Hey guys GrizzlyFir here. I'm brand new to this whole thing and I am on my first day of being quit. Ain't gonna lie. My day has fucking sucked. I have had multiple triggers today which have led to multiple cravings. Between having to deal with bullshit at work and my wife wanting to know "what the fuck has gotten into you?" it's been a pretty rough ass day 1.
You see I haven't told my beautiful wife yet that I'm quitting. My main reason is that I have attempted to quit unsuccessfully so many times before that it's almost like the little boy who cried wolf. I know many guys and gals here can probably relate to that. My addicition has turned me into a first class liar.
Now don't get the wrong impression I'm a pretty honest person but I have never met an addict that didn't at least lie about their addicition. You know lying to yourself and everyone else saying you can quit whenever you want, lying to everyone else telling them you're quitting for the millionth time, lying about how many cans you're really going through a week, even lying saying you have quit just to get your significant other, a family member, or a friend off your ass.
I dipped for right at 13 years. Pretty much half of my life as I am only 27. I remember my first dip very vividly. A buddy of mine had an older brother who was 18. I wanted to try dipping because I thought it was cool and manly. Looking back and knowing what I know now that sounds pretty fucking retarded. Anyways we were driving around one day and we stopped at the local gas station. I gave him a few dollars and he came back with a fresh can of Skoal long cut wintergreen. I didn't know shit about dipping so I put in a big old 3 finger lipper. Luckily I was sitting down because I got dizzy as hell within 5 seconds. I had tried smoking cigarettes before but this was a rush like I never had when smoking. From that day on as a 14 year old kid that didn't know shit and had barely started puberty I was hooked.
The nic bitch had a firm grasp on my balls from that day on. Now I won't lie and say that I didn't enjoy it. Hell, I flat out loved dipping. I never got sick like some guys I know have and it probably wouldn't have mattered. I didn't really give a shit. I loved the smell of it, the way my lip burned when I packed it full with a big old lipper, and I even liked the spitting part. It appealed to my inner badass. You know the tough guy inside that tells you that dipping is the manly thing to do and that only pussies quit.I started on Skoal long cut wintergreen, then switched to Cope snuff for a while and then when Cope started getting expensive I switched to Grizzly long cut wintergreen. A can a day, sometimes more habit gets expensive after awhile but I didn't care. I kept packing my lip full and filling up whatever bottle or cup I could get my hands on.
On through the years I had many life experiences. Everyone of my memories mostly good or bad included my nasty habit. My ex wife absolutely hated it. In smokeless tobacco's defense there wasn't many things my ex wife didn't hate. She was a bitch and I knew it from the beginning but married her anyway. Chalk it up to bad decisions just like starting dipping. Hell you live and you learn. The longest period of time I had ever stopped dipping while I was still married to her was for 2 weeks. We went to San Antonio Texas on vacation with her parents and I was an absolutely miserable prick. As soon as we got home I got a can(behind her back) and started right back up. It was pretty easy to hide from her. I just dipped at work and when I was out with my buddies and always kept a toothbrush, floss, toothpaste, and mouthwash handy. I went to great lengths to hide my habit from her on and off over a 5 year period.
Fast forward to 3 years ago. I found out my ex wife had been cheating on me with a guy who I thought I was good friends with for about a year and a half. I did what any sensible man would do, I fucking left her ass. I went through a lot in that first year after we split up and I was waiting on my divorce. Everything I did still included my nasty pal the nic bitch. You would think that would be a good time to quit. A major life changing event to be seized as a great opportunity. Nope, not this hard headed bastard. I dipped even more after we split up. A can a day turned into 2 cans a day.
After my divorce I got back in the dating game and met a beautiful little redhead. She changed my life for the better, and I love her more than anything. She didn't like my dipping but at the time she smoked so she really couldn't say much. Well August 2011 I asked her to marry me. She accepted and we started planning the wedding. She is an amazing woman and in March 2012 she approached me with the idea of us quitting tobacco together. I thought it was a great idea but deep down I really didn't want to quit. She quit smoking cold turkey for good and I stopped dipping for about 2 months then started right back up. I love my wife but even she couldn't keep me from my nasty little nic bitch. We got married September 2012 and we just bought a house a few months ago. I really am a lucky man but all along I toted my addiction around with me.
I stopped a couple more times for a week or two but always started right back up again. Fast forward to today. My wife has not said much of anything about my nasty little habit as of recently but I started looking at options and planning to quit for good. I thought about chantix or nic gum but that shit defeats the whole purpose of quitting. If you're going to quit you just have to quit. No drugs, no nicotine to ween you off this shit, the nic bitch is what had me by the balls in the first place. Anyway I found this site in searching methods of quitting and I made my decision. I registered earlier this am, posted roll and I'm not looking back. I am quit for good and I know that I can do this. It's gonna fucking suck, and it won't be easy but I'm quitting for me now. I am all out, balls to the wall done with the nic bitch. This site and community is awesome. I have already got alot of help just from reading through the posts and good info on here.
Today is the first day of the rest of my life. No more money wasted, no more lying to myself or others, no more lippers, no more bullshit. I'm fucking done with the nic bitch 'Finger' Would love to get some feedback from some of you guys on here and make some friends. I could use some help and some advice from some vets on here and some comraderie from guys that have just started their quit journey like me. Anyway I will stop rambling on. All I have left to say is it's a beautiful fucking day outside and I'm glad to be quit...for good!
GrizzlyFir 'fireman'
