STAY - You don't always know where you stand
'Til you know that you won't run away
There's something inside me that feels
Like Breathing in Sulfur...
Sulfur (Slipknot)
Oh, how those first few days hurt.
The constant jaw ache. The emptiness in my lip. Realizing that I needed to change everything about me as I quit the habit.
I couldn't just go into a gas station for coffee anymore. I had to put on my trapjaw mask and plan to be quit. I couldn't just hang out with my friends care free. I had to keep my guard up. The addiction is broken rather quickly. It's the habits that hurt to break.
I remember every fucking moment to not be fun. What I don't remember is clouded over in withdrawal.
Yet, every day, I came to this site and happily signed my name. I did it those first few days, and I do it today. I did it the day I put my friend in the ground, and I did it celebrating my first marathon ran.
The lyrics above really spoke to me today. I had no idea where I stood in this quit until I fucking stood up and proclaimed it. I refused to and I refuse to run away from this. I'll fucking take it head on. And, there's some days that it's not going to be pleasant. It'll be like breathing bits of sulfur: It hurts, but there's something about the aroma that I like.
I'm fucking quit.