I am Ginet. I am a female nicotine addict. I have been using Kodiak wintergreen for 22 years, close enough to a can per day. I have been quit five days as of this post. I was planning on starting my quit on New Years Day...probably like a lot people, and was searching this site to check out the info and chat room for support with my nic patch on and my plan ready for Jan 1st. I met a lot of great people right away and was informed almost immediately that the patch on my arm is not quit. I listened and watched as people carried on their conversations for about an hour and then left the room. My entire plan of what I thought would work starting Jan 1st was wrong. Maybe wrong is not the right word, but I already knew my plan wasn't going to be the best plan for me to quit and stay quit. I filled my can with water and took it out to the trash can in the alley. (Yes, I should have flushed it because yes, as about hour 10 rolled around and I really thought going out to dig that can out of the trash was an okay idea! But I didn't. I stayed quit.) I took the nic patch off of my arm and washed all of the sticky crap off and logged back on. MN_Ben was there again and I told him what had happened and he was the first to welcome me and quit with me. It has been nothing but support from every single person that I've met. I love this place and would not be quit without it. I already know this.
I know my story is not any less or more important than anyone else's. I mentioned that I was female right away only for other females to see it and keep reading. I was always so afraid of what people would say if they knew I chewed. To a chic, "that is so gross" translates to "YOU are so gross". We all know females are wired differently. My husband and my sister are the only people that know. Can you imagine going 22 years and not even your closest buddies know you chew? What a secret. What a burden. What a bitch! My sister thinks I am "dumb" and has told me so many times. My husband also chews. This is my biggest obstacle. I am focusing on me and my quit. I won't pester him and push him but I do plan to leave this site open one day with a few choice articles and posts for him to see. We have talked about quitting several times. Problem is we only "talk about it". And then there is my step son that we actually have custody of. I would NEVER let him know I dipped. I would drive to his sporting event separately in my car so I could chew. He would ask me to play hockey and be the goalie (which hurts by the way) or play Xbox but I would put it off for a few minutes and say I had to change out the laundry or take a shower first so I could chew. Really? Who does this? An addict does. I have been in a high ranking position for awhile and have managed to avoid going to lunch with fellow co-workers because I didn't want to drive with them anywhere to get food so I could go myself in my car and chew. What the hell is wrong with me? I hate those things. I even hate that one time I thought I was actually "cool" because some dude rodeo stud (NOT) thought he would make me puke and look like a fool by betting $100 that I could not dip his Copenhagen and last 15 minutes. I won. Why was I proud of that? Just plain stupid and now embarrassing for sure.
Why did I quit? I stopped fooling myself. I stopped letting my "reasons" and "cravings" dictate my actions, my thoughts, my life. It's beyond the money wasted. It's beyond digging in the trash for the empty Gatorade bottle my kid just tossed so I can use that in my car. It's beyond worrying about what someone might say. It's about knowing it can kill me. I know what can happen. I am not stupid. I only made a stupid decision. I have a lot to live for. I now have a lot of support. hank you MN_Ben, Suds, Roam, cmark and TxTornado just to name a few. I'm quit.
