sentiment.

Physical:
Prior to quitting tobacco use, I struggled periodically with tonsil stones. In the 13 years I used smokeless tobacco, the tonsil stones likely began around year 10-11. I had always assumed that the tonsil stones were linked to my tobacco use. I have done a fair amount of research since quitting, and none of my findings to date draw that correlation. Today is 204 days clean. Since quitting, I have had a halfway sore throat behind my left tonsil, and it is still present daily. According to the ENT, this is the result of a post nasal drip. He prescribed a nasal spray that helps somewhat, but again, it has been 6+ months sans dip and it is still present. Since quitting, I have had spurts of acid reflux, which leave a lasting globus feeling just above my epiglottis. The globus feeling is still there at approximately a weekly recurrence. Since quitting, the tonsil stones have steadily returned every 4 weeks.

At times, I am also still having difficulty staying awake – like while driving to or from work, or afternoons at work. Just today, I nodded off behind the wheel on a rainy interstate highway, and then opened my eyes to find myself one lane over – which happened to be the exit lane… the wrong exit, that I took anyway because it was too late to get back over. I am very, very fortune to not have hurt someone. Today I drank a Kickstart (4 hours prior), a cup of coffee (3 hours prior), and a Mountain Dew (concurrent). Even after removing nicotine from the equation, my sensitivity to caffeine is low. The more coffee and hot tea I drink, the worse my throat feels too.

Mental:
I think about caving every day. Some days a minimum of at least once every hour, other days maybe once every 3-4 hours. Outside of KTC, my quit has been like solitary confinement. Ninja dipping has led me to ninja quitting. My old mentor and my brother, both of which dip, have been reluctant to even talk about it with me even though I never pressured them to quit too. Support from my wife has been very sparse, and lessening as time passes. I have tried to explain the daily mindfuck to her. She responds with an apology for not being very active with me in my quit. Then a week passes, she sees me get a text or a call from Superman MikeW, and she sheepishly asks me how the last week went. On the evening of 199 I told her what the following day was for me. Her reply was “that’s good” and then 200 passed quietly.

I have been nicotine free for 204 days. I have not missed roll once since joining the November 2018 Nut House on day 40. The effort is there. I realize life could be much, much worse and that I don't have a leg to stand on when it comes to complaining like this. I just don’t feel like it’s getting better, physically or mentally. Is this just the life of a quitting?

Any advice, insight, or criticism is welcome.

[kodiakdeath]

Does this explain why I have seemingly had a more difficult time throughout my quit as compared to my group? November Nut House of Quit is a group of tough and resolute quitters. It is a rarity for any of them to voice their struggles; does that mean they are not struggling or they just don’t share it?

NO!  Everyone is struggling, yes some more than others, but I guarantee this is just as difficult for many (if not most) of your fellow Nut Jobs.  Some people just don't share as much, and I am guilty of that too.  I still get craves, but I made my promise and that's that.  The craves aren't as strong as on say days 50-100, and don't last as long, but they can still be rough.

I'm also a sleepy person like you, and nicotine was a huge crutch I used to stay alert especially during big work deadlines like you have coming.  All I can say is do your best, your body is still healing, and will adjust.  It just won't happen overnight, so be patient.
Proud to quit with you Snahsorg!

[snahsorg]

2019.01.01 - 134 Days

Well it’s New Year’s Day for about another hour, and the big test of my quit resolve is lingering in the days ahead. The situation that I have feared most since August 21st is here. And when I should be sleeping in effort to be well rested and prepared for tomorrow, my brain continues to obsess over what the next few days will bring.

My son got a stomach bug the other day, which made its way to me that same evening. My wife has managed to escape it, until tonight. Coincidentally, I have a deadline on Friday that is going to require me to work my ass off the next two days. Now count tomorrow daytime as a scratch because I will be taking care of baby boy while momma bears through this stomach bug. So that leaves tomorrow evening and Thursday to do this pile of work.

At my old job, that was where dip was my fucking jam. When projects needed to get done and I was the only one who cared enough about the end product to work evenings and weekends, dip was how I got through.

I have been fortunate at the new job, up until now that is, to not be in such a defining situation. Let’s hope caffeine and normal gum can get me by. Have you ever had two 5-hour Energy shots in the same day? It feels like a small panic attack in the center of your sternum, coupled with a case of the shakes. I would like to avoid that if at all possible (plus without nicotine).

Over and over I have read on this forum that quitting has to be a decision you make for yourself and no one else. Well, I quit because I (closet dipper) was so embarrassed/angry for getting caught red handed and am being financially penalized for the next 3 years on my life insurance policy as a result. Does this mean I am destined to fail? Does this explain why I have seemingly had a more difficult time throughout my quit as compared to my group? November Nut House of Quit is a group of tough and resolute quitters. It is a rarity for any of them to voice their struggles; does that mean they are not struggling or they just don’t share it?

Happy New Year! Welcome back to the suck.

[MikeW2018]

2018.11.22 - 94 Days

Mental Health:

The fog stuck with me for a solid two months. I finally feel as though my focus and overall cognition are improving by the day. In all honesty, I still find myself thinking about chew entirely too much. I envy those who post about how the feel so much better both physically and mentally, and that they have no desire to use tobacco again. I hope to get there someday.

Support:

I quit for 40 days by myself. Much of those 40 days were spent on KTC reading and reading and reading. At day 40, I felt as though I needed to sign up and post roll in order to stay quit. And thank God I did. To anyone reading this, I recommend that you sign up for the forum on your day 1 and post roll. Me doing so 40 days in, my group had already clicked with one another to an extent. Four folks reached out to me within my first couple days here, two of which have been my morning text routine. Thank you, MikeW and bg124wpd. I owe you guys more than you know.

Post roll and make friends early. Don't be an introvert. Learn from me.

we quit together, you helped me as I helped you.