Diesel's Intro Page

[Grizzly25]

Just sick of it all. Trips to the shrink, meetings with a councelor, meds fucking up my head. Tears as I try and drag myself out of bed some days. Assholes next store pratying it up smoking like chimneys as I sat here sipping a slurpee. 4th of July...blahhhh. Family vacation up in Northern Michigan...blahhh. My life un general right now...blahhh. I'm functioning but that's about it.

I swear to God if I EVER get out of this shit fuck of a rut I'm in right now, next year I will be the most full of life loving mother fucker the world has ever seen. Ill be shooting fireworks out my ass next 4th of July. Ill motor boat my councelors milk pillows if she gets me through this and decide I don't need to see her anymore. I'll stick these meds up my shrinks ass with my foot. Ill be up at the but crack of dawn cooking breakfast for my family next summer vacation, then will drive 400 miles to find the funnest thing to do to make my 7 yr old daughter laugh.

Here's the kicker I recently realized though. I THOUGHT I was that guy before I quit...but I wasn't. I was a low life lazy ass piece of shit. I wasn't "Joe Fun". I ninjas dipped all day at work then came home, rolled into bed and slept til about 6:00. Kids came in to ask for help with homework, I told them I didn't feel good and ask mom. Finally id get up, yell at wife for crappy dinner, snap at kids for no reason and count down time the kids went to bed so I could sneak out and get my goodnight dip in. Then hopped up on dip fuel id stay up tip 2am and start the process all over again.

Sure I coached my kids in baseball, basketball and football. Was in the men's club and sports committee for their school but at the core of it all I was a scumbag. A liar. A fake. A phony. A piece of total and utter shit. Recently my Dad said " of all the people in the world I never would have guessed you could have had a secret like that." So add coward to the list as well.

I guess instead of f bombing everything and everyone else. I need to say FUCK YOU to ME. I'm not dead though. This story is not fully written.

Straight from the bad ass heart!

Keep your resolve brother, remember nothing easy is worth having.

Be proud of how far you have come and believe me the changes are awesome!

[Greg5280]

The best part of quitting for me has been the chance for me to become the person I should have been all along..the person my kids thought I was. We have all done shit we do not like... me included. I sat in the cancer ward watching my wife take chemo with a dip in my face. The thought haunts me daily.

I found this place, kept quitting each day and became the new me. The bad ass quitter that grabs life by the balls and enjoys things without my addiction. I had some wierd times early on, went to the doc all the time. Was convinced I was going to die, crazy anxiety, depression, you name it. I struggled through my early days but knew the only thing to do was to stay quit!!

Somewhere around day 200 things became much better. Not sure why they just did. I know now what it feels like to be free and I relish that feeling every morning. I enjoy my family more, enjoy time with my children, shit just enjoy waking up every day.

Keep fighting this!! It IS worth it...

STAY QUIT
Greg

[Diesel2112]

Just sick of it all. Trips to the shrink, meetings with a councelor, meds fucking up my head. Tears as I try and drag myself out of bed some days. Assholes next store pratying it up smoking like chimneys as I sat here sipping a slurpee. 4th of July...blahhhh. Family vacation up in Northern Michigan...blahhh. My life un general right now...blahhh. I'm functioning but that's about it.

I swear to God if I EVER get out of this shit fuck of a rut I'm in right now, next year I will be the most full of life loving mother fucker the world has ever seen. Ill be shooting fireworks out my ass next 4th of July. Ill motor boat my councelors milk pillows if she gets me through this and decide I don't need to see her anymore. I'll stick these meds up my shrinks ass with my foot. Ill be up at the but crack of dawn cooking breakfast for my family next summer vacation, then will drive 400 miles to find the funnest thing to do to make my 7 yr old daughter laugh.

Here's the kicker I recently realized though. I THOUGHT I was that guy before I quit...but I wasn't. I was a low life lazy ass piece of shit. I wasn't "Joe Fun". I ninjas dipped all day at work then came home, rolled into bed and slept til about 6:00. Kids came in to ask for help with homework, I told them I didn't feel good and ask mom. Finally id get up, yell at wife for crappy dinner, snap at kids for no reason and count down time the kids went to bed so I could sneak out and get my goodnight dip in. Then hopped up on dip fuel id stay up tip 2am and start the process all over again.

Sure I coached my kids in baseball, basketball and football. Was in the men's club and sports committee for their school but at the core of it all I was a scumbag. A liar. A fake. A phony. A piece of total and utter shit. Recently my Dad said " of all the people in the world I never would have guessed you could have had a secret like that." So add coward to the list as well.

I guess instead of f bombing everything and everyone else. I need to say FUCK YOU to ME. I'm not dead though. This story is not fully written.

[Wt57]

MOTHER FUCKER I swear that bear on the can was starring right at me!!!!  And i was glarring at him too.  Holy Fuck was it odd.  The clerk who knows I'm quit ( hes probably sold me 1,000 cans before) says "Oh no.  You said me sell you no more chew tobacco" .  Fuck him too.  I grabbed my slurpee,  bag of fritos, and honey bun and left.  Fuck them too.  Fuck my anxiety meds too and fuck this AD med that makes me feel like shit as well.  FUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Get it all out brother and next time poke that bear in the eye brother!

It is times like these that re-enforce your resolve and determination brother!

A good bit of anger helped me a lot early on. You are still quit and that is what matters...

STAY QUIT
Greg

how about this...don't 'fuck him' don't 'fuck the AD med' and don't 'fuck them' But fuck tabacco, fuck this stupid little can we became a slave to. AND FUCK THIS ADDCITION

FU NICBITCH eat a dick

could not have said it better


FU UST

'Finger'

'Finger'I couldn't agree more!!! 'Finger'

[Greg5280]

MOTHER FUCKER I swear that bear on the can was starring right at me!!!!  And i was glarring at him too.  Holy Fuck was it odd.  The clerk who knows I'm quit ( hes probably sold me 1,000 cans before) says "Oh no.  You said me sell you no more chew tobacco" .  Fuck him too.  I grabbed my slurpee,  bag of fritos, and honey bun and left.  Fuck them too.  Fuck my anxiety meds too and fuck this AD med that makes me feel like shit as well.  FUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Get it all out brother and next time poke that bear in the eye brother!

It is times like these that re-enforce your resolve and determination brother!

A good bit of anger helped me a lot early on. You are still quit and that is what matters...

STAY QUIT
Greg

how about this...don't 'fuck him' don't 'fuck the AD med' and don't 'fuck them' But fuck tabacco, fuck this stupid little can we became a slave to. AND FUCK THIS ADDCITION

FU NICBITCH eat a dick

could not have said it better


FU UST

'Finger'

[Bruce]

MOTHER FUCKER I swear that bear on the can was starring right at me!!!!  And i was glarring at him too.  Holy Fuck was it odd.  The clerk who knows I'm quit ( hes probably sold me 1,000 cans before) says "Oh no.  You said me sell you no more chew tobacco" .  Fuck him too.  I grabbed my slurpee,  bag of fritos, and honey bun and left.  Fuck them too.  Fuck my anxiety meds too and fuck this AD med that makes me feel like shit as well.  FUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Get it all out brother and next time poke that bear in the eye brother!

It is times like these that re-enforce your resolve and determination brother!

A good bit of anger helped me a lot early on. You are still quit and that is what matters...

STAY QUIT
Greg

how about this...don't 'fuck him' don't 'fuck the AD med' and don't 'fuck them' But fuck tabacco, fuck this stupid little can we became a slave to. AND FUCK THIS ADDCITION

FU NICBITCH eat a dick

[Greg5280]

MOTHER FUCKER I swear that bear on the can was starring right at me!!!!  And i was glarring at him too.  Holy Fuck was it odd.  The clerk who knows I'm quit ( hes probably sold me 1,000 cans before) says "Oh no.  You said me sell you no more chew tobacco" .  Fuck him too.  I grabbed my slurpee,  bag of fritos, and honey bun and left.  Fuck them too.  Fuck my anxiety meds too and fuck this AD med that makes me feel like shit as well.  FUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Get it all out brother and next time poke that bear in the eye brother!

It is times like these that re-enforce your resolve and determination brother!

A good bit of anger helped me a lot early on. You are still quit and that is what matters...

STAY QUIT
Greg

[Grizzly25]

MOTHER FUCKER I swear that bear on the can was starring right at me!!!! And i was glarring at him too. Holy Fuck was it odd. The clerk who knows I'm quit ( hes probably sold me 1,000 cans before) says "Oh no. You said me sell you no more chew tobacco" . Fuck him too. I grabbed my slurpee, bag of fritos, and honey bun and left. Fuck them too. Fuck my anxiety meds too and fuck this AD med that makes me feel like shit as well. FUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Get it all out brother and next time poke that bear in the eye brother!

It is times like these that re-enforce your resolve and determination brother!

[Diesel2112]

MOTHER FUCKER I swear that bear on the can was starring right at me!!!! And i was glarring at him too. Holy Fuck was it odd. The clerk who knows I'm quit ( hes probably sold me 1,000 cans before) says "Oh no. You said me sell you no more chew tobacco" . Fuck him too. I grabbed my slurpee, bag of fritos, and honey bun and left. Fuck them too. Fuck my anxiety meds too and fuck this AD med that makes me feel like shit as well. FUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKK

[30yraddict]

Took my son to football practice, then to a buddies for a sleep over. My wife has my daughter at the movies with her girlfriends and wont be home for hours. On the couch watching sports with my dog snuggled on my lap. Fuck you Kodiak bear. I don't need you to enjoy some alone time. You did stare my ass down pretty hard at 7-11 as I picked up some snacks on my way home, though. But, again...FUCK YOU!

Well done. Yell, Holler. Rough her up!

'clap'

You badass you.

[Diesel2112]

Took my son to football practice, then to a buddies for a sleep over. My wife has my daughter at the movies with her girlfriends and wont be home for hours. On the couch watching sports with my dog snuggled on my lap. Fuck you Kodiak bear. I don't need you to enjoy some alone time. You did stare my ass down pretty hard at 7-11 as I picked up some snacks on my way home, though. But, again...FUCK YOU!

[mikegooch]

It's perfectly normal.

NO, It will not always be like this.

I have not had a serious crave in YEARS!

Life is so much better without being a slave to nicotine.  That's a FACT.

It gets much much better.

You can do this.

THANKS!!! Glad I'm not crazy! Also good to hear confirmation the light at the end of the tunnel is not a myth!

Funny too how yesterday, day 40, was just AWFUL and full of anxiety. Yet today, day 41 has been the total opposite with minimal anxiety. Guess the ups and downs aren't a myth either. What a crazy fucked up ride this is. I look forward to getting through the tunnel someday.

I 2nd this!!! This is me to the T! I have a good day - I hardly crave at all.. Then the next day! You better batten down the fucking hatch! It's gonna be wild!

[Souliman]

It's perfectly normal.

NO, It will not always be like this.

I have not had a serious crave in YEARS!

Life is so much better without being a slave to nicotine.  That's a FACT.

It gets much much better.

You can do this.

THANKS!!! Glad I'm not crazy! Also good to hear confirmation the light at the end of the tunnel is not a myth!

Funny too how yesterday, day 40, was just AWFUL and full of anxiety. Yet today, day 41 has been the total opposite with minimal anxiety. Guess the ups and downs aren't a myth either. What a crazy fucked up ride this is. I look forward to getting through the tunnel someday.

You will find that gradually your good days will overwhelm the bad days and the bad craving is replaced by cravings that are shorter in length and less sever in intensity. Never get comfortable in your quit to the point that you let your guard down. That evil nicotine bitch will be there to pounce on you.
I am finding that my craving is still there but in a different form, I fantisice about having that 1 dip just a memory dip to celebrate that I'm clean and that I can handle it now. I know that that is just what my addicted mind is trying to tell me so that I might slip and go back to feeding that addiction. THAT WILL NOT HAPPEN, I AM IN CONTROL TODAY AND I QUIT TODAY!!!!

I'll second everything WT says there. The more craves you fight off, the more familiar you mind will be to the patterns used to fight the crave. I'm not sure they ever go away but you'll be better prepared and safer when they hit.

[carumba10]

Note to self...don't read FinnBarr Hof speech when looking for inspiration.  It scared me.

I hear ya Diesel, but that type of information...the truth... is what solidified my quit.

Everybody is different with what motivates them or inspires them. I think *most* people would prefer to hear more positive news about their quit. So that's how the majority of the people here respond to someone going through a crave or a rough spell.

I struggled at the start because of that. I wanted the truth rather than a pep talk. After sorting through thousands of posts I now know the battle never ends. There will not be a magical day with rainbows and unicorns when I will never have craves or have to worry about nicotine again.

My noobie personal opinion is that is why we see so many retreads who cave and come back after 200,300..600+ days quit. They bought into the theory that things get so much better that they don't need to fight for their quit.

[Wt57]

It's perfectly normal.

NO, It will not always be like this.

I have not had a serious crave in YEARS!

Life is so much better without being a slave to nicotine.  That's a FACT.

It gets much much better.

You can do this.

THANKS!!! Glad I'm not crazy! Also good to hear confirmation the light at the end of the tunnel is not a myth!

Funny too how yesterday, day 40, was just AWFUL and full of anxiety. Yet today, day 41 has been the total opposite with minimal anxiety. Guess the ups and downs aren't a myth either. What a crazy fucked up ride this is. I look forward to getting through the tunnel someday.

You will find that gradually your good days will overwhelm the bad days and the bad craving is replaced by cravings that are shorter in length and less sever in intensity. Never get comfortable in your quit to the point that you let your guard down. That evil nicotine bitch will be there to pounce on you.
I am finding that my craving is still there but in a different form, I fantisice about having that 1 dip just a memory dip to celebrate that I'm clean and that I can handle it now. I know that that is just what my addicted mind is trying to tell me so that I might slip and go back to feeding that addiction. THAT WILL NOT HAPPEN, I AM IN CONTROL TODAY AND I QUIT TODAY!!!!