Diesel's Intro Page

[Ready]

Well, made it to day 40.  Sometimes I think, "WOW!!!  40 Days, that's awesome!" and sometimes I think "40 days???  That's it???"

I still am struggling a bit with this process.  Dip still comsumes most of my thoughts.  Not so much that I want to start back up again, but that I still struggle to feel "normal" and sometimes wonder if I will ever get there or what the hell normal even is now.  I even still glamourize chew, especially at night when I used to sneak off and get my night cap in.  Sometimes I beat the thought back quickly, other times I cannot.

I have good days and bad and even good half days and bad...sometimes I am Joe Positive and sometimes I am Debbie Downer.  Sometimes I sleep like a rock and sometimes I barely sleep at all.  I think consistency is what I crave most.  Consistency of feeling "good".

When I take a step back and look at it though, I really am TRYING my ass off and have made progress.  I'm on here a lot reading, I meet with a shrink once every 2-3 weeks and a counselor once a week, I am trying to eat right, I go to the gym now to help with my anxiety, I even jogged a mile around the track at the local high school yesterday.  I am trying and will continue to fight.

I do have questions, mainly for the vets...is this "normal" to feel this way?  40 days in?  Sometimes I think I'm depressed but my counselor and shrink say NO WAY as a depressed person would not go to the lengths I am going through to kick this addiction.

I guess what I'm looking for is some validation from guys who have been through this before that I really am on the right track, and that things really will get better.  I know I am my own worst enemy as I allow negative thoughts to dominate my mind sometimes, but it really is hard to be "Joe Rah Rah" every day.  I really do look forward to the day where I don't have to be "Joe Rah Rah" all day, but maybe for only a few brief moments throughout the day. 

Anyway, I think Im sounding like big pussy but was just wondering if these are the thoughts of someone "on the right track".

Diesel2112

40 days is awesome, but the most important day for you is today. That is the only one that really matters.

You are indeed on the right track.

It will be a while before you really understand how much this addiction consumed your life, and impacted those around you.

Don't get hung up on "normal".

Stay close to this site and connect with others, that will keep you strong in the fight. It does get easier.

You are absolutely on the right track.

Keep doing what you are doing.

Post roll everyday first thing.

Keep your word.

I understand exactly what you wrote.

Here's the good part, You have no idea how great things will get. Even if I told you, You would think I was crazy.

You can do this.

[visamoht]

Well, made it to day 40. Sometimes I think, "WOW!!! 40 Days, that's awesome!" and sometimes I think "40 days??? That's it???"

I still am struggling a bit with this process. Dip still comsumes most of my thoughts. Not so much that I want to start back up again, but that I still struggle to feel "normal" and sometimes wonder if I will ever get there or what the hell normal even is now. I even still glamourize chew, especially at night when I used to sneak off and get my night cap in. Sometimes I beat the thought back quickly, other times I cannot.

I have good days and bad and even good half days and bad...sometimes I am Joe Positive and sometimes I am Debbie Downer. Sometimes I sleep like a rock and sometimes I barely sleep at all. I think consistency is what I crave most. Consistency of feeling "good".

When I take a step back and look at it though, I really am TRYING my ass off and have made progress. I'm on here a lot reading, I meet with a shrink once every 2-3 weeks and a counselor once a week, I am trying to eat right, I go to the gym now to help with my anxiety, I even jogged a mile around the track at the local high school yesterday. I am trying and will continue to fight.

I do have questions, mainly for the vets...is this "normal" to feel this way? 40 days in? Sometimes I think I'm depressed but my counselor and shrink say NO WAY as a depressed person would not go to the lengths I am going through to kick this addiction.

I guess what I'm looking for is some validation from guys who have been through this before that I really am on the right track, and that things really will get better. I know I am my own worst enemy as I allow negative thoughts to dominate my mind sometimes, but it really is hard to be "Joe Rah Rah" every day. I really do look forward to the day where I don't have to be "Joe Rah Rah" all day, but maybe for only a few brief moments throughout the day.

Anyway, I think Im sounding like big pussy but was just wondering if these are the thoughts of someone "on the right track".

Diesel2112

40 days is awesome, but the most important day for you is today. That is the only one that really matters.

You are indeed on the right track.

It will be a while before you really understand how much this addiction consumed your life, and impacted those around you.

Don't get hung up on "normal".

Stay close to this site and connect with others, that will keep you strong in the fight. It does get easier.

[Diesel2112]

Well, made it to day 40. Sometimes I think, "WOW!!! 40 Days, that's awesome!" and sometimes I think "40 days??? That's it???"

I still am struggling a bit with this process. Dip still comsumes most of my thoughts. Not so much that I want to start back up again, but that I still struggle to feel "normal" and sometimes wonder if I will ever get there or what the hell normal even is now. I even still glamourize chew, especially at night when I used to sneak off and get my night cap in. Sometimes I beat the thought back quickly, other times I cannot.

I have good days and bad and even good half days and bad...sometimes I am Joe Positive and sometimes I am Debbie Downer. Sometimes I sleep like a rock and sometimes I barely sleep at all. I think consistency is what I crave most. Consistency of feeling "good".

When I take a step back and look at it though, I really am TRYING my ass off and have made progress. I'm on here a lot reading, I meet with a shrink once every 2-3 weeks and a counselor once a week, I am trying to eat right, I go to the gym now to help with my anxiety, I even jogged a mile around the track at the local high school yesterday. I am trying and will continue to fight.

I do have questions, mainly for the vets...is this "normal" to feel this way? 40 days in? Sometimes I think I'm depressed but my counselor and shrink say NO WAY as a depressed person would not go to the lengths I am going through to kick this addiction.

I guess what I'm looking for is some validation from guys who have been through this before that I really am on the right track, and that things really will get better. I know I am my own worst enemy as I allow negative thoughts to dominate my mind sometimes, but it really is hard to be "Joe Rah Rah" every day. I really do look forward to the day where I don't have to be "Joe Rah Rah" all day, but maybe for only a few brief moments throughout the day.

Anyway, I think Im sounding like big pussy but was just wondering if these are the thoughts of someone "on the right track".

Diesel2112

[Greg5280]

Don't know for sure what you have been doing Diesel, but I would suggest you up your physical exercise unless you are maxed out already.  It helps me when I start feeling a little anxiety coming on.  Stay quit my friend.

100% right on this one.  I gotta get my ass to the gym!!!  I have a membership.  Everything I read about anxiety says exercise is a key ingredient in combating it.  Good advice.  Thanks.

I will let you know from a guy that had pretty wild anxiety early on that exercise will kill it. Work up a good sweat every day and you will be fine.
Thanks Greg. Did you do your exercise in the AM or the PM. Im sooo not a morning person but maybe I need to be? When I was going to gym it was at night. Probably doesn't matter WHEN as long as I knock it out but since you "killed it" just wondered when you went. Thanks again!

I will let you know from a guy that had pretty wild anxiety early on that exercise will kill it. Work up a good sweat every day and you will be fine.
Thanks Greg.

Did you do your exercise in the AM or the PM. Im sooo not a morning person but maybe I need to be? When I was going to gym it was at night. Probably doesn't matter WHEN as long as I knock it out but since you "killed it" just wondered when you went. Thanks again! [/QUOTE]
I worked out in the evening after work. I get to work very early in the morning and the gym did not seem like a good place for me at 0400.

[Diesel2112]

Don't know for sure what you have been doing Diesel, but I would suggest you up your physical exercise unless you are maxed out already.  It helps me when I start feeling a little anxiety coming on.  Stay quit my friend.

100% right on this one.  I gotta get my ass to the gym!!!  I have a membership.  Everything I read about anxiety says exercise is a key ingredient in combating it.  Good advice.  Thanks.

I will let you know from a guy that had pretty wild anxiety early on that exercise will kill it. Work up a good sweat every day and you will be fine.
Thanks Greg. Did you do your exercise in the AM or the PM. Im sooo not a morning person but maybe I need to be? When I was going to gym it was at night. Probably doesn't matter WHEN as long as I knock it out but since you "killed it" just wondered when you went. Thanks again!

[/QUOTE]
I will let you know from a guy that had pretty wild anxiety early on that exercise will kill it. Work up a good sweat every day and you will be fine.
Thanks Greg.

Did you do your exercise in the AM or the PM. Im sooo not a morning person but maybe I need to be? When I was going to gym it was at night. Probably doesn't matter WHEN as long as I knock it out but since you "killed it" just wondered when you went. Thanks again!

[Greg5280]

Don't know for sure what you have been doing Diesel, but I would suggest you up your physical exercise unless you are maxed out already. It helps me when I start feeling a little anxiety coming on. Stay quit my friend.

100% right on this one. I gotta get my ass to the gym!!! I have a membership. Everything I read about anxiety says exercise is a key ingredient in combating it. Good advice. Thanks.

I will let you know from a guy that had pretty wild anxiety early on that exercise will kill it. Work up a good sweat every day and you will be fine.

[Diesel2112]

Don't know for sure what you have been doing Diesel, but I would suggest you up your physical exercise unless you are maxed out already. It helps me when I start feeling a little anxiety coming on. Stay quit my friend.

100% right on this one. I gotta get my ass to the gym!!! I have a membership. Everything I read about anxiety says exercise is a key ingredient in combating it. Good advice. Thanks.

[Mick in Stuart]

Don't know for sure what you have been doing Diesel, but I would suggest you up your physical exercise unless you are maxed out already. It helps me when I start feeling a little anxiety coming on. Stay quit my friend.

[Wt57]

Since I quit 34 days ago my sex drive has been for shit.  Wife used to get sick of me always trying to get some.  Now she's like, what the hell.  Is this normal? Maybe a by product of my anxiety?  If so I hope its temporary.  I used to be a horn dog. AND my kids are up north for a week!!!

Sorry dude my drive has gone through the roof for 55 yr. old not bad averaging 2 times per day. Sorry to brag but I'm loving it! If quitting did it for me I wish I'd done it yrs. ago. We are empty nesters so we've got lots of freedom.

WT is the man!!! - Stallion! Diesel honestly a side effect of antidepressants is loss of sex drive.. anxiety is a bitch.. has been for me too.. this is my experience only.. not for anyone else including you under dr's orders.. my entire life I have tried to fix myself with pills..potions..  liquids.. nothing worked.. I went to the dr's.. went to the shrink's.. and they tried to give me more aand different shit.. nothing worked... once a Dr prescribed chantix.. holy shit!! bad idea for a alcoholic..half baked..one balled cowboy! I seriously wanted to kill myself! I react differently than others do to the effects of most drugs...1) i have a very high tolerance  2) i have an addictive personality - if i like it, I'll take the whole damn bottle  can't help it.. I totally believe that most dr's over prescribe shit I really don't need.. some folks do need it! and if they do it's OK.. for me anxiety is a part of giving up any drug.. i was seriously anxious today.. I had an appt with a husband  wife.. getting divorced.. during the appt.. she went off on his ass. ( I sell real estate at auction). seeing a 60's something call her X a fucking idiots 10 times.. talk about his whore.. and God knows what else.. made me anxious and highly uncomfortable.. well I immediately wanted a dip!  keep in mind I am no stranger to this.. this aint my first rodeo.. this shit happens! just today under my current situation.. my body reacted completely different.. I was stressed.. whats my first reaction to stress? - DIP!DIP!DIP! when that don't happen it's going to want another outlet somewhere? If i dont find one quickly it will manifest into anxiety! I just tried to go to a happy place in my head! Check my thread for that happy place.. I had a dream last night and thats where I went... any way it works for me.. I have not had one single antidepressant in over 9 years.. and let me tell you .. I am bi polar/adhd/hyperactive/alcoholic - in recovery!  a drug addict! - shit thats a winning pedigree! - Gooch

Good honest stuff Gooch and much appreciated. I'm not on any antidepressants, just some anti anxiety stuff (that I don't think is working or at least not working "enough"). There are no anti depressant qualities to it, perhaps why he keeps uping the dossage everytime I complain it isn't working. Says he started me on a baby dose...

Funny thing was when I asked my doc about antidepressants he said "you aren't depressed, your ego has been hit hard and you haven't figured out how to deal with it yet". Thought that was some cold blooded shit at the time, couldn't believe he would say that to a mess like myself. The further along I get though I think maybe he was right.

Still think this med should be cutting the anxiety pain a bit more though. AND I WANT MY MOJO BACK!!!! Guess Ill have to get it back myself, not look for it in a pill.

OK I'll come clean! I'm on 2 antidepressants Wellbutrin and celexa and just before I quit I was so damn tired and down that's when I switched AD's after a time and still before I quit I could hardly drag my ass out of bed. Blood work showed low testoterone level and I started androgel T treatment I think that is where the sex drive got its boost. That shit is awesome. I never had a sexual problem before but now I'm ready to go at it everytime I see my wife! There have been a lot of other side effects also pm me for more info

[Diesel2112]

Since I quit 34 days ago my sex drive has been for shit.  Wife used to get sick of me always trying to get some.  Now she's like, what the hell.  Is this normal? Maybe a by product of my anxiety?  If so I hope its temporary.  I used to be a horn dog. AND my kids are up north for a week!!!

Sorry dude my drive has gone through the roof for 55 yr. old not bad averaging 2 times per day. Sorry to brag but I'm loving it! If quitting did it for me I wish I'd done it yrs. ago. We are empty nesters so we've got lots of freedom.

WT is the man!!! - Stallion! Diesel honestly a side effect of antidepressants is loss of sex drive.. anxiety is a bitch.. has been for me too.. this is my experience only.. not for anyone else including you under dr's orders.. my entire life I have tried to fix myself with pills..potions..  liquids.. nothing worked.. I went to the dr's.. went to the shrink's.. and they tried to give me more aand different shit.. nothing worked... once a Dr prescribed chantix.. holy shit!! bad idea for a alcoholic..half baked..one balled cowboy! I seriously wanted to kill myself! I react differently than others do to the effects of most drugs...1) i have a very high tolerance  2) i have an addictive personality - if i like it, I'll take the whole damn bottle  can't help it.. I totally believe that most dr's over prescribe shit I really don't need.. some folks do need it! and if they do it's OK.. for me anxiety is a part of giving up any drug.. i was seriously anxious today.. I had an appt with a husband  wife.. getting divorced.. during the appt.. she went off on his ass. ( I sell real estate at auction). seeing a 60's something call her X a fucking idiots 10 times.. talk about his whore.. and God knows what else.. made me anxious and highly uncomfortable.. well I immediately wanted a dip!  keep in mind I am no stranger to this.. this aint my first rodeo.. this shit happens! just today under my current situation.. my body reacted completely different.. I was stressed.. whats my first reaction to stress? - DIP!DIP!DIP! when that don't happen it's going to want another outlet somewhere? If i dont find one quickly it will manifest into anxiety! I just tried to go to a happy place in my head! Check my thread for that happy place.. I had a dream last night and thats where I went... any way it works for me.. I have not had one single antidepressant in over 9 years.. and let me tell you .. I am bi polar/adhd/hyperactive/alcoholic - in recovery!  a drug addict! - shit thats a winning pedigree! - Gooch

Good honest stuff Gooch and much appreciated. I'm not on any antidepressants, just some anti anxiety stuff (that I don't think is working or at least not working "enough"). There are no anti depressant qualities to it, perhaps why he keeps uping the dossage everytime I complain it isn't working. Says he started me on a baby dose...

Funny thing was when I asked my doc about antidepressants he said "you aren't depressed, your ego has been hit hard and you haven't figured out how to deal with it yet". Thought that was some cold blooded shit at the time, couldn't believe he would say that to a mess like myself. The further along I get though I think maybe he was right.

Still think this med should be cutting the anxiety pain a bit more though. AND I WANT MY MOJO BACK!!!! Guess Ill have to get it back myself, not look for it in a pill.

[Diesel2112]

Merged topics by LOOT. Did it backwards tho. Need to edit title, the other one was better.

One intro please. And keep in mind, anyone can see these intro. Even if you aren't registered on the site.

Diesel, can you come up with a better name for your intro thread? Not saying you gotta. You. An always tell LOOT to GFY. May not be smart, but you could.

Dang. Sorry about that Loot. Poor choice by me. Perhaps simply "Anxiety problems" could be the new title? I believe "Apology to my Sept quit group" was the original name. Keeping that would be fine too. Can I change that or does a moderator have to?

[mikegooch]

Since I quit 34 days ago my sex drive has been for shit.  Wife used to get sick of me always trying to get some.  Now she's like, what the hell.  Is this normal? Maybe a by product of my anxiety?  If so I hope its temporary.  I used to be a horn dog. AND my kids are up north for a week!!!

Sorry dude my drive has gone through the roof for 55 yr. old not bad averaging 2 times per day. Sorry to brag but I'm loving it! If quitting did it for me I wish I'd done it yrs. ago. We are empty nesters so we've got lots of freedom.

WT is the man!!! - Stallion! Diesel honestly a side effect of antidepressants is loss of sex drive.. anxiety is a bitch.. has been for me too.. this is my experience only.. not for anyone else including you under dr's orders.. my entire life I have tried to fix myself with pills..potions..  liquids.. nothing worked.. I went to the dr's.. went to the shrink's.. and they tried to give me more aand different shit.. nothing worked... once a Dr prescribed chantix.. holy shit!! bad idea for a alcoholic..half baked..one balled cowboy! I seriously wanted to kill myself! I react differently than others do to the effects of most drugs...1) i have a very high tolerance  2) i have an addictive personality - if i like it, I'll take the whole damn bottle  can't help it.. I totally believe that most dr's over prescribe shit I really don't need.. some folks do need it! and if they do it's OK.. for me anxiety is a part of giving up any drug.. i was seriously anxious today.. I had an appt with a husband  wife.. getting divorced.. during the appt.. she went off on his ass. ( I sell real estate at auction). seeing a 60's something call her X a fucking idiots 10 times.. talk about his whore.. and God knows what else.. made me anxious and highly uncomfortable.. well I immediately wanted a dip!  keep in mind I am no stranger to this.. this aint my first rodeo.. this shit happens! just today under my current situation.. my body reacted completely different.. I was stressed.. whats my first reaction to stress? - DIP!DIP!DIP! when that don't happen it's going to want another outlet somewhere? If i dont find one quickly it will manifest into anxiety! I just tried to go to a happy place in my head! Check my thread for that happy place.. I had a dream last night and thats where I went... any way it works for me.. I have not had one single antidepressant in over 9 years.. and let me tell you .. I am bi polar/adhd/hyperactive/alcoholic - in recovery!  a drug addict! - shit thats a winning pedigree! - Gooch

[loot]

Merged topics by LOOT. Did it backwards tho. Need to edit title, the other one was better.

One intro please. And keep in mind, anyone can see these intro. Even if you aren't registered on the site.

Diesel, can you come up with a better name for your intro thread? Not saying you gotta. You. An always tell LOOT to GFY. May not be smart, but you could.

[Scowick65]

Its this fucking Anxiety,  I know it is!!!!!   Cant even sit still for more than a few minutes without my chest catching fire.  Fucking asshole doctor keeps upping my dosage of anti anxiety mess everytime I go tell him I'm not improving as I think I should.  I'm doing good mentally too as the craves and fogs and funk's seem to be lessening.  But this cock sucker mother tucker anxiety seems to have a mind of its own.  Its stolen my "mojo",  it really has.  

I guess its really the nicotene that's stolen all of this from me, eh?  I have no confidence I can perform the simplest tasks sometimes.  Wife wants to go out to eat and I'm scared shiftless??????  Why????????  Fuck.   Bad enough I have to deal with this quit but this anxiety shit is like another layer of shit.  Hopefully with time it fades.

Why don't you go ask a caver if it was worth it? I've never heard of a "good" excuse to cave. You remind me of Hipster. Yeah it's rough, yeah there's mind games but fuck dude you gotta fight through it. Your alternative is slow cancer death. What's it gonna be?

Never considered caving for a second. Just pissed my libido is in the tank and simple tasks have me scared like a little baby.

I don't have the illusion that if I packed my lip full of shit all my mojo would rush back to me like popeye eating some spinach.

Ive done a lot of shit to commit to this quit. I'm not gonna fuck it up. My mental game was in the shifter, which is why I left ktc a few weeks ago. But now Ive come to grips mentally with some stuff but this anxiety thing is lingering and pissing me off. That's all. I ain't gonna cave.

Great job Diesel. These are the snares the deceitful bitch lays. They are simply snares to trap the gullible. Way to give her the 'Finger'

[Diesel2112]

Its this fucking Anxiety,  I know it is!!!!!   Cant even sit still for more than a few minutes without my chest catching fire.  Fucking asshole doctor keeps upping my dosage of anti anxiety mess everytime I go tell him I'm not improving as I think I should.  I'm doing good mentally too as the craves and fogs and funk's seem to be lessening.  But this cock sucker mother tucker anxiety seems to have a mind of its own.  Its stolen my "mojo",  it really has.  

I guess its really the nicotene that's stolen all of this from me, eh?  I have no confidence I can perform the simplest tasks sometimes.  Wife wants to go out to eat and I'm scared shiftless??????  Why????????  Fuck.   Bad enough I have to deal with this quit but this anxiety shit is like another layer of shit.  Hopefully with time it fades.

Why don't you go ask a caver if it was worth it? I've never heard of a "good" excuse to cave. You remind me of Hipster. Yeah it's rough, yeah there's mind games but fuck dude you gotta fight through it. Your alternative is slow cancer death. What's it gonna be?

Never considered caving for a second. Just pissed my libido is in the tank and simple tasks have me scared like a little baby.

I don't have the illusion that if I packed my lip full of shit all my mojo would rush back to me like popeye eating some spinach.

Ive done a lot of shit to commit to this quit. I'm not gonna fuck it up. My mental game was in the shifter, which is why I left ktc a few weeks ago. But now Ive come to grips mentally with some stuff but this anxiety thing is lingering and pissing me off. That's all. I ain't gonna cave.