Accountability 201

[AppleJack]

BTW, looking for brothers and sisters to get numbers from and to support me in my roll call.  Accountability can go both ways too!

Soooo...

Round 3 at this point.Gonna give it another try? Hoping it sticks this time?

You’ll pardon my lack of faith in you or enthusiasm at your return... again.

This will sound mean but I don’t really care.

You NEED to get your shit together.

You’re on day 2 today... I hit day 2,226 today. You SHOULD be ahead of me but life has derailed you... twice... since we started together back in April 2013.

What’s different now?

Life probably has more ups and downs in store for you... you’ll be tempted to cave AGAIN.

What’s different now?

I'm just sick and tired.  I'm back mentally where I started my first time around.  I'm ready to put it down.  I want my health over my addiction.  When I was at this point my first time, I held steady thru the best and the worst while I worked the program.  It wasn't until I drifted and went solo that I lost my resolve.

I want his more now than ever before especially since I know it can be done.

I'm really curious to know how it felt when you decided to start feeding your addiction again.  Did you think of your brothers and sisters here at all, or was it all a selfish only move on your part?  Did you completely forget about Shane, about Todd (rest in peace bro) who managed to stay nicotine free all the way to his last breath?  It would really be great to understand the mindset of a caver, both to help me, but mostly to help you.  Cause right now, like Shane, I'm not feeling it.

“I’m back mentally where I started my first time around”

I hope that’s not your benchmark because, in case it’s escaped you, that obviously wasn’t a successful mindset the first time you tried.

What’s. Different. Now?

It was all selfish. All of my addictions are. Had I thought of anyone else I wouldn't be here.  My mindset was I just didn't have one. All I cared about was that dip. I took the groups and my time out of the equation. I own that. There is no excuse and I deserve all the reservations from you and everyone else. I wouldn't believe someone else in my shoes. I believe I can but it's just for today. Tomorrow I'll do the same thing. I am scared. I am humiliated.  The long run seems so daunting and I'd be lying if I said all my enthusiasm is genuine.  All I can do is let yours and everyone else's judgement (justifiable) and help it push me to prove you wrong. I am here. I am ready to ask for help and I am now ready to face the criticism. It's not hate like I assumed last time but genuine care to push me.

This may not be the best way to put it out there but all I can say is please doubt me. That will make me work that much harder. I don't deserve to come jack to smiles and roses. I broke a very longstanding trust to those before and after me and I can only win that back one day at a time. All I ask is to help me do that.

^^^
That was a waaaaay better response. That was honest.

Yet this entire conversation is taking place outside the group it belongs in.

Why in your intro? Why not in your group? Why not in July '18? Why not in the group before that (I apologize for not knowing specifically which)?

I see you asking for help here, but not from your group. Maybe I need to get back into August and read a little more, but even with all my crap going on I've been trying to follow along in there.

Addiction is, by its very nature, a selfish act. Quitting is too though.

The intros used to be/still are a perfectly valid place for this conversation to happen.

[SRains918]

BTW, looking for brothers and sisters to get numbers from and to support me in my roll call.  Accountability can go both ways too!

Soooo...

Round 3 at this point.Gonna give it another try? Hoping it sticks this time?

You’ll pardon my lack of faith in you or enthusiasm at your return... again.

This will sound mean but I don’t really care.

You NEED to get your shit together.

You’re on day 2 today... I hit day 2,226 today. You SHOULD be ahead of me but life has derailed you... twice... since we started together back in April 2013.

What’s different now?

Life probably has more ups and downs in store for you... you’ll be tempted to cave AGAIN.

What’s different now?

I'm just sick and tired.  I'm back mentally where I started my first time around.  I'm ready to put it down.  I want my health over my addiction.  When I was at this point my first time, I held steady thru the best and the worst while I worked the program.  It wasn't until I drifted and went solo that I lost my resolve.

I want his more now than ever before especially since I know it can be done.

I'm really curious to know how it felt when you decided to start feeding your addiction again.  Did you think of your brothers and sisters here at all, or was it all a selfish only move on your part?  Did you completely forget about Shane, about Todd (rest in peace bro) who managed to stay nicotine free all the way to his last breath?  It would really be great to understand the mindset of a caver, both to help me, but mostly to help you.  Cause right now, like Shane, I'm not feeling it.

“I’m back mentally where I started my first time around”

I hope that’s not your benchmark because, in case it’s escaped you, that obviously wasn’t a successful mindset the first time you tried.

What’s. Different. Now?

It was all selfish. All of my addictions are. Had I thought of anyone else I wouldn't be here.  My mindset was I just didn't have one. All I cared about was that dip. I took the groups and my time out of the equation. I own that. There is no excuse and I deserve all the reservations from you and everyone else. I wouldn't believe someone else in my shoes. I believe I can but it's just for today. Tomorrow I'll do the same thing. I am scared. I am humiliated.  The long run seems so daunting and I'd be lying if I said all my enthusiasm is genuine.  All I can do is let yours and everyone else's judgement (justifiable) and help it push me to prove you wrong. I am here. I am ready to ask for help and I am now ready to face the criticism. It's not hate like I assumed last time but genuine care to push me.

This may not be the best way to put it out there but all I can say is please doubt me. That will make me work that much harder. I don't deserve to come jack to smiles and roses. I broke a very longstanding trust to those before and after me and I can only win that back one day at a time. All I ask is to help me do that.

^^^
That was a waaaaay better response. That was honest.

Yet this entire conversation is taking place outside the group it belongs in.

Why in your intro? Why not in your group? Why not in July '18? Why not in the group before that (I apologize for not knowing specifically which)?

I see you asking for help here, but not from your group. Maybe I need to get back into August and read a little more, but even with all my crap going on I've been trying to follow along in there.

Addiction is, by its very nature, a selfish act. Quitting is too though.

[davidharleyson10]

BTW, looking for brothers and sisters to get numbers from and to support me in my roll call.  Accountability can go both ways too!

Pm'ed digits

[AppleJack]

BTW, looking for brothers and sisters to get numbers from and to support me in my roll call.  Accountability can go both ways too!

Soooo...

Round 3 at this point.Gonna give it another try? Hoping it sticks this time?

You’ll pardon my lack of faith in you or enthusiasm at your return... again.

This will sound mean but I don’t really care.

You NEED to get your shit together.

You’re on day 2 today... I hit day 2,226 today. You SHOULD be ahead of me but life has derailed you... twice... since we started together back in April 2013.

What’s different now?

Life probably has more ups and downs in store for you... you’ll be tempted to cave AGAIN.

What’s different now?

I'm just sick and tired.  I'm back mentally where I started my first time around.  I'm ready to put it down.  I want my health over my addiction.  When I was at this point my first time, I held steady thru the best and the worst while I worked the program.  It wasn't until I drifted and went solo that I lost my resolve.

I want his more now than ever before especially since I know it can be done.

I'm really curious to know how it felt when you decided to start feeding your addiction again.  Did you think of your brothers and sisters here at all, or was it all a selfish only move on your part?  Did you completely forget about Shane, about Todd (rest in peace bro) who managed to stay nicotine free all the way to his last breath?  It would really be great to understand the mindset of a caver, both to help me, but mostly to help you.  Cause right now, like Shane, I'm not feeling it.

“I’m back mentally where I started my first time around”

I hope that’s not your benchmark because, in case it’s escaped you, that obviously wasn’t a successful mindset the first time you tried.

What’s. Different. Now?

It was all selfish. All of my addictions are. Had I thought of anyone else I wouldn't be here.  My mindset was I just didn't have one. All I cared about was that dip. I took the groups and my time out of the equation. I own that. There is no excuse and I deserve all the reservations from you and everyone else. I wouldn't believe someone else in my shoes. I believe I can but it's just for today. Tomorrow I'll do the same thing. I am scared. I am humiliated.  The long run seems so daunting and I'd be lying if I said all my enthusiasm is genuine.  All I can do is let yours and everyone else's judgement (justifiable) and help it push me to prove you wrong. I am here. I am ready to ask for help and I am now ready to face the criticism. It's not hate like I assumed last time but genuine care to push me.

This may not be the best way to put it out there but all I can say is please doubt me. That will make me work that much harder. I don't deserve to come jack to smiles and roses. I broke a very longstanding trust to those before and after me and I can only win that back one day at a time. All I ask is to help me do that.

^^^
That was a waaaaay better response. That was honest.

[racetrackcowgirl]

BTW, looking for brothers and sisters to get numbers from and to support me in my roll call.  Accountability can go both ways too!

Soooo...

Round 3 at this point.Gonna give it another try? Hoping it sticks this time?

You’ll pardon my lack of faith in you or enthusiasm at your return... again.

This will sound mean but I don’t really care.

You NEED to get your shit together.

You’re on day 2 today... I hit day 2,226 today. You SHOULD be ahead of me but life has derailed you... twice... since we started together back in April 2013.

What’s different now?

Life probably has more ups and downs in store for you... you’ll be tempted to cave AGAIN.

What’s different now?

I'm just sick and tired.  I'm back mentally where I started my first time around.  I'm ready to put it down.  I want my health over my addiction.  When I was at this point my first time, I held steady thru the best and the worst while I worked the program.  It wasn't until I drifted and went solo that I lost my resolve.

I want his more now than ever before especially since I know it can be done.

I'm really curious to know how it felt when you decided to start feeding your addiction again.  Did you think of your brothers and sisters here at all, or was it all a selfish only move on your part?  Did you completely forget about Shane, about Todd (rest in peace bro) who managed to stay nicotine free all the way to his last breath?  It would really be great to understand the mindset of a caver, both to help me, but mostly to help you.  Cause right now, like Shane, I'm not feeling it.

“I’m back mentally where I started my first time around”

I hope that’s not your benchmark because, in case it’s escaped you, that obviously wasn’t a successful mindset the first time you tried.

What’s. Different. Now?

It was all selfish. All of my addictions are. Had I thought of anyone else I wouldn't be here.  My mindset was I just didn't have one. All I cared about was that dip. I took the groups and my time out of the equation. I own that. There is no excuse and I deserve all the reservations from you and everyone else. I wouldn't believe someone else in my shoes. I believe I can but it's just for today. Tomorrow I'll do the same thing. I am scared. I am humiliated.  The long run seems so daunting and I'd be lying if I said all my enthusiasm is genuine.  All I can do is let yours and everyone else's judgement (justifiable) and help it push me to prove you wrong. I am here. I am ready to ask for help and I am now ready to face the criticism. It's not hate like I assumed last time but genuine care to push me.

This may not be the best way to put it out there but all I can say is please doubt me. That will make me work that much harder. I don't deserve to come jack to smiles and roses. I broke a very longstanding trust to those before and after me and I can only win that back one day at a time. All I ask is to help me do that.

[AppleJack]

BTW, looking for brothers and sisters to get numbers from and to support me in my roll call.  Accountability can go both ways too!

Soooo...

Round 3 at this point.Gonna give it another try? Hoping it sticks this time?

You’ll pardon my lack of faith in you or enthusiasm at your return... again.

This will sound mean but I don’t really care.

You NEED to get your shit together.

You’re on day 2 today... I hit day 2,226 today. You SHOULD be ahead of me but life has derailed you... twice... since we started together back in April 2013.

What’s different now?

Life probably has more ups and downs in store for you... you’ll be tempted to cave AGAIN.

What’s different now?

I'm just sick and tired.  I'm back mentally where I started my first time around.  I'm ready to put it down.  I want my health over my addiction.  When I was at this point my first time, I held steady thru the best and the worst while I worked the program.  It wasn't until I drifted and went solo that I lost my resolve.

I want his more now than ever before especially since I know it can be done.

I'm really curious to know how it felt when you decided to start feeding your addiction again.  Did you think of your brothers and sisters here at all, or was it all a selfish only move on your part?  Did you completely forget about Shane, about Todd (rest in peace bro) who managed to stay nicotine free all the way to his last breath?  It would really be great to understand the mindset of a caver, both to help me, but mostly to help you.  Cause right now, like Shane, I'm not feeling it.

“I’m back mentally where I started my first time around”

I hope that’s not your benchmark because, in case it’s escaped you, that obviously wasn’t a successful mindset the first time you tried.

What’s. Different. Now?

[worktowin]

BTW, looking for brothers and sisters to get numbers from and to support me in my roll call.  Accountability can go both ways too!

Soooo...

Round 3 at this point.Gonna give it another try? Hoping it sticks this time?

You’ll pardon my lack of faith in you or enthusiasm at your return... again.

This will sound mean but I don’t really care.

You NEED to get your shit together.

You’re on day 2 today... I hit day 2,226 today. You SHOULD be ahead of me but life has derailed you... twice... since we started together back in April 2013.

What’s different now?

Life probably has more ups and downs in store for you... you’ll be tempted to cave AGAIN.

What’s different now?

I'm just sick and tired.  I'm back mentally where I started my first time around.  I'm ready to put it down.  I want my health over my addiction.  When I was at this point my first time, I held steady thru the best and the worst while I worked the program.  It wasn't until I drifted and went solo that I lost my resolve.

I want his more now than ever before especially since I know it can be done.

I'm really curious to know how it felt when you decided to start feeding your addiction again.  Did you think of your brothers and sisters here at all, or was it all a selfish only move on your part?  Did you completely forget about Shane, about Todd (rest in peace bro) who managed to stay nicotine free all the way to his last breath?  It would really be great to understand the mindset of a caver, both to help me, but mostly to help you.  Cause right now, like Shane, I'm not feeling it.

[racetrackcowgirl]

BTW, looking for brothers and sisters to get numbers from and to support me in my roll call.  Accountability can go both ways too!

Soooo...

Round 3 at this point.Gonna give it another try? Hoping it sticks this time?

You’ll pardon my lack of faith in you or enthusiasm at your return... again.

This will sound mean but I don’t really care.

You NEED to get your shit together.

You’re on day 2 today... I hit day 2,226 today. You SHOULD be ahead of me but life has derailed you... twice... since we started together back in April 2013.

What’s different now?

Life probably has more ups and downs in store for you... you’ll be tempted to cave AGAIN.

What’s different now?

I'm just sick and tired.  I'm back mentally where I started my first time around.  I'm ready to put it down.  I want my health over my addiction.  When I was at this point my first time, I held steady thru the best and the worst while I worked the program.  It wasn't until I drifted and went solo that I lost my resolve.

I want his more now than ever before especially since I know it can be done.

[AppleJack]

BTW, looking for brothers and sisters to get numbers from and to support me in my roll call.  Accountability can go both ways too!

Soooo...

Round 3 at this point.Gonna give it another try? Hoping it sticks this time?

You’ll pardon my lack of faith in you or enthusiasm at your return... again.

This will sound mean but I don’t really care.

You NEED to get your shit together.

You’re on day 2 today... I hit day 2,226 today. You SHOULD be ahead of me but life has derailed you... twice... since we started together back in April 2013.

What’s different now?

Life probably has more ups and downs in store for you... you’ll be tempted to cave AGAIN.

What’s different now?

[racetrackcowgirl]

BTW, looking for brothers and sisters to get numbers from and to support me in my roll call.  Accountability can go both ways too!

[racetrackcowgirl]

Merging topics so it'll continue along the path of the original...

Welcome back. You owe some answers to your new group as well as the previous:

1) What happened - I let my guard down because I got complacent and picked it back up.  Once was all it took for her to get her claws back in me.
2) Why did it happen - No excuses.  I didn't do what worked, I chose to pick it back up and it cost me my time, my integrity, and my humility.
3) What are you going to do to keep it from happening again Start over at day 1. Remember all those tools I took advantage of in my beginning quit, get more numbers, reach out when I need to (and even when I don't), post roll everyday, and stick to what I know works regardless of what I think or how out of control I may feel. - Certainly not play pity party on my actions.

[SRains918]

Merging topics so it'll continue along the path of the original...

Welcome back. You owe some answers to your new group as well as the previous:

1) What happened
2) Why did it happen
3) What are you going to do to keep it from happening again

[racetrackcowgirl]

Please disregard this thread.  I am having it taken down.  I will post on my original thread once it has been taken care of.

My apologies.

[racetrackcowgirl]

It's me Cowgirl.  Unfortunately, I am back at day 1 again.  I was 1 month shy of 5 years when I lost control.  I let my guard down, got complacent in my roll calls and caved.  I wasn't prepared even all those years later and because of that I failed.  I came back on and confessed to my quit group.  They of course put me on the chopping block and I had to answer up for my actions with my tail between my legs.  That was a year ago.  I didn't hold on for long but now I am just sick and tired of everything and ready to quit again.  I know exactly what I have to do.  I need numbers, I need support, and most of all I need to use the tools I learned so many years ago.

It's time for me to be accountable and I am ready to get this addiction off my back.

Brothers and sisters I come to you for help.


Cowgirl

[Thumblewort]

Woulda shoulda coulda been 5 years, but waaaaaaah, waaaaaaah, waaaaaaaah. I just followed the system that is place and did 4 years a couple of days ago. Doesn't seem that hard to me.