The KTC Way
I am quit. I have been quit for (now) 873 days today. Although it is up to me to pull the trigger in this battle, I carry the the biggest, baddest weapon: the KTC. My quit is strong, and I know that when/if I need it, my brothers will be there for me. I know that the war is not over until I am buried in the ground.
I remember those first days quit.
The vets were all over me for being a retread. My presence summoned the admins and put me on many people's radars. I believe my very first pm sent here was "fuck you" to Loot because I was tired of being harassed. Many people told my brothers to ignore because I'd "be gone soon enough".
I remember the physical and mental pain I went through. I couldn't sleep ever. My skin felt like I walked out of a volcano. The front of my lip would pulsate after dinner and not stop until I passed out. After waking up on a sweat covered sheet, I'd start the day again. I buried a friend that first week while staying quit. I fought with my wife while being quit. I lived my life while being quit.
What I remember the fondest was how my brothers and I would stand united in our pain. Quitting is quite shitty at times, and I cannot tell you how great it felt to have somebody standing next to me that felt the same way about life as I did. All 101 of us (that posted a day 1 in October 2011) knew what it took to be quit. Some of us were ready to make that commitment. Some faded away. I spent countless nights texting eafman, moe, and teamkeoki. My wife sat jealous, but these guys really seemed to be the only men on this planet that understood why I was "not myself" (as my wife put it). A friendship is not based on the good times. It is forged in the bad.
As the fog began lifting, I started to see the site clearer. The people here cared about whether I was quit or not. My quit was my quit, but it was stronger when somebody else made it through a trial successfully. We celebrated together, and we grieved together. We grew into quitters. A whole new world was opened to us. As potential after potential joined the site, by phone contacts swelled. I spent countless hours talking somebody through a day 2 crave when I was far past it. I was quit, but my quit was so much stronger when I would get little "thank you" messages. It wasn't anger on this site. No, it was confusion. The non-users wanted to be quit, and the quit wanted the non-users to wake up. Neither side could understand why the other was "so dense".
The KTC is an integral part of my life. I'm not posting 50 times a day like I did in the past. I post once some days: my roll call. I try to get on here and keep up with the latest issues, and I step in when my presence is necessary. I still get texts all the time, and I still adopt a quitter or two. The friendships I made here no longer revolve around dip (or the lack thereof).
This is the KTC way.
We take back our freedom one step at a time. It doesn't come all at once. It has to be earned. In fact, my quit wouldn't be so special if I didn't have to work so damn hard at it sometimes. I plan to be quit, and I am quit. I plan for potential pitfalls before I start my day, and I recognize that pain is temporary and a cave can't be taken back. There is no way in hell I plan on ever (EVER) posting a day 1 again, and luckily for me, I control that. There is one thing and one thing alone I do control in this world: my actions. I choose to live the KTC way.