day 3

[916quit]

Update Day 115

Up because I just can’t seem to seep tonight.  I’m in bed wondering what the show would look like if Discovery combined Amish Mafia with Moonshiners? 
Anyway I have not updated my intro  in some time.  I plan to be here for awhile so I figure it be best I track it here.

1)   Still no avatar.  The procrastinator in me loves the thought that I will find the best one “tomorrow”.  Since it is not interfering with my quit I suppose I can oblige that side of me.
2)   IÂ’m actually on day 117.  A long time ago I realized the guys keeping track had me down as 9.18 quit date.  I always laughed to myself thinking “do they not get 916quit.  Again, not interfering with my quit so who gives a fu**.  Mike or Matt, if you run across this feel free to update that and give me 2 days credit.
3)   IÂ’m kinda lost. Although I have absolutely no desire or crave for Kodiak any longer something is missing.  My entire old routine is shot.  I go  to bed much earlier as I have no interest in playing Halo on Xbox Live anymore  until 2am.  Me, this fuc**ing 42 year  old white dude dueling it out with some 12 year old Asian kid at midnight just never really made sense to most of the guys I hang out with.  So, that is off the table and literally gave me back hours each night which the “morning me” absolutely loves.  I find myself eating breakfast now instead of tossing one in first thing and burning right through that “hassle”.  No joking, breakfast a lot of times was a hassle cause it “slowed me down”.  Ok, so now I have my CherrioÂ’s each day, along with piles of other stuff that hast lead to some weight gain  which I will get to.  My work really suffered the first 80 or so days and I still donÂ’t think my output is 100% yet.  You see I work from home and would literally chain chew all day long. I had trouble focusing for a long time –not by days but I would sit at my pc and literally just cover what I needed to do to hold down my job.  I broke down somewhere in the 40Â’s (I think) and grabbed some Smokey Mountain.  It has helped me ton  at my desk and when I golf.  All my friends chew and at one point asked me about it, I kindly replied “itÂ’s not the same but eff it,  I can swallow the juice when I need to and eat it when IÂ’m done”  not too bad huh.  I think the “missing” issue for me at the moment has to do with the fight against the craves.  I found myself going to bed each night saying “another day down, itÂ’ll get better tomorrow” and I would wake up the next day thinking of chew, wanting to chew, planning a nice little cave for myself and I spent much of my day fighting that part (physical addiction) and being proud when I laid down each night that I made it.  Somewhere at 80 or so getting through the day without thinking of Kodiak arrived and the, what I would call “struggle” seemed to go away.  So I sit here knowing I will never, ever and I mean ever, chew again but still adjusting to undoing 28 years wrapped around that stupid can.  Although this physical addition “struggle” seems to be gone I am keenly aware of the dangers that lurk in the shadow waiting to knock at my door when I am weak.  This is why I will continue to post each and every day and stay close to KTC.  I would not know as much as I do today without learning from all the brothers and sisters war against this addiction.  This is a war for me, not a battle.  100 days was a battle.
4)   Weight. Yup, just like the others.  I threw on solid 18lbs.  This part SUCKS!  I did (and still do) have a little fun stuffing garbage in my face each night.  I figured I was earning the right and you know what, fu** it I did earn the right so if I each night i stuffed my face with a half a bag of Oreos who cares.  So, I used to run a lot.  Not a big long distance guy but 3-5 miles 4-5 times a week.  I got way from that about 2 years ago so I would get into spurts and run for a month here or there.  One Sunday right after Thanksgiving IÂ’m sitting on the couch getting ready for some football.  Remember I am still in this whole “missing thing” so chew is off the table and I donÂ’t really wanna grab a beer at noon to fill the old void (had many of those the fist 30 days, ugly)Â…Â… so I decide that IÂ’m gonna give my fat ass a nice little run.  I lace them up and head out on run to nowhere.  I end up literally limping in after a 6 mile run.  Now I have been in a fog on the couch for 2 ½ months, put on about 15 or so pounds and have not run 6 miles in about 5 yrs.  Yep, I gave myself Capsulits in my right foot and could not walk for about three days.  Running was off the table for at least a few weeks so , back to the couch.  I got up to 216 (I should be around 195 and had never gotten north of 210) and called my buddy to tell him I was gonna go for 220 just for fu** sake.  Sadly I did try but actually lost weight.  Got back to running last week, the weight issue I will go away.
5)   Strange stuff. I donÂ’t at all know if this is related but my heart has been racing, strange beats for a few months now.  I went to my doc and cardiologists and got tests done and they say  it is fine.  It does not feel fine.  Again, I am not sure if it is related to stopping nic (even as I sit at 115) but if anyone has insight PLEASE get back to me.
6)   Regrets so far.  I do regret one thing.  I missed posting about 3 days early in my quit.  I wasnÂ’t fully committed to the site at the time.  That sucks because I cannot ever say “I posted every single day” which I recommend all you newbies do.  It is an accomplishment to be proud of.  People look at those spreadsheets and, if you are like me, you notice the 100% posters and know those fu**ckers got their shi* together.
7)   Thank you.  Thank you to everyone who participates in the fight here.  I may only spoken to a few of you but there are many of you out there (too many to list) that I follow each day and learn a lot from.  A special thank you to April 2013 quit group.  I enjoy watching the progress and the drama.  IÂ’m thinking KTC should pitch a reality TV show about this place.  Some of this stuff is priceless!

Thanks for reading, post daily and STAY QUIT

Holy crap you got some issues! Good news is I had those same issues. (now 159 days) we are all similar in ways, but your story is dead on to mine.. I'm gonna give you some insight from the future. I felt the same emptiness at the same time as you..
1. amish moonshiner mafia.. Now that's an effin show!!!
2. I struggled about the day's to0, mainly couldn't remember what day I was on. quit is quit. 1 day or a 1000.. embrace this mentality.
3. You're in a funk right now - that's the emptiness.. It WILL go away. I could never use fake.. It's too similar to the real stuff for me. to each his own, but in my opinion it makes a quit harder not easier.
4. fortunately I exercised like crazy the first 100 days so, I could eat all that crap. You're trying to do too much and end up injuring yourself. No-one should run 6 miles after sitting on the couch 2 months. (injury) I was the same. All or nothing. Now I just swim 20 minutes 5 days a week. feeling like a champ. Main thing is do less but be consistent. Now that I'm quit I have so much time on my hands.. Used to dip and watch tv. dip and work. you no. now I actually get things done and it feels good. your funk will pass. the emptiness will go away.
5. exercise will help your heart rate. the more consistent you are, the better it will be. I also started juicing veggies everyday. 1 glass a day = mass energy.
use your quit to take care of your body. it's the only thing god gave you. treat it with respect.
6. Only regret is KTC wasn't around in 1970's lol
7. Thank yourself for quitting, and changing your life. That's what you're doing, changing your life. quit with you every damn day!!!

Kana- thanks! That is what is so great around here, we're all linked together is this fight. Nice to here the emptiness wil ride out at some point. I might even be starting to bother the wife (if u can imagine) will all this free time. I forgot to mention her - she has rock solid!
I carry my quit next to you evey day!

[kana]

Update Day 115

Up because I just canÂ’t seem to seep tonight. IÂ’m in bed wondering what the show would look like if Discovery combined Amish Mafia with Moonshiners?
Anyway I have not updated my intro in some time. I plan to be here for awhile so I figure it be best I track it here.

1)   Still no avatar. The procrastinator in me loves the thought that I will find the best one “tomorrow”. Since it is not interfering with my quit I suppose I can oblige that side of me.
2)   IÂ’m actually on day 117. A long time ago I realized the guys keeping track had me down as 9.18 quit date. I always laughed to myself thinking “do they not get 916quit. Again, not interfering with my quit so who gives a fu**. Mike or Matt, if you run across this feel free to update that and give me 2 days credit.
3)   IÂ’m kinda lost. Although I have absolutely no desire or crave for Kodiak any longer something is missing. My entire old routine is shot. I go to bed much earlier as I have no interest in playing Halo on Xbox Live anymore until 2am. Me, this fuc**ing 42 year old white dude dueling it out with some 12 year old Asian kid at midnight just never really made sense to most of the guys I hang out with. So, that is off the table and literally gave me back hours each night which the “morning me” absolutely loves. I find myself eating breakfast now instead of tossing one in first thing and burning right through that “hassle”. No joking, breakfast a lot of times was a hassle cause it “slowed me down”. Ok, so now I have my CherrioÂ’s each day, along with piles of other stuff that hast lead to some weight gain which I will get to. My work really suffered the first 80 or so days and I still donÂ’t think my output is 100% yet. You see I work from home and would literally chain chew all day long. I had trouble focusing for a long time –not by days but I would sit at my pc and literally just cover what I needed to do to hold down my job. I broke down somewhere in the 40Â’s (I think) and grabbed some Smokey Mountain. It has helped me ton at my desk and when I golf. All my friends chew and at one point asked me about it, I kindly replied “itÂ’s not the same but eff it, I can swallow the juice when I need to and eat it when IÂ’m done” not too bad huh. I think the “missing” issue for me at the moment has to do with the fight against the craves. I found myself going to bed each night saying “another day down, itÂ’ll get better tomorrow” and I would wake up the next day thinking of chew, wanting to chew, planning a nice little cave for myself and I spent much of my day fighting that part (physical addiction) and being proud when I laid down each night that I made it. Somewhere at 80 or so getting through the day without thinking of Kodiak arrived and the, what I would call “struggle” seemed to go away. So I sit here knowing I will never, ever and I mean ever, chew again but still adjusting to undoing 28 years wrapped around that stupid can. Although this physical addition “struggle” seems to be gone I am keenly aware of the dangers that lurk in the shadow waiting to knock at my door when I am weak. This is why I will continue to post each and every day and stay close to KTC. I would not know as much as I do today without learning from all the brothers and sisters war against this addiction. This is a war for me, not a battle. 100 days was a battle.
4)   Weight. Yup, just like the others. I threw on solid 18lbs. This part SUCKS! I did (and still do) have a little fun stuffing garbage in my face each night. I figured I was earning the right and you know what, fu** it I did earn the right so if I each night i stuffed my face with a half a bag of Oreos who cares. So, I used to run a lot. Not a big long distance guy but 3-5 miles 4-5 times a week. I got way from that about 2 years ago so I would get into spurts and run for a month here or there. One Sunday right after Thanksgiving IÂ’m sitting on the couch getting ready for some football. Remember I am still in this whole “missing thing” so chew is off the table and I donÂ’t really wanna grab a beer at noon to fill the old void (had many of those the fist 30 days, ugly)Â…Â… so I decide that IÂ’m gonna give my fat ass a nice little run. I lace them up and head out on run to nowhere. I end up literally limping in after a 6 mile run. Now I have been in a fog on the couch for 2 ½ months, put on about 15 or so pounds and have not run 6 miles in about 5 yrs. Yep, I gave myself Capsulits in my right foot and could not walk for about three days. Running was off the table for at least a few weeks so , back to the couch. I got up to 216 (I should be around 195 and had never gotten north of 210) and called my buddy to tell him I was gonna go for 220 just for fu** sake. Sadly I did try but actually lost weight. Got back to running last week, the weight issue I will go away.
5)   Strange stuff. I donÂ’t at all know if this is related but my heart has been racing, strange beats for a few months now. I went to my doc and cardiologists and got tests done and they say it is fine. It does not feel fine. Again, I am not sure if it is related to stopping nic (even as I sit at 115) but if anyone has insight PLEASE get back to me.
6)   Regrets so far. I do regret one thing. I missed posting about 3 days early in my quit. I wasnÂ’t fully committed to the site at the time. That sucks because I cannot ever say “I posted every single day” which I recommend all you newbies do. It is an accomplishment to be proud of. People look at those spreadsheets and, if you are like me, you notice the 100% posters and know those fu**ckers got their shi* together.
7)   Thank you. Thank you to everyone who participates in the fight here. I may only spoken to a few of you but there are many of you out there (too many to list) that I follow each day and learn a lot from. A special thank you to April 2013 quit group. I enjoy watching the progress and the drama. IÂ’m thinking KTC should pitch a reality TV show about this place. Some of this stuff is priceless!

Thanks for reading, post daily and STAY QUIT

Holy crap you got some issues! Good news is I had those same issues. (now 159 days) we are all similar in ways, but your story is dead on to mine.. I'm gonna give you some insight from the future. I felt the same emptiness at the same time as you..
1. amish moonshiner mafia.. Now that's an effin show!!!
2. I struggled about the day's to0, mainly couldn't remember what day I was on. quit is quit. 1 day or a 1000.. embrace this mentality.
3. You're in a funk right now - that's the emptiness.. It WILL go away. I could never use fake.. It's too similar to the real stuff for me. to each his own, but in my opinion it makes a quit harder not easier.
4. fortunately I exercised like crazy the first 100 days so, I could eat all that crap. You're trying to do too much and end up injuring yourself. No-one should run 6 miles after sitting on the couch 2 months. (injury) I was the same. All or nothing. Now I just swim 20 minutes 5 days a week. feeling like a champ. Main thing is do less but be consistent. Now that I'm quit I have so much time on my hands.. Used to dip and watch tv. dip and work. you no. now I actually get things done and it feels good. your funk will pass. the emptiness will go away.
5. exercise will help your heart rate. the more consistent you are, the better it will be. I also started juicing veggies everyday. 1 glass a day = mass energy.
use your quit to take care of your body. it's the only thing god gave you. treat it with respect.
6. Only regret is KTC wasn't around in 1970's lol
7. Thank yourself for quitting, and changing your life. That's what you're doing, changing your life. quit with you every damn day!!!

[916quit]

Update Day 115

Up because I just canÂ’t seem to seep tonight. IÂ’m in bed wondering what the show would look like if Discovery combined Amish Mafia with Moonshiners?
Anyway I have not updated my intro in some time. I plan to be here for awhile so I figure it be best I track it here.

1)   Still no avatar. The procrastinator in me loves the thought that I will find the best one “tomorrow”. Since it is not interfering with my quit I suppose I can oblige that side of me.
2)   IÂ’m actually on day 117. A long time ago I realized the guys keeping track had me down as 9.18 quit date. I always laughed to myself thinking “do they not get 916quit. Again, not interfering with my quit so who gives a fu**. Mike or Matt, if you run across this feel free to update that and give me 2 days credit.
3)   IÂ’m kinda lost. Although I have absolutely no desire or crave for Kodiak any longer something is missing. My entire old routine is shot. I go to bed much earlier as I have no interest in playing Halo on Xbox Live anymore until 2am. Me, this fuc**ing 42 year old white dude dueling it out with some 12 year old Asian kid at midnight just never really made sense to most of the guys I hang out with. So, that is off the table and literally gave me back hours each night which the “morning me” absolutely loves. I find myself eating breakfast now instead of tossing one in first thing and burning right through that “hassle”. No joking, breakfast a lot of times was a hassle cause it “slowed me down”. Ok, so now I have my CherrioÂ’s each day, along with piles of other stuff that hast lead to some weight gain which I will get to. My work really suffered the first 80 or so days and I still donÂ’t think my output is 100% yet. You see I work from home and would literally chain chew all day long. I had trouble focusing for a long time –not by days but I would sit at my pc and literally just cover what I needed to do to hold down my job. I broke down somewhere in the 40Â’s (I think) and grabbed some Smokey Mountain. It has helped me ton at my desk and when I golf. All my friends chew and at one point asked me about it, I kindly replied “itÂ’s not the same but eff it, I can swallow the juice when I need to and eat it when IÂ’m done” not too bad huh. I think the “missing” issue for me at the moment has to do with the fight against the craves. I found myself going to bed each night saying “another day down, itÂ’ll get better tomorrow” and I would wake up the next day thinking of chew, wanting to chew, planning a nice little cave for myself and I spent much of my day fighting that part (physical addiction) and being proud when I laid down each night that I made it. Somewhere at 80 or so getting through the day without thinking of Kodiak arrived and the, what I would call “struggle” seemed to go away. So I sit here knowing I will never, ever and I mean ever, chew again but still adjusting to undoing 28 years wrapped around that stupid can. Although this physical addition “struggle” seems to be gone I am keenly aware of the dangers that lurk in the shadow waiting to knock at my door when I am weak. This is why I will continue to post each and every day and stay close to KTC. I would not know as much as I do today without learning from all the brothers and sisters war against this addiction. This is a war for me, not a battle. 100 days was a battle.
4)   Weight. Yup, just like the others. I threw on solid 18lbs. This part SUCKS! I did (and still do) have a little fun stuffing garbage in my face each night. I figured I was earning the right and you know what, fu** it I did earn the right so if I each night i stuffed my face with a half a bag of Oreos who cares. So, I used to run a lot. Not a big long distance guy but 3-5 miles 4-5 times a week. I got way from that about 2 years ago so I would get into spurts and run for a month here or there. One Sunday right after Thanksgiving IÂ’m sitting on the couch getting ready for some football. Remember I am still in this whole “missing thing” so chew is off the table and I donÂ’t really wanna grab a beer at noon to fill the old void (had many of those the fist 30 days, ugly)Â…Â… so I decide that IÂ’m gonna give my fat ass a nice little run. I lace them up and head out on run to nowhere. I end up literally limping in after a 6 mile run. Now I have been in a fog on the couch for 2 ½ months, put on about 15 or so pounds and have not run 6 miles in about 5 yrs. Yep, I gave myself Capsulits in my right foot and could not walk for about three days. Running was off the table for at least a few weeks so , back to the couch. I got up to 216 (I should be around 195 and had never gotten north of 210) and called my buddy to tell him I was gonna go for 220 just for fu** sake. Sadly I did try but actually lost weight. Got back to running last week, the weight issue I will go away.
5)   Strange stuff. I donÂ’t at all know if this is related but my heart has been racing, strange beats for a few months now. I went to my doc and cardiologists and got tests done and they say it is fine. It does not feel fine. Again, I am not sure if it is related to stopping nic (even as I sit at 115) but if anyone has insight PLEASE get back to me.
6)   Regrets so far. I do regret one thing. I missed posting about 3 days early in my quit. I wasnÂ’t fully committed to the site at the time. That sucks because I cannot ever say “I posted every single day” which I recommend all you newbies do. It is an accomplishment to be proud of. People look at those spreadsheets and, if you are like me, you notice the 100% posters and know those fu**ckers got their shi* together.
7)   Thank you. Thank you to everyone who participates in the fight here. I may only spoken to a few of you but there are many of you out there (too many to list) that I follow each day and learn a lot from. A special thank you to April 2013 quit group. I enjoy watching the progress and the drama. IÂ’m thinking KTC should pitch a reality TV show about this place. Some of this stuff is priceless!

Thanks for reading, post daily and STAY QUIT

[916quit]

I'm 50 + days in. Read  a few posts about coffee grounds helping out - now I'm  2 days in a row with fucking folgers! WTF! Stupid shit an addict will do...
Fuck it -No nic tho :)

Whatever it takes to keep the worm dirt out of your mouth. Nice job. You won't get addicted to coffee grounds, you will give it up easily when you don't need it any longer.

IÂ’m seeing a lot of caves lately, anywhere from a month in, a year later and 6 years later. It is pretty scary.

I’m not a vet here but here’s my 2 cents for new quitters. I’m 72 days in but it still feels like yesterday I put down the can. I don’t get the bad craves all the time like I did the first week so it’s not like I am banging my head on the wall looking for a way for the pain to stop and thinking I need a dip to help me. For me it’s the triggers that start the planned cave. Triggers like golf, vid gaming, sporting events, drinking beer, etc (we all have our own). I did not understand what “planned cave” meant until I realized that I do it all the time. I told diplessinjax (in my group) a few weeks back that my fucked up addicted mind plans a cave a few times a week. Scared the shit out of him.

To me the “planning” is a passing thought but in the 30 seconds (maybe less) I usually figure out the fastest way to get to the store, how quiet I need to be if the wife is home (can’t run down to the c-store at 11pm without a good reason so I would need to sneak out- she knows I’m quit) and last but certainly not least, how easy it would be to just log back on to KTC in the morning and lie to all of you by not saying anything (because I’m just going to do this one and I’m not gonna hurt anyone). I said 30 seconds, it might take 10 seconds for my addiction to try and convince me to fuck over my family, everyone on KTC and wreck my self respect.

Posting is VITAL. At first I did not quite understand why “I” had to post every day. “fuck, I got this”…“I don’t need to post”……….but now I see why the vets on the site require it. It drags my ass to the site everyday where if find myself not only posting roll but learning more and more about my addiction and how to fight it.

My point to new quitters is to expect to find yourself planning quits and prepare for it. I am thankful to have my wife fully engaged in my quit and there when I get weak as well as this site to reinforce me when I am strong

In my opinion no cave is unplanned. They take time to execute and donÂ’t happen by accident.

Stay vigilant in your quit.

I hope this helps someone

[T-Cell]

I'm 50 + days in. Read a few posts about coffee grounds helping out - now I'm 2 days in a row with fucking folgers! WTF! Stupid shit an addict will do...
Fuck it -No nic tho :)

Whatever it takes to keep the worm dirt out of your mouth. Nice job. You won't get addicted to coffee grounds, you will give it up easily when you don't need it any longer.

[916quit]

I'm 50 + days in. Read a few posts about coffee grounds helping out - now I'm 2 days in a row with fucking folgers! WTF! Stupid shit an addict will do...
Fuck it -No nic tho :)

[Smokeyg]

Thanks. That was my point. I'm 41 days in and think all is cool but she keeps popping up. Word to all is she does not give up. I wrote that when I was putting my shoes on and "she" kept nagging me.

found my stash of fresh cubans around the 70's if I recall.......the bitch is patient...for sure......

Not worried about the PC aspect of it, but why do we refer to our addiction as female? Is it the constant nagging? The love from our past that still resonates at times? Our illogical passion and desire? Our tendency to displace our own shortcomings onto our spouses? Is it acceptable to be controlled and pestered by a woman but emasculating if we're controlled by another man, or God forbid, our own faulty wiring?

Whatever. Fuck you nic bitch. I will not chew tobacco today.

[CleanFuel]

Thanks. That was my point. I'm 41 days in and think all is cool but she keeps popping up. Word to all is she does not give up. I wrote that when I was putting my shoes on and "she" kept nagging me.

found my stash of fresh cubans around the 70's if I recall.......the bitch is patient...for sure......

[916quit]

Thanks. That was my point. I'm 41 days in and think all is cool but she keeps popping up. Word to all is she does not give up. I wrote that when I was putting my shoes on and "she" kept nagging me.

[T-Cell]

Fuck that. Good call on staying strong. Who said you can't play golf, fish, or hunt without dipping? Of course you can.

Of course you can. However very fresh quitters might want to avoid these big triggers at first, then take them on one at a time. My first fishing trip and first poker/beer night were tough, the craves were strong. I was proud to get through them, and now there is no doubt I can.
If golf remains tough, take your phone and txt a pal, each hole if necessary. Give them the play by play, including the not dipping part...

[sethj13]

Fuck that. Good call on staying strong. Who said you can't play golf, fish, or hunt without dipping? Of course you can.

[916quit]

Getting ready to play. Lets make sure I got everything. Balls-check, tees-check, shoes-check, clubs-Check, nic bitch-......WTF is she doing here! Fuck you bitch out you go!
Every fucking time she is relentless!

[Radman]

Beware of that beer. Beer is the strongest trigger for me. Do not torture yourself. You may want to give up drinking for a while, such as the first 90 days of your quit. Another option is to drink something you do not normally drink such as white wine. It works for me. Hang in there.

Wise. Very, very wise. I completely quit drinking for several months when my quit was shiny and new.

[TheEngineer]

Beware of that beer. Beer is the strongest trigger for me. Do not torture yourself. You may want to give up drinking for a while, such as the first 90 days of your quit. Another option is to drink something you do not normally drink such as white wine. It works for me. Hang in there.

[916quit]

thanks to all.

"breathing wintergreen death stench" at Christmas -LOL