Diesel's Intro Page

[jaynellie]

Odd.  It's 2:30AM right now but over an hour ago I tried to go to bed but could not sleep.  So I click on sportscenter.  I'm watching all these baseball highlights and like a ton of dudes had huge dips in.   So being bored I grabbed my tablet and googled "how many mlb players dip".

Funny part is, as often happens when you ask the internet a question, I got spun into a totally different tangent.  I didn't end up reading anything about mlb ball players dipping, I suddenly found myself reading how "safe" dip was, especially compared to cigarettes.

I was like, "what the fuck???".

Now I'm not dumb, in my 426 days here I know dipping is not safe, and reading this did not make me want to "revive the can", but it morbidly interested me, so I kept reading. 

I read articles and studies about some levels of blah blah blah in smokeless tobacco were lower than in cigarettes, and how lung cancer is more prevelant than oral cancer, which is associated with dipping, etc...

However, there was one word that I did not read in any of those studies....addiction.  They spoke nothing of it.  They made it seem like it was cigs or smokeless, you were fucked either way.  Almost like you had no choice in the matter.

Some fucking how I found my way into some kind of forum preaching the virtues of smokeless being "safer" than cigarettes and I started to get into it with this guy about this claim.

We went back and forth for a bit about mouth cancer and the normal stuff and he was always quick to the trigger with some canned response and cheesed out statistics he had memorized.  Then I dropped this on him.

"How about you eliminate nicotine all together, and just fucking quit."

Suddenly his cursor was blinking for a few minutes.  Pretty sure he didn't disappear to the bathroom.  I think I gave him an option he had never considered, and he was dumbfounded.

Finally he typed back, "well of course not using anything is the safest thing to do, but that's not what we were talking abou here...'

I won.

I simply typed back , "LOL, ya think so genious.  Best of LUCK to you, you're gonna need it" and I closed the page.

In find it sick that now the debate seems to be focusing on "which delivery method of nicotine is the safest".

Any Dick Face with half a brain know the answer to that...no delivery system at all.  Just fucking quit or never start using.

Contrary to popular belife nowadays, there is a choice.  Its not fucking mandatory to constantly  fill your shit to the brim with nicotine and argue about which way of doing it is the "safest".  What the fuck is wrong with people??? 

Why is addiction taken out of the equation?

That's why the peeps here are so bad ass.  They are choosing a life of FREEDOM from ANY form of nicotine addiction. 

We are the smart ones.  We are willing to fight for our freedom while the lazy weak fucks want to fight over which form of keeping them a slave is "best".  I mean seriously, how fucking stupid is that???

Fuck "them".  I'm happy to be right here. 

Even though I've had my struggles, deep down I knew I was and still am doing the right thing. 

Doing the right thing...seems to be an outdated concept these days and it's a damn shame.

Sorry for the rant.  Actually I'm not.

Keep vigilant you mother fuckers and stay quit!

Thanks Deisel, needed that.

I am surrounded by e-cig toting woman who find nothing wrong with it. I withhold judgement because that just aint my style but gosh it breaks my heart to see them so addicted. They can barely put the crack pipe down. I am talking like every minute or two they take a big drag. It is basically a lifetime of chain smoking, but they are all very happy that they have "quit" smoking. Very sad.

I will choose freedom with you today Deisel.

Ryan

Have y'all seen the ecig commercial? The idiot is talking about how great the ecig is. At the very end the idiot says,, "its time to take our freedom back".

Holy crap Batman,,, how many people fall for this line? I want to throw a rock at the tv every time the commercial comes on, but i just bought it. I like my tv so I'll leave the rocks outside.

Take your freedom back by sucking on ecigg? Wtf tv land. What happened to no commercials about tobacco? Its ok now that we have crack pipes with nicotine in them?? I'll take quit with all of you anyday. Screw tv land and the ecigg.

I know right, Stephen Dorff is a friggin dooshbag...lol.

..and have you seen the new one with Jenny McCarthy, I laugh everytime I see one of those e-cig commercials now.

The road less traveled, the dirt road......what ever you wanna call it, nic free is the toughest way but the most rewarding because we truly are free today from it. All that crap around just remind us of how damn addictive the shit is that people need to keep finding a "safer" delivery system for their fix.

I'm quit with all you bad asses today! Awesome post Diesel.

Having traveled both roads, THEY are on the dirt road. WE are on the golden road.

Also I don't believe nic free road is the toughest. NOW it is as we break the chains of addiction, but staying off that road all together would have no doubt been the easiest, and the road I wish I had taken. But I didn't, I strayed and am now merging back onto that beautiful golden road, which IS tough, no doubt.

People who never start are the true "golden roaders"

That's what these assholes should be focusing their efforts on...Never starting or if you did stray to get back on track, not which way of keeping you addicted is the safest.

Bunch of dick wads.

I work in a bar/restaurant  have had to tell Numerous people to not rip their F-ing ecigs inside. Like WTF are you thinking?? Oh douche Stephan dorf says it's fine...fuck that. I ask if they'd be ok blowing that shit in a baby's face? Answers always no! Then don't make me have to inhale shit.
Fortunately Colorado has a clean air law  I can just tell the dumbass it's illegal

"lazy weak fucks" that just about sums it up Diesel.....

It has become easier in this society to ask "why" and point fingers and blame others then it is to fight for and try for "why not".

Thanks once again Diesel for pointing out the obvious......

[flyby]

Odd.  It's 2:30AM right now but over an hour ago I tried to go to bed but could not sleep.  So I click on sportscenter.  I'm watching all these baseball highlights and like a ton of dudes had huge dips in.   So being bored I grabbed my tablet and googled "how many mlb players dip".

Funny part is, as often happens when you ask the internet a question, I got spun into a totally different tangent.  I didn't end up reading anything about mlb ball players dipping, I suddenly found myself reading how "safe" dip was, especially compared to cigarettes.

I was like, "what the fuck???".

Now I'm not dumb, in my 426 days here I know dipping is not safe, and reading this did not make me want to "revive the can", but it morbidly interested me, so I kept reading. 

I read articles and studies about some levels of blah blah blah in smokeless tobacco were lower than in cigarettes, and how lung cancer is more prevelant than oral cancer, which is associated with dipping, etc...

However, there was one word that I did not read in any of those studies....addiction.  They spoke nothing of it.  They made it seem like it was cigs or smokeless, you were fucked either way.  Almost like you had no choice in the matter.

Some fucking how I found my way into some kind of forum preaching the virtues of smokeless being "safer" than cigarettes and I started to get into it with this guy about this claim.

We went back and forth for a bit about mouth cancer and the normal stuff and he was always quick to the trigger with some canned response and cheesed out statistics he had memorized.  Then I dropped this on him.

"How about you eliminate nicotine all together, and just fucking quit."

Suddenly his cursor was blinking for a few minutes.  Pretty sure he didn't disappear to the bathroom.  I think I gave him an option he had never considered, and he was dumbfounded.

Finally he typed back, "well of course not using anything is the safest thing to do, but that's not what we were talking abou here...'

I won.

I simply typed back , "LOL, ya think so genious.  Best of LUCK to you, you're gonna need it" and I closed the page.

In find it sick that now the debate seems to be focusing on "which delivery method of nicotine is the safest".

Any Dick Face with half a brain know the answer to that...no delivery system at all.  Just fucking quit or never start using.

Contrary to popular belife nowadays, there is a choice.  Its not fucking mandatory to constantly  fill your shit to the brim with nicotine and argue about which way of doing it is the "safest".  What the fuck is wrong with people??? 

Why is addiction taken out of the equation?

That's why the peeps here are so bad ass.  They are choosing a life of FREEDOM from ANY form of nicotine addiction. 

We are the smart ones.  We are willing to fight for our freedom while the lazy weak fucks want to fight over which form of keeping them a slave is "best".  I mean seriously, how fucking stupid is that???

Fuck "them".  I'm happy to be right here. 

Even though I've had my struggles, deep down I knew I was and still am doing the right thing. 

Doing the right thing...seems to be an outdated concept these days and it's a damn shame.

Sorry for the rant.  Actually I'm not.

Keep vigilant you mother fuckers and stay quit!

Thanks Deisel, needed that.

I am surrounded by e-cig toting woman who find nothing wrong with it. I withhold judgement because that just aint my style but gosh it breaks my heart to see them so addicted. They can barely put the crack pipe down. I am talking like every minute or two they take a big drag. It is basically a lifetime of chain smoking, but they are all very happy that they have "quit" smoking. Very sad.

I will choose freedom with you today Deisel.

Ryan

Have y'all seen the ecig commercial? The idiot is talking about how great the ecig is. At the very end the idiot says,, "its time to take our freedom back".

Holy crap Batman,,, how many people fall for this line? I want to throw a rock at the tv every time the commercial comes on, but i just bought it. I like my tv so I'll leave the rocks outside.

Take your freedom back by sucking on ecigg? Wtf tv land. What happened to no commercials about tobacco? Its ok now that we have crack pipes with nicotine in them?? I'll take quit with all of you anyday. Screw tv land and the ecigg.

I know right, Stephen Dorff is a friggin dooshbag...lol.

..and have you seen the new one with Jenny McCarthy, I laugh everytime I see one of those e-cig commercials now.

The road less traveled, the dirt road......what ever you wanna call it, nic free is the toughest way but the most rewarding because we truly are free today from it. All that crap around just remind us of how damn addictive the shit is that people need to keep finding a "safer" delivery system for their fix.

I'm quit with all you bad asses today! Awesome post Diesel.

Having traveled both roads, THEY are on the dirt road. WE are on the golden road.

Also I don't believe nic free road is the toughest. NOW it is as we break the chains of addiction, but staying off that road all together would have no doubt been the easiest, and the road I wish I had taken. But I didn't, I strayed and am now merging back onto that beautiful golden road, which IS tough, no doubt.

People who never start are the true "golden roaders"

That's what these assholes should be focusing their efforts on...Never starting or if you did stray to get back on track, not which way of keeping you addicted is the safest.

Bunch of dick wads.

I work in a bar/restaurant  have had to tell Numerous people to not rip their F-ing ecigs inside. Like WTF are you thinking?? Oh douche Stephan dorf says it's fine...fuck that. I ask if they'd be ok blowing that shit in a baby's face? Answers always no! Then don't make me have to inhale shit.
Fortunately Colorado has a clean air law  I can just tell the dumbass it's illegal

[Diesel2112]

Odd.  It's 2:30AM right now but over an hour ago I tried to go to bed but could not sleep.  So I click on sportscenter.  I'm watching all these baseball highlights and like a ton of dudes had huge dips in.   So being bored I grabbed my tablet and googled "how many mlb players dip".

Funny part is, as often happens when you ask the internet a question, I got spun into a totally different tangent.  I didn't end up reading anything about mlb ball players dipping, I suddenly found myself reading how "safe" dip was, especially compared to cigarettes.

I was like, "what the fuck???".

Now I'm not dumb, in my 426 days here I know dipping is not safe, and reading this did not make me want to "revive the can", but it morbidly interested me, so I kept reading. 

I read articles and studies about some levels of blah blah blah in smokeless tobacco were lower than in cigarettes, and how lung cancer is more prevelant than oral cancer, which is associated with dipping, etc...

However, there was one word that I did not read in any of those studies....addiction.  They spoke nothing of it.  They made it seem like it was cigs or smokeless, you were fucked either way.  Almost like you had no choice in the matter.

Some fucking how I found my way into some kind of forum preaching the virtues of smokeless being "safer" than cigarettes and I started to get into it with this guy about this claim.

We went back and forth for a bit about mouth cancer and the normal stuff and he was always quick to the trigger with some canned response and cheesed out statistics he had memorized.  Then I dropped this on him.

"How about you eliminate nicotine all together, and just fucking quit."

Suddenly his cursor was blinking for a few minutes.  Pretty sure he didn't disappear to the bathroom.  I think I gave him an option he had never considered, and he was dumbfounded.

Finally he typed back, "well of course not using anything is the safest thing to do, but that's not what we were talking abou here...'

I won.

I simply typed back , "LOL, ya think so genious.  Best of LUCK to you, you're gonna need it" and I closed the page.

In find it sick that now the debate seems to be focusing on "which delivery method of nicotine is the safest".

Any Dick Face with half a brain know the answer to that...no delivery system at all.  Just fucking quit or never start using.

Contrary to popular belife nowadays, there is a choice.  Its not fucking mandatory to constantly  fill your shit to the brim with nicotine and argue about which way of doing it is the "safest".  What the fuck is wrong with people??? 

Why is addiction taken out of the equation?

That's why the peeps here are so bad ass.  They are choosing a life of FREEDOM from ANY form of nicotine addiction. 

We are the smart ones.  We are willing to fight for our freedom while the lazy weak fucks want to fight over which form of keeping them a slave is "best".  I mean seriously, how fucking stupid is that???

Fuck "them".  I'm happy to be right here. 

Even though I've had my struggles, deep down I knew I was and still am doing the right thing. 

Doing the right thing...seems to be an outdated concept these days and it's a damn shame.

Sorry for the rant.  Actually I'm not.

Keep vigilant you mother fuckers and stay quit!

Thanks Deisel, needed that.

I am surrounded by e-cig toting woman who find nothing wrong with it. I withhold judgement because that just aint my style but gosh it breaks my heart to see them so addicted. They can barely put the crack pipe down. I am talking like every minute or two they take a big drag. It is basically a lifetime of chain smoking, but they are all very happy that they have "quit" smoking. Very sad.

I will choose freedom with you today Deisel.

Ryan

Have y'all seen the ecig commercial? The idiot is talking about how great the ecig is. At the very end the idiot says,, "its time to take our freedom back".

Holy crap Batman,,, how many people fall for this line? I want to throw a rock at the tv every time the commercial comes on, but i just bought it. I like my tv so I'll leave the rocks outside.

Take your freedom back by sucking on ecigg? Wtf tv land. What happened to no commercials about tobacco? Its ok now that we have crack pipes with nicotine in them?? I'll take quit with all of you anyday. Screw tv land and the ecigg.

I know right, Stephen Dorff is a friggin dooshbag...lol.

..and have you seen the new one with Jenny McCarthy, I laugh everytime I see one of those e-cig commercials now.

The road less traveled, the dirt road......what ever you wanna call it, nic free is the toughest way but the most rewarding because we truly are free today from it. All that crap around just remind us of how damn addictive the shit is that people need to keep finding a "safer" delivery system for their fix.

I'm quit with all you bad asses today! Awesome post Diesel.

Having traveled both roads, THEY are on the dirt road. WE are on the golden road.

Also I don't believe nic free road is the toughest. NOW it is as we break the chains of addiction, but staying off that road all together would have no doubt been the easiest, and the road I wish I had taken. But I didn't, I strayed and am now merging back onto that beautiful golden road, which IS tough, no doubt.

People who never start are the true "golden roaders"

That's what these assholes should be focusing their efforts on...Never starting or if you did stray to get back on track, not which way of keeping you addicted is the safest.

Bunch of dick wads.

[Jlud007]

Odd.  It's 2:30AM right now but over an hour ago I tried to go to bed but could not sleep.  So I click on sportscenter.  I'm watching all these baseball highlights and like a ton of dudes had huge dips in.   So being bored I grabbed my tablet and googled "how many mlb players dip".

Funny part is, as often happens when you ask the internet a question, I got spun into a totally different tangent.  I didn't end up reading anything about mlb ball players dipping, I suddenly found myself reading how "safe" dip was, especially compared to cigarettes.

I was like, "what the fuck???".

Now I'm not dumb, in my 426 days here I know dipping is not safe, and reading this did not make me want to "revive the can", but it morbidly interested me, so I kept reading. 

I read articles and studies about some levels of blah blah blah in smokeless tobacco were lower than in cigarettes, and how lung cancer is more prevelant than oral cancer, which is associated with dipping, etc...

However, there was one word that I did not read in any of those studies....addiction.  They spoke nothing of it.  They made it seem like it was cigs or smokeless, you were fucked either way.  Almost like you had no choice in the matter.

Some fucking how I found my way into some kind of forum preaching the virtues of smokeless being "safer" than cigarettes and I started to get into it with this guy about this claim.

We went back and forth for a bit about mouth cancer and the normal stuff and he was always quick to the trigger with some canned response and cheesed out statistics he had memorized.  Then I dropped this on him.

"How about you eliminate nicotine all together, and just fucking quit."

Suddenly his cursor was blinking for a few minutes.  Pretty sure he didn't disappear to the bathroom.  I think I gave him an option he had never considered, and he was dumbfounded.

Finally he typed back, "well of course not using anything is the safest thing to do, but that's not what we were talking abou here...'

I won.

I simply typed back , "LOL, ya think so genious.  Best of LUCK to you, you're gonna need it" and I closed the page.

In find it sick that now the debate seems to be focusing on "which delivery method of nicotine is the safest".

Any Dick Face with half a brain know the answer to that...no delivery system at all.  Just fucking quit or never start using.

Contrary to popular belife nowadays, there is a choice.  Its not fucking mandatory to constantly  fill your shit to the brim with nicotine and argue about which way of doing it is the "safest".  What the fuck is wrong with people??? 

Why is addiction taken out of the equation?

That's why the peeps here are so bad ass.  They are choosing a life of FREEDOM from ANY form of nicotine addiction. 

We are the smart ones.  We are willing to fight for our freedom while the lazy weak fucks want to fight over which form of keeping them a slave is "best".  I mean seriously, how fucking stupid is that???

Fuck "them".  I'm happy to be right here. 

Even though I've had my struggles, deep down I knew I was and still am doing the right thing. 

Doing the right thing...seems to be an outdated concept these days and it's a damn shame.

Sorry for the rant.  Actually I'm not.

Keep vigilant you mother fuckers and stay quit!

Thanks Deisel, needed that.

I am surrounded by e-cig toting woman who find nothing wrong with it. I withhold judgement because that just aint my style but gosh it breaks my heart to see them so addicted. They can barely put the crack pipe down. I am talking like every minute or two they take a big drag. It is basically a lifetime of chain smoking, but they are all very happy that they have "quit" smoking. Very sad.

I will choose freedom with you today Deisel.

Ryan

Have y'all seen the ecig commercial? The idiot is talking about how great the ecig is. At the very end the idiot says,, "its time to take our freedom back".

Holy crap Batman,,, how many people fall for this line? I want to throw a rock at the tv every time the commercial comes on, but i just bought it. I like my tv so I'll leave the rocks outside.

Take your freedom back by sucking on ecigg? Wtf tv land. What happened to no commercials about tobacco? Its ok now that we have crack pipes with nicotine in them?? I'll take quit with all of you anyday. Screw tv land and the ecigg.

I know right, Stephen Dorff is a friggin dooshbag...lol.

..and have you seen the new one with Jenny McCarthy, I laugh everytime I see one of those e-cig commercials now.

The road less traveled, the dirt road......what ever you wanna call it, nic free is the toughest way but the most rewarding because we truly are free today from it. All that crap around just remind us of how damn addictive the shit is that people need to keep finding a "safer" delivery system for their fix.

I'm quit with all you bad asses today! Awesome post Diesel.

[srans]

Odd.  It's 2:30AM right now but over an hour ago I tried to go to bed but could not sleep.  So I click on sportscenter.  I'm watching all these baseball highlights and like a ton of dudes had huge dips in.  So being bored I grabbed my tablet and googled "how many mlb players dip".

Funny part is, as often happens when you ask the internet a question, I got spun into a totally different tangent.  I didn't end up reading anything about mlb ball players dipping, I suddenly found myself reading how "safe" dip was, especially compared to cigarettes.

I was like, "what the fuck???".

Now I'm not dumb, in my 426 days here I know dipping is not safe, and reading this did not make me want to "revive the can", but it morbidly interested me, so I kept reading. 

I read articles and studies about some levels of blah blah blah in smokeless tobacco were lower than in cigarettes, and how lung cancer is more prevelant than oral cancer, which is associated with dipping, etc...

However, there was one word that I did not read in any of those studies....addiction.  They spoke nothing of it.  They made it seem like it was cigs or smokeless, you were fucked either way.  Almost like you had no choice in the matter.

Some fucking how I found my way into some kind of forum preaching the virtues of smokeless being "safer" than cigarettes and I started to get into it with this guy about this claim.

We went back and forth for a bit about mouth cancer and the normal stuff and he was always quick to the trigger with some canned response and cheesed out statistics he had memorized.  Then I dropped this on him.

"How about you eliminate nicotine all together, and just fucking quit."

Suddenly his cursor was blinking for a few minutes.  Pretty sure he didn't disappear to the bathroom.  I think I gave him an option he had never considered, and he was dumbfounded.

Finally he typed back, "well of course not using anything is the safest thing to do, but that's not what we were talking abou here...'

I won.

I simply typed back , "LOL, ya think so genious.  Best of LUCK to you, you're gonna need it" and I closed the page.

In find it sick that now the debate seems to be focusing on "which delivery method of nicotine is the safest".

Any Dick Face with half a brain know the answer to that...no delivery system at all.  Just fucking quit or never start using.

Contrary to popular belife nowadays, there is a choice.  Its not fucking mandatory to constantly  fill your shit to the brim with nicotine and argue about which way of doing it is the "safest".  What the fuck is wrong with people??? 

Why is addiction taken out of the equation?

That's why the peeps here are so bad ass.  They are choosing a life of FREEDOM from ANY form of nicotine addiction. 

We are the smart ones.  We are willing to fight for our freedom while the lazy weak fucks want to fight over which form of keeping them a slave is "best".  I mean seriously, how fucking stupid is that???

Fuck "them".  I'm happy to be right here. 

Even though I've had my struggles, deep down I knew I was and still am doing the right thing. 

Doing the right thing...seems to be an outdated concept these days and it's a damn shame.

Sorry for the rant.  Actually I'm not.

Keep vigilant you mother fuckers and stay quit!

Thanks Deisel, needed that.

I am surrounded by e-cig toting woman who find nothing wrong with it. I withhold judgement because that just aint my style but gosh it breaks my heart to see them so addicted. They can barely put the crack pipe down. I am talking like every minute or two they take a big drag. It is basically a lifetime of chain smoking, but they are all very happy that they have "quit" smoking. Very sad.

I will choose freedom with you today Deisel.

Ryan

Have y'all seen the ecig commercial? The idiot is talking about how great the ecig is. At the very end the idiot says,, "its time to take our freedom back".

Holy crap Batman,,, how many people fall for this line? I want to throw a rock at the tv every time the commercial comes on, but i just bought it. I like my tv so I'll leave the rocks outside.

Take your freedom back by sucking on ecigg? Wtf tv land. What happened to no commercials about tobacco? Its ok now that we have crack pipes with nicotine in them?? I'll take quit with all of you anyday. Screw tv land and the ecigg.

[Its_Got2Happen]

Odd. It's 2:30AM right now but over an hour ago I tried to go to bed but could not sleep. So I click on sportscenter. I'm watching all these baseball highlights and like a ton of dudes had huge dips in. So being bored I grabbed my tablet and googled "how many mlb players dip".

Funny part is, as often happens when you ask the internet a question, I got spun into a totally different tangent. I didn't end up reading anything about mlb ball players dipping, I suddenly found myself reading how "safe" dip was, especially compared to cigarettes.

I was like, "what the fuck???".

Now I'm not dumb, in my 426 days here I know dipping is not safe, and reading this did not make me want to "revive the can", but it morbidly interested me, so I kept reading.

I read articles and studies about some levels of blah blah blah in smokeless tobacco were lower than in cigarettes, and how lung cancer is more prevelant than oral cancer, which is associated with dipping, etc...

However, there was one word that I did not read in any of those studies....addiction. They spoke nothing of it. They made it seem like it was cigs or smokeless, you were fucked either way. Almost like you had no choice in the matter.

Some fucking how I found my way into some kind of forum preaching the virtues of smokeless being "safer" than cigarettes and I started to get into it with this guy about this claim.

We went back and forth for a bit about mouth cancer and the normal stuff and he was always quick to the trigger with some canned response and cheesed out statistics he had memorized. Then I dropped this on him.

"How about you eliminate nicotine all together, and just fucking quit."

Suddenly his cursor was blinking for a few minutes. Pretty sure he didn't disappear to the bathroom. I think I gave him an option he had never considered, and he was dumbfounded.

Finally he typed back, "well of course not using anything is the safest thing to do, but that's not what we were talking abou here...'

I won.

I simply typed back , "LOL, ya think so genious. Best of LUCK to you, you're gonna need it" and I closed the page.

In find it sick that now the debate seems to be focusing on "which delivery method of nicotine is the safest".

Any Dick Face with half a brain know the answer to that...no delivery system at all. Just fucking quit or never start using.

Contrary to popular belife nowadays, there is a choice. Its not fucking mandatory to constantly fill your shit to the brim with nicotine and argue about which way of doing it is the "safest". What the fuck is wrong with people???

Why is addiction taken out of the equation?

That's why the peeps here are so bad ass. They are choosing a life of FREEDOM from ANY form of nicotine addiction.

We are the smart ones. We are willing to fight for our freedom while the lazy weak fucks want to fight over which form of keeping them a slave is "best". I mean seriously, how fucking stupid is that???

Fuck "them". I'm happy to be right here.

Even though I've had my struggles, deep down I knew I was and still am doing the right thing.

Doing the right thing...seems to be an outdated concept these days and it's a damn shame.

Sorry for the rant. Actually I'm not.

Keep vigilant you mother fuckers and stay quit!

Thanks Deisel, needed that.

I am surrounded by e-cig toting woman who find nothing wrong with it. I withhold judgement because that just aint my style but gosh it breaks my heart to see them so addicted. They can barely put the crack pipe down. I am talking like every minute or two they take a big drag. It is basically a lifetime of chain smoking, but they are all very happy that they have "quit" smoking. Very sad.

I will choose freedom with you today Deisel.

Ryan

[Diesel2112]

Odd. It's 2:30AM right now but over an hour ago I tried to go to bed but could not sleep. So I click on sportscenter. I'm watching all these baseball highlights and like a ton of dudes had huge dips in. So being bored I grabbed my tablet and googled "how many mlb players dip".

Funny part is, as often happens when you ask the internet a question, I got spun into a totally different tangent. I didn't end up reading anything about mlb ball players dipping, I suddenly found myself reading how "safe" dip was, especially compared to cigarettes.

I was like, "what the fuck???".

Now I'm not dumb, in my 426 days here I know dipping is not safe, and reading this did not make me want to "revive the can", but it morbidly interested me, so I kept reading.

I read articles and studies about some levels of blah blah blah in smokeless tobacco were lower than in cigarettes, and how lung cancer is more prevelant than oral cancer, which is associated with dipping, etc...

However, there was one word that I did not read in any of those studies....addiction. They spoke nothing of it. They made it seem like it was cigs or smokeless, you were fucked either way. Almost like you had no choice in the matter.

Some fucking how I found my way into some kind of forum preaching the virtues of smokeless being "safer" than cigarettes and I started to get into it with this guy about this claim.

We went back and forth for a bit about mouth cancer and the normal stuff and he was always quick to the trigger with some canned response and cheesed out statistics he had memorized. Then I dropped this on him.

"How about you eliminate nicotine all together, and just fucking quit."

Suddenly his cursor was blinking for a few minutes. Pretty sure he didn't disappear to the bathroom. I think I gave him an option he had never considered, and he was dumbfounded.

Finally he typed back, "well of course not using anything is the safest thing to do, but that's not what we were talking abou here...'

I won.

I simply typed back , "LOL, ya think so genious. Best of LUCK to you, you're gonna need it" and I closed the page.

In find it sick that now the debate seems to be focusing on "which delivery method of nicotine is the safest".

Any Dick Face with half a brain know the answer to that...no delivery system at all. Just fucking quit or never start using.

Contrary to popular belife nowadays, there is a choice. Its not fucking mandatory to constantly fill your shit to the brim with nicotine and argue about which way of doing it is the "safest". What the fuck is wrong with people???

Why is addiction taken out of the equation?

That's why the peeps here are so bad ass. They are choosing a life of FREEDOM from ANY form of nicotine addiction.

We are the smart ones. We are willing to fight for our freedom while the lazy weak fucks want to fight over which form of keeping them a slave is "best". I mean seriously, how fucking stupid is that???

Fuck "them". I'm happy to be right here.

Even though I've had my struggles, deep down I knew I was and still am doing the right thing.

Doing the right thing...seems to be an outdated concept these days and it's a damn shame.

Sorry for the rant. Actually I'm not.

Keep vigilant you mother fuckers and stay quit!

[Wt57]

Preface:  this is going to be long and most likely boring.  I'm writing it for ME for mostly therapeutic reasons.  If you like it, lovely.  If not, lick my balls, its my thread.  LOL.

Loading up the family truckster and heading out on a week's vacation to Western Michigan tomorrow.  Silver Lake, Muskegon, Traverse City, and Luddington are just a few stops team Diesel has planned.  Wife and kids are pumped!!!

Big fucking deal right?  A lot of people go on vacation.

Well...last year team Diesel went to Gaylord Michigan for a weeks vacation, I was about a month and a half quit then. 

It was a fucking disaster of epic proportions.  Because of me.

Riddled with depression and anxiety I DID NOT WANT TO GO.  But on the advice of my shrink and counselor, they thought it would be good for me to get away for awhile maybe take my mind off my quitting.  Plus I couldn't let my kids down.  Not to mention my wife who works her ass off and loves to get away.

From jump street I was a mess.  Could barely pull myself out of bed that morning to leave.  Tears, fear, anxiety, anger, all ate at me like I never felt before.  I had never been on vaction without my crutch.  Half the fun of it used to be finding ways to sneak off and get my dip in.  Fucking idiot.

I remember strapping on my seatbelt for the 3 hour drive, my shirt was DRENCHED in sweat and that shift from "park" to "drive" might as well have been a shift from "barely stable" to "hot fucking mess".  Looking back however, there was one thing that bothers me more.  There was no joy in the car.  My wife knew I was a mess and she was probably going to have to hold me together (so much for getting away from work), and my kids who were 7 and 9 were not dumb.  They saw me struggling that morning, they saw the tears and the anguish.  I remember looking in the rear view mirror and seeing my daughter just staring down at her teddy bear like we were going to hell, not on a fun vacation.

When we got to the cabin (diesel rents cabins, he does not camp) I had an anxiety attack as soon as we walked in the door.  Meanwhile my kids were running through the place checking out every room bouncing off the wall with excitement.  They saw there was a nice private beach across the street and started the "can we go?  can we go?" chants.  My wife looked to me.  As in the past I would have been in that water before the kids.  This time I was in the fetal posistion on the couch, barely able to move.  In one of most cowardly moves I've ever made I told my own kids "I don't feel like it, Mom will take you".    In shock my wife said, "FINE, do you think you can handle unloading the car at least??!!". Turns out I couldn't.  I just sat there on that couch wondering how the hell I was going to make it a week without my dip.

I will spare you the details of what that week held.  Lets just say it was not pretty.  I was useless.  I BEGGED my wife to let me buy a can, and that would make me "fun" again.  She did not buy it and rightfully said no each time.  I also had to make an emergency call to my therapist on day two as my brain was completely fucked up.  I even considered checking myself into a hospital at one point I was such a fucking mess.  I was a walking anxiety attack and no amount of medicine seemed to help.

We went to a lot of different places on that trip.  My wife was determined to show my kids a good time, God bless her sole. 

I was a fucking anchor they were dragging around. 

I remember one BEAUTIFUL day, my wife drove us to a really neat putt putt golf/ go kart place in the morning. I didn't even play fucking putt putt or drive the go karts.  I sat in the snack bar area like a fucking moron, watching my wife and kids play putt putt golf and ride go karts...I couldn't even get up.   Talk about a fucking LOSER.

After that she drove us to Otsego Lake State Park.  Beautiful day, beautiful water, beautiful beach, and my beautiful kids were in the water BEGGING ME to come in...I could not.  I was in the fetal posistion biting my knee. My wife was exhausted and looked at me with disgust for the first time since I had quit.  She pulled herself up off her towel, where she should have been napping and getting some well deserved rest, and headed out to the water to swim with the kids.  I told her, "I'm sorry honey, I promise next year ill be better".  She said "You better, you fucking ruined this vacation for all of us".  Talk about a dagger.  Ouch.

Well...here it is "next year" and although I am feeling a tad anxious at the memories of last year (part of my lovely ptsd), I am mainly looking to get some revenge on the nic bitch from last year.

I am seriously looking to fuck some shit UP.  Like just fucking turn into some kind of have fun at all costs mad man and undo every wrong I made last year.

I believe I have to "game" to do that now.

To say I am in a different place from last year is to say that SHIT tastes a little bit different than Filet. 

I must admit though, that while the events of last year have me ultra motivated, they have me a tad scared as well, like "what if I slip back into that place?"

But fuck it.  I'm gonna try my best not to dwell on the past and focus in the now.  I've gone 412 days without a flake of nicotine.  Had some ups and downs, but I am honestly looking for these next 7 days to be 7 of the best fucking days yet.

Wish me....success.  We know luck ain't got no place in here.

Wont lick your balls but will say this post describes what is going on in the head of an addict.

Like always a great read D. The alternative to not liking it was very scary.

Whaat? They are freshly shaved for vacation. :D

You, diesel, have my complete respect. Thanks for sharing this. I hope this is also a vacation to remember, but for different reasons.

Respect and brotherhood x infinity. In fact I have ceremoniously also shorn my scrotum, my peepee shaft and even down in the neither region. And, when the waves gently lap against your gold and maize scrotum this week, give yourself a pat on the back - and the Bitch a hearty 'Finger' cause you've done good Big D.

As when in Rome. I as well will be smooth as talcum powder when I get home this evening.

D, you got this. You are in a different place and a different state of mind.

Do yourself and you family a huge favor, RELAX AND HAVE A GOOD TIME.

That is an order sir!!!

Remember my friend that fetal position was your birth into this nicotine free life and it turned you into one bad ass quitter. You can handle what ever is thrown your way. No birthing this year, just enjoyment and pleasure. Wear the kids out all day so you can wear Mrs Diesel out all night. No doubt you will succeed.

[RAZD611]

Preface:  this is going to be long and most likely boring.  I'm writing it for ME for mostly therapeutic reasons.  If you like it, lovely.  If not, lick my balls, its my thread.  LOL.

Loading up the family truckster and heading out on a week's vacation to Western Michigan tomorrow.  Silver Lake, Muskegon, Traverse City, and Luddington are just a few stops team Diesel has planned.  Wife and kids are pumped!!!

Big fucking deal right?  A lot of people go on vacation.

Well...last year team Diesel went to Gaylord Michigan for a weeks vacation, I was about a month and a half quit then. 

It was a fucking disaster of epic proportions.  Because of me.

Riddled with depression and anxiety I DID NOT WANT TO GO.  But on the advice of my shrink and counselor, they thought it would be good for me to get away for awhile maybe take my mind off my quitting.  Plus I couldn't let my kids down.  Not to mention my wife who works her ass off and loves to get away.

From jump street I was a mess.  Could barely pull myself out of bed that morning to leave.  Tears, fear, anxiety, anger, all ate at me like I never felt before.  I had never been on vaction without my crutch.  Half the fun of it used to be finding ways to sneak off and get my dip in.  Fucking idiot.

I remember strapping on my seatbelt for the 3 hour drive, my shirt was DRENCHED in sweat and that shift from "park" to "drive" might as well have been a shift from "barely stable" to "hot fucking mess".  Looking back however, there was one thing that bothers me more.  There was no joy in the car.  My wife knew I was a mess and she was probably going to have to hold me together (so much for getting away from work), and my kids who were 7 and 9 were not dumb.  They saw me struggling that morning, they saw the tears and the anguish.  I remember looking in the rear view mirror and seeing my daughter just staring down at her teddy bear like we were going to hell, not on a fun vacation.

When we got to the cabin (diesel rents cabins, he does not camp) I had an anxiety attack as soon as we walked in the door.  Meanwhile my kids were running through the place checking out every room bouncing off the wall with excitement.  They saw there was a nice private beach across the street and started the "can we go?  can we go?" chants.  My wife looked to me.  As in the past I would have been in that water before the kids.  This time I was in the fetal posistion on the couch, barely able to move.  In one of most cowardly moves I've ever made I told my own kids "I don't feel like it, Mom will take you".    In shock my wife said, "FINE, do you think you can handle unloading the car at least??!!". Turns out I couldn't.  I just sat there on that couch wondering how the hell I was going to make it a week without my dip.

I will spare you the details of what that week held.  Lets just say it was not pretty.  I was useless.  I BEGGED my wife to let me buy a can, and that would make me "fun" again.  She did not buy it and rightfully said no each time.  I also had to make an emergency call to my therapist on day two as my brain was completely fucked up.  I even considered checking myself into a hospital at one point I was such a fucking mess.  I was a walking anxiety attack and no amount of medicine seemed to help.

We went to a lot of different places on that trip.  My wife was determined to show my kids a good time, God bless her sole. 

I was a fucking anchor they were dragging around. 

I remember one BEAUTIFUL day, my wife drove us to a really neat putt putt golf/ go kart place in the morning. I didn't even play fucking putt putt or drive the go karts.  I sat in the snack bar area like a fucking moron, watching my wife and kids play putt putt golf and ride go karts...I couldn't even get up.   Talk about a fucking LOSER.

After that she drove us to Otsego Lake State Park.  Beautiful day, beautiful water, beautiful beach, and my beautiful kids were in the water BEGGING ME to come in...I could not.  I was in the fetal posistion biting my knee. My wife was exhausted and looked at me with disgust for the first time since I had quit.  She pulled herself up off her towel, where she should have been napping and getting some well deserved rest, and headed out to the water to swim with the kids.  I told her, "I'm sorry honey, I promise next year ill be better".  She said "You better, you fucking ruined this vacation for all of us".  Talk about a dagger.  Ouch.

Well...here it is "next year" and although I am feeling a tad anxious at the memories of last year (part of my lovely ptsd), I am mainly looking to get some revenge on the nic bitch from last year.

I am seriously looking to fuck some shit UP.  Like just fucking turn into some kind of have fun at all costs mad man and undo every wrong I made last year.

I believe I have to "game" to do that now.

To say I am in a different place from last year is to say that SHIT tastes a little bit different than Filet. 

I must admit though, that while the events of last year have me ultra motivated, they have me a tad scared as well, like "what if I slip back into that place?"

But fuck it.  I'm gonna try my best not to dwell on the past and focus in the now.  I've gone 412 days without a flake of nicotine.  Had some ups and downs, but I am honestly looking for these next 7 days to be 7 of the best fucking days yet.

Wish me....success.  We know luck ain't got no place in here.

Wont lick your balls but will say this post describes what is going on in the head of an addict.

Like always a great read D. The alternative to not liking it was very scary.

Whaat? They are freshly shaved for vacation. :D

You, diesel, have my complete respect. Thanks for sharing this. I hope this is also a vacation to remember, but for different reasons.

Respect and brotherhood x infinity. In fact I have ceremoniously also shorn my scrotum, my peepee shaft and even down in the neither region. And, when the waves gently lap against your gold and maize scrotum this week, give yourself a pat on the back - and the Bitch a hearty 'Finger' cause you've done good Big D.

As when in Rome. I as well will be smooth as talcum powder when I get home this evening.

D, you got this. You are in a different place and a different state of mind.

Do yourself and you family a huge favor, RELAX AND HAVE A GOOD TIME.

That is an order sir!!!

[ERDVM]

Preface:  this is going to be long and most likely boring.  I'm writing it for ME for mostly therapeutic reasons.  If you like it, lovely.  If not, lick my balls, its my thread.  LOL.

Loading up the family truckster and heading out on a week's vacation to Western Michigan tomorrow.  Silver Lake, Muskegon, Traverse City, and Luddington are just a few stops team Diesel has planned.  Wife and kids are pumped!!!

Big fucking deal right?  A lot of people go on vacation.

Well...last year team Diesel went to Gaylord Michigan for a weeks vacation, I was about a month and a half quit then. 

It was a fucking disaster of epic proportions.  Because of me.

Riddled with depression and anxiety I DID NOT WANT TO GO.  But on the advice of my shrink and counselor, they thought it would be good for me to get away for awhile maybe take my mind off my quitting.  Plus I couldn't let my kids down.  Not to mention my wife who works her ass off and loves to get away.

From jump street I was a mess.  Could barely pull myself out of bed that morning to leave.  Tears, fear, anxiety, anger, all ate at me like I never felt before.  I had never been on vaction without my crutch.  Half the fun of it used to be finding ways to sneak off and get my dip in.  Fucking idiot.

I remember strapping on my seatbelt for the 3 hour drive, my shirt was DRENCHED in sweat and that shift from "park" to "drive" might as well have been a shift from "barely stable" to "hot fucking mess".  Looking back however, there was one thing that bothers me more.  There was no joy in the car.  My wife knew I was a mess and she was probably going to have to hold me together (so much for getting away from work), and my kids who were 7 and 9 were not dumb.  They saw me struggling that morning, they saw the tears and the anguish.  I remember looking in the rear view mirror and seeing my daughter just staring down at her teddy bear like we were going to hell, not on a fun vacation.

When we got to the cabin (diesel rents cabins, he does not camp) I had an anxiety attack as soon as we walked in the door.  Meanwhile my kids were running through the place checking out every room bouncing off the wall with excitement.  They saw there was a nice private beach across the street and started the "can we go?  can we go?" chants.  My wife looked to me.  As in the past I would have been in that water before the kids.  This time I was in the fetal posistion on the couch, barely able to move.  In one of most cowardly moves I've ever made I told my own kids "I don't feel like it, Mom will take you".    In shock my wife said, "FINE, do you think you can handle unloading the car at least??!!". Turns out I couldn't.  I just sat there on that couch wondering how the hell I was going to make it a week without my dip.

I will spare you the details of what that week held.  Lets just say it was not pretty.  I was useless.  I BEGGED my wife to let me buy a can, and that would make me "fun" again.  She did not buy it and rightfully said no each time.  I also had to make an emergency call to my therapist on day two as my brain was completely fucked up.  I even considered checking myself into a hospital at one point I was such a fucking mess.  I was a walking anxiety attack and no amount of medicine seemed to help.

We went to a lot of different places on that trip.  My wife was determined to show my kids a good time, God bless her sole. 

I was a fucking anchor they were dragging around. 

I remember one BEAUTIFUL day, my wife drove us to a really neat putt putt golf/ go kart place in the morning. I didn't even play fucking putt putt or drive the go karts.  I sat in the snack bar area like a fucking moron, watching my wife and kids play putt putt golf and ride go karts...I couldn't even get up.   Talk about a fucking LOSER.

After that she drove us to Otsego Lake State Park.  Beautiful day, beautiful water, beautiful beach, and my beautiful kids were in the water BEGGING ME to come in...I could not.  I was in the fetal posistion biting my knee. My wife was exhausted and looked at me with disgust for the first time since I had quit.  She pulled herself up off her towel, where she should have been napping and getting some well deserved rest, and headed out to the water to swim with the kids.  I told her, "I'm sorry honey, I promise next year ill be better".  She said "You better, you fucking ruined this vacation for all of us".  Talk about a dagger.  Ouch.

Well...here it is "next year" and although I am feeling a tad anxious at the memories of last year (part of my lovely ptsd), I am mainly looking to get some revenge on the nic bitch from last year.

I am seriously looking to fuck some shit UP.  Like just fucking turn into some kind of have fun at all costs mad man and undo every wrong I made last year.

I believe I have to "game" to do that now.

To say I am in a different place from last year is to say that SHIT tastes a little bit different than Filet. 

I must admit though, that while the events of last year have me ultra motivated, they have me a tad scared as well, like "what if I slip back into that place?"

But fuck it.  I'm gonna try my best not to dwell on the past and focus in the now.  I've gone 412 days without a flake of nicotine.  Had some ups and downs, but I am honestly looking for these next 7 days to be 7 of the best fucking days yet.

Wish me....success.  We know luck ain't got no place in here.

Wont lick your balls but will say this post describes what is going on in the head of an addict.

Like always a great read D. The alternative to not liking it was very scary.

Whaat? They are freshly shaved for vacation. :D

You, diesel, have my complete respect. Thanks for sharing this. I hope this is also a vacation to remember, but for different reasons.

Respect and brotherhood x infinity. In fact I have ceremoniously also shorn my scrotum, my peepee shaft and even down in the neither region. And, when the waves gently lap against your gold and maize scrotum this week, give yourself a pat on the back - and the Bitch a hearty 'Finger' cause you've done good Big D.

[worktowin]

Preface:  this is going to be long and most likely boring.  I'm writing it for ME for mostly therapeutic reasons.  If you like it, lovely.  If not, lick my balls, its my thread.  LOL.

Loading up the family truckster and heading out on a week's vacation to Western Michigan tomorrow.  Silver Lake, Muskegon, Traverse City, and Luddington are just a few stops team Diesel has planned.  Wife and kids are pumped!!!

Big fucking deal right?  A lot of people go on vacation.

Well...last year team Diesel went to Gaylord Michigan for a weeks vacation, I was about a month and a half quit then. 

It was a fucking disaster of epic proportions.  Because of me.

Riddled with depression and anxiety I DID NOT WANT TO GO.  But on the advice of my shrink and counselor, they thought it would be good for me to get away for awhile maybe take my mind off my quitting.  Plus I couldn't let my kids down.  Not to mention my wife who works her ass off and loves to get away.

From jump street I was a mess.  Could barely pull myself out of bed that morning to leave.  Tears, fear, anxiety, anger, all ate at me like I never felt before.  I had never been on vaction without my crutch.  Half the fun of it used to be finding ways to sneak off and get my dip in.  Fucking idiot.

I remember strapping on my seatbelt for the 3 hour drive, my shirt was DRENCHED in sweat and that shift from "park" to "drive" might as well have been a shift from "barely stable" to "hot fucking mess".  Looking back however, there was one thing that bothers me more.  There was no joy in the car.  My wife knew I was a mess and she was probably going to have to hold me together (so much for getting away from work), and my kids who were 7 and 9 were not dumb.  They saw me struggling that morning, they saw the tears and the anguish.  I remember looking in the rear view mirror and seeing my daughter just staring down at her teddy bear like we were going to hell, not on a fun vacation.

When we got to the cabin (diesel rents cabins, he does not camp) I had an anxiety attack as soon as we walked in the door.  Meanwhile my kids were running through the place checking out every room bouncing off the wall with excitement.  They saw there was a nice private beach across the street and started the "can we go?  can we go?" chants.  My wife looked to me.  As in the past I would have been in that water before the kids.  This time I was in the fetal posistion on the couch, barely able to move.  In one of most cowardly moves I've ever made I told my own kids "I don't feel like it, Mom will take you".    In shock my wife said, "FINE, do you think you can handle unloading the car at least??!!". Turns out I couldn't.  I just sat there on that couch wondering how the hell I was going to make it a week without my dip.

I will spare you the details of what that week held.  Lets just say it was not pretty.  I was useless.  I BEGGED my wife to let me buy a can, and that would make me "fun" again.  She did not buy it and rightfully said no each time.  I also had to make an emergency call to my therapist on day two as my brain was completely fucked up.  I even considered checking myself into a hospital at one point I was such a fucking mess.  I was a walking anxiety attack and no amount of medicine seemed to help.

We went to a lot of different places on that trip.  My wife was determined to show my kids a good time, God bless her sole. 

I was a fucking anchor they were dragging around. 

I remember one BEAUTIFUL day, my wife drove us to a really neat putt putt golf/ go kart place in the morning. I didn't even play fucking putt putt or drive the go karts.  I sat in the snack bar area like a fucking moron, watching my wife and kids play putt putt golf and ride go karts...I couldn't even get up.   Talk about a fucking LOSER.

After that she drove us to Otsego Lake State Park.  Beautiful day, beautiful water, beautiful beach, and my beautiful kids were in the water BEGGING ME to come in...I could not.  I was in the fetal posistion biting my knee. My wife was exhausted and looked at me with disgust for the first time since I had quit.  She pulled herself up off her towel, where she should have been napping and getting some well deserved rest, and headed out to the water to swim with the kids.  I told her, "I'm sorry honey, I promise next year ill be better".  She said "You better, you fucking ruined this vacation for all of us".  Talk about a dagger.  Ouch.

Well...here it is "next year" and although I am feeling a tad anxious at the memories of last year (part of my lovely ptsd), I am mainly looking to get some revenge on the nic bitch from last year.

I am seriously looking to fuck some shit UP.  Like just fucking turn into some kind of have fun at all costs mad man and undo every wrong I made last year.

I believe I have to "game" to do that now.

To say I am in a different place from last year is to say that SHIT tastes a little bit different than Filet. 

I must admit though, that while the events of last year have me ultra motivated, they have me a tad scared as well, like "what if I slip back into that place?"

But fuck it.  I'm gonna try my best not to dwell on the past and focus in the now.  I've gone 412 days without a flake of nicotine.  Had some ups and downs, but I am honestly looking for these next 7 days to be 7 of the best fucking days yet.

Wish me....success.  We know luck ain't got no place in here.

Wont lick your balls but will say this post describes what is going on in the head of an addict.

Like always a great read D. The alternative to not liking it was very scary.

Whaat? They are freshly shaved for vacation. :D

You, diesel, have my complete respect. Thanks for sharing this. I hope this is also a vacation to remember, but for different reasons.

[srans]

Preface:  this is going to be long and most likely boring.  I'm writing it for ME for mostly therapeutic reasons.  If you like it, lovely.  If not, lick my balls, its my thread.  LOL.

Loading up the family truckster and heading out on a week's vacation to Western Michigan tomorrow.  Silver Lake, Muskegon, Traverse City, and Luddington are just a few stops team Diesel has planned.  Wife and kids are pumped!!!

Big fucking deal right?  A lot of people go on vacation.

Well...last year team Diesel went to Gaylord Michigan for a weeks vacation, I was about a month and a half quit then. 

It was a fucking disaster of epic proportions.  Because of me.

Riddled with depression and anxiety I DID NOT WANT TO GO.  But on the advice of my shrink and counselor, they thought it would be good for me to get away for awhile maybe take my mind off my quitting.  Plus I couldn't let my kids down.  Not to mention my wife who works her ass off and loves to get away.

From jump street I was a mess.  Could barely pull myself out of bed that morning to leave.  Tears, fear, anxiety, anger, all ate at me like I never felt before.  I had never been on vaction without my crutch.  Half the fun of it used to be finding ways to sneak off and get my dip in.  Fucking idiot.

I remember strapping on my seatbelt for the 3 hour drive, my shirt was DRENCHED in sweat and that shift from "park" to "drive" might as well have been a shift from "barely stable" to "hot fucking mess".  Looking back however, there was one thing that bothers me more.  There was no joy in the car.  My wife knew I was a mess and she was probably going to have to hold me together (so much for getting away from work), and my kids who were 7 and 9 were not dumb.  They saw me struggling that morning, they saw the tears and the anguish.  I remember looking in the rear view mirror and seeing my daughter just staring down at her teddy bear like we were going to hell, not on a fun vacation.

When we got to the cabin (diesel rents cabins, he does not camp) I had an anxiety attack as soon as we walked in the door.  Meanwhile my kids were running through the place checking out every room bouncing off the wall with excitement.  They saw there was a nice private beach across the street and started the "can we go?  can we go?" chants.  My wife looked to me.  As in the past I would have been in that water before the kids.  This time I was in the fetal posistion on the couch, barely able to move.  In one of most cowardly moves I've ever made I told my own kids "I don't feel like it, Mom will take you".    In shock my wife said, "FINE, do you think you can handle unloading the car at least??!!". Turns out I couldn't.  I just sat there on that couch wondering how the hell I was going to make it a week without my dip.

I will spare you the details of what that week held.  Lets just say it was not pretty.  I was useless.  I BEGGED my wife to let me buy a can, and that would make me "fun" again.  She did not buy it and rightfully said no each time.  I also had to make an emergency call to my therapist on day two as my brain was completely fucked up.  I even considered checking myself into a hospital at one point I was such a fucking mess.  I was a walking anxiety attack and no amount of medicine seemed to help.

We went to a lot of different places on that trip.  My wife was determined to show my kids a good time, God bless her sole. 

I was a fucking anchor they were dragging around. 

I remember one BEAUTIFUL day, my wife drove us to a really neat putt putt golf/ go kart place in the morning. I didn't even play fucking putt putt or drive the go karts.  I sat in the snack bar area like a fucking moron, watching my wife and kids play putt putt golf and ride go karts...I couldn't even get up.   Talk about a fucking LOSER.

After that she drove us to Otsego Lake State Park.  Beautiful day, beautiful water, beautiful beach, and my beautiful kids were in the water BEGGING ME to come in...I could not.  I was in the fetal posistion biting my knee. My wife was exhausted and looked at me with disgust for the first time since I had quit.  She pulled herself up off her towel, where she should have been napping and getting some well deserved rest, and headed out to the water to swim with the kids.  I told her, "I'm sorry honey, I promise next year ill be better".  She said "You better, you fucking ruined this vacation for all of us".  Talk about a dagger.  Ouch.

Well...here it is "next year" and although I am feeling a tad anxious at the memories of last year (part of my lovely ptsd), I am mainly looking to get some revenge on the nic bitch from last year.

I am seriously looking to fuck some shit UP.  Like just fucking turn into some kind of have fun at all costs mad man and undo every wrong I made last year.

I believe I have to "game" to do that now.

To say I am in a different place from last year is to say that SHIT tastes a little bit different than Filet. 

I must admit though, that while the events of last year have me ultra motivated, they have me a tad scared as well, like "what if I slip back into that place?"

But fuck it.  I'm gonna try my best not to dwell on the past and focus in the now.  I've gone 412 days without a flake of nicotine.  Had some ups and downs, but I am honestly looking for these next 7 days to be 7 of the best fucking days yet.

Wish me....success.  We know luck ain't got no place in here.

Wont lick your balls but will say this post describes what is going on in the head of an addict.

Like always a great read D. The alternative to not liking it was very scary.

Whaat? They are freshly shaved for vacation. :D

I don't care if there gold plated and taste like a cotton candy Lolly pop. Still very scary.

[traumagnet]

Preface:  this is going to be long and most likely boring.  I'm writing it for ME for mostly therapeutic reasons.  If you like it, lovely.  If not, lick my balls, its my thread.  LOL.

Loading up the family truckster and heading out on a week's vacation to Western Michigan tomorrow.  Silver Lake, Muskegon, Traverse City, and Luddington are just a few stops team Diesel has planned.  Wife and kids are pumped!!!

Big fucking deal right?  A lot of people go on vacation.

Well...last year team Diesel went to Gaylord Michigan for a weeks vacation, I was about a month and a half quit then. 

It was a fucking disaster of epic proportions.  Because of me.

Riddled with depression and anxiety I DID NOT WANT TO GO.  But on the advice of my shrink and counselor, they thought it would be good for me to get away for awhile maybe take my mind off my quitting.  Plus I couldn't let my kids down.  Not to mention my wife who works her ass off and loves to get away.

From jump street I was a mess.  Could barely pull myself out of bed that morning to leave.  Tears, fear, anxiety, anger, all ate at me like I never felt before.  I had never been on vaction without my crutch.  Half the fun of it used to be finding ways to sneak off and get my dip in.  Fucking idiot.

I remember strapping on my seatbelt for the 3 hour drive, my shirt was DRENCHED in sweat and that shift from "park" to "drive" might as well have been a shift from "barely stable" to "hot fucking mess".  Looking back however, there was one thing that bothers me more.  There was no joy in the car.  My wife knew I was a mess and she was probably going to have to hold me together (so much for getting away from work), and my kids who were 7 and 9 were not dumb.  They saw me struggling that morning, they saw the tears and the anguish.  I remember looking in the rear view mirror and seeing my daughter just staring down at her teddy bear like we were going to hell, not on a fun vacation.

When we got to the cabin (diesel rents cabins, he does not camp) I had an anxiety attack as soon as we walked in the door.  Meanwhile my kids were running through the place checking out every room bouncing off the wall with excitement.  They saw there was a nice private beach across the street and started the "can we go?  can we go?" chants.  My wife looked to me.  As in the past I would have been in that water before the kids.  This time I was in the fetal posistion on the couch, barely able to move.  In one of most cowardly moves I've ever made I told my own kids "I don't feel like it, Mom will take you".    In shock my wife said, "FINE, do you think you can handle unloading the car at least??!!". Turns out I couldn't.  I just sat there on that couch wondering how the hell I was going to make it a week without my dip.

I will spare you the details of what that week held.  Lets just say it was not pretty.  I was useless.  I BEGGED my wife to let me buy a can, and that would make me "fun" again.  She did not buy it and rightfully said no each time.  I also had to make an emergency call to my therapist on day two as my brain was completely fucked up.  I even considered checking myself into a hospital at one point I was such a fucking mess.  I was a walking anxiety attack and no amount of medicine seemed to help.

We went to a lot of different places on that trip.  My wife was determined to show my kids a good time, God bless her sole. 

I was a fucking anchor they were dragging around. 

I remember one BEAUTIFUL day, my wife drove us to a really neat putt putt golf/ go kart place in the morning. I didn't even play fucking putt putt or drive the go karts.  I sat in the snack bar area like a fucking moron, watching my wife and kids play putt putt golf and ride go karts...I couldn't even get up.   Talk about a fucking LOSER.

After that she drove us to Otsego Lake State Park.  Beautiful day, beautiful water, beautiful beach, and my beautiful kids were in the water BEGGING ME to come in...I could not.  I was in the fetal posistion biting my knee. My wife was exhausted and looked at me with disgust for the first time since I had quit.  She pulled herself up off her towel, where she should have been napping and getting some well deserved rest, and headed out to the water to swim with the kids.  I told her, "I'm sorry honey, I promise next year ill be better".  She said "You better, you fucking ruined this vacation for all of us".  Talk about a dagger.  Ouch.

Well...here it is "next year" and although I am feeling a tad anxious at the memories of last year (part of my lovely ptsd), I am mainly looking to get some revenge on the nic bitch from last year.

I am seriously looking to fuck some shit UP.  Like just fucking turn into some kind of have fun at all costs mad man and undo every wrong I made last year.

I believe I have to "game" to do that now.

To say I am in a different place from last year is to say that SHIT tastes a little bit different than Filet. 

I must admit though, that while the events of last year have me ultra motivated, they have me a tad scared as well, like "what if I slip back into that place?"

But fuck it.  I'm gonna try my best not to dwell on the past and focus in the now.  I've gone 412 days without a flake of nicotine.  Had some ups and downs, but I am honestly looking for these next 7 days to be 7 of the best fucking days yet.

Wish me....success.  We know luck ain't got no place in here.

Wont lick your balls but will say this post describes what is going on in the head of an addict.

Like always a great read D. The alternative to not liking it was very scary.

Whaat? They are freshly shaved for vacation. :D

prolly smell like walleyes

[Diesel2112]

Preface:  this is going to be long and most likely boring.  I'm writing it for ME for mostly therapeutic reasons.  If you like it, lovely.  If not, lick my balls, its my thread.  LOL.

Loading up the family truckster and heading out on a week's vacation to Western Michigan tomorrow.  Silver Lake, Muskegon, Traverse City, and Luddington are just a few stops team Diesel has planned.  Wife and kids are pumped!!!

Big fucking deal right?  A lot of people go on vacation.

Well...last year team Diesel went to Gaylord Michigan for a weeks vacation, I was about a month and a half quit then. 

It was a fucking disaster of epic proportions.  Because of me.

Riddled with depression and anxiety I DID NOT WANT TO GO.  But on the advice of my shrink and counselor, they thought it would be good for me to get away for awhile maybe take my mind off my quitting.  Plus I couldn't let my kids down.  Not to mention my wife who works her ass off and loves to get away.

From jump street I was a mess.  Could barely pull myself out of bed that morning to leave.  Tears, fear, anxiety, anger, all ate at me like I never felt before.  I had never been on vaction without my crutch.  Half the fun of it used to be finding ways to sneak off and get my dip in.  Fucking idiot.

I remember strapping on my seatbelt for the 3 hour drive, my shirt was DRENCHED in sweat and that shift from "park" to "drive" might as well have been a shift from "barely stable" to "hot fucking mess".  Looking back however, there was one thing that bothers me more.  There was no joy in the car.  My wife knew I was a mess and she was probably going to have to hold me together (so much for getting away from work), and my kids who were 7 and 9 were not dumb.  They saw me struggling that morning, they saw the tears and the anguish.  I remember looking in the rear view mirror and seeing my daughter just staring down at her teddy bear like we were going to hell, not on a fun vacation.

When we got to the cabin (diesel rents cabins, he does not camp) I had an anxiety attack as soon as we walked in the door.  Meanwhile my kids were running through the place checking out every room bouncing off the wall with excitement.  They saw there was a nice private beach across the street and started the "can we go?  can we go?" chants.  My wife looked to me.  As in the past I would have been in that water before the kids.  This time I was in the fetal posistion on the couch, barely able to move.  In one of most cowardly moves I've ever made I told my own kids "I don't feel like it, Mom will take you".    In shock my wife said, "FINE, do you think you can handle unloading the car at least??!!". Turns out I couldn't.  I just sat there on that couch wondering how the hell I was going to make it a week without my dip.

I will spare you the details of what that week held.  Lets just say it was not pretty.  I was useless.  I BEGGED my wife to let me buy a can, and that would make me "fun" again.  She did not buy it and rightfully said no each time.  I also had to make an emergency call to my therapist on day two as my brain was completely fucked up.  I even considered checking myself into a hospital at one point I was such a fucking mess.  I was a walking anxiety attack and no amount of medicine seemed to help.

We went to a lot of different places on that trip.  My wife was determined to show my kids a good time, God bless her sole. 

I was a fucking anchor they were dragging around. 

I remember one BEAUTIFUL day, my wife drove us to a really neat putt putt golf/ go kart place in the morning. I didn't even play fucking putt putt or drive the go karts.  I sat in the snack bar area like a fucking moron, watching my wife and kids play putt putt golf and ride go karts...I couldn't even get up.   Talk about a fucking LOSER.

After that she drove us to Otsego Lake State Park.  Beautiful day, beautiful water, beautiful beach, and my beautiful kids were in the water BEGGING ME to come in...I could not.  I was in the fetal posistion biting my knee. My wife was exhausted and looked at me with disgust for the first time since I had quit.  She pulled herself up off her towel, where she should have been napping and getting some well deserved rest, and headed out to the water to swim with the kids.  I told her, "I'm sorry honey, I promise next year ill be better".  She said "You better, you fucking ruined this vacation for all of us".  Talk about a dagger.  Ouch.

Well...here it is "next year" and although I am feeling a tad anxious at the memories of last year (part of my lovely ptsd), I am mainly looking to get some revenge on the nic bitch from last year.

I am seriously looking to fuck some shit UP.  Like just fucking turn into some kind of have fun at all costs mad man and undo every wrong I made last year.

I believe I have to "game" to do that now.

To say I am in a different place from last year is to say that SHIT tastes a little bit different than Filet. 

I must admit though, that while the events of last year have me ultra motivated, they have me a tad scared as well, like "what if I slip back into that place?"

But fuck it.  I'm gonna try my best not to dwell on the past and focus in the now.  I've gone 412 days without a flake of nicotine.  Had some ups and downs, but I am honestly looking for these next 7 days to be 7 of the best fucking days yet.

Wish me....success.  We know luck ain't got no place in here.

Wont lick your balls but will say this post describes what is going on in the head of an addict.

Like always a great read D. The alternative to not liking it was very scary.

Whaat? They are freshly shaved for vacation. :D

[srans]

Preface:  this is going to be long and most likely boring.  I'm writing it for ME for mostly therapeutic reasons.  If you like it, lovely.  If not, lick my balls, its my thread.  LOL.

Loading up the family truckster and heading out on a week's vacation to Western Michigan tomorrow.  Silver Lake, Muskegon, Traverse City, and Luddington are just a few stops team Diesel has planned.  Wife and kids are pumped!!!

Big fucking deal right?  A lot of people go on vacation.

Well...last year team Diesel went to Gaylord Michigan for a weeks vacation, I was about a month and a half quit then. 

It was a fucking disaster of epic proportions.  Because of me.

Riddled with depression and anxiety I DID NOT WANT TO GO.  But on the advice of my shrink and counselor, they thought it would be good for me to get away for awhile maybe take my mind off my quitting.  Plus I couldn't let my kids down.  Not to mention my wife who works her ass off and loves to get away.

From jump street I was a mess.  Could barely pull myself out of bed that morning to leave.  Tears, fear, anxiety, anger, all ate at me like I never felt before.  I had never been on vaction without my crutch.  Half the fun of it used to be finding ways to sneak off and get my dip in.  Fucking idiot.

I remember strapping on my seatbelt for the 3 hour drive, my shirt was DRENCHED in sweat and that shift from "park" to "drive" might as well have been a shift from "barely stable" to "hot fucking mess".  Looking back however, there was one thing that bothers me more.  There was no joy in the car.  My wife knew I was a mess and she was probably going to have to hold me together (so much for getting away from work), and my kids who were 7 and 9 were not dumb.  They saw me struggling that morning, they saw the tears and the anguish.  I remember looking in the rear view mirror and seeing my daughter just staring down at her teddy bear like we were going to hell, not on a fun vacation.

When we got to the cabin (diesel rents cabins, he does not camp) I had an anxiety attack as soon as we walked in the door.  Meanwhile my kids were running through the place checking out every room bouncing off the wall with excitement.  They saw there was a nice private beach across the street and started the "can we go?  can we go?" chants.  My wife looked to me.  As in the past I would have been in that water before the kids.  This time I was in the fetal posistion on the couch, barely able to move.  In one of most cowardly moves I've ever made I told my own kids "I don't feel like it, Mom will take you".    In shock my wife said, "FINE, do you think you can handle unloading the car at least??!!". Turns out I couldn't.  I just sat there on that couch wondering how the hell I was going to make it a week without my dip.

I will spare you the details of what that week held.  Lets just say it was not pretty.  I was useless.  I BEGGED my wife to let me buy a can, and that would make me "fun" again.  She did not buy it and rightfully said no each time.  I also had to make an emergency call to my therapist on day two as my brain was completely fucked up.  I even considered checking myself into a hospital at one point I was such a fucking mess.  I was a walking anxiety attack and no amount of medicine seemed to help.

We went to a lot of different places on that trip.  My wife was determined to show my kids a good time, God bless her sole. 

I was a fucking anchor they were dragging around. 

I remember one BEAUTIFUL day, my wife drove us to a really neat putt putt golf/ go kart place in the morning. I didn't even play fucking putt putt or drive the go karts.  I sat in the snack bar area like a fucking moron, watching my wife and kids play putt putt golf and ride go karts...I couldn't even get up.  Talk about a fucking LOSER.

After that she drove us to Otsego Lake State Park.  Beautiful day, beautiful water, beautiful beach, and my beautiful kids were in the water BEGGING ME to come in...I could not.  I was in the fetal posistion biting my knee. My wife was exhausted and looked at me with disgust for the first time since I had quit.  She pulled herself up off her towel, where she should have been napping and getting some well deserved rest, and headed out to the water to swim with the kids.  I told her, "I'm sorry honey, I promise next year ill be better".  She said "You better, you fucking ruined this vacation for all of us".  Talk about a dagger.  Ouch.

Well...here it is "next year" and although I am feeling a tad anxious at the memories of last year (part of my lovely ptsd), I am mainly looking to get some revenge on the nic bitch from last year.

I am seriously looking to fuck some shit UP.  Like just fucking turn into some kind of have fun at all costs mad man and undo every wrong I made last year.

I believe I have to "game" to do that now.

To say I am in a different place from last year is to say that SHIT tastes a little bit different than Filet. 

I must admit though, that while the events of last year have me ultra motivated, they have me a tad scared as well, like "what if I slip back into that place?"

But fuck it.  I'm gonna try my best not to dwell on the past and focus in the now.  I've gone 412 days without a flake of nicotine.  Had some ups and downs, but I am honestly looking for these next 7 days to be 7 of the best fucking days yet.

Wish me....success.  We know luck ain't got no place in here.

Wont lick your balls but will say this post describes what is going on in the head of an addict.

Like always a great read D. The alternative to not liking it was very scary.