Decision Made - Day 1

[Viking]

Bokie- congrats on the HOF my brother! It has been an honor serving with you for the first 100 days and I look forward to many more. Thanks for dedicating so much to our group and continuing to give back to other quitters!

[Law1358]

Day 78 - For weeks I've been hearing about the windows of concern. The 50's, 70's and the 100's. Well, I felt the 50's in the form of depression. I'm feeling the 70's in the form of anxiety. Last night I got on a plane to come home from Iowa. On the plane, I got my window seat and my own row. Everything was going great, so why did my heart feel like it wanted out of my body? And why was I ready to snap off at anyone who talked to me? Once I got to the airport, I needed to walk a long way to my truck. However, half way to the truck, my upper back felt like someone lit a fire on the inside of my rib cage. My breath was shallow. I was not out of breath, or tired, but felt all this anguish inside. When I got to the garage, my head was all over the place. It took me about 30 minutes to find where I had parked my truck. Once I was in the truck, I all of sudden relaxed. I do love my truck, and thankfully the attack was over as I had an hour and a half ride home. I threw in a lip of fake dip, just in case the head games started as I passed the convenience stores, and started the drive. I ran into traffic, and detours, but stayed calm the entire way home.

The fact I made a promise to my quit group that morning, helped me get through this attack. And at the same time, pissed me off, as it would have been so easy to get over that attack if I had a tin. Of course, this is where I remind myself that the nic bitch is still waiting for that cave, and odds are in her favor. I will change those odds, but I need to do it one day at a time. As folks around me hit the 100, people I look up to in my quit, I appreciate knowing what is going to happen, but it does not make it any easier when it does happen.

Great victory bokie!!! Proud to quit with you

[Viking]

Day 78 - For weeks I've been hearing about the windows of concern. The 50's, 70's and the 100's. Well, I felt the 50's in the form of depression. I'm feeling the 70's in the form of anxiety. Last night I got on a plane to come home from Iowa. On the plane, I got my window seat and my own row. Everything was going great, so why did my heart feel like it wanted out of my body? And why was I ready to snap off at anyone who talked to me? Once I got to the airport, I needed to walk a long way to my truck. However, half way to the truck, my upper back felt like someone lit a fire on the inside of my rib cage. My breath was shallow. I was not out of breath, or tired, but felt all this anguish inside. When I got to the garage, my head was all over the place. It took me about 30 minutes to find where I had parked my truck. Once I was in the truck, I all of sudden relaxed. I do love my truck, and thankfully the attack was over as I had an hour and a half ride home. I threw in a lip of fake dip, just in case the head games started as I passed the convenience stores, and started the drive. I ran into traffic, and detours, but stayed calm the entire way home.

The fact I made a promise to my quit group that morning, helped me get through this attack. And at the same time, pissed me off, as it would have been so easy to get over that attack if I had a tin. Of course, this is where I remind myself that the nic bitch is still waiting for that cave, and odds are in her favor. I will change those odds, but I need to do it one day at a time. As folks around me hit the 100, people I look up to in my quit, I appreciate knowing what is going to happen, but it does not make it any easier when it does happen.

Bokie as shitty as your night was, this was super inspiring. Thanks for that. This is an awesome victory to share with us. Hope you are feeling better. Those attacks like that suck ass

[Bokie]

Day 78 - For weeks I've been hearing about the windows of concern. The 50's, 70's and the 100's. Well, I felt the 50's in the form of depression. I'm feeling the 70's in the form of anxiety. Last night I got on a plane to come home from Iowa. On the plane, I got my window seat and my own row. Everything was going great, so why did my heart feel like it wanted out of my body? And why was I ready to snap off at anyone who talked to me? Once I got to the airport, I needed to walk a long way to my truck. However, half way to the truck, my upper back felt like someone lit a fire on the inside of my rib cage. My breath was shallow. I was not out of breath, or tired, but felt all this anguish inside. When I got to the garage, my head was all over the place. It took me about 30 minutes to find where I had parked my truck. Once I was in the truck, I all of sudden relaxed. I do love my truck, and thankfully the attack was over as I had an hour and a half ride home. I threw in a lip of fake dip, just in case the head games started as I passed the convenience stores, and started the drive. I ran into traffic, and detours, but stayed calm the entire way home.

The fact I made a promise to my quit group that morning, helped me get through this attack. And at the same time, pissed me off, as it would have been so easy to get over that attack if I had a tin. Of course, this is where I remind myself that the nic bitch is still waiting for that cave, and odds are in her favor. I will change those odds, but I need to do it one day at a time. As folks around me hit the 100, people I look up to in my quit, I appreciate knowing what is going to happen, but it does not make it any easier when it does happen.

[Jeff W]

Day 50 - I wish I could say to all the new comers that it gets easier at day 50. But, that would make me a liar. At least for me, while my struggles may be different today versus the suck, however, I still struggle with constant cravings, I still have anxiety whenever I think I'm going to be alone, or have a long drive, or when I need to go outside to do something. These were the best times for me to dip. I would always come up with an excuse to get away from the family, to have a dip. Today, I just think about it, but I don't miss the addiction. Sure the fake stuff has helped, but its not the same thing. My anger level is high, stress level a little higher, and my energy level is also higher. I've read that all gets better as time goes by. I suspect these guys and gals know what they are talking about. This site has not proven me wrong yet.

Still, I'm extremely proud I have not caved. I went to a NFL game and did not cave. Although I thought about dipping before, during and after the game. I noted every dipper in the general area. I actually wanted to give them all a KTC token, but I did not want a dip. I also shoveled my driveway without a dip. First time ever!! I actually had plenty of energy afterwards.

Any how, so 50 days is where I sit today. Tomorrow I quit again! Can't wait to see another day under my belt. Half way to HOF!

Congrats on your half HOF Bokie! I am at day 43 and I have all the same struggles you do. The last days I've been trapped in a 35 ft trailer for work with 4 guys who all dip. Similar to your football experience I'm hyper sensitive to what they are all doing with the dip. Finger banging their can, throwin in a lipper etc. The weird thing is I don't necessarily crave it, I'm just aware of their every move. I'm definitely utilizing some Smokey Mtn. but I found that telling them about my quit and KTC has really helped me out. I think one of them may even sign up for KTC soon. Anyhow hang in there bud us Feb guys have got your back. QUIT ON! ODAAT! Proud to quit with you.

[Stranger999]

Day 50 - I wish I could say to all the new comers that it gets easier at day 50. But, that would make me a liar. At least for me, while my struggles may be different today versus the suck, however, I still struggle with constant cravings, I still have anxiety whenever I think I'm going to be alone, or have a long drive, or when I need to go outside to do something. These were the best times for me to dip. I would always come up with an excuse to get away from the family, to have a dip. Today, I just think about it, but I don't miss the addiction. Sure the fake stuff has helped, but its not the same thing. My anger level is high, stress level a little higher, and my energy level is also higher. I've read that all gets better as time goes by. I suspect these guys and gals know what they are talking about. This site has not proven me wrong yet.

Still, I'm extremely proud I have not caved. I went to a NFL game and did not cave. Although I thought about dipping before, during and after the game. I noted every dipper in the general area. I actually wanted to give them all a KTC token, but I did not want a dip. I also shoveled my driveway without a dip. First time ever!! I actually had plenty of energy afterwards.

Any how, so 50 days is where I sit today. Tomorrow I quit again! Can't wait to see another day under my belt. Half way to HOF!

Well done! It does get better but you need to stay quit to experience it. I'm at day 468 and I still crave every now and then but it is like a distant tug. Keep your tools at the ready and congratulations on 50 days! 50 days is bad ass! B)B

[Bokie]

Day 50 - I wish I could say to all the new comers that it gets easier at day 50. But, that would make me a liar. At least for me, while my struggles may be different today versus the suck, however, I still struggle with constant cravings, I still have anxiety whenever I think I'm going to be alone, or have a long drive, or when I need to go outside to do something. These were the best times for me to dip. I would always come up with an excuse to get away from the family, to have a dip. Today, I just think about it, but I don't miss the addiction. Sure the fake stuff has helped, but its not the same thing. My anger level is high, stress level a little higher, and my energy level is also higher. I've read that all gets better as time goes by. I suspect these guys and gals know what they are talking about. This site has not proven me wrong yet.

Still, I'm extremely proud I have not caved. I went to a NFL game and did not cave. Although I thought about dipping before, during and after the game. I noted every dipper in the general area. I actually wanted to give them all a KTC token, but I did not want a dip. I also shoveled my driveway without a dip. First time ever!! I actually had plenty of energy afterwards.

Any how, so 50 days is where I sit today. Tomorrow I quit again! Can't wait to see another day under my belt. Half way to HOF!

[Stranger999]

Day 36 - So I'm sleeping better these days, once I actually fall to sleep. My energy level is good. I do get tired driving home from work, but the gum works fine to keep me awake on the 1.5 hour drive.  No nic in my blood is great. I feel good. I'm thinking straight. And a lot of the bad things like tinted fingers and thumb, and yellow teeth are clearing up. So why do I still grab for a tin every morning? Why do I think about it every time I get in my truck? Every time I get in my office? Every time I need to go do yard work? Every time I'm alone? Every time just before I go up to bed? Every time I pass that gas station? Every time I get my coffee? 'bang head' When will these memories go away? I hope soon.

I have absolutely no desire to chew or even entertain the thought of stopping and buying a tin. Yet, it weighs on my mind all the time. This was the number one thing I hated about addiction, always thinking about the next dip, even when I had one in. Slapping that 4th pinch into my mouth, spitting that first spit, and feeling that rush through my lungs, that feeling ruled my life for 28 years! So didn't that massive headaches I would get jf I did too much, and the consistent thought of cancer that pulsed through my brain. Today on Day 36, I'm done with that stuff. I will not let the nic bitch rule my life any longer. I take my pledge to the KTC community very seriously, every morning! I will succeed. I look forward to day 37 and beyond.

Learn to hate the bitch! We're all addicts and that is that. We always will be but life is so much better without that bitch! You're doing great, keep on venting here, we're listening. Damn proud to be quit with you today!

For at least two months I saw a can of Copenhagen long cut on the top shelf of my refrigerator for a split second every time I opened the door. It wasn't there - it was just my addict brain wishing it was there. I don't see that can anymore but I still post roll here every damn day.

I quit with you today! Day 455

[pab1964]

Day 36 - So I'm sleeping better these days, once I actually fall to sleep. My energy level is good. I do get tired driving home from work, but the gum works fine to keep me awake on the 1.5 hour drive. No nic in my blood is great. I feel good. I'm thinking straight. And a lot of the bad things like tinted fingers and thumb, and yellow teeth are clearing up. So why do I still grab for a tin every morning? Why do I think about it every time I get in my truck? Every time I get in my office? Every time I need to go do yard work? Every time I'm alone? Every time just before I go up to bed? Every time I pass that gas station? Every time I get my coffee? 'bang head' When will these memories go away? I hope soon.

I have absolutely no desire to chew or even entertain the thought of stopping and buying a tin. Yet, it weighs on my mind all the time. This was the number one thing I hated about addiction, always thinking about the next dip, even when I had one in. Slapping that 4th pinch into my mouth, spitting that first spit, and feeling that rush through my lungs, that feeling ruled my life for 28 years! So didn't that massive headaches I would get jf I did too much, and the consistent thought of cancer that pulsed through my brain. Today on Day 36, I'm done with that stuff. I will not let the nic bitch rule my life any longer. I take my pledge to the KTC community very seriously, every morning! I will succeed. I look forward to day 37 and beyond.

Learn to hate the bitch! We're all addicts and that is that. We always will be but life is so much better without that bitch! You're doing great, keep on venting here, we're listening. Damn proud to be quit with you today!

[Bokie]

Day 36 - So I'm sleeping better these days, once I actually fall to sleep. My energy level is good. I do get tired driving home from work, but the gum works fine to keep me awake on the 1.5 hour drive. No nic in my blood is great. I feel good. I'm thinking straight. And a lot of the bad things like tinted fingers and thumb, and yellow teeth are clearing up. So why do I still grab for a tin every morning? Why do I think about it every time I get in my truck? Every time I get in my office? Every time I need to go do yard work? Every time I'm alone? Every time just before I go up to bed? Every time I pass that gas station? Every time I get my coffee? 'bang head' When will these memories go away? I hope soon.

I have absolutely no desire to chew or even entertain the thought of stopping and buying a tin. Yet, it weighs on my mind all the time. This was the number one thing I hated about addiction, always thinking about the next dip, even when I had one in. Slapping that 4th pinch into my mouth, spitting that first spit, and feeling that rush through my lungs, that feeling ruled my life for 28 years! So didn't that massive headaches I would get jf I did too much, and the consistent thought of cancer that pulsed through my brain. Today on Day 36, I'm done with that stuff. I will not let the nic bitch rule my life any longer. I take my pledge to the KTC community very seriously, every morning! I will succeed. I look forward to day 37 and beyond.

[eyehatecope]

Proud to see you get the point Bokie. Much respect. Proud to quit with you.

Eyehatecope

[Bokie]

Day 24 started off in typical fashion, until I realized I forgot to post when I first woke up. And I know why. You see day 23 was the worst of all the days. I had not slept good for days, there were temptations all around and the nic bitch was strong and tapping on my shoulder. After all, why I wouldn't I want to sit on patio, nice cigar in one hand, and drink in another? Oh I know, cause it was 30 degrees out and raining! And I don't like cigars!!! But the nic bitch just wanted an in. When this has happened in the past, within the next few days I would be buying a can. Not this time. No nic meant no nic! Yesterday was tough, despite my victory over the nic bitch all week while on a business trip. I endured 12 hours of flying, 5 hours of driving and dip in the brain. Still, I got home, and felt great about my accomplishment. I kept my promise. I quit! This morning though, I got lazy. 'bang head' When I realized I had not posted, it hit me like a load of bricks. Perhaps maybe in the past, I would have thought, I don't need this posting stuff anymore, but I know that that posting stuff kept me strong throughout my trip and keeps me strong today. This posting stuff keeps me honest with my brothers and sisters of the quit and will continue to keep me honest. So any of you looking at any amount of time and thinking the posting is not worth it, that just may be the nic bitch knocking, and so you may want to keep posting. After all, the results are much better with those who continue to practice the ways of the KTC community, than those who don't.

Thank you to all of the KTC community who have reached out to me with support. Keep it coming.

[Viking]

Day 20 - I find myself on the road for work. I'm in the UK, where smoking and drinking is the ultimate past time. I do neither, so dipping used to be my out. Today, I no longer dip. I've kept the nic bitch at bay (its only day 2), but she is persistent! Tapping me on the shoulder, reminding me that I will not sleep well tonight, and I could prevent feeling out of place, if I was able to pinch a dip. Reality hits, and I know that addiction will constantly be knocking on my door, but I will not answer that door. I will remind myself that the dependency to nic is awful. I will remind myself that I have not had a headache in a week, which is something I could not say prior to last week, for the past several years!! I will remind myself that I can hold a conversation without spitting on the ground 30 times, and the person I'm talking to, will probably appreciate it. I will hold my non-alco drink high, and not let my addiction degrade me. And after a long night of socializing with folks I really do not know, I will retire to my hotel room and access the KTC community for continued support and be proud that my quit continues and will see another day.

Peace out!

You are a dude, sir. Super proud to quit with you. Day 20 kicks so much ass. We've got your back.

[FLLipOut]

You're doing great, Bokie. Keep this great quit of yours going. Keep pushing through. One day very soon this all gets much easier.

[AppleJack]

Day 20 - I find myself on the road for work. I'm in the UK, where smoking and drinking is the ultimate past time. I do neither, so dipping used to be my out. Today, I no longer dip. I've kept the nic bitch at bay (its only day 2), but she is persistent! Tapping me on the shoulder, reminding me that I will not sleep well tonight, and I could prevent feeling out of place, if I was able to pinch a dip. Reality hits, and I know that addiction will constantly be knocking on my door, but I will not answer that door. I will remind myself that the dependency to nic is awful. I will remind myself that I have not had a headache in a week, which is something I could not say prior to last week, for the past several years!! I will remind myself that I can hold a conversation without spitting on the ground 30 times, and the person I'm talking to, will probably appreciate it. I will hold my non-alco drink high, and not let my addiction degrade me. And after a long night of socializing with folks I really do not know, I will retire to my hotel room and access the KTC community for continued support and be proud that my quit continues and will see another day.

Peace out!

Nice resolve! keep building it strong! each craving you beat is a real victory- they are attempts to get you to use again, and you teach the addiction that that tactic won't work. Each situation you conquer is a new neural pathway. Friggin infrastructure building of a clean life man! way to go, cheerio chap and all that!

Gettin' 'er done! Most excellent!