Diesel's Intro Page

[Diesel2112]

Note to self...don't read FinnBarr Hof speech when looking for inspiration. It scared me.

[Diesel2112]

It's perfectly normal.

NO, It will not always be like this.

I have not had a serious crave in YEARS!

Life is so much better without being a slave to nicotine. That's a FACT.

It gets much much better.

You can do this.

THANKS!!! Glad I'm not crazy! Also good to hear confirmation the light at the end of the tunnel is not a myth!

Funny too how yesterday, day 40, was just AWFUL and full of anxiety. Yet today, day 41 has been the total opposite with minimal anxiety. Guess the ups and downs aren't a myth either. What a crazy fucked up ride this is. I look forward to getting through the tunnel someday.

[Ready]

It's perfectly normal.

NO, It will not always be like this.

I have not had a serious crave in YEARS!

Life is so much better without being a slave to nicotine. That's a FACT.

It gets much much better.

You can do this.

[Diesel2112]

Diesel -

Your bout with anxiety really struck a cord with me - I am on day 29 and it hit me like a fucking swinging barn door last night. I was actually feeling great last week and now I am ready to rip my teeth out.

My family and I had a great couple of days on drift boats in Swan Valley, Idaho. We all know that chew and fly fishing go hand in hand but I was totally satisfied without nicotine (I chewed hooch and smokey mountain throughout the day). I was like "man, I am in the clear" and then it hit me. We broke camp and were heading home (a 3 hour drive or so back home) and suddenly I had a panic attack. I was angry and scared and freaked out for no reason. That carried over into today - I went on a 5 mile trail run this morning but that didn't help much. I spent most of the day in bed. I got up and went for an hour hike up the mountain behind our house and felt a little better.

I made an appointment to see a psychiatrist next week because the emotional and mental swings are scaring the shit out of me and my family. I have been reluctant to do so but I don't what else to do.

All I can say, is that I stand with you and will stay quit with you. Hang in there - you are in my thoughtsm and prayers.

My anxiety hit about a week or so in. Going to a psychiatrist is smart. If they try to give you Neurotin DONT TAKE IT. It really hasn't helped me much as it wasn't made specifically for anxiety but my guy wont budge...just keeps upping the dosage. After speaking to my regular doctor he suggested I see another one for a 2nd opinion as even he said there's better meds out there for me.

Although anxiety is a pain. Try to remember it is all triggered by the nicotine. There's nothing "wrong" with YOU. That's a concept I had a tough time grasping. Once I did I was able to manage it better. Today was wacky though. Out of the blue it smacked me HARD. Did that to me about a week ago too but I beat it back and was grooving decently til today. Tomorrow though I gotta wake up and get back at it. I cant let it get me down. I must go on with LIFE.

Good luck at the psychiatrist. They are there to help. Keep up the good fight!

One more thing. Ive found that 100-200 jumping jacks works well to dull the anxiety. (For me anyway). Gets rid of that "fight or flight" adrenalin rather quickly sometimes.

[Diesel2112]

Diesel -

Your bout with anxiety really struck a cord with me - I am on day 29 and it hit me like a fucking swinging barn door last night. I was actually feeling great last week and now I am ready to rip my teeth out.

My family and I had a great couple of days on drift boats in Swan Valley, Idaho. We all know that chew and fly fishing go hand in hand but I was totally satisfied without nicotine (I chewed hooch and smokey mountain throughout the day). I was like "man, I am in the clear" and then it hit me. We broke camp and were heading home (a 3 hour drive or so back home) and suddenly I had a panic attack. I was angry and scared and freaked out for no reason. That carried over into today - I went on a 5 mile trail run this morning but that didn't help much. I spent most of the day in bed. I got up and went for an hour hike up the mountain behind our house and felt a little better.

I made an appointment to see a psychiatrist next week because the emotional and mental swings are scaring the shit out of me and my family. I have been reluctant to do so but I don't what else to do.

All I can say, is that I stand with you and will stay quit with you. Hang in there - you are in my thoughtsm and prayers.

My anxiety hit about a week or so in. Going to a psychiatrist is smart. If they try to give you Neurotin DONT TAKE IT. It really hasn't helped me much as it wasn't made specifically for anxiety but my guy wont budge...just keeps upping the dosage. After speaking to my regular doctor he suggested I see another one for a 2nd opinion as even he said there's better meds out there for me.

Although anxiety is a pain. Try to remember it is all triggered by the nicotine. There's nothing "wrong" with YOU. That's a concept I had a tough time grasping. Once I did I was able to manage it better. Today was wacky though. Out of the blue it smacked me HARD. Did that to me about a week ago too but I beat it back and was grooving decently til today. Tomorrow though I gotta wake up and get back at it. I cant let it get me down. I must go on with LIFE.

Good luck at the psychiatrist. They are there to help. Keep up the good fight!

[Big Swede]

Diesel -

Your bout with anxiety really struck a cord with me - I am on day 29 and it hit me like a fucking swinging barn door last night. I was actually feeling great last week and now I am ready to rip my teeth out.

My family and I had a great couple of days on drift boats in Swan Valley, Idaho. We all know that chew and fly fishing go hand in hand but I was totally satisfied without nicotine (I chewed hooch and smokey mountain throughout the day). I was like "man, I am in the clear" and then it hit me. We broke camp and were heading home (a 3 hour drive or so back home) and suddenly I had a panic attack. I was angry and scared and freaked out for no reason. That carried over into today - I went on a 5 mile trail run this morning but that didn't help much. I spent most of the day in bed. I got up and went for an hour hike up the mountain behind our house and felt a little better.

I made an appointment to see a psychiatrist next week because the emotional and mental swings are scaring the shit out of me and my family. I have been reluctant to do so but I don't what else to do.

All I can say, is that I stand with you and will stay quit with you. Hang in there - you are in my thoughtsm and prayers.

[Diesel2112]

Don't know for sure what you have been doing Diesel, but I would suggest you up your physical exercise unless you are maxed out already.  It helps me when I start feeling a little anxiety coming on.  Stay quit my friend.

100% right on this one.  I gotta get my ass to the gym!!!  I have a membership.  Everything I read about anxiety says exercise is a key ingredient in combating it.  Good advice.  Thanks.

Big D - Congrats on the 40!! Right behind you chugging away....

1st week in the gym (3 days)....feeling good about it and feel better before, during and after working out this week than when I was chewing and would hit the gym. Don't know why or if it is just mental, but I feel better from cardio to weights....now to keep it up!! :ph43r:

Yeah I was feeling good til today. Lets hope it was just a blip on the radar. Gonna go for a long walk. Getting tired of muscle heads and fat chicks on treadmils at the gym. Variety is good.

[Diesel2112]

Well, made it to day 40.  Sometimes I think, "WOW!!!  40 Days, that's awesome!" and sometimes I think "40 days???  That's it???"

I still am struggling a bit with this process.  Dip still comsumes most of my thoughts.  Not so much that I want to start back up again, but that I still struggle to feel "normal" and sometimes wonder if I will ever get there or what the hell normal even is now.  I even still glamourize chew, especially at night when I used to sneak off and get my night cap in.  Sometimes I beat the thought back quickly, other times I cannot.

I have good days and bad and even good half days and bad...sometimes I am Joe Positive and sometimes I am Debbie Downer.  Sometimes I sleep like a rock and sometimes I barely sleep at all.  I think consistency is what I crave most.  Consistency of feeling "good".

When I take a step back and look at it though, I really am TRYING my ass off and have made progress.  I'm on here a lot reading, I meet with a shrink once every 2-3 weeks and a counselor once a week, I am trying to eat right, I go to the gym now to help with my anxiety, I even jogged a mile around the track at the local high school yesterday.  I am trying and will continue to fight.

I do have questions, mainly for the vets...is this "normal" to feel this way?  40 days in?  Sometimes I think I'm depressed but my counselor and shrink say NO WAY as a depressed person would not go to the lengths I am going through to kick this addiction.

I guess what I'm looking for is some validation from guys who have been through this before that I really am on the right track, and that things really will get better.  I know I am my own worst enemy as I allow negative thoughts to dominate my mind sometimes, but it really is hard to be "Joe Rah Rah" every day.  I really do look forward to the day where I don't have to be "Joe Rah Rah" all day, but maybe for only a few brief moments throughout the day. 

Anyway, I think Im sounding like big pussy but was just wondering if these are the thoughts of someone "on the right track".

Diesel2112

40 days is awesome, but the most important day for you is today. That is the only one that really matters.

You are indeed on the right track.

It will be a while before you really understand how much this addiction consumed your life, and impacted those around you.

Don't get hung up on "normal".

Stay close to this site and connect with others, that will keep you strong in the fight. It does get easier.

You are absolutely on the right track.

Keep doing what you are doing.

Post roll everyday first thing.

Keep your word.

I understand exactly what you wrote.

Here's the good part, You have no idea how great things will get. Even if I told you, You would think I was crazy.

You can do this.

Man you are definitely on the right track! I spent most of the days between 30-70 battling thoughts like you are. Constantly trying to figure out who I am! The addict kept me feeling sorry for myself. Then I would feel extremely proud of my accomplishments. Then I would have those days of being overwhelmed and really not giving a shit. Emotions have been like a rollercoaster ride. My highs and lows have begun to level out but finding the real me may take awhile, like most of us I haven't had adult days dip free! Don't try to over evaluate yourself, just start living and enjoying life without nicotine. Shit I'm sounding like someone that gave me advise 50 - 60 days ago!

Thanks guys. Got my ass kicked today by the bitch. I typically drive 5-6 hrs a day as I make deliveries/sales calls. Not one to leave a dip in for more than 15-20 mins, l used to chew about 10 times a day on my route, so I'm basically driving around in a moving trigger.

Surprisingly ive been doing well on my route, making it through each day and growing confidence. Today howevei got bitch slapped. The sweats, what felt like mini panic attacks without the racing heart rate, nausea, and pure fear and terror.

Had the xanax out a few times but resisted as I don't like taking that shit and have only done so once in the last 2 weeks.

Pulled over a few times, ate some fruit, slapped cold water on my face, did jumping jacks, yelled at myself and finally shit calmed down.

Problem is now I'm scared shitless to go to bed tonight and back to work tomorrow as I fear it will happen again. I don't want to do this every damn day. Sucks to as I feel ive taken a huge step backward. Has anyone else ever experienced something similar? If so did it become routine?

Thing that gets me is that throughout it all my brain remained somewhat calm and at no time did I consider caving. It was very odd, as if my body had a mind of its own, no matter what I tried my body was just going spazztic.

Cant wait to see what tomorrow brings...

Can definitely relate to the anxiety problem. Actually get fucking scared about doing doing the most simple, basic shit. Sometimes feel like going back to the poison would be worth it if it would make me feel "normal" again. Then I remember how much I hated that fucking suck ass addicted "normal". Been quit about five months, not going back. Wish I could be more upbeat, know that you aren't the only one going through this. Stay strong.

Damn. Not exactly encouraging from someone 5 months quit. You on any mess for anxiety? Or were you? Are your episodes fewer and further in between at least? I need some hope my brother!!!! Hell even I 2 weeks ago couldn't sit down for more than 10 minutes but now can at least watch a movie. Guess we both gotta hang in there. Sucks but will be worth it.

[tinman]

Don't know for sure what you have been doing Diesel, but I would suggest you up your physical exercise unless you are maxed out already. It helps me when I start feeling a little anxiety coming on. Stay quit my friend.

100% right on this one. I gotta get my ass to the gym!!! I have a membership. Everything I read about anxiety says exercise is a key ingredient in combating it. Good advice. Thanks.

Big D - Congrats on the 40!! Right behind you chugging away....

1st week in the gym (3 days)....feeling good about it and feel better before, during and after working out this week than when I was chewing and would hit the gym. Don't know why or if it is just mental, but I feel better from cardio to weights....now to keep it up!! :ph43r:

[dukedog]

Well, made it to day 40.  Sometimes I think, "WOW!!!  40 Days, that's awesome!" and sometimes I think "40 days???  That's it???"

I still am struggling a bit with this process.  Dip still comsumes most of my thoughts.  Not so much that I want to start back up again, but that I still struggle to feel "normal" and sometimes wonder if I will ever get there or what the hell normal even is now.  I even still glamourize chew, especially at night when I used to sneak off and get my night cap in.  Sometimes I beat the thought back quickly, other times I cannot.

I have good days and bad and even good half days and bad...sometimes I am Joe Positive and sometimes I am Debbie Downer.  Sometimes I sleep like a rock and sometimes I barely sleep at all.  I think consistency is what I crave most.  Consistency of feeling "good".

When I take a step back and look at it though, I really am TRYING my ass off and have made progress.  I'm on here a lot reading, I meet with a shrink once every 2-3 weeks and a counselor once a week, I am trying to eat right, I go to the gym now to help with my anxiety, I even jogged a mile around the track at the local high school yesterday.  I am trying and will continue to fight.

I do have questions, mainly for the vets...is this "normal" to feel this way?  40 days in?  Sometimes I think I'm depressed but my counselor and shrink say NO WAY as a depressed person would not go to the lengths I am going through to kick this addiction.

I guess what I'm looking for is some validation from guys who have been through this before that I really am on the right track, and that things really will get better.  I know I am my own worst enemy as I allow negative thoughts to dominate my mind sometimes, but it really is hard to be "Joe Rah Rah" every day.  I really do look forward to the day where I don't have to be "Joe Rah Rah" all day, but maybe for only a few brief moments throughout the day. 

Anyway, I think Im sounding like big pussy but was just wondering if these are the thoughts of someone "on the right track".

Diesel2112

40 days is awesome, but the most important day for you is today. That is the only one that really matters.

You are indeed on the right track.

It will be a while before you really understand how much this addiction consumed your life, and impacted those around you.

Don't get hung up on "normal".

Stay close to this site and connect with others, that will keep you strong in the fight. It does get easier.

You are absolutely on the right track.

Keep doing what you are doing.

Post roll everyday first thing.

Keep your word.

I understand exactly what you wrote.

Here's the good part, You have no idea how great things will get. Even if I told you, You would think I was crazy.

You can do this.

Man you are definitely on the right track! I spent most of the days between 30-70 battling thoughts like you are. Constantly trying to figure out who I am! The addict kept me feeling sorry for myself. Then I would feel extremely proud of my accomplishments. Then I would have those days of being overwhelmed and really not giving a shit. Emotions have been like a rollercoaster ride. My highs and lows have begun to level out but finding the real me may take awhile, like most of us I haven't had adult days dip free! Don't try to over evaluate yourself, just start living and enjoying life without nicotine. Shit I'm sounding like someone that gave me advise 50 - 60 days ago!

Thanks guys. Got my ass kicked today by the bitch. I typically drive 5-6 hrs a day as I make deliveries/sales calls. Not one to leave a dip in for more than 15-20 mins, l used to chew about 10 times a day on my route, so I'm basically driving around in a moving trigger.

Surprisingly ive been doing well on my route, making it through each day and growing confidence. Today howevei got bitch slapped. The sweats, what felt like mini panic attacks without the racing heart rate, nausea, and pure fear and terror.

Had the xanax out a few times but resisted as I don't like taking that shit and have only done so once in the last 2 weeks.

Pulled over a few times, ate some fruit, slapped cold water on my face, did jumping jacks, yelled at myself and finally shit calmed down.

Problem is now I'm scared shitless to go to bed tonight and back to work tomorrow as I fear it will happen again. I don't want to do this every damn day. Sucks to as I feel ive taken a huge step backward. Has anyone else ever experienced something similar? If so did it become routine?

Thing that gets me is that throughout it all my brain remained somewhat calm and at no time did I consider caving. It was very odd, as if my body had a mind of its own, no matter what I tried my body was just going spazztic.

Cant wait to see what tomorrow brings...

Can definitely relate to the anxiety problem. Actually get fucking scared about doing doing the most simple, basic shit. Sometimes feel like going back to the poison would be worth it if it would make me feel "normal" again. Then I remember how much I hated that fucking suck ass addicted "normal". Been quit about five months, not going back. Wish I could be more upbeat, know that you aren't the only one going through this. Stay strong.

[pavetheway]

Grab some fake stuff to take with you tomorrow.  What is worse, the fake or drugs?

Oh I had some Oregon mint with me. Normally it does a good job of soothing me. Today it just got over powered. I slept like shit last night. Gonna sack out early tonight and see if that helps.

Get some exercise first. Just not right before bed. Maybe a couple of hours before.

[Diesel2112]

Grab some fake stuff to take with you tomorrow. What is worse, the fake or drugs?

Oh I had some Oregon mint with me. Normally it does a good job of soothing me. Today it just got over powered. I slept like shit last night. Gonna sack out early tonight and see if that helps.

[pavetheway]

Grab some fake stuff to take with you tomorrow. What is worse, the fake or drugs?

[Diesel2112]

Well, made it to day 40.  Sometimes I think, "WOW!!!  40 Days, that's awesome!" and sometimes I think "40 days???  That's it???"

I still am struggling a bit with this process.  Dip still comsumes most of my thoughts.  Not so much that I want to start back up again, but that I still struggle to feel "normal" and sometimes wonder if I will ever get there or what the hell normal even is now.  I even still glamourize chew, especially at night when I used to sneak off and get my night cap in.  Sometimes I beat the thought back quickly, other times I cannot.

I have good days and bad and even good half days and bad...sometimes I am Joe Positive and sometimes I am Debbie Downer.  Sometimes I sleep like a rock and sometimes I barely sleep at all.  I think consistency is what I crave most.  Consistency of feeling "good".

When I take a step back and look at it though, I really am TRYING my ass off and have made progress.  I'm on here a lot reading, I meet with a shrink once every 2-3 weeks and a counselor once a week, I am trying to eat right, I go to the gym now to help with my anxiety, I even jogged a mile around the track at the local high school yesterday.  I am trying and will continue to fight.

I do have questions, mainly for the vets...is this "normal" to feel this way?  40 days in?  Sometimes I think I'm depressed but my counselor and shrink say NO WAY as a depressed person would not go to the lengths I am going through to kick this addiction.

I guess what I'm looking for is some validation from guys who have been through this before that I really am on the right track, and that things really will get better.  I know I am my own worst enemy as I allow negative thoughts to dominate my mind sometimes, but it really is hard to be "Joe Rah Rah" every day.  I really do look forward to the day where I don't have to be "Joe Rah Rah" all day, but maybe for only a few brief moments throughout the day. 

Anyway, I think Im sounding like big pussy but was just wondering if these are the thoughts of someone "on the right track".

Diesel2112

40 days is awesome, but the most important day for you is today. That is the only one that really matters.

You are indeed on the right track.

It will be a while before you really understand how much this addiction consumed your life, and impacted those around you.

Don't get hung up on "normal".

Stay close to this site and connect with others, that will keep you strong in the fight. It does get easier.

You are absolutely on the right track.

Keep doing what you are doing.

Post roll everyday first thing.

Keep your word.

I understand exactly what you wrote.

Here's the good part, You have no idea how great things will get. Even if I told you, You would think I was crazy.

You can do this.

Man you are definitely on the right track! I spent most of the days between 30-70 battling thoughts like you are. Constantly trying to figure out who I am! The addict kept me feeling sorry for myself. Then I would feel extremely proud of my accomplishments. Then I would have those days of being overwhelmed and really not giving a shit. Emotions have been like a rollercoaster ride. My highs and lows have begun to level out but finding the real me may take awhile, like most of us I haven't had adult days dip free! Don't try to over evaluate yourself, just start living and enjoying life without nicotine. Shit I'm sounding like someone that gave me advise 50 - 60 days ago!

Thanks guys. Got my ass kicked today by the bitch. I typically drive 5-6 hrs a day as I make deliveries/sales calls. Not one to leave a dip in for more than 15-20 mins, l used to chew about 10 times a day on my route, so I'm basically driving around in a moving trigger.

Surprisingly ive been doing well on my route, making it through each day and growing confidence. Today howevei got bitch slapped. The sweats, what felt like mini panic attacks without the racing heart rate, nausea, and pure fear and terror.

Had the xanax out a few times but resisted as I don't like taking that shit and have only done so once in the last 2 weeks.

Pulled over a few times, ate some fruit, slapped cold water on my face, did jumping jacks, yelled at myself and finally shit calmed down.

Problem is now I'm scared shitless to go to bed tonight and back to work tomorrow as I fear it will happen again. I don't want to do this every damn day. Sucks to as I feel ive taken a huge step backward. Has anyone else ever experienced something similar? If so did it become routine?

Thing that gets me is that throughout it all my brain remained somewhat calm and at no time did I consider caving. It was very odd, as if my body had a mind of its own, no matter what I tried my body was just going spazztic.

Cant wait to see what tomorrow brings...

[Wt57]

Well, made it to day 40.  Sometimes I think, "WOW!!!  40 Days, that's awesome!" and sometimes I think "40 days???  That's it???"

I still am struggling a bit with this process.  Dip still comsumes most of my thoughts.  Not so much that I want to start back up again, but that I still struggle to feel "normal" and sometimes wonder if I will ever get there or what the hell normal even is now.  I even still glamourize chew, especially at night when I used to sneak off and get my night cap in.  Sometimes I beat the thought back quickly, other times I cannot.

I have good days and bad and even good half days and bad...sometimes I am Joe Positive and sometimes I am Debbie Downer.  Sometimes I sleep like a rock and sometimes I barely sleep at all.  I think consistency is what I crave most.  Consistency of feeling "good".

When I take a step back and look at it though, I really am TRYING my ass off and have made progress.  I'm on here a lot reading, I meet with a shrink once every 2-3 weeks and a counselor once a week, I am trying to eat right, I go to the gym now to help with my anxiety, I even jogged a mile around the track at the local high school yesterday.  I am trying and will continue to fight.

I do have questions, mainly for the vets...is this "normal" to feel this way?  40 days in?  Sometimes I think I'm depressed but my counselor and shrink say NO WAY as a depressed person would not go to the lengths I am going through to kick this addiction.

I guess what I'm looking for is some validation from guys who have been through this before that I really am on the right track, and that things really will get better.  I know I am my own worst enemy as I allow negative thoughts to dominate my mind sometimes, but it really is hard to be "Joe Rah Rah" every day.  I really do look forward to the day where I don't have to be "Joe Rah Rah" all day, but maybe for only a few brief moments throughout the day. 

Anyway, I think Im sounding like big pussy but was just wondering if these are the thoughts of someone "on the right track".

Diesel2112

40 days is awesome, but the most important day for you is today. That is the only one that really matters.

You are indeed on the right track.

It will be a while before you really understand how much this addiction consumed your life, and impacted those around you.

Don't get hung up on "normal".

Stay close to this site and connect with others, that will keep you strong in the fight. It does get easier.

You are absolutely on the right track.

Keep doing what you are doing.

Post roll everyday first thing.

Keep your word.

I understand exactly what you wrote.

Here's the good part, You have no idea how great things will get. Even if I told you, You would think I was crazy.

You can do this.

Man you are definitely on the right track! I spent most of the days between 30-70 battling thoughts like you are. Constantly trying to figure out who I am! The addict kept me feeling sorry for myself. Then I would feel extremely proud of my accomplishments. Then I would have those days of being overwhelmed and really not giving a shit. Emotions have been like a rollercoaster ride. My highs and lows have begun to level out but finding the real me may take awhile, like most of us I haven't had adult days dip free! Don't try to over evaluate yourself, just start living and enjoying life without nicotine. Shit I'm sounding like someone that gave me advise 50 - 60 days ago!