Day 16 - seems longer actually but I think that is because the days don't go as fast as they seemed to go when I was using nicotine. I guess it is like MJ said, "gotta replace one bad habit with one good habit" and everything will come together. Creating a new reality. Maybe it's just another mind trick. The latest mind trick I'm getting from the Nic Bitch is that I "miss her" and that it was "more fun" with her. That is a pretty shitty feeling. It's kinda like breaking up with someone....so used to the day to day stuff that you catch yourself realizing that things are different. It's all good though. 16 days quit is longer than I have ever gone....even combined in 22 years actually from any previous attempts. Anyone from outside KTC or outside the knowledge of this struggle would believe 16 days is a mere 384 hours and a very small portion of life span pretty much equating to no big deal. I and my fellow KTC family get the enormity of 16 days and the very long, suffocating, aching, mentally straining, physically draining and epic intensity that is 384 hours!
Today I am faced with my first "battle" that has actually required planning on my part to feel ready to face it. I Have to drive for 4.5 hours alone!!! Now, I love to drive. I spend a lot of time in my car. I have a sweet system and yes, I use the shit out of it. I will probably be deaf early in life.....what? Huh? Say again? I have nice tint so the world can leave me the hell alone and mind their own business. Low pros and sweet rims to make the ride smooth. All of that is fine. Problem is, I have always chewed. This is where my habit started and it has been my "safe haven" for chew time. I have a bag of seeds, an entire package of gum (the three pack orbit), some grapes in a bag, some carrots, some MM's minis, and a fresh can of Smokey Mountain. Most importantly, a fully charged cell phone with my Quit Buddies numbers. Gotta face this shit head on. See ya tomorrow for Roll!
The only thing you miss is posioning yourself and that's not even "you", that's your brain telling you so. Your brain has been so badly poisioned that it needs re-wiring. That takes time and it's not an easy job. There is much untangling to do, but it can and has been done by many a bad ass on this site.
Replacing one bad habit with one good habit is not a good analogy, because dipping is not a habit, it's an addiction. Biting your nails is a habit.
I too used to "miss my friend". I too used to think it made things better, "funner", cured boredome, and overall made me a happier person.
All bullshit.
Nicotine fills no voids in your life. It creates them.
You don't need to CREATE a new reality, you need to find your old one. Nicotine created a false reality for you. You haven't felt "normal" in years. It's time to come home.
To think that one can't enjoy life to the fullest minus a lip full of cat terd is absurd. Yet I used to think that very way when I quit.
"How can I enjoy a meal without a dip after, how could I possibly go golfing without a lip full, a long drive...without dip???? HELL NO!!! Poker with the boys, gotta have it..."
More bullshit. I've done all those things many times over since I quit and I can tell you with 100% honesty that I enjoy them just as much, if not more, than I did while dipping.
When I really think about it, dipping is one of the most disgusting and boring things a person can do. Sucking on poisonous weeds and then spitting brown juice into a bottle, made my day BETTER? How??? If that's the case how the hell do people who DON'T use nicotine enjoy life? Some of the happiest people I know have never touched nicotine in their life, so how the hell can they be so happy. What's the difference between them and me?
Addiction. I chose to try some dip one day...fell in love with the buzz and became addicted.
Over time though I was catching no buzz. My tongue was sore, my gums felt odd and wore down, my jaw was hurting, and my mouth felt like shit. I would often wonder, "why the fuck am I doing this still???". But I could not stop, I THOUGHT it made things better and that I needed it. Truth once again...I was addicted and dependant on it
"What a fool I used to be..."
So what's my point? You are not alone in the way that you feel. Take comfort in knowing that the cycle can and will be reversed if you stick to the program. Try to see nicotine for the lie that it is. Build some HATE for it rather than romancing it. Take a step back once in awhile and remember why you are quitting, and that life without nicotine is not only possible but natural. Nobody was born with a lip full of Kodiak, nobody needs that shit to roll down the e-way with their system bumpin, behind their tinted windows and just enjoying the ride, enjoying life. Nobody needs to be a slave.
Etch your name onto the ktc rock of quitters.
Its not always easy, but it will always be worth it. I promise.
Sorry so long.
Quit on...
